Help me to be able to help deafblind friend

SxyPorkie

SxyPorkie

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I have a good friend who lives about three blocks from me... she is deafblind.. I will give you a brief history of her being so co-dependant to some guys in her past..

First boyfriend who was an interpreter living with her for 8 yrs.. he got tired of her being co-depending on him all the times.. he knew she can do anything if she puts her mind on it... she was trained... she neglected all basic training for blind.... so he dumped her and disappeared... Carmen turned to my late room mate Rosie... Rosie had helped her alot..

Then Carmen found new boyfriend who was Mexican... lived with him for couple years... again he dumped her for same reasons...Again she returned to Rosie for help...

Short while... then she found new boyfriend who also was blind in one eye.. he was alcoholic... living with her living off on her money... for next 5 yrs... Last August he passed away ih her home.. Now Rosie had passed away last Oct... she came to me... I help her around the shopping... etc... but she starts to co-depend on me... I told her that she had been trained for blind... she can do anything ... she said she forget all the basic training... I got firm.. I told her to go back to re-learn all basic training... then i will help her... and if she does not do... there were nothing i can do for her... she cannot co-depend on anyone else....

So help me.. I need your feedbacks or helps... to see what I can do for her... I would appreciate all feedbacks...

My job is not helping deafblind... I work with Domestic Violence for deaf... I feel that there are some certain helps that i can give her.. and send her to certain places...
 
perhaps you should offer to take her to training classes for the blind - but she needs to be the one doing the work. I can imagine being deafblind can be scary - especially if she has never had to fully live on her own as a deafblind. Otherwise you may have to lay out the facts for her - if she cannot prove she can take care of herself independently as a deafblind there is a good chance that you have no option but to have Human Services look into it and she will likely be moved into an assisted living center or even a nursing home - which means she loses everything.

I wish you and her the best of luck in getting this situation resolved.
 
It must be hard for her to live alone with no help...
 
i agree with angel being deafbind are very hard i understand the stuation and etc...
 
Angel said:
It must be hard for her to live alone with no help...
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I agree with you... but she can go anywhere through Access .... it is free for her... she refused to learn to use brialle stuffs.. she forget all... she has hard time trying to call me on her brialle tty.... she knows the way to my house... only three blocks from me... no cars around...

she told me she forget all basic training for blind... she depended on her boyfriends..... all my other deafblind friends do on their own... I just follow them... It was AWESOME... they can do anthing but cannot see...

What more.. her other two brothers and one sisters all deafblind... they live on their own...... never depends on anyone...
 
It is hard enough for a hearing and visual woman to live without co-dependency. I can only Imagine being Deaf and Blind living that way.

I hope she can find her way out, with a lot of help and support from her friends, and services to get her back on her feet.

SxyPorkie hang in there with your friend. She sounds like she needs a lot of support.
 
Babyblue said:
It is hard enough for a hearing and visual woman to live without co-dependency. I can only Imagine being Deaf and Blind living that way.

I hope she can find her way out, with a lot of help and support from her friends, and services to get her back on her feet.

SxyPorkie hang in there with your friend. She sounds like she needs a lot of support.
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Thank you very much...I had known her for over 5 yrs when I moved in with Rosie... now Rosie passed away... I still live in same house... Carmen knows... she also knows i would be home all the times.. I would take her to stores whenever she comes in here... She also knows I am her friend...
 
SxyPorkie said:
Thank you very much...I had known her for over 5 yrs when I moved in with Rosie... now Rosie passed away... I still live in same house... Carmen knows... she also knows i would be home all the times.. I would take her to stores whenever she comes in here... She also knows I am her friend...
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You sound like a great friend to Carmen.
 
I agree with BabyBlue, you do sound like a good friend SxyPorkie! :hug:
 
SxyPorkie said:
I have a good friend who lives about three blocks from me... she is deafblind.. I will give you a brief history of her being so co-dependant to some guys in her past..

First boyfriend who was an interpreter living with her for 8 yrs.. he got tired of her being co-depending on him all the times.. he knew she can do anything if she puts her mind on it... she was trained... she neglected all basic training for blind.... so he dumped her and disappeared... Carmen turned to my late room mate Rosie... Rosie had helped her alot..

Then Carmen found new boyfriend who was Mexican... lived with him for couple years... again he dumped her for same reasons...Again she returned to Rosie for help...

Short while... then she found new boyfriend who also was blind in one eye.. he was alcoholic... living with her living off on her money... for next 5 yrs... Last August he passed away ih her home.. Now Rosie had passed away last Oct... she came to me... I help her around the shopping... etc... but she starts to co-depend on me... I told her that she had been trained for blind... she can do anything ... she said she forget all the basic training... I got firm.. I told her to go back to re-learn all basic training... then i will help her... and if she does not do... there were nothing i can do for her... she cannot co-depend on anyone else....

So help me.. I need your feedbacks or helps... to see what I can do for her... I would appreciate all feedbacks...

My job is not helping deafblind... I work with Domestic Violence for deaf... I feel that there are some certain helps that i can give her.. and send her to certain places...
Click to expand...

Hi there,

Maybe try contact state service for blind or DeafBlind services in her state, try to call DHS to find their phone nbr for SSB or DBS.
 
I had a feeling that there is a fear of independent that she is having a hard time to accept it. So you may need to look for some help for her to overcome her fear. Also maybe fear of living alone. Maybe she need a dog or a cat that keep her company when she is home alone.
 
horselover61 said:
I had a feeling that there is a fear of independent that she is having a hard time to accept it. So you may need to look for some help for her to overcome her fear. Also maybe fear of living alone. Maybe she need a dog or a cat that keep her company when she is home alone.
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Oh well.. Carmen has two Chichuahua dogs..she does not take good care of them... she let them pooping in the house...I even told her to let them outside in the fenced yard every two hours...her late boyfriend took good cate of them.. now he passed away...
I think she is in depression... she has lost lots of weights like over 50 lbs...I am very concerned about her and her mental health..
 
