# of Sexual Partners

Wirelessly posted (droid)

That's gross.
 
If I felt it was a need to ask the person that question.. Then I have no business getting involved with that person in the first place.
 
Personally, I ask out of curiosity after being with that person for a long time.

So sue me. I'm a curious cat.

It wouldn't affect my opinion of them.

Well.. unless it's a crazy, scary number... like well over 100!

OR...

If I get this answer:

"Honestly, I don't know. I don't remember most of them."
 
Daredevel7 said:
Personally, I ask out of curiosity after being with that person for a long time.

So sue me. I'm a curious cat.

It wouldn't affect my opinion of them.

Well.. unless it's a crazy, scary number... like well over 100!

OR...

If I get this answer:

"Honestly, I don't know. I don't remember most of them."
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I don't have a definite number I did some very stupid things when I was younger, and I'm not sure how many people I have slept with. The other thing is this depends on what a person definition of sex is. if it is a penis entering a vagina... then my numbers are low, 4 or 5 I think...
 
Daredevel7 said:
Personally, I ask out of curiosity after being with that person for a long time.

So sue me. I'm a curious cat.

It wouldn't affect my opinion of them.

Well.. unless it's a crazy, scary number... like well over 100!

OR...

If I get this answer:

"Honestly, I dont know. I don't remember most of them."
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:laugh2:

That would do it!

Generally, if you (general "you", not you, Daredevel, in particular) are dating someone, doesn't this information more or less come out in the normal course of conversation, of getting to know each other after you've been together a while?

I don't think either my husband or I ever actually came right out and said "Say, so how many people have you been with?" But eventually we discussed our previous relationships a little bit. It just came out in the context of learning about each other. Apparently what we learned about each other was OK, no red flags either direction, so life proceeded apace.

I think it's really bad form for someone to put a dating partner under the Inquisition and ask for details. Everyone has a right to privacy. But I'd also be skeptical if two people were really serious about each other and had absolutely no idea of their partners' previous relationships, general ideas about the importance of sex in a relationship, their religious/ethical/moral feelings about sex in general, and so on.
 
ash345 said:
I don't have a definite number I did some very stupid things when I was younger, and I'm not sure how many people I have slept with. The other thing is this depends on what a person definition of sex is. if it is a penis entering a vagina... then my numbers are low, 4 or 5 I think...
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Sounds about average to me, including the doing stupid things when you were younger. Heck, if we never do stupid things when we're young, when ARE we going to do them?? :lol:
 
Beach girl said:
Sounds about average to me, including the doing stupid things when you were younger. Heck, if we never do stupid things when we're young, when ARE we going to do them?? :lol:
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this is very true... better to get them done young then do them during a midlife crisis... my SO's numbers, using the definition we came up with together, is about 1/25 of what i think my numbers are... but I am no longer young and stupid... though I have not "grown up" I doubt I ever will :) and unless something major happens... my numbers are not changing.
 
jillio said:
That isn't a question I have ever felt the need to address in a relationship, and would be insulted if the question were asked of me. Thank goodness I have always been involved with men that realized it was an innapropriate and meaningless question.
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Some people don't know about boundaries, ya know....
 
the only thing i think of is every time sex comes up all thanks to Dr.Phil, The Doctors and many many more shows is who ever you have sex with your also having sex with everyone they've had sex and everyone they've had sex with and so on and so on.
 
Paige said:
the only thing i think of is every time sex comes up all thanks to Dr.Phil, The Doctors and many many more shows is who ever you have sex with your also having sex with everyone they've had sex and everyone they've had sex with and so on and so on.
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Blame Adam & Eve :naughty:
 
Beach girl said:
Does anyone remember the old Mary Tyler Moore show when Mary had some sort of discussion with her boss, Lou, about "the number?" If I'm remembering right - according to Lou "the number" should be "3." More than that and you were a bad girl!

Personally, I think it's not so much the exact number that matters; it's more the context of the former relationships. Although I agree with KStiletto and TheWriteAlex that super-high numbers don't say anything good about a person.

But by a certain age, I'd also be concerned if the number were "zero." How do you get to be age 30, say, and never been in love enough to have had an intimate relationship? It's possible, of course, but I'd like to know why. If it's due to sincerely-held moral/ethical reasons, fine. If it's because the person is scared of sex and intimacy, that might be reason for concern.
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I think high number could just mean that the person didn't value themselves enough and gave themselves to anyone not realizing what true intimacy was all about. They allow themselves to be a piece of meat and not a person.

Do we judge someone who finally *got* it after 1 or 20 or 40 or 50 or 100 partners? I wouldn't. As long as they don't have STD and know who they are, value who they are, I would not give it much thought at all.
 
ash345 said:
my SO's experiance (in terms of #'s) was much, much lower than mine... no doubt about that. Its just that I don't like sweeping comments like that (people who have alot of sexual experiance or a high number of partners are bad people, or anything of the sort) My SO and I were on the same page about commitment what cheating means and that there are NO excuses for it. Neither of us had ever cheated on a partner before, and neither of us ever will. Also, we were both upfront about our sexual history, number of partners, and if we had been tested for STI's (we both had, everything from a standard blood panel, to AIDS testing).
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Good points!

I had testing done after my husband leave me for a man. I had it done right away because I could not be sure about cheating. Then six months later. Then six months after that. I wouldn't even *consider* a sexual relationship until I knew that I was clear.
 
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