'Friends' advice please

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JClarke

JClarke

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Some of you have read some here and there bits, of me and the coffee girl, I have met about more than a month ago. Now, I am very frustrated. I already know that she only wants to be friends, but that's is FINE with me. She has texted me out of the random on Tuesday, and it was a casual one, and I decided to ingore the sms for a bit, to give the fair share of her ignorancy to me.

She expected a reply when she texted me, but I didnt want to, and then the next day, I saw her at the cafe (when she didnt see me) and I had a bit of a guilt and replied back to her. She replied back late last night, and it was the end of a lame conversation, which left me with no choice to change topic which I tried and she never replied back after wards.

I already know about the 'friends' thing, which was told by one of her work friends, who works with her. Now, I am frustrated about this, and I would like to be blunt and upfront with her.

Is there any advice to cut this bullshit? I am not keen to waste more time on this. Can't we just move on and continue with the flow and have a good convo, si?
 
As bad as this sounds, why not tell her to stop talking to you? Eventually the guilt will subside. If you don't want to be that blunt, just ignore her or her messages. I wish I could be of more help. Maybe PM Missy and see what she says about this.
 
David said:
As bad as this sounds, why not tell her to stop talking to you? Eventually the guilt will subside. If you don't want to be that blunt, just ignore her or her messages. I wish I could be of more help. Maybe PM Missy and see what she says about this.
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What I mean, she ingores my messages, I was just trying to be friendly here to make a good convo, why end in a scarsam here? She might doesn't know that I ALREADY know that we only can be friends, why ingore? I tried ingoring her, didnt work. The text message was random and out of the blue.
 
She seems to be giving you mixed messages. You either play her game or you dont. I have been there and I always walk away as I dont have time for b.s either.
 
JClarke said:
What I mean, she ingores my messages, I was just trying to be friendly here to make a good convo, why end in a scarsam here? She might doesn't know that I ALREADY know that we only can be friends, why ingore? I tried ingoring her, didnt work. The text message was random and out of the blue.
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Then dont respond to her random textings - sounds like she is wanting you to chase her but she doesnt want to do anything further than friends. Some men or women like that.
 
Gemma said:
Then dont respond to her random textings - sounds like she is wanting you to chase her but she doesnt want to do anything further than friends. Some men or women like that.
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I feel it is being an waste of time. We both went on fun times, twice last october, then I tried to find out if she wanted to go out again, she avoided these, and I found out last week, quoting this from the lady (not the gal)

'She likes you as a friend, she knows you like her more than a friend, but she is not sure if you would be ok as a friend'

C'mon, I'm an adult, I can accept it, friends is better than losing nothing. Why avoid anything? She texted me in the first place last tuesday for some random reason that I don't know? This is getting my frustration. She doesn't know that I already know.

Is there anything I can do to be 'upfront' with her, so we can just act normal here?
 
I agree with Gemma. Don't let her make you play games. Other girls are out there.

You are worth too much to be manipulated.
 
JClarke said:
:mad2: Why me???
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You just have not met the right girl yet. You will sooner or later. You are not very old yet. You have a lot of time.

And if you want to still be friends with the girl, I would just text and say so, so she does not think you want more.
 
Bottesini said:
You just have not met the right girl yet. You will sooner or later. You are not very old yet. You have a lot of time.

And if you want to still be friends with the girl, I would just text and say so, so she does not think you want more.
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What can I say? The message can not be ingored this time
 
Probably just say you were told she just wants to be friends and that is ok with you as you like her company and just to go out and do things.
 
A better way to say in an blunt way but...
 
Don't let her waste your time - just go on as if you aren't dating her. You owe her nothing. If you'd like to clear the air - you can. Keep it simple and sweet, and move on.

Obviously she's a poor communicator with maladaptive coping skills which have nothing to do with you personally so please don't blame yourself. I wouldn't be surprised if she has a history of doing this to other peeps. My two cents.
 
The random messages: If you must respond at all, just respond with a 'cool' - dont invest too much in your responses to her from now on. Just a thought.
 
I feel it is not necessary for me to give her the sms right now, I have been avoiding her for the last 7 bloody days. She is a very shy gal when I met her. What now, I need to clear this up or I would be stuck, recieving random messages. Enough with the frusration. I will need to think of something and tell her in a good maturely way to understand that we can be friends -- better than losing something.
 
Liza said:
Don't let her waste your time - just go on as if you aren't dating her. You owe her nothing. If you'd like to clear the air - you can. Keep it simple and sweet, and move on.

Obviously she's a poor communicator with maladaptive coping skills which have nothing to do with you personally so please don't blame yourself. I wouldn't be surprised if she has a history of doing this to other peeps. My two cents.
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I agree with this.
 
Liza said:
The random messages: If you must respond at all, just respond with a 'cool' - dont invest too much in your responses to her from now on. Just a thought.
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My responses was just casual ones, nothing important, she was only curious about my day :roll:
 
JClarke said:
My responses was just casual ones, nothing important, she was only curious about my day :roll:
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Ooh, hate those obligated texts. I can't stand small talk or topics about 'nothing' - it'd be my personal nightmare to be on an episode of Seinfeld. :P
 
Small talks are not necessary, why continue talking to me, if things just want to be in the 'friends' circle and then avooid what I am CURIOUS about. Come on, talk to me.
 
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