Ask deaf people here

I think that the patronizing " oh you poor deaf man, let me help you" attitude that some hearing people exhibit bugs me more than their ignorance. Ignorance can be corrected but some attitudes are so ingrained that they do it without thinking. One would think that in this enlightened day and age that we would not encounter this attitude but, unfortunately, there will always be people like that.
 
When will the hearing people finally come to sense and understand that deaf people are normal? :-P
 
I completely agree with deafmusicman. This pisses me off to no end. I have had people see the hearing dids or CI on my daughter adn say "oohhh, that is sooooo sad." WHATS SAD? The fact that I have a beautiful healthy daughter, or the level of theri own ignorance when they make this statement?
 
BelleSorrisa and Defmusicman can you automatically tell who is Deaf and who is hearing? Have you ever spoken to some one, thinking they are hearing to find out that they, like you are Deaf? What would you say in that situation? would you say oh sorry and start signing with them? A hearing woman signed to me when i was with my Deaf friends and i said, using my voice, i'm hearing. She laughed and appologized. By your thinking it would in that instance be she is sorry that i am hearing.
But you are correct some hearing people are “sorry” that you are Deaf. They have no idea that most Deaf are quite happy being deaf. That there is nothing wrong with being deaf. And most hearing have never had any interaction with Deaf. I know when I met my Deaf friend for the first time I didn’t. But I just decided to act as a normally would. After the 2nd or 3rd time with him I decided to learn sign. Not to toot my own horn but I wish other people were like that. I have met hearing people who know Deaf people and have never learned sign but are supposed to be their friend. Right that is not very friendly to me!
 
Interesting couple of recent posts that touched on the "sorry" attitude. One or two asked rhetorically why are you "sorry" that I've some kind of "disability" for the lack of a better word which in this case is deafness.

You are not necessarily dealing with prejudice "per se" but with a universal human condition or experience. Not one of you can say you haven't felt this way yourself when somebody comes across your path in life with some kind of disability usually much worst than yours. This is not to say you were patronizing at all but the thoughts are there...don't deny it. Say somebody in a wheelchair and has all kinds of issues which they can't help and there they are in front of you. How do you react both externally and more importantly internally? Unless you deal with this on a frequent basis, you will instantly compare your life to theirs. What will be the first thoughts? It might be something like this...what was I complaining about being frustrated with hearing people because they don't understand? Or they are patronizing? Or whatever your frustration? At least, you can do this, that and the other. Where this soul has to deal with all of that and more. When one is aware of one's limitations (we all have them hearing or otherwise), one either deals with them or retreats from life.

I agree with you all that there is lots of ignorance and attitude issues abound when it comes to deafness. All I'm trying to say is that it should not surprise you that people act this way. It ain't just the hearing either. It is a normal reaction to what people consider "normal" and anything out of the "normal" puts people in "La la land" trying to cope with something they don't understand. It is all a part of life and life is never fair.
 
ScrappyKat said:
Question: what is it like ot listen to music and bea deaf. I know a few deaf people who love music and i am kinda wondering exactly what parts of the music they can hear...

can anybody answer this?
Click to expand...

I have a severe-profound loss in my right ear (PROFOUND in left ear, I hear nothing) and I listen to music all the time with my hearing aid on. Takes me a while to know what the words are though, I have to read lyrics as I listen the first few times I listen. I use an FM system to listen to music, which I think is the best way to listen to music.

And I've been to only 2 concerts in my whole life, and both times were interesting. At the 2nd concert, I took my hearing aid off and I was able to hear the music and the singing very clearly, which I thought was very odd. With the hearing aid on, everything sounded so terrible and muddled and I couldn't make sense of anything. But once the hearing aid was off, all I heard was the music and singing, I didn't hear the audience at all.
 
Kuifje75 said:
When will the hearing people finally come to sense and understand that deaf people are normal? :-P
Click to expand...

Oh THAT would be a BLESSING if that comes true!!!! No more dealing with stupid comments or attitudes from hearing people! My worst one is "U can drive? How??" I dont even bother to explain that one anymore. I just :werd: like "again?"
 
Defmusicman said:
I think that the patronizing " oh you poor deaf man, let me help you" attitude that some hearing people exhibit bugs me more than their ignorance. Ignorance can be corrected but some attitudes are so ingrained that they do it without thinking. One would think that in this enlightened day and age that we would not encounter this attitude but, unfortunately, there will always be people like that.
Click to expand...

Hence why I refuse to go to a certain restaurant any more. They choose to ignore my request to write things down so I could understand what they were saying to me. The restaurant was dimly lit so lipreading was hard.

They didn't act normal around me and kept pointing to the receipt as if something was wrong. Had they acted normally, there would have been no misunderstandings over the receipt. I'm not stupid and I know what the receipt is for. No need to keep pointing at it as it will cause me to assume there's a mistake or that there's something wrong with the bill.
 
shel90 said:
Oh THAT would be a BLESSING if that comes true!!!! No more dealing with stupid comments or attitudes from hearing people! My worst one is "U can drive? How??" I dont even bother to explain that one anymore. I just :werd: like "again?"
Click to expand...