My hubby's ex fiancee has Usher's Syndrome and she is legally blind. She did the same thing your friend did to him. Depended on him for everything. He realized that he should have pushed her to learn how to deal with her regressive vision and be prepared. She admitted to him that she was frightened of the future and by taking all the trainings is forcing her to face reality. She wanted to hide from it by having others do things for her. Maybe your friend is afraid to face reality?

Anyways, you are such a good friend to her and I applaud u for that. :)
 
SxyPorkie...that is such a shame that your friend, Carmen
refuse to help herself..she must learn to not to depend on
others, that is wrong! She need to learn to be more dependent
and i suspect she has low self esteem or something, thats
probably why she is so dependent on boyfriends and others.

PowerWCRulez has a good advice..she needs to go to DHS or
Vocational Rehab to get some training as they are free and they
will help her too..You can drive her there and make her get the
help! If you continue to help her, you are enabling her so dont
do it! I know it is hard not to but it is not helping her, ok?
Good luck!
 
shel90 said:
My hubby's ex fiancee has Usher's Syndrome and she is legally blind. She did the same thing your friend did to him. Depended on him for everything. He realized that he should have pushed her to learn how to deal with her regressive vision and be prepared. She admitted to him that she was frightened of the future and by taking all the trainings is forcing her to face reality. She wanted to hide from it by having others do things for her. Maybe your friend is afraid to face reality?

Anyways, you are such a good friend to her and I applaud u for that. :)
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Thank you very much...FYI.. i also have Usher's Sydrome... I cannot even go outside walking in the night now... Thats allright...

Carmen has two brothers and one sister who are also deafblind.. but they live on their own...Carmen is youngest of all... her mother willed the house and money to her after her death...

I will try my best to help her getting some kind of helps she needs it... all other friends of mine also are deafblind.. but they live on their own...i stop by often to see if they needs my help like writing checks for all bills.. i do same for Carmen...
 
Defee said:
SxyPorkie...that is such a shame that your friend, Carmen
refuse to help herself..she must learn to not to depend on
others, that is wrong! She need to learn to be more dependent
and i suspect she has low self esteem or something, thats
probably why she is so dependent on boyfriends and others.

PowerWCRulez has a good advice..she needs to go to DHS or
Vocational Rehab to get some training as they are free and they
will help her too..You can drive her there and make her get the
help! If you continue to help her, you are enabling her so dont
do it! I know it is hard not to but it is not helping her, ok?
Good luck!
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Yes I know... I refuse to go to her house everyday.... I told her that i have my life and i have to deal with my Usher's Sydrome also... I try to force her to go back to school to be trained again.. I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON HER... she even has special watch for blind.. but she keeps calling me asking me what time.. i hang up on her few times.... she knows better...
 
SxyPorkie said:
Yes I know... I refuse to go to her house everyday.... I told her that i have my life and i have to deal with my Usher's Sydrome also... I try to force her to go back to school to be trained again.. I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON HER... she even has special watch for blind.. but she keeps calling me asking me what time.. i hang up on her few times.... she knows better...
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Tough love is hard sometimes, But you are doing the right thing by just letting her know you are there for her and you will not give up on her. But for the small silly things she needs to learn how to handle those herself. It is a start. But she also needs some professional help from the Deaf Blind services.

If you don't mind me asking how old is she?(Carmen)
 
Babyblue said:
Tough love is hard sometimes, But you are doing the right thing by just letting her know you are there for her and you will not give up on her. But for the small silly things she needs to learn how to handle those herself. It is a start. But she also needs some professional help from the Deaf Blind services.

If you don't mind me asking how old is she?(Carmen)
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Carmen is 55 yrs old.. but she looks younger... Full Indian Najavo... she has beautiful long hair....

I cannot even call her... she cannot see the light flasher.... but every time i go over.. I have to pound the door.. she can hear loud pounding... she would open little... feel my hand.. she knows it is me...

I did asked her to describe about her vision... she said it is like a fluffy white cloud... cannot see faces.. only see shadows...she knows my hands... this way she lets me in...
 
Carmen has to learn how to adapt her life independently.

For me, I can't imagine myself as deafblind (I am Deaf, but not blind). If I happen to be deafblind, then I will be freak out. Having a car is the source of my own independence. :eek3: (I hope I don't offend others).
 
Oddball said:
Carmen has to learn how to adapt her life independently.

For me, I can't imagine myself as deafblind (I am Deaf, but not blind). If I happen to be deafblind, then I will be freak out. Having a car is the source of my own independence. :eek3: (I hope I don't offend others).
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Yeah... I agree with you.... I also have Usher's Syndome... my vision is not bad but i cannot see very well at nights ... thats why i dont go outside alone... Of course i do go outside with friends like to the deaf club or the bowling alleys... but i cannot see very well at nights in the dark...i can see the lights but i cannot see the ground or floors.. i would trip over and hurt myself... My late roomie used to leave stuff in the hall... she saw me falling over... i blew up on her... i got so many bruises on my legs... so she quitted leaving stuffs in the hall... and few dim lights in the hall where i can see my way to my room...

Sooner or later i will need to go to school to be trained in case i go blind completely... right now i am only 63 yrs old hahaha...

I even can type in the dark very well like computers or tty...
 
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