Think daughter is audist...

There comes a point when a parent must realize she is no longer in charge.
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You know, I am not sure if you are able to differentiate between control and power.

Parents having power is not same as controlling parents.

And so thus,
parents who bought the house you live in have every right to tell you what they wish and do not wish have done in their own home,
especially if they still pay for the roof over your head, feed you and clothe you and support you emotionally.

All this is not the same as parents who follow every minute detail of your life and tell you what toothpaste you can use and how much toilet paper you can tear off to wipe your butt, and listen to your private telephone calls.
Now that is not right, even for a parent.


of course, at certain age when everybody are mature adults, certain matters
are once again changed.
then indeed parents are no more in charge, but also the children behave differently and take care of themselves, financially as well, and usually contribute to the household.
Still if this is the parent's house, you live in the parent's house, not your own
and you need to respect your parents wishes, then.


Fuzzy
 
Audiofuzzy said:
No, it's not about the fact that I can't hear, it's about the fact
that in raising her I allowed such situation that my child doesn't always accept me wholly as I am but wishes I could hear.

I am talking about situation similar to "mom, I will sign if you show me your audiogram".

THAT is my fault, that she thinks she can feel that way.



Sadly, Shel, that's just it- kids are what we make them.
So, let's face it,

if they behave certain way, it's ourselves we can thank to.

We have to face it if we want to change it.

Fuzzy
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That blame the parents game is not always acccurate. There are parents who do everything right, and still their child turns out to have issues. If you think you are the only influence on who your child turns out to be, you are kidding yourself.
 
My mother was cripple, (similar way to me now) I wished she wasn't - not that I loved her less.

Whoever had I ever asked to see a doctor's not she'd have killed me right then and there.
 
FireTiger said:
My mother was cripple, (similar way to me now) I wished she wasn't - not that I loved her less.

Whoever had I ever asked to see a doctor's not she'd have killed me right then and there.
Click to expand...

Think I probably need to 'grow a pair'. :giggle:
 
dorothybaez said:
As to the original topic, I simply would not financially support a person who persisted in treating me as an untrustworthy and incompetent child.
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No hostility is intended, it's just my opinion. you seem to think the above can't turn into the following, from the person who is no longer a child:

"I simply will not support a person who persisted in treating me as an untrustworthy and incompetent child."

And, how would you deal with this from your child? Wait, I know, you'd cut them off financially for having the gall to make their own decisions. I disagree with this approach.
 
jillio said:
That blame the parents game is not always acccurate. There are parents who do everything right, and still their child turns out to have issues. If you think you are the only influence on who your child turns out to be, you are kidding yourself.
Click to expand...

I agree...my hearing brother is a perfect example.
 
That blame the parents game is not always acccurate. There are parents who do everything right, and still their child turns out to have issues. If you think you are the only influence on who your child turns out to be, you are kidding yourself.
Click to expand...

Yes, sometimes it happens that way,
but it is rare.
99 times out of 100 our children are our only mirror example of ourselves.
And no, I don't think the parents are the only influence but we do are the first and the strongest.

There is a reason for the saying that the children turn into their own parents later in life :)

If one is but a careful observer, one can see clearly that kids are only repetition
of what we did thru all those years with them.

Of course, to see this, we need to be HUMBLE enough and WANT to admit we
ARE what we ARE yet don't want to admit what we are.



Fuzzy
 
Audiofuzzy said:
Yes, sometimes it happens that way,
but it is rare.
99 times out of 100 our children are our only mirror example of ourselves.
And no, I don't think the parents are the only influence but we do are the first and the strongest.

There is a reason for the saying that the children turn into their own parents later in life :)

If one is but a careful observer, one can see clearly that kids are only repetition
of what we did thru all those years with them.

Of course, to see this, we need to be HUMBLE enough and WANT to admit we
ARE what we ARE yet don't want to admit what we are.



Fuzzy
Click to expand...

Where do you get these numbers you throw around?

