Deaf Nation new comer

[IslandGal]

Sure Cloggy (the pita) hehe..

clarfiy this feelings.. sir..

My mom was not accepting my hearing loss when i was 18 months old, after I had my DTP vaccines (shots) and had fever.. I lost my hearings pretty much 40% loss.. I was like "hard of hearing" I still can hear alot of things with hearing aids, even I can talk on phone..
My mother tried as much she can to took me places like healings.. we went to many different events where PTL club, 700 Club, Jimmy Stwart.. she took me up on stage and asking God to give my hearing back.. went to chircaptor, hoping to get my hearing back.. took some medications..
till i was almost 15 years old.. I had this accpunture treatment.. I went through painful 3 months.. 3 times a week.. I start to notice that my hearing aids volume was turning little higher and higher.. the more i cant hear and it made my speech better that makes mom think it WORKED!!.. I tried to explain her that its NOT working.. showed her hearing aids that it set to 8-9 (before 3).. she dont believe me at all.. so I start to run away from home, she kept pulling me back in the treatment with physical abuse like drag me, pull my hair and dragged me in.. Till the accpunture dr said, it didnt work.. took me to hearing tests.. It showed proven that I lost 20% more.. my mother threw her best fits that I was b.s'ing her.. She found out about CI.. She told me about it.. (at 15 1/2 years old).. I told her.. Please accept my deafness and I am exhausted to go many places.. I am happy who i am.. She refused to accept that, she threw her fits that I MUST take this CI.. couple months later, she tricked me to go in hospital.. she said "we are going in for hearing test to get you new hearing aids".. we went in early morning.. I saw doctors, nurses with white gowns and mask.. I was like.. uh? mom said.. oh its new place for hearing test.... she acted so strange.. my guts said its not good.. Nurse came and asked me to change clothes into gown and get IV ready.. I said stop.. what i am here for.. she said.. you dont know? I said I am here for hearing test.. nurse noticed mom walking around nervously.. nurse called dr in, Dr explained that I am getting surgery for CI.. I jumped and ran away.. I never came home.. till my dad found me a new home with his best friend living in ranch, stayed there for 2 years to my graduations..

Now days, she still denied what she did to me.. and still bugged me to getting CI.. :/ and thinking that deaf cultures are dangerous and bad people.. :/

Look at me.. I have house.. 6 kids.. and wonderful man.. and wonderful friends.. (sigh)..

So, my point is.. discuss with children who are old enough about getting CI.. than forcing to get one or make your life miserable..

Reading this made my eyes teary.
DoofusMama, I am so sorry about what you went through when you were growing up. I feel like wanting to give you a hug

Lillys_Dad, I am so sorry about the cold shoulder that some people had given to you at the expo but I do applaud you for wanting to expose your daughter to the deaf culture. DoofusMama's post is one of the reasons why some deaf people are not comfortable around hearing people who decide to implant their deaf children with CIs.

I really don't mind being friends with deaf people who have CIs as long as they don't push the deaf culture or me away. I am not for implanting babies and toddlers with CIs because I am concerned about how they would feel about it when they get older. I think it should be the individual to make the decision on whether to have a CI implanted in her or him, not the parents. I hope you don't hate me for saying this but it is just my honest opinion.

 

[Cloggy]

...............
So, my point is.. discuss with children who are old enough about getting CI.. than forcing to get one or make your life miserable..

Thanks for telling me. It's allways good to know the background of people.
It's a really shitty thing your mother did to you. I'm glad you managed to get out at the time and started living your own life.

It's appaling, some of the stories that I hear here, like yours and Cheri's and probably many others.
BUt like I said before, these kind of "parents" (do they deserve the title?) are in my opinion exceptions. Many deaf / hoh on this messageboard have parents that were there for their deaf children.

 

[Cloggy]

........ DoofusMama's post is one of the reasons why some deaf people are not comfortable around hearing people who decide to implant their deaf children with CIs.....

There's a difference between parents going agains the will of a child that can make up it's own mind, and parents that make a decision for the child that cannot make a decision itself.

The first one goes agains the will of a child, the second one makes a decision for the child. (Whatever that decision is.)

 

[Deaf Images]

Who are you? Dennis the Menace?

Deaf Image's post represents an extremist view of anti-audism. In that vein, he's akin to someone who is a rabid Christian and condemns anyone who is not of his own specific belief, and anyone who is not in a monogamous, missionary position relationship is to be condemned and sentenced to be burned at the stake.

I do not believe in CI and it is up to anyone to take it. I do not have to stop anyone. It is only a matter of personal decision made by an individual.

It is my personal opinion about medical quackery and what affects the community.

