Need advice for C.I

_xShipwreckx_ said:
I know it's his decision, but the problem is he's not making any decisions he keeps putting it off and it just keeps getting worse.
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You had been posted here repeatedly....nothing new about you... same old story... you have to learn to deal with it,,, take it or leave it,,,
SxyPorkie
 
Lillys dad said:
Shipwreck, I know I am probably going to shock several people on this site by saying this, and this may be a bit harsh, but here it goes.
If he wants to take his time, or not even think about it, that is his decision, not yours. Get off his back and give him some time. You said you are impatient, thats fine. You patience is not he issue is it? Its his life, his ears and and his decision, so back off.
I am a huge proponent of C.I.. But I it is not your decision.
As far as the teacher, that doesent suprise me a bit. Whether it is a mainstream teacher or a spec ed., alot of teachers think that if you deviate from thier thoughts or opinions, you are going to ruin your life. I had a teacher in high school tell me that 'I have already wasted my life and that I would amount to nothing. He then told me I should "drop out of school and save the society some tax dollars for someone that deserved it". Well, he was wrong. Just because an authority figure speakes thier opinion, it does not mean that figures opinion is correct. Trust me, I know, I'm a cop. I (like every other person in the working world)work witrh some really ignorant people. When they are enforcing laws, I will always supprt them. But when they start preaching and speaking thier opinions, some of the time they are on thier own.
As I and others have said, give the young man some space and time. Respect any decision he makes and be there for him when he faces challenges and gets frustrated. These things are what makes a relationship wonderful. Not how he communicates.
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I agree with you completely.... you are right for being so blunt with her... she had been posted same story repeatedly in the past,, it gets old... she has to learn to take it or leave it..
SxyPorkie
 
Shipwreck.... you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink the water... sounds like you are selfish... it is his own decision ,,, not yours!! dont force him..... respect him and accept him or leave him...
SxyPorkie
 
SxyPorkie said:
Shipwreck.... you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink the water... sounds like you are selfish... it is his own decision ,,, not yours!! dont force him..... respect him and accept him or leave him...
SxyPorkie
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:gpost: Agreed, SxyPorkie! Shipwreck is a confused young girl. If she truly loved this young man, she would embrace his deafness, learn his language, and try to understand his culture. She is only interested in trying to make him more like she is. Does she love him, or does she love his hearing? Big difference. My opinion, she should move on and find a nice hearing boy to date. Then she won't have to worry about it.
 
Jillio, I wouldn't necessarily agree. She seems more concerned about his hearing for his long term benifit. She never said anything about not wanting to learn "his language" or "his culture". How do you know that she doesn't already know sign?
 
Lillys dad said:
Jillio, I wouldn't necessarily agree. She seems more concerned about his hearing for his long term benifit. She never said anything about not wanting to learn "his language" or "his culture". How do you know that she doesn't already know sign?
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She has to learn to accept him or leave him... she is trying to change him...
She had a nerve to talk to his teacher about him... it is none of her business!!!
SxyPorkie
 
FWIW - I am profoundly deaf, went through oral mainstream education.

When I turned 17/18, my family tried to get me to consider a minicom to use a relay service (we call it Typetalk in the UK). It took a lot of arguments and anger on my part before I finally accepted I should try it - it's now an essential part of my life although I still dont much like using it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that what's clear to others (that I needed a minicom to graduate and leave home) isnt always so clear to the person. If I could've, I wouldve ignored the idea of a minicom for as long as possible. I dont even know now why I rejected it so much. It was probably because my best friend told me he thought my family was right that made me think about it. What does his family think? And what does he think about life after school finishes.. he hasnt got much left to go.
 
