Need your advice and feedback

shel90 said:
As many of you who have been here on AD, I used to go to PA to hang out with 4 of my good girlfriends a few years ago. Well, one of them dated my brother and it didnt turn out so good. I told both of them that I wasnt too keen on the idea but figured that they were both adults and it was their business. Well, since the falling out between one of my friends and my brother, I havent gone to any of their girls' night out since then. It has been almost two years. :hmm:

So, I went to visit one of them back in Spring who was my childhood best friend and expressed how I felt. She said that they hadnt gotten together because all of them were so busy and some get togethers were so last minute and that nobody is mad at me, BUT a year prior to that she had expressed to me that she had felt like quitting the group because I was too social and she felt left out but we had worked that out and I thanked her for expressing how she felt, or so I thought. I am not perfect and I will admit if I said something offensive or behaved in a way that made them uncomfortable but everytime they see me, they always acted soooo happy to see me so yea, I am a little confused.

Well, I am seeing FB pics of the 4 of them getting together more often this year with one of them being a big 40th bday bash for one of them. I felt sick to my stomach and very very hurt that I wasnt even invited. I want to confront them but I dont want to get accused of being jealous or petty but yes, I feel left out.

So, I commented on the picture on the birthday girl's FB just about 20 mins ago saying this;
"I am bummed for not being able to be a part of this bday party but glad that you all had fun. Miss you all."

I am trying to let them know how hurt I am without seeming too confrontal or am I being a wuss by not confronting them?

I emailed to my best friend saying that I would have loved to go but since I didnt know so I missed it and how bummed I was about it. Then, I added that I hope that they all had fun.

It really hurts a lot now...I dont understand why I havent gotten an invitation from them to any get togethers in almost 2 years. I did ask 2 of them about a year ago and they keep saying no, it is not ...just that they are busy and that many of these events have been last minute. Still it would be nice to get an email inviting me even if I couldnt go.

Am I being petty or jealous? I hate this kind of shit with friends. I kept telling myself all day that I dont need friends..I have my family but it was like trying to convince myself to believe that when my heart was breaking. So, I am not going to lie to myself...I am hurt as hell!

I have a feeling it was because of my brother's falling out with one of them but why would that me MY fault. The first night they met, they slept with each other and I told them that I thought it was tooo fast. Ugh!!!

Suggestions?
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:hmm:
Some times it is better to let it go & find new friends.
Regardless of what the reason why you were not invited, what they did was rude & it was their way of saying that you are not welcome with them any more.

My advice is to put this all behind you & have nothing more to do with the group...it is time to make new friends, start new traditions with your new friends & leave this in the past where it belongs.

Moving on with your life will prove to be the least painful & the best thing you can do for you.
 
Thanks..

I was telling my hubby just now that I REFUSE to let this issue become an emotional rollercoaster in my life any longer. If I have to (after giving them one more chance with being honest) I will cut them out of my life. I went through tooo much with my daughter being taken away and I cant go through another emotional turmoil after finally becoming stronger and more emotionally stable from my situation with my daughter. I will choose my brother over them even my childhood best friend if she wants to be that petty.
 
shel, i'm so sorry about that :hug:

i don't think you're being petty. it's perfectly normal to have these kind of feelings.. i WOULD be hurt too if i was you. i liked what you said on FB.. it was sweet but also a subtle way of saying "thanks for not inviting me bitches". (sorry if that sounded rude)

i think it's pretty stupid for them to punish you because the relationship between your brother and your friend didn't work out. it wasn't your fault at all. what they did to you was very shitty in my book.
 
shel90 said:
Thanks..

I was telling my hubby just now that I REFUSE to let this issue become an emotional rollercoaster in my life any longer. If I have to (after giving them one more chance with being honest) I will cut them out of my life. I went through tooo much with my daughter being taken away and I cant go through another emotional turmoil after finally becoming stronger and more emotionally stable from my situation with my daughter. I will choose my brother over them even my childhood best friend if she wants to be that petty.
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I just thought about something...

now is a time to celebrate & PARTY! PARTY!! PARTY!!! :lol:
Think of all the parties you can have from now on with less stress & more fun!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssss!!!!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:
 
JAMES09 said:
I just thought about something...

now is a time to celebrate & PARTY! PARTY!! PARTY!!! :lol:
Think of all the parties you can have from now on with less stress & more fun!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssss!!!!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:
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I love that attitude. Problem with me is that I will say that but I will still hurt inside for a long time over it. I am very very passionate when it comes to friendships. It will take me a long time to get over it.