You do not have to put more words in my mouth as you do NOT know me!

thank you!

 

[Cloggy]

...... you do NOT know me!

thank you!

Well, you talk as if you are a religous man, but the way you treat and judge people indicates that you somewhere lost contact.

If God intended people to be deaf, then why did Jesus cure them?

 

[Deaf Images]

If God intended people to be deaf, then why did Jesus cure them?

them?? he only did one. Ask them not me!

 

[Cloggy]

them?? he only did one. Ask them not me!

Well, only 1 was recorded... I am sure it was an example of the wonders he did. But Jesus would not go agains his fathers will, so therefore God is OK with allowing deaf people to hear.

 

[Lillys dad]

Wow, I opened a can of worms huh? Thanks to all who replied. I read many different opinions here. Some open my eyes to the other side of the coin while others even piss me off more. Some of these threads explain why people have thier opinions of me. But at the same time, they are stereotyping me and my family based solely on a peice of equipment my daughter wears. This makes the whole conversation come full circle.
Some here will probably get upset when I say this, but the only way a culture can survive is if the culture is capable of adaptation. Open a history book and you can read story after story of societies and cultures that have died out because they were unwilling to accept change.
As far as the in your face type of people that I encountered, the first post I made on this page stated that I have never been one to keep my mouth shut. So along those lines, I will continue to expose my daughter to the deaf culture as she gets older. My family and I will learn ASL with her.
Being a parent means that you have to give a child the necessary education and life lessons necessary to succeed in life. One of those lessons is the ability to inentify people as biased, extremists, that will pass judgement on people without getting to know them. This will also apply withint the deaf culture. So all of those that look down on her will only make her low opinion of you stronger as she grows. I actually equate this issue to the racism problems. When dealing with racits, I sum up my opinion of them very simply. "Racism equals ignorance"
And yes Deaf Images, you are the perfect example of the person I will use to
teach my daughter this lesson.

To those that supplied the links to ASL. Thank you very much. I will check them out.

 

[Cloggy]

Wow, I opened a can of worms huh? Thanks to all who replied. I read many different opinions here. Some open my eyes to the other side of the coin while others even piss me off more. Some of these threads explain why people have thier opinions of me. But at the same time, they are stereotyping me and my family based solely on a peice of equipment my daughter wears. This makes the whole conversation come full circle.
Some here will probably get upset when I say this, but the only way a culture can survive is if the culture is capable of adaptation. Open a history book and you can read story after story of societies and cultures that have died out because they were unwilling to accept change.
As far as the in your face type of people that I encountered, the first post I made on this page stated that I have never been one to keep my mouth shut. So along those lines, I will continue to expose my daughter to the deaf culture as she gets older. My family and I will learn ASL with her.
Being a parent means that you have to give a child the necessary education and life lessons necessary to succeed in life. One of those lessons is the ability to inentify people as biased, extremists, that will pass judgement on people without getting to know them. This will also apply withint the deaf culture. So all of those that look down on her will only make her low opinion of you stronger as she grows. I actually equate this issue to the racism problems. When dealing with racits, I sum up my opinion of them very simply. "Racism equals ignorance"
And yes Deaf Images, you are the perfect example of the person I will use to
teach my daughter this lesson.

To those that supplied the links to ASL. Thank you very much. I will check them out.

 

[deafdyke]

but the only way a culture can survive is if the culture is capable of adaptation.

Excellent posting Lilisdad!!! Please don't reject the Deaf culture b/c of one experiance like that. Join the American Society for Deaf Children or Hands and Voices. Many of us are more welcomign and accepting then those folks you met. Excellent point. Culture needs to adapt and change......and who knows? Maybe it's going back to its roots. A hundred years ago, EVERYONE was accepted irregardless of hearing status. Then in the '60's it was only the deafest folks.....now perhaps it'll become a lot more hoh friendly, instead of Deaf exculsive!

 

[Cheri]

Lilly'sDad

The more involvement you are to the Deaf community (Deaf events), the more they see you, the more they would feel conformable around you and will start up being friendly with you and your family. Surprise them by signing to them, They'll gulped.

 

[Deaf Images]

More ingorance as usual!

And yes Deaf Images, you are the perfect example of the person I will use to teach my daughter this lesson.

Mr. Lilly's Dad:

You can do what you please!

I am from a background where I was abused physically and mentally way back in 1950's. Teachers and hearing people were mean and they even criticized me for my divine right to use ASL. They screamed at me! They spanked me! They used wooden rulers to hit my hands! They condemned me when I refused to use speech or use hearing aids. I let my dog take one and had it buried. The school and family went bonkers over the missing hearing aid. I had to show them where it was buried in the front yard under the bush.

