Can A Big Age Difference Between Two People Hurt The Relationship?

GarnetTigerMom said:
Maybe to you 17 is not much difference than 18.
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I respectfully agree with Puyo for treat teenagers with respect instead of treat them that's because they are under 18 years old.

But to some parents it matter to them.
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I respect some parents when I disagree with them for keep their children from develop into maturity adult.


It matter to me since it's against the law for minors (teenagers) date adult unless they are over 18 years old. But since you speaking of the girl you are talking about she can live with her father if her father don't mind for her to live with him but I am sure he have ground rules as well. But does the mother have full coustody of her daughter? if that so, then her mother have that power to say no. But remeber teenagers will try to play games with the parents to get what they want when the parents have a good reasons to say "no".
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No wonder why the girl rebel against her mother and prefer to live with her father who treat her as adult with respect which her mother doesn't. The girl is developing into an adult, and therefore she made her own decision on most things. Unfortunlately, this is a tough part, but mother need to help her daughter think twice and reason with her and then tell her about concern etc.
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GarnetTigerMom said:
But remeber teenagers will try to play games with the parents to get what they want when the parents have a good reasons to say "no".
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No wonder why they try to play games with their parents because their parents refuse to try to understand where they come from or listen their talk but do what they wants. What they do? nothing but disrespect and rebel against them, runaways, etc .
 
Angel said:
True PuyoPiyo but laws should protect children also.
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Yes, only if there're no sex force (rape, tempt to rape, sex assault, etc... seduce little children to have sex)...

39 years old man shouldn't been having sexual relations with a girl that is only 17, he could have been register as a sexual offender
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Yes, I know it's US law but I respectfully disagree to label a guy as sex offender because he and girl agreed to have sex each other without force. I can image the picture of my 24 years old Dad got arrested for impregnate 17 years old mom when they live in America. What a scary thought. I already taught my sons to not sex with 17 years old American when he is in America for vacation case the parents of girl would press the charge against my sons...

and I think parents need to be more aware of what is going on in their children's lives!
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Sure, but the parents can't do anything to forbid when their children have teens love case they have big problem with their teeangers. They would sneak their parent's back and make rebel... disrespect...

My soon to be 15 years old son has a 16 years old girlfriend. What I do? Nothing but reason with him over my concern and open discuss with him because his future education is my mainly concern.


I wouldn't allow my 17 years old son dating a woman that is 39, no way!
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:D You think your son would involve with 39 years old woman? I don't think so but perhaps few years older than him... You know what boys are... :D
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PuyoPiyo said:
*sigh*... I want to ask a question, is it really necessary for a girl who soon to be 18 in about probably as little as 3 months to be so seriously obey parents, 100 percent obey, or would it be better for parents to let the girl to be independent alittle more so that she can be ready for being 18 as adult?

Also as I already said, me and my roommate (the mother) have been trying to stop her from being around with that 39 years old man for many times, and it never work, but bringing the polices to my house all the times, making her running away, more polices looking for her, many more worst stuff... It's like we are causing the war against that girl which are totally unnecessary, and cause everything unhappy.

So I am happy that I helped her to go with her father in different state where her father would be more fexibility(sp?) for her at her age. 17 years old is not much different than 18 years old. It's like I helped her to live with someone who would treat her as "woman", not a "girl" because she is not anymore.
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Maybe u did not realized that girl was looking for father figure not lover alike this man. She married a daddy not husband. she needs to grow up first and see the real world first. I have seen this many time, many young women married older men because they did not have much father figures in their own life. I do not believe she is really in love with this man but just to escape from home where she came from and being a child to this man. this man is fool to marry a child.
 
Angel said:
True PuyoPiyo but laws should protect children also. 39 years old man shouldn't been having sexual relations with a girl that is only 17, he could have been register as a sexual offender and I think parents need to be more aware of what is going on in their children's lives! I wouldn't allow my 17 years old son dating a woman that is 39, no way!
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agree there!
 
PuyoPiyo said:
Yes of course. We always need the law even though it does not always help, but there is always chance the law will help, the only problem is that the law seems too conservate against the personal rights.



Well I just don't understand why some people think it's so wrong that a happy couple being together as long as they were happy?

Also do you know that in about 200 years ago, which are not really long time ago, it's usually men at 30's dating with girls at 12's, but now why do we see that as problem?