Thanks.
 
katerivera said:
shel, i'm so sorry about that :hug:

i don't think you're being petty. it's perfectly normal to have these kind of feelings.. i WOULD be hurt too if i was you. i liked what you said on FB.. it was sweet but also a subtle way of saying "thanks for not inviting me bitches". (sorry if that sounded rude)

i think it's pretty stupid for them to punish you because the relationship between your brother and your friend didn't work out. it wasn't your fault at all. what they did to you was very shitty in my book.
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Thanks..I thought I was being petty by feeling this hurt but then later on, I figured...it is how I feel and damned if people dont like it.

I just put this on my FB...

"Today was a day of a reminder how my family comes first before friends. Family is precious to me. I love my friends but family is who I will die for"

lol
 
shel90 said:
I love that attitude. Problem with me is that I will say that but I will still hurt inside for a long time over it. I am very very passionate when it comes to friendships. It will take me a long time to get over it.

Thanks.
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Yes it will hurt for a long time...but this way, you are not dwelling on it needlessly.

The more power you take away from whatever causes you pain, the less it will hurt. Eventually, the pain will cease to exist.
 
shel90 said:
Thanks..I thought I was being petty by feeling this hurt but then later on, I figured...it is how I feel and damned if people dont like it.

I just put this on my FB...

"Today was a day of a reminder how my family comes first before friends. Family is precious to me. I love my friends but family is who I will die for"

lol
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I took an oath years ago, to not let the *cough*idiots of this world get me down.

my attitude on life is this:

This is me, this is who I am. If you like me & want to be my friend, Great!
If not, that's ok too. Either way, I refuse to lose any sleep over it.
 
Thanks...just unfriended all 4 of them from FB...
 
shel90 said:
Thanks...just unfriended all 4 of them from FB...
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I know it will be hard, but in the long run - it will be better for you.

Also, it does sound to me like they were still holding the issue with your brother over this whole thing and in my mind, that's just totally juvenile. I would think, being in their 30's or so, they would have grown up, but obviously not.
 
KristinaB said:
I know it will be hard, but in the long run - it will be better for you.

Also, it does sound to me like they were still holding the issue with your brother over this whole thing and in my mind, that's just totally juvenile. I would think, being in their 30's or so, they would have grown up, but obviously not.
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3 of them are in their 40s...my best friend is the last one at 39. :eek3:
 
man..my best friend emailed me saying that I was immature for being mad about her not replying to my email all day today. I was like...WTF? She should know that in the past I have never ever gotten mad for not replying to me quickly. Hell, I even had email conversations with her in which a reply would take over a week later to happen and we would get right back to it. Now, she thinks I am mad about that without really understanding the whole big picture? I told her dont worry about it and that I wont be a pain in the ass for all of them and that I was glad that they all had a great time.

oh well.
 
Shel, this hard...big breath...you know why you unfriend them. Not important they misinterpret. You do what you need. Take care you. Stressful, painful friendships not worth pain. (((hugs))) brave thing cut ties
 
The difference is that you're not 12 anymore. You can leave your so-called friends. You can spend time with hubby. You can make new friends. You're an adult now and you can do anything you want! It's not like when you were 12 and you were stuck with the situation. Thank the ceiling cat! lol
 
I can't add anything new to the sage advice that you have been given. Your feelings were hurt and with good cause. Two big events that you were unaware of. It is hard being left out, but as you said...two years later... ehh. I think any of us would have been hurt and made to feel forgotten or left out.
The only thing I will add has already been said above - ((hug))!
 
im so sorry. hope things are working out for you and your best friend. sometimes email leads to casuse two between people so confusion of assuming if either gets mad or misunderstnding. that sucks!! :hug:

of course, its a good idea to talk in a person/face and face.
 
Thanks everyone...you helped me to come to accepting that it is ok to be hurt instead of convincing myself that I was being petty and childish.
 
shel90 said:
Thanks everyone...you helped me to come to accepting that it is ok to be hurt instead of convincing myself that I was being petty and childish.
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Shel - in all the time I have known you here on AD, I have never, ever known you to be petty and childish. You are a very strong individual. You are very centered on your principals and you know what you expect and want out of life. You are a strong supporter of others, but totally dislike "back-stabbers". That is what I have learned about you over the years. You are one truly exceptional person.
 
Shel90, I agree with you that it is between your brother and one of your friend and that you had nothing to do with what happened.

Yeah, one should know better as one get older but that is not always true. In fact, I am having a problem with one woman who is a year older than me. We are in early 50's. I don't know what to do about this either. I decided to quit the quilting club and joined a senior citizen club where I get to play cards. I have heard some senior citizen complained about the pettiness of someone else. Sigh! (face palms up)
 
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