SxyPorki, I completely agree with your statement. I too feel that she is trying to change him. I also disagree with that.
But, Jillios' statement goes a little to far. She is making some statements that are quite condescending. Stating she is only interested in making her more like shipwreck is! And, stating she should move on and find a nice hearing boy to date! Screw that! I find that condescending and insulting! Just because she is hearing, she should go find a "nice hearing boy". The point I was trying to make is that Jillio has no clue based on this thread if shpwreck is hearing or not. She only knows that her boyfriend is deaf and she is trying to convince him to get a CI. Do I think its wrong of her to convince him to get a CI? Yes. But I also think its screwed up for Jillio to make those statemnts.
Change the story a bit. If there was a race issue and the boyfriend is black/asian/hispanic...whatever. Would the comment stating that she should stink with her own be accpetable? I sure as hell dont think so. Why dont you leave him alone and go find a nice black boy to date. F THAT!!
That statement is wrong no matter how you try to spin it or sugar coat it.
How would people here feel if they were trying to have a relationship with a hearing person and were told by a hearing person to go away and stick to your own? I'm sure, unfortunately that several here will respond saying that they have experienced this exact scenario that I said. But does that make it right to do back to a hearing person? NO.
 
Lillys dad said:
She only knows that her boyfriend is deaf and she is trying to convince him to get a CI. Do I think its wrong of her to convince him to get a CI? Yes.
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To be more accurate, she knows he is getting deafer. That's quite an important distinction. What worked for him before, isnt working anymore.

I dont think it's wrong of her to suggest a CI. That's all she's doing.. giving him options and ideas. The way some have interpreted this, it's like she's trying to force him against his will, when actually all she seems to be doing is what any loving partner should be doing.. trying her best to be helpful and supportive. Pretty mature for a 16 year old if you ask me. Most 16 year olds routinely junk boyfriends/girlfriends for nothing at all.
 
Lillys dad said:
SxyPorki, I completely agree with your statement. I too feel that she is trying to change him. I also disagree with that.
But, Jillios' statement goes a little to far. She is making some statements that are quite condescending. Stating she is only interested in making her more like shipwreck is! And, stating she should move on and find a nice hearing boy to date! Screw that! I find that condescending and insulting! Just because she is hearing, she should go find a "nice hearing boy". The point I was trying to make is that Jillio has no clue based on this thread if shpwreck is hearing or not. She only knows that her boyfriend is deaf and she is trying to convince him to get a CI. Do I think its wrong of her to convince him to get a CI? Yes. But I also think its screwed up for Jillio to make those statemnts.
Change the story a bit. If there was a race issue and the boyfriend is black/asian/hispanic...whatever. Would the comment stating that she should stink with her own be accpetable? I sure as hell dont think so. Why dont you leave him alone and go find a nice black boy to date. F THAT!!
That statement is wrong no matter how you try to spin it or sugar coat it.
How would people here feel if they were trying to have a relationship with a hearing person and were told by a hearing person to go away and stick to your own? I'm sure, unfortunately that several here will respond saying that they have experienced this exact scenario that I said. But does that make it right to do back to a hearing person? NO.
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Well to your information.. Jillio is hearing but her son is deaf and she is involved in the deaf culture...Thank you for agreeing with me
SxyPorkie
 
Gwyddbwyll said:
To be more accurate, she knows he is getting deafer. That's quite an important distinction. What worked for him before, isnt working anymore.

I dont think it's wrong of her to suggest a CI. That's all she's doing.. giving him options and ideas. The way some have interpreted this, it's like she's trying to force him against his will, when actually all she seems to be doing is what any loving partner should be doing.. trying her best to be helpful and supportive. Pretty mature for a 16 year old if you ask me. Most 16 year olds routinely junk boyfriends/girlfriends for nothing at all.
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You need to re read whole thing... she is wrong to pressure her boyfriend to ahve CI.. IT IS CLEAR SHE IS NOT ACCEPTING HIM AS DEAF.... It is her boyfriend s decision to do what he thinks is best... she should accept ... take or leave....
SxyPOrkie
 
Lillys dad said:
Jillio, I wouldn't necessarily agree. She seems more concerned about his hearing for his long term benifit. She never said anything about not wanting to learn "his language" or "his culture". How do you know that she doesn't already know sign?
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I do remember reading one of Shipwrecks posts in another thread saying that she does sign with him already. So I think people need to be a bit careful in the assumptions they make about people.