Speechless because that's your personal ;)
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I understand history was much different back then. But that was 200 years ago. I still think a 12 years old to teenager need to be kids for a while until their bodies is mature enough. But That times is the past, we live in the present. I still would not allow my oldest and youngest child date adults period. I am sure lot of teenagers go through rebellious phrase. But I am sorry I have to say no I don t allow teenagers dating adults. The laws were put there for a good reasons. Just remeber that younger men like to play mind games on teenages girls just to get in their pants. I am not spuid to noticed that. As long as my child live in my house it still be my rules. I am not flexiable mother.
 
Liebling:-))) said:
True, I myself am mother of pre-teenage & teenage sons. They need to know what right or wrong and share the discussion with agreement/disagreement with parents instead of get them to obey parent's rules all the time and do what they wants and then ends to fighting. They would lost their respect and rebel against their parents for not try to understand/listen them. That's problem.
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Yupp agree.. Always talk before say "no".

Let adult children learn their own mistakes and then correct their mistakes next time instead of get their parents to control them and tell them what to do.
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Exactly.

The children are not just little kids but they develop into emotionally and socially adults if you treat them with respect is open discussion and listener and reason with them instead of tell them what to do and see them in little children... They would become immaturity and rebel against you if you expect too much from them and want them do what you wants all the time.
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All with you on this! :)

Liebling:-))) said:
Yes, I know it's US law but I respectfully disagree to label a guy as sex offender because he and girl agreed to have sex each other without force. I can image the picture of my 24 years old Dad got arrested for impregnate 17 years old mom when they live in America. What a scary thought. I already taught my sons to not sex with 17 years old American when he is in America for vacation case the parents of girl would press the charge against my sons...
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With you on this too, I don't see her boyfriend as sex offender while they are happy together..

Sure, but the parents can't do anything to forbid when their children have teens love case they have big problem with their teeangers. They would sneak their parent's back and make rebel... disrespect...
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Yupp that's why the parents should show the children respect too, then the children might will respect back. If parents don't respect the children, they might won't respect back.

My soon to be 15 years old son has a 16 years old girlfriend. What I do? Nothing but reason with him over my concern and open discuss with him because his future education is my mainly concern.
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Speechless, because that's your personal decision :)

:D You think your son would involve with 39 years old woman? I don't think so but perhaps few years older than him... You know what boys are... :D
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lol! I know what you are saying, fewer young boys date with older women than young girl date with older men.

jazzy said:
Maybe u did not realized that girl was looking for father figure not lover alike this man. She married a daddy not husband. she needs to grow up first and see the real world first. I have seen this many time, many young women married older men because they did not have much father figures in their own life. I do not believe she is really in love with this man but just to escape from home where she came from and being a child to this man. this man is fool to marry a child.
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If she wasn't look for a boyfriend, just her father, then why she is married for 3 years now? They are still together and living on their own happily right now, and she is not living with father anymore today. She is nearly 20 years old so the problem is too late.

GarnetTigerMom said:
I understand history was much different back then. But that was 200 years ago. I still think a 12 years old to teenager need to be kids for a while until their bodies is mature enough. But That times is the past, we live in the present. I still would not allow my oldest and youngest child date adults period. I am sure lot of teenagers go through rebellious phrase. But I am sorry I have to say no I don t allow teenagers dating adults. The laws were put there for a good reasons. Just remeber that younger men like to play mind games on teenages girls just to get in their pants. I am not spuid to noticed that. As long as my child live in my house it still be my rules. I am not flexiable mother.
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Yupp I have to respect your choice while you are mother and I am not :)
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I honestly don't have a problem with age difference. After all, I'm married to man who's 15 years older than me. I was only 18 and he was only 35 when we first met and now we have been married for three years so far, now 21 and he's 37.

My parents were outranged when they found out that I was dating a 35 year old man and they achually called the cops on me!!! :eek3: I was having HUGE fight with my step mom and Dad about I can see whomever I want to see as I'm 18 years old, legally adult. Well when the cops came, they achually sided with my parents...jeesh...They were telling me that this "man" was only after me for sex and everything.

WRONG, he was not after that...we both fell in love and are still in love. I was beyond pissed....I was sent to my grandparents house so they can "sort" this out. Well, the next morning, they were gonna ship me off to Alaska to my Uncle when I told them I was pregnant. That totally blew off in their face with their plans. So neverless...they kicked me out of the house and I went to live with my love of my life, only having two friends out of whole family and friends supporting me for being in love with a man who's only 15 years apart difference.

