The Twelve Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
A golden ring.
On the second day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Two hickeys on my neck,
And a golden ring.
On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Three seconds in bed,
Two hickeys on my neck,
And a golden ring.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Four hours cooking for his friends,
Three seconds in bed,
Two hickeys on my neck,
And a golden ring.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Five drunk friends in the living room,
Four hours cooking for his friends,
Three seconds in bed,
Two hickeys on my neck,
And a golden ring.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Six hours cleaning up,
Five drunk friends in the living room,
Four hours cooking for his friends,
Three seconds in bed,
Two hickeys on my neck,
And a golden ring.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Seven minutes in the bath,
Six hours cleaning up,
Five drunk friends in the living room,
Four hours cooking for his friends,
Three seconds in bed,
Two hickeys on my neck,
And a golden ring.
On the eight day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Eight hang-up calls from a woman,
Seven minutes in the bath,
Six hours cleaning up
Five drunk friends in the living room,
Four hours cooking for his friends,
Three seconds in bed,
Two hickeys on my neck,
And a golden ring.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Nine empty beer bottles under my sofa,
Eight hang-up calls from a woman,
Seven minutes in the bath,
Six hours cleaning up,
Five drunk friends in the living room,
Four hours cooking for his friends,
Three seconds in bed,
Two hickeys on my neck,
And a golden ring.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Ten hours with my therapist,
Nine empty beer bottles under my sofa,
Eight hang-up calls from a woman,
Seven minutes in the bath,
Six hours cleaning up,
Five drunk friends in the living room,
Four hours cooking for his friends,
Three seconds in bed,
Two hickeys on my neck,
And a golden ring.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Eleven minutes testing for STD and pregnancy,
Ten hours with my therapist,
Nine empty beer bottles under my sofa,
Eight hang-up calls from a woman,
Seven minutes in the bath,
Six hours cleaning up,
Five drunk friends in the living room,
Four hours cooking for his friends,
Three seconds in bed,
Two hickeys on my neck,
And a golden ring.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Twelve times two years raising a kid on my own,
Eleven minutes testing for STD and pregnancy,
Ten hours with my therapist,
Nine empty beer bottles under my sofa,
Eight hang-up calls from a woman,
Seven minutes in the bath,
Six hours cleaning up,
Five drunk friends in the living room,
Four hours cooking for his friends,
Three seconds in bed,
Two hickeys on my neck,
And a golden ring.
On the day after Christmas,
I gave my former love his golden ring back
And a court summons for child support.
Hell.