And kids are not replicas nor are they repetitions. They are individuals.
 
audiofuzzy you assume too much and also too "black and white" in views
sorry
i had to say it
 
dorothybaez said:
Wirelessly posted (dorothybaez)



Actually, what will keep me warm is the fact that I have a loving family, including two grown sons. Apparently I did something right since they both grew up to be good kind men who have true respect for others and themselves. We relate to each other as adults now, and that means we don't treat each other like naughty children, demanding "proof" when asked to make allowances for each other.



As to the original topic, I simply would not financially support a person who persisted in treating me as an untrustworthy and incompetent child.



At least your hostility is now clear to everyone.
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I wish every parent and child had a relationship like yours.
 
Since I didn't witness the interaction, I can't comment on the appropriateness of the question. I trust Rebecca's interpretation. She was hurt and that's not acceptable. Having said that, it's better to work with the adult child to improve the communication than coming down hard. Pulling authority on an adult child does not make the child very receptive. Given the close relationship Rebecca and her daughter, cooperatively working together may be a better option. You get more flies with honey than vinegar, as my grandma said.

I look at it this way. I'll support my adult child while he's pursuring a degree if he's making good grades and progressing toward a degree. If my adult child said something that I considered offensive or hurtful, I would talk to him about it and make it clear that it isn't acceptable. I'm not one to take things my children say in frustration to heart. My response is you can be angry at me if you want but I'm still going to do what I think is best for you (or us). If an adult child is not making good grades, not progressing towards a clear goal, or being habitually disrespectful, it's time to re-evaluate the financial support.
 
Where do you get these numbers you throw around?

And kids are not replicas nor are they repetitions. They are individuals.
Click to expand...

I see it all plainly all around me,
and yes, kids are individuals but also this is impossible to grow totally, 100% different from your immediate environment.
But okay, maybe I exaggerated the numbers a tad bit.

You are what your parents make you, or what your grandparents make you,
then what your friends make you.

Even if a child disliked/hated/disagreed their parents, there still is
a lot of common thread a child shares with them, especially as as an adult.

Unless it was an extreme environment and a child wholly rejected what
his parents represented, the majority of us do and always reflect what our parents are.
Even if we try not to be.
I see it in my own family, in ME.


I give you an example.
have you ever noticed how majority of teen moms have mothers who were
teen moms themselves?
One would think if you were a teen mom you would make sure your own children wouldn't make that same mistake.

yest, still, something happens that the very same is repeated.
and why?

I personally knew a woman like that. Her mom had her at 16, and she had her first baby at 16. and why?


Fuzzy
 
Another thing: if you teach children to think for themselves, they will. And guess what, sometimes that means that their thinking will be different than yours.

That's the fine line parents have to walk. The basic task of parenting is to turn out emotionally strong, independent adults. The way the kids get to that point might have some bumps along the road as they establish their independence.

Rebecca, it sounds like underneath it all, you and your daughter have a very warm, loving relationship. Sounds like you have a very strong foundation from which you two can work out this issue, with mutual respect and concern for each other.
 
Audiofuzzy said:
I see it all plainly all around me,
and yes, kids are individuals but also this is impossible to grow totally, 100% different from your immediate environment.
But okay, maybe I exaggerated the numbers a tad bit.

You are what your parents make you, or what your grandparents make you,
then what your friends make you.

Even if a child disliked/hated/disagreed their parents, there still is
a lot of common thread a child shares with them, especially as as an adult.

Unless it was an extreme environment and a child wholly rejected what
his parents represented, the majority of us do and always reflect what our parents are.
Even if we try not to be.
I see it in my own family, in ME.


I give you an example.
have you ever noticed how majority of teen moms have mothers who were
teen moms themselves?
One would think if you were a teen mom you would make sure your own children wouldn't make that same mistake.

yest, still, something happens that the very same is repeated.
and why?

I personally knew a woman like that. Her mom had her at 16, and she had her first baby at 16. and why?


Fuzzy
Click to expand...

In other words, you don't have a source for your numbers and your claims are nothing more than guess work and untrained and unskilled observation.
 