When I was a baby, my mother went bonkers and tried to kill me few times and even tried to disown me. When the family had a conference to discuss my future, they did not know what it would behold for me at that time. My mother was scared and suffering from post-partum and she was upset as she thought the baby was NOT perfect in those days. Having a deaf or handicapped baby was a TABOO! She threw me across the dining room floor and even tried to throw me out of the car while in motion.

All my life, I have to deal with ignorance, racism, attitudinal barriers, insults, oppression, physical and mental traumas from humilitation and lack of respect for deaf individuals who chose ASL.

Sure tell your daughter that! The world is not as rosy as everyone wants it to be! Take off those rose-colored glasses and tell her the truth of mean, cold world out there! Racism persists! Hunger persists! Hatred persists! Wars persist! It is the real world out there! Tsk! Tsk! Stop trying to build an ivory castle around her! It will NOT work!

Caspisce???

Hasta la vista!

 

[Lillys dad]

First of all, I never said I planned on keeping her in an ivory tower. If you actually take the time to read me posts, you will see that I will expose her to the real world.
As for your background, that is truly unfortunate.As I said in another thread, everyone has had bad things to them in thier life. You can use them as an excuse as to why your life is so bad, or use them to make you stronger.

So with that said, what do your personal experiences have to do with passing judgement on me and my daughter? How can they possibly be related? In reference to your mother not thinking you are/were perfect, I have never thought that of my daughter. So shes deaf, big deal. She is the most perfect child I could hope for. When I found out that my wife was pregnant, I hit the floor and started praying. I prayed for a happy, healthy child. And every prayer was answered the moment I held her for the first time. When we began to suspect a hearing loss, the first thing out of my mouth when we started the diagnosing process was "No big deal, if shes deaf we learn sign language".

Going to Deaf Nation has simply shown me that there are assholes in the deaf culture as well as every other walk of life. Just because this happened, don't think for a minute that I am changing my mind about getting involved in the deaf culture. Apparently there are some that would like me to leave, too bad.

 

[deafdyke]

DeafImages, you have to realize that not ALL hearing parents are audist.
Not even those, who have chosen oral education for their kids. Yes, a lot of them ARE, but Lilly'sdad is NOT one of them!
We realize that your experiance growing up was tough......but things have and are changing!

 

[Dennis S.]

First of all, I never said I planned on keeping her in an ivory tower. If you actually take the time to read me posts, you will see that I will expose her to the real world.
As for your background, that is truly unfortunate.As I said in another thread, everyone has had bad things to them in thier life. You can use them as an excuse as to why your life is so bad, or use them to make you stronger.

So with that said, what do your personal experiences have to do with passing judgement on me and my daughter? How can they possibly be related? In reference to your mother not thinking you are/were perfect, I have never thought that of my daughter. So shes deaf, big deal. She is the most perfect child I could hope for. When I found out that my wife was pregnant, I hit the floor and started praying. I prayed for a happy, healthy child. And every prayer was answered the moment I held her for the first time. When we began to suspect a hearing loss, the first thing out of my mouth when we started the diagnosing process was "No big deal, if shes deaf we learn sign language".

Going to Deaf Nation has simply shown me that there are assholes in the deaf culture as well as every other walk of life. Just because this happened, don't think for a minute that I am changing my mind about getting involved in the deaf culture. Apparently there are some that would like me to leave, too bad.

Good luck, Lilly's Dad. I'm thankful that she has a family who'll be mindful and supportive of what she needs to succeed instead of limiting her boundries based on her hearing loss and assumptions based the hearing loss. Deaf as I may be, I still went to college and came out with a great, high paying job and a great family. I'm now in the process of using my free time to expand my horizons into things like company sports, flying, and encouraging teenagers to go to college.

My hearing loss and my implant are merely aspects of myself that make me unique and stand out above the crowd, instead of getting lost in the jumble of mediocre people or being lumped in as "one of those deaf people."

 

[MsGiglz]

LilysDad

:fruit: Well said ..

Like i said earlier.. I am impressed that you still "encourage" your daughter to deaf culture..

I like the saying "open can of worms" yep.. they came out, throw in your face or good saying.. :|


also, like i said.. just be prepare for harsh comments.. or negative..

hang in there Dad .. hehe

 

[deafdyke]

Just because this happened, don't think for a minute that I am changing my mind about getting involved in the deaf culture.