Later in the year, my friends came around, after seeing that my husband, Preston do love me and treats me with respect and kindly starts to support us being together. My Grandparents (my mom's parents) came around and suported us also. But as rest of my family, they still refuse to get to know him or acknowlage him. Came January, our son was born and he's pride and Joy to us! Still, my parents refuse to accpet him also!:pissed:

Then came July 2006, My parents and I have huge fight again about my son and my husband. The result was distaster...we moved away to get away from hostle envirment (mainly my family keep putting me down all the time that I achually became stressed and depressed) and we haven't seen or spoken since then. But I can tell you now, I'm so much happier and is at peace, being with my husband and son, having my friends accepting my husband for who he is and our love, is enough...and I'm achually away from my family who's did nothing except put me down for my action.

Love is not age, love is a feeling that's strong between two people that shares. Love does not know age, love only knows the feeling. :)
 
^^^Wow... I am sorry about what happened... Your parents should have respect you as adult while you are already over 18.. *sigh* I am sorry about your relationship with your family. Being honestly, taking arguement and prejudging against the relationship with big age difference is totally unnecessary...

Also agree with your last sentence, Kaelei :)
 
If she wasn't look for a boyfriend, just her father, then why she is married for 3 years now? They are still together and living on their own happily right now, and she is not living with father anymore today. She is nearly 20 years old so the problem is too late.


I still see it is too early. Wait till she turns 30 and he turns 59 then u can prove me wrong about their marriage, okay. Right now I am having hard time to deal with my husband's being disabled, he is only 47 and I am only year younger than him and I want to do do do do do but can not do that with him. i could not see how it would work if this girl turns 30 and her husbnad turns 59. She is still so young and full of life ahead and he will be too old for her and could not keep up with her and her age group.
 
PuyoPiyo said:
^^^Wow... I am sorry about what happened... Your parents should have respect you as adult while you are already over 18.. *sigh* I am sorry about your relationship with your family. Being honestly, taking arguement and prejudging against the relationship with big age difference is totally unnecessary...

Also agree with your last sentence, Kaelei :)
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Tough situation. I can understand why your parents would be upset even though you were 18 at the time. If I were in your parents situation, I would also be upset, because I'd be concerned that you are making a very big mistake. I would likely feel exactly as your parents. I.e. That you are being used, and too young to know what you want/what is best, etc.

However, I am also sorry that your parents do not seem to want to accept that you are happy, and that they do not want to be part of their grandchildren's lives.

They should try to realise that you could be unhappy and/or divorce if you were married to somebody with 2 or 3 years age difference, etc. In such instance, age is not going to make any difference, since you are still their daughter, and your kids are still their grandchildren.

I sincerely hope that your parents will wake up one day. And, I wish you many, many, many happy years to come - same with all folks here who are married. :)
 
jazzy said:
I still see it is too early. Wait till she turns 30 and he turns 59 then u can prove me wrong about their marriage, okay. Right now I am having hard time to deal with my husband's being disabled, he is only 47 and I am only year younger than him and I want to do do do do do but can not do that with him. i could not see how it would work if this girl turns 30 and her husbnad turns 59. She is still so young and full of life ahead and he will be too old for her and could not keep up with her and her age group.
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Yeah that is what I thought, who knows... Maybe she will realized her own mistake for herself. Let's wait and see.
 
It always a tough situations with teenagers and adults. Lot of time the parents do try their best with their teenagers to help them do right by us. We teach kids the difference between right or wrong and it never easy situation. I do hope however that single adults don't go chaseing teenagers for dating and sex. They need to realized they kids that need to finish high school and being with other kids their own group age. Over 18 do whatever they want as long as they get a good education to go to college also. Kids should be enjoying being kids before they can handle and cope with the real tough outside world.
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
It always a tough situations with teenagers and adults. Lot of time the parents do try their best with their teenagers to help them do right by us. We teach kids the difference between right or wrong and it never easy situation. I do hope however that single adults don't go chaseing teenagers for dating and sex. They need to realized they kids that need to finish high school and being with other kids their own group age. Over 18 do whatever they want as long as they get a good education to go to college also. Kids should be enjoying being kids before they can handle and cope with the real tough outside world.
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*nods* i agree w/you ;)
 
PuyoPiyo said:
Speechless, because that's your personal decision :)
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I think you did not get my point. It doesn´t mean that I forbidded my son to go out with 16 years old girlfriend but let him know what I feel. I only want my son aware it. :)
 
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