Need your advice and feedback

My best friend and I VPed each other this morning. I was right..she wasnt being honest with what the others (except for one) felt about me but they told her not to tell me so she felt in the middle. She said she will risk losing her friendship with them to save ours. Wow...so I told her how I felt and she said I had every right to feeling the way I did and that the wedding and the recent 40th bday bash werent held from me on purpose. Long story about those two events. As for the other events with another 40th bday bash, it was decided by the other 3 not to invite me. I forgot about the 5th one..the sister of the girl who "dated" my brother. She is deaf too but doesnt know sign language. So, there was the 6 of us.

Well, one of them is holding me fully responsible for what happened with her sister and my brother and I am not allowed in her house. Ok fine whatever.

The other one didnt feel comfortable with me cuz of my strong personality or some of the stuff I had said. Ok, would have been nice to know that instead of pretending to love me and being all that with me.

Then, the sister (who dated my brother) is not mad at me about my brother. She felt offended by something my hubby and I did with lack of manners when we stayed at her home one time. She told the others that we didnt pay for the food that was cooked at her house so that offended her but when I spoke with my husband, he said that we did. I cant remember so I guess it doesnt matter. I wish she had told me right there how she felt instead of keeping it from me.

So, I lost my friendship with the 3 of them but with my best friend and other girl, we are fine. I told my best friend that I am happy that she has them and that from now on, they will be considered "her" friends.

I guess what really hit me the hardest is that I felt like a fool thinking I was close to all of them all those years and being mad at myself for caring so much about "my girlfriends". I told my best friend that I need to stop caring tooo much about having girlfriends or going out of my way to treat them as my good friends when they dont show the same back.

My best friend said she cried all night and she didnt mean for any of this to happen.

Hopefully, it will be a lesson learned but it is also a time to reflect on myself and my character and how to improve myself.

thanks everyone for the support.
 
Is it possible you weren't invited because you don't live in the same town?

I have three sisters and grew up in a household of five women altogether, my mother included so what I've learned is that women talk, speculate, wonder, hypothesize, refer to something they read in a magazine or what someone else said, and yeah, sometimes speculation gets taken as truth and that's when truth becomes distorted.

I think you commented well, you let your friends know they were missed, and it's encouraging one of your friends you contacted sounded eager to see you again. I have a feeling though that you weren't intentionally left out and I'm sure, once you all reunite, whatever it was that made you all good friends in the first place will be revived and strengthened.
 
DeafCaroline said:
Is it possible you weren't invited because you don't live in the same town?

I have three sisters and grew up in a household of five women altogether, my mother included so what I've learned is that women talk, speculate, wonder, hypothesize, refer to something they read in a magazine or what someone else said, and yeah, sometimes speculation gets taken as truth and that's when truth becomes distorted.

I think you commented well, you let your friends know they were missed, and it's encouraging one of your friends you contacted sounded eager to see you again. I have a feeling though that you weren't intentionally left out and I'm sure, once you all reunite, whatever it was that made you all good friends in the first place will be revived and strengthened.
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It wasnt because I lived in another state. However, for 2 years, I have gone to PA at least once every 2 months to go to any gatherings, birthday parties for their kids, holidays parties. They know that I would make every effort to go and I did that for 2 years so for them to use that as an issue, that would be suspicious. I only live like 2 hours from them.

Anyways, I got my answers from my best friend...see my previous post.

Thanks
 
Oh, I'm sorry, I should have browsed the entire thread, I was going from your first post.

I am sorry to hear about the three friends. As far as not paying for food cooked at their house, that's a bit odd. I don't expect my houseguests to pay for anything, they ARE my guests, if they are to pay for food, then what's next? room and board?

p.s. don't be mad at yourself for caring about your friends, that would mean being mad at yourself for being a caring person. If they are too petty or immature to see that quality in you, then their loss.
 
DeafCaroline said:
I have three sisters and grew up in a household of five women altogether, my mother included so what I've learned is that women talk, speculate, wonder, hypothesize, refer to something they read in a magazine or what someone else said, and yeah, sometimes speculation gets taken as truth and that's when truth becomes distorted.
Click to expand...

I agree that speculating could lead to the "truth". I have wonder if that is true in my case.
 
why would they want you, as their guest, to pay for the food they cooked? it's not a restaurant.
 
I never thought of someone, as a guest, would have to pay food and items. I think, too, it is too odd.

IMO, guests don't need to pay anything unless if someone don't have enough food and/or items, I would encourage guests to bring their food and/or stuff to someone's home.
 
Shel, I think you handled the situation well. You put your expectations out front which is important. There is no point putting yourself in a situation where you keep getting hurt so you removed yourself from it and now you have your best friend back.