Excellent, excellent excellent!!!!!
Check out Hands and Voices: http://www.handsandvoices.org/, American Society for Deaf Children: http://www.deafchildren.org/asdc/ and it's affliated listserv: http://listserv.kent.edu/archives/parentdeaf-hh.html
I gotta say, you are a great parent!!!! I do undy that a lot of hearing parents think that a TC education doesn't focus enough on speech, and that you gotta go to private schools or clinics to get really good speech services.
Also, that the spoken language window is only open for a short time.
One thing you might be able to do is contact the Missouri Association for the Deaf or maybe even the Missouri chapter of CODA......Explain your sitution, that is that you're interested in exposing your daughter to Sign, even thou you're giving her an oral education, and maybe they can hook you up with a mentor who can teach your family sign. Another thing is, that you could relax the "no signing at home" rule that a lot of Oral families stick to. Make sure Lili understands that for now "No sign at school, but OK for at home"

 

[Lillys dad]

Dennis, this may be a little far fetched at the moment due to the fact that my daughter is only 2 years old, but she is absolutely fascinated with airplanes! I have taken her to a museum here called the National museum of transportation. It is primarily designed around trains, but they have an old gooney bird that she LOVES. There are several static displays of aircraft in the St.Louis area. I take her to see them at every possible moment.
I look at this as a great opportunity to get her insterested in the math and science portions of airplanes. My dad and I used to fly control line and remote control planes. I will expose her to this in an effort to support her love of planes so maybe one day we can get her flying real planes. Just because she has a "disability", I don't look at her as being disabled at all. If she wants to fly, I'll do anything in my power to make it happen.
I realize this is silly due to her young age, but who cares! This is an opportunity for her and I to develop soem of the same interests.
Along the lines of flying, my neighbor is a pilot in the airforce. We have talked about taking her up for a flight someday.


DD, We do use some sign language at home. It is not any formal sign, just stuff we came up with on our own. Actually, a big misconception here is that oral deaf schools tell you not to use sign at all. That is not true. They do encourage you to use some sign. In fact she uses some that she was taught in speech therapy. They Tell all parents to use some sign whether its made up or asl. The thought behind this is that the child will not always have the CI on. Example, Lilly loves going to the pool. Her CI must come off. When she starts swimming lessons this summer, she must have a sign that tells her to come her now, for times when she has to get out of the pool quickly.

We do use some asl now that I think about it. We use the sign for drink, eat
and a coupl eof others.

I gotta go to bed. I worked midnights last night and I had to take Lilly to CID. I've been up for about 20 hours now.

 

[Cloggy]

Mr. Lilly's Dad:

You can do what you please!

I am from a background where I was abused physically and mentally way back in 1950's. Teachers and hearing people were mean and they even criticized me for my divine right to use ASL. They screamed at me! They spanked me! They used wooden rulers to hit my hands! They condemned me when I refused to use speech or use hearing aids. I let my dog take one and had it buried. The school and family went bonkers over the missing hearing aid. I had to show them where it was buried in the front yard under the bush.

When I was a baby, my mother went bonkers and tried to kill me few times and even tried to disown me. When the family had a conference to discuss my future, they did not know what it would behold for me at that time. My mother was scared and suffering from post-partum and she was upset as she thought the baby was NOT perfect in those days. Having a deaf or handicapped baby was a TABOO! She threw me across the dining room floor and even tried to throw me out of the car while in motion.

All my life, I have to deal with ignorance, racism, attitudinal barriers, insults, oppression, physical and mental traumas from humilitation and lack of respect for deaf individuals who chose ASL.

Sure tell your daughter that! The world is not as rosy as everyone wants it to be! Take off those rose-colored glasses and tell her the truth of mean, cold world out there! Racism persists! Hunger persists! Hatred persists! Wars persist! It is the real world out there! Tsk! Tsk! Stop trying to build an ivory castle around her! It will NOT work!

Caspisce???

Hasta la vista!

So that is how you learned to treat people like shit that come to you.
I'm sorry for your childhood, but why do you treat people the way you do not want to be treated? You should show love towards people that reach out to you with their deaf child, not hate.

 

[deafdyke]

is that oral deaf schools tell you not to use sign at all. That is not true. They do encourage you to use some sign. In fact she uses some that she was taught in speech therapy. They Tell all parents to use some sign whether its made up or asl. The thought behind this is that the child will not always have the CI on.

Hey, that's good that CID has that philosophy!!!!! But I know it probaly varies tremendously..... I know too that at Moog, they are VERY heavy on the auditory-verbal stuff. Like I know at Tucker-Maxon they even discourage tapping on the shoulder to get attention!!!! Hey......maybe we could help change audist mentality at oral schools. I know the myth is that a lot of parents think that ALL Deaf adults just want kids to only sign.......but the fact of the matter is that MANY dhh folks I know, think that we shouldn't throw the hearing aids/CIs out with the bathwater, but rather try to equip dhh kids with a FULL range of tools!