I do agree though that you can only change yourself and not other people.
 
So she is hearing. That still does not make the statement acceptable. I am in the same boat as Jillio, I am a hearing parent of a def daughter. That still does not make it acceptable to make those comments.
 
SxyPorkie said:
You need to re read whole thing... she is wrong to pressure her boyfriend to ahve CI.. It is her boyfriend s decision to do what he thinks is best... she should accept ... take or leave....
SxyPOrkie
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_xShipwreckx_ said:
I know it's his decision, but the problem is he's not making any decisions he keeps putting it off and it just keeps getting worse.
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Looks like she agrees that its his decision. I see no pressuring to have a CI, simply presenting him with info. It is clear that he isnt in a stable position - his coping mechanisms no longer work with deteriorating hearing and he has to make some decisions - seems to me all she's doing is trying to help him.

_xShipwreckx_ said:
I talked to him about C.Is and he said it sounded risky...I just don't get him
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The risk isnt really a significant reason to want or reject a CI. Doesnt seem outrageous that she doesnt understand his response. His response seems to be a method of delaying any decision rather than arriving at one.
 
SxyPorkie said:
She has to learn to accept him or leave him... she is trying to change him...
She had a nerve to talk to his teacher about him... it is none of her business!!!
SxyPorkie
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Ok
1.) I do accept and support him no matter what he does
2.) I was asking for advice
3.)His teacher came to me, which wasn't the best idea
 
jillio said:
:gpost: Agreed, SxyPorkie! Shipwreck is a confused young girl. If she truly loved this young man, she would embrace his deafness, learn his language, and try to understand his culture. She is only interested in trying to make him more like she is. Does she love him, or does she love his hearing? Big difference. My opinion, she should move on and find a nice hearing boy to date. Then she won't have to worry about it.
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Did you read a thing I posted before just jumping to conclusions
 
SxyPorkie said:
You need to re read whole thing... she is wrong to pressure her boyfriend to ahve CI.. IT IS CLEAR SHE IS NOT ACCEPTING HIM AS DEAF.... It is her boyfriend s decision to do what he thinks is best... she should accept ... take or leave....
SxyPOrkie
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I'm not pressuring he asked me what CI were so i researched it for him
 
_xShipwreckx_ said:
I'm not pressuring he asked me what CI were so i researched it for him
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You are liar... you said you had encouraged your bf to have CI.... he was doubting about CI ... he even told you that it is too risky.. you still push CI on him... You are wrong... If you cannot accept him as he is deaf and does not want to have CI.... leave him alone or accept him as he is that way..SO BE IT!!!! i have no respect for you at all not even one drop... you make me sick...
SxyPorkie
 
_xShipwreckx_ said:
Ok
1.) I do accept and support him no matter what he does
2.) I was asking for advice
3.)His teacher came to me, which wasn't the best idea
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you lied again.... If a teacher is concerned about your bf,she would have of contacting his parents not you.....it is LAW... you have no business to be nosey questioning his teacher... If that teacher had contacting you.. she or he is breaking the LAW...
YOu cannot fool any of us..You just could not accept having deaf bf... you pressure him too much... leave him alone and let him to make his own decision himself.. you just be there for him if you truly love him... accept him or leave him..
SxyPorkie
 
_xShipwreckx_ said:
Ok
1.) I do accept and support him no matter what he does
2.) I was asking for advice
3.)His teacher came to me, which wasn't the best idea
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His teacher knows the laws she/he are not supposed to discuss regarding your bf... should be discussed with his parents not you.. it is not your job....i dont believe you when you said his teacher came to you... no way... all teachers applied for teaching jobs had signed the confident paper....
SxyPorkie
 
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