Communication is *SO* important and hopefully you and best friend will keep communication line open so misunderstanding do not happen again.

:hug:
 
DeafCaroline said:
Oh, I'm sorry, I should have browsed the entire thread, I was going from your first post.

I am sorry to hear about the three friends. As far as not paying for food cooked at their house, that's a bit odd. I don't expect my houseguests to pay for anything, they ARE my guests, if they are to pay for food, then what's next? room and board?

p.s. don't be mad at yourself for caring about your friends, that would mean being mad at yourself for being a caring person. If they are too petty or immature to see that quality in you, then their loss.
Click to expand...

I would never ask my friends to pay for food that I had already purchased and cooked and invited them over to eat with me, unless it was a fundraiser or something. That is just low class and being a poor host. I have heard of this happening in the Deaf community, but I don't think it's common.

Anyway, Shelly, I'm glad you were able to work things out with your best friend, and it sounds like things are working out for better. Not sure what kind of people would be offended by your manners or personality, but rest assured, they certainly wouldn't be a friend of mine (obviously. Lol).
 
DeafCaroline said:
Oh, I'm sorry, I should have browsed the entire thread, I was going from your first post.

I am sorry to hear about the three friends. As far as not paying for food cooked at their house, that's a bit odd. I don't expect my houseguests to pay for anything, they ARE my guests, if they are to pay for food, then what's next? room and board?

p.s. don't be mad at yourself for caring about your friends, that would mean being mad at yourself for being a caring person. If they are too petty or immature to see that quality in you, then their loss.
Click to expand...

I really cant remember too much about staying overnight and the food issue. All I remember is all 3 of us (my hubby, her and I) just laughing and joking around the next morning while we had breakfast. My best friend said that the story from her was that she offered some other food but it was not enough or didnt cook well so according to my hubby, he offered to cook eggs and bacon and his story was that he went to the store and bought everything. Her story was that we didnt accept what she had in the house and that she went to the store and paid for the other foods.

I wish I can remember but if it really bothered her that much, I wish she had told me instead of telling the other girls behind my back.

Too late.
 
shel90 said:
My best friend and I VPed each other this morning. I was right..she wasnt being honest with what the others (except for one) felt about me but they told her not to tell me so she felt in the middle. She said she will risk losing her friendship with them to save ours. Wow...so I told her how I felt and she said I had every right to feeling the way I did and that the wedding and the recent 40th bday bash werent held from me on purpose. Long story about those two events. As for the other events with another 40th bday bash, it was decided by the other 3 not to invite me. I forgot about the 5th one..the sister of the girl who "dated" my brother. She is deaf too but doesnt know sign language. So, there was the 6 of us.

Well, one of them is holding me fully responsible for what happened with her sister and my brother and I am not allowed in her house. Ok fine whatever.

The other one didnt feel comfortable with me cuz of my strong personality or some of the stuff I had said. Ok, would have been nice to know that instead of pretending to love me and being all that with me.

Then, the sister (who dated my brother) is not mad at me about my brother. She felt offended by something my hubby and I did with lack of manners when we stayed at her home one time. She told the others that we didnt pay for the food that was cooked at her house so that offended her but when I spoke with my husband, he said that we did. I cant remember so I guess it doesnt matter. I wish she had told me right there how she felt instead of keeping it from me.

So, I lost my friendship with the 3 of them but with my best friend and other girl, we are fine. I told my best friend that I am happy that she has them and that from now on, they will be considered "her" friends.

I guess what really hit me the hardest is that I felt like a fool thinking I was close to all of them all those years and being mad at myself for caring so much about "my girlfriends". I told my best friend that I need to stop caring tooo much about having girlfriends or going out of my way to treat them as my good friends when they dont show the same back.

My best friend said she cried all night and she didnt mean for any of this to happen.

Hopefully, it will be a lesson learned but it is also a time to reflect on myself and my character and how to improve myself.

thanks everyone for the support.
Click to expand...
I'm sorry all this happened but I'm happy that you didn't lose your best friend. I guess it's time to reconsider your friendship with the other girls. :hug:
 
Ah, well. Hell you are not alone here. My partner and his best friend since 30 years had a falling out just all because of this jailbait cunt brainwashed his best friend. I told my partner many times that his best friend was never his true friend...explaining to my partner that his best friend talking shit behind my partner's back does not mean that he is being a true best friend to my partner. Best friends do not backstab, belittle, accuse, lie or use one another, enough said. My partner's other best friend -- the trio since 30 years and now both my partner and his other best friend fucked their fake best friend over for good right after this cunt bitch girlfriend and him ruined their wedding day in 2007.
 
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