Need advice for C.I

_xShipwreckx_

_xShipwreckx_

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Alright I already created a thread about this but I didn't get too much help so I'll just copy and paste what I rote in my last thread.
 
My boyfriend has been deaf since birth he's worn hearing aids all his life and they really don't help him that much. Each year his hearing gets worse, and he's only 17 so I always ask myself "How old will he be until he's completely deaf?" And our relationship has taken a nose dive (which I know thats not really the important part of the story). As of this fall he will start attending a school for the deaf instead of public school, I really just don't know what to do anymore but since I'm only 16 so what can I really do?
 
The best you can do is simply be there for him despite the fact that he's losing his hearing...also finding ways that will help steer him in a good direction that could possibly help him. All in all, your support and encourgements will be a great asset he'll appreciate.
 
I just don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to listen to him say that our relationship is more important than his hearing, I don't want him to think that going to a school for the deaf is his only option...I just wish I was smarter and could make everything better, but I'm not and I can't.
 
_xShipwreckx_ said:
I just don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to listen to him say that our relationship is more important than his hearing, I don't want him to think that going to a school for the deaf is his only option...I just wish I was smarter and could make everything better, but I'm not and I can't.
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Uh...ok
 
_xShipwreckx_ said:
Yeah just ignore that, I was having a moment but I'm done now.
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Okay, because, the truth is.. The best that you can do is support what he wants. You can't exert your will on him. He has to decide what is best for him.

If he doesn't know what he wants, then, you can gather information for him, and encourage him . He doesn't have to be miserable, and neither do you.

Good luck!
 
_xShipwreckx_ said:
I talked to him about C.Is and he said it sounded risky...I just don't get him
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Well, ultimately, it's his decision, so...if you really love him then you'll accept it.
 
LuciaDisturbed said:
Well, ultimately, it's his decision, so...if you really love him then you'll accept it.
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I know it's his decision, but the problem is he's not making any decisions he keeps putting it off and it just keeps getting worse.
 
On a completely unrelated note, I just wanted to point out that your icon says, "If your a bird, I'm a bird," though it should be, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird."

*Grammar Police moment over* :)
 
My advice, educate yourself about all the options he has, possibly more poweful hearing aids, ASL, lipreading, C.I.. There are many options available. Educate yourself, then educate him (if he's willing) then let him chose. Either way it goes, it his hearing and his life. If he does nothing, so be it, you tried. Whatever he chooses to do, support him. Afterall, isnt that a main part of a relationship....supporting your mate, even when you don't agree with his decision?
 
_xShipwreckx_ said:
I know it's his decision, but the problem is he's not making any decisions he keeps putting it off and it just keeps getting worse.
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It sounds like this is the type of person he is and I agree with the others that you can't change him. You aren't responsible for him but you can make a decision as to whether being in a relationship with him is in your best interest as you sound really frustrated. Does this attitude also manifest itself in other areas such as money, education and work?
 
ayala920 said:
On a completely unrelated note, I just wanted to point out that your icon says, "If your a bird, I'm a bird," though it should be, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird."

*Grammar Police moment over* :)
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Yeah it bothers me, I guess the person who made it wasn't very bright.
 
Lillys dad said:
My advice, educate yourself about all the options he has, possibly more poweful hearing aids, ASL, lipreading, C.I.. There are many options available. Educate yourself, then educate him (if he's willing) then let him chose. Either way it goes, it his hearing and his life. If he does nothing, so be it, you tried. Whatever he chooses to do, support him. Afterall, isnt that a main part of a relationship....supporting your mate, even when you don't agree with his decision?
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He actually has been using ASL and lipreading for quite sometime now, and he doesn't really benifet from hearing aids, we've been talking about C.I..he's very hesitant about that subject...I really don't know why though.
 
_xShipwreckx_ said:
He actually has been using ASL and lipreading for quite sometime now, and he doesn't really benifet from hearing aids, we've been talking about C.I..he's very hesitant about that subject...I really don't know why though.
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Sounds like he is not ready to make a decision yet...just be patient and tell him you will support him in whatever he decides to do.
 
_xShipwreckx_ said:
He actually has been using ASL and lipreading for quite sometime now, and he doesn't really benifet from hearing aids, we've been talking about C.I..he's very hesitant about that subject...I really don't know why though.
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You will never understand or know why he doesnt want that or being indecisive or make such decisions because you are not in his shoes when it comes to losing his hearing. Perhaps he is already overwhelmed with the aspect of losing more hearing and he has not gotten over that yet and embrace any other options such as CI or whatnot.

He needs time to sort out his emotions etc. I would imagine it would be difficult for him to go to a school for the deaf - quite big change for him. So opting for a CI may be too much on his plate right now.

That is my guess :dunno:

P.S it took me 5 years to decide to get a CI by the way. It is not an easy decision.
 
Gemtun said:
You will never understand or know why he doesnt want that or being indecisive or make such decisions because you are not in his shoes when it comes to losing his hearing. Perhaps he is already overwhelmed with the aspect of losing more hearing and he has not gotten over that yet and embrace any other options such as CI or whatnot.

He needs time to sort out his emotions etc. I would imagine it would be difficult for him to go to a school for the deaf - quite big change for him. So opting for a CI may be too much on his plate right now.

That is my guess :dunno:

P.S it took me 5 years to decide to get a CI by the way. It is not an easy decision.
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I know, I just have no patience and I know I'll never understand what it's like. Also one day his teacher told me he was throwing his life away, and now part of me is worried that he is and then the other part knows he'll do whats best.

I'm not making too much sense.
 
Gemtun said:
You will never understand or know why he doesnt want that or being indecisive or make such decisions because you are not in his shoes when it comes to losing his hearing. Perhaps he is already overwhelmed with the aspect of losing more hearing and he has not gotten over that yet and embrace any other options such as CI or whatnot.

He needs time to sort out his emotions etc. I would imagine it would be difficult for him to go to a school for the deaf - quite big change for him. So opting for a CI may be too much on his plate right now.

That is my guess :dunno:

P.S it took me 5 years to decide to get a CI by the way. It is not an easy decision.
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I agree with Gemtun, I have gone through smilar problems and emotions as my loss has progressed more and more ! It takes one quite a lot time to accept his / her new identity.. So I advise _xShipwreckx_ to wait some more time . It may be a good idea to get help from special therapists who can help him to cope with his problems, as well.
 
Shipwreck, I know I am probably going to shock several people on this site by saying this, and this may be a bit harsh, but here it goes.
If he wants to take his time, or not even think about it, that is his decision, not yours. Get off his back and give him some time. You said you are impatient, thats fine. You patience is not he issue is it? Its his life, his ears and and his decision, so back off.
I am a huge proponent of C.I.. But I it is not your decision.
As far as the teacher, that doesent suprise me a bit. Whether it is a mainstream teacher or a spec ed., alot of teachers think that if you deviate from thier thoughts or opinions, you are going to ruin your life. I had a teacher in high school tell me that 'I have already wasted my life and that I would amount to nothing. He then told me I should "drop out of school and save the society some tax dollars for someone that deserved it". Well, he was wrong. Just because an authority figure speakes thier opinion, it does not mean that figures opinion is correct. Trust me, I know, I'm a cop. I (like every other person in the working world)work witrh some really ignorant people. When they are enforcing laws, I will always supprt them. But when they start preaching and speaking thier opinions, some of the time they are on thier own.
As I and others have said, give the young man some space and time. Respect any decision he makes and be there for him when he faces challenges and gets frustrated. These things are what makes a relationship wonderful. Not how he communicates.
 
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