In other words, you don't have a source for your numbers and your claims are nothing more than guess work and untrained and unskilled observation.
Click to expand...

In another words, you didn't /comment/answer none of the subject matter/question,
but as usual you continue with your irrelevant, ugly personal attacks.
And you call yourself a psychologist?

Fuzzy
 
Audiofuzzy said:
In another words, you didn't /comment/answer none of the subject matter/question,
but as usual you continue with your irrelevant, ugly personal attacks.
And you call yourself a psychologist?

Fuzzy
Click to expand...

What subject matter/question? If you are talking about yours, I addressed it with the above post you quoted. If you are talking about the OP's I addressed it way back in this thread.

And you would call yourself what?
 
Another thing: if you teach children to think for themselves, they will. And guess what, sometimes that means that their thinking will be different than yours.
Click to expand...

Good point.
 
What subject matter/question?
Click to expand...
exactly, Jillio, what ??? missed that? :)

If you are talking about yours, I addressed it with the above post you quoted.
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Addressed? I beg your pardon :giggle:
You attacked my person, nothing else. and as usual, yawn.

However, on the subject "what subject matter/question" - I asked why is that
teen mothers are more likely to repeat mistakes of their own teen mothers than those who'se mothers weren't teen moms themselves?
You certainly seem to missed that one, for starters.

Next, as I was saying before, since children are growing up with their caretakers,
usually the parents. It is impossible not to learn anything from them, thinking like them included.
In fact, the children learn by copying not only the behavior, but emotions as well.
How does the baby knows when to smile and when to cry? besides the involuntarily ones?

By first checking the reaction of the person who is next to them - usually the parent/s.
This pattern continue throughout the growing stages.
If the newborn baby was put into an empty room for years to come,
what would it learn? not much, if anything.

The best example are feral children on how much an immediate environment has an impact on development.


So, even if the children are individuals in their own right, yes,
how is is even possible not to inherit (not genetically) certain ways of the parents? it is not.


As for being off with the numbers, that's fine,
the numbers are anyway impossible to determine as the very term "dysfunctional family" is pretty flexible.

Some say 98% of American families are dysfunctional (in this case I wasn't so far off)
some say 63%, some that 80% are. depends who you are listening to.

And you would call yourself what?
Click to expand...

something way nicer than you are :)

Fuzzy
 
Audiofuzzy said:
exactly, Jillio, what ??? missed that? :)



Addressed? I beg your pardon :giggle:
You attacked my person, nothing else. and as usual, yawn.

However, on the subject "what subject matter/question" - I asked why is that
teen mothers are more likely to repeat mistakes of their own teen mothers than those who'se mothers weren't teen moms themselves?
You certainly seem to missed that one, for starters.

Next, as I was saying before, since children are growing up with their caretakers,
usually the parents. It is impossible not to learn anything from them, thinking like them included.
In fact, the children learn by copying not only the behavior, but emotions as well.
How does the baby knows when to smile and when to cry? besides the involuntarily ones?

By first checking the reaction of the person who is next to them - usually the parent/s.
This pattern continue throughout the growing stages.
If the newborn baby was put into an empty room for years to come,
what would it learn? not much, if anything.

The best example are feral children on how much an immediate environment has an impact on development.


So, even if the children are individuals in their own right, yes,
how is is even possible not to inherit (not genetically) certain ways of the parents? it is not.


As for being off with the numbers, that's fine,
the numbers are anyway impossible to determine as the very term "dysfunctional family" is pretty flexible.

Some say 98% of American families are dysfunctional (in this case I wasn't so far off)
some say 63%, some that 80% are. depends who you are listening to.



something way nicer than you are :)

Fuzzy
Click to expand...

Your person isn't here. No way I could attack your person.:laugh2:

And again, I am addressing your points with: you don't know what you are talking about.

Where, again, do you get your numbers? Pulling them out of thin air doesn't count.:laugh2:

In other words, an amateur armchair, Dr. Phil watching wannabe.
 
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