Don't you think you could a little more patcient with hearing people? We are still learning. I think if you give us time deaf culture will be more popular in the hearning community and we will learn.
 
SR, Good post! I openly admit that when I see a person (especially a child) with soem disability, or serious medical condition, the first thing in my mind is "there is alot worse disabilites out there that could have struck Lilly". I knwo its not right to think like that, but that is human nature.
Here lies the big difference though, Everyoen thinks that, but not everyone voices that. To think it is one thing, to voice it to someones face, is totally different.
Example, there is a little boy abou tLillys age whos mom works with my wife. He was born with Spinabiffitta (SP). It is only human for me to think to it. It is kind of like the Jerry Springer psychology. If you think you life is bad or screwed up, just turn on Jerry Springer. You will feel better abou tyourself pretty quickly.
 
My db is over 100 now. Whupppeee! Still can hear with my newly ditigal hearing aids. Interesting new sounds. Still not interested in CI thingie.
 
Lillys dad said:
SR, Good post! I openly admit that when I see a person (especially a child) with soem disability, or serious medical condition, the first thing in my mind is "there is alot worse disabilites out there that could have struck Lilly". I knwo its not right to think like that, but that is human nature.
Here lies the big difference though, Everyoen thinks that, but not everyone voices that. To think it is one thing, to voice it to someones face, is totally different.
Example, there is a little boy abou tLillys age whos mom works with my wife. He was born with Spinabiffitta (SP). It is only human for me to think to it. It is kind of like the Jerry Springer psychology. If you think you life is bad or screwed up, just turn on Jerry Springer. You will feel better abou tyourself pretty quickly.
Click to expand...

That was my point. I agree with you that it is one thing to think about it and another to say it. To reiterate my main point is that nobody is immune from making comparisons about themselves and everybody else. It is as natural as breathing. Everybody is somewhere in the food chain when it comes down to what is "normal". When you are at the "top of the heap", your perspective is totally different from one who is not. Of course, intrinsic worth gets erroneously wrapped up in that whole concept which is totally bogus. That is where the "attitude" that "I'm okay and you're not" comes about and thus explains all these complaints about the hearing (at times) look down and say "I'm sorry you're deaf" bit. It is not the complaints aren't valid but rather there doesn't seem to be the recogition that it is just life and there isn't anything anybody can do about it. Sure, some can be educated but with some 6/7 billion people in the world...it gonna take a long time... ;)
 
Coffee Crazy said:
Don't you think you could a little more patcient with hearing people? We are still learning. I think if you give us time deaf culture will be more popular in the hearning community and we will learn.
Click to expand...

I am human...It just gets so tiresome having to answer to the same kinds of questions for 30 plus years. I try my best to have patience but lately, but there are times when I just feel like screaming when I get asked those kinds of questions. I wont do it though out of respect.
 
Shel, I understand that! I totally relate with the "same questions over and over". However, not nearly as long. I get the same questions over and over abou tpolice work. Especially when someone gets a ticket. I hear "I got pulled over and bla bla bla". Then "is that normal?"
Also, when people find out that Lilly is deaf. Or when they find out about CI. I really dont mind the questions about deaf stuff though. The mnore hearing people learn about deaf issues (including CI stuff) the better. The more someone lears, the less ignorant they become. I also dont mind gettign CI questiond from deaf people. This helps disspell alot of rumor, myths and so on.
Look at it this way, when all of those hearing people ask you the same questions over and over, it tells you what hearing people know and dont know about deaf issues. It also gives you the opportunity to show hearing people that deaf people are 100% normal like hearing people.
 
Lillys dad said:
...Also, when people find out that Lilly is deaf. Or when they find out about CI. I really dont mind the questions about deaf stuff though. The mnore hearing people learn about deaf issues (including CI stuff) the better. The more someone lears, the less ignorant they become. I also dont mind gettign CI questiond from deaf people. This helps disspell alot of rumor, myths and so on.
Look at it this way, when all of those hearing people ask you the same questions over and over, it tells you what hearing people know and dont know about deaf issues. It also gives you the opportunity to show hearing people that deaf people are 100% normal like hearing people.
Click to expand...

Funny, I can remember when I got my CI at first. I would go through the whole thing about it with folks. After a while, you start downsizing the explanations until it became a 1 minute soundbite. You want to be open to people and answer their questions for precisely the reasons you stated. Unfortunately, time is of essence and one ends up weighing the length of response to the interest level and if you have the time ;)
 
one of the advantages of weirding out hearing people is that no one sits next to me if they can help it on the bus during rush hour (I prefer to have both seats free, less crowded)! :P I know, bad me...
 
SR, very true. I use to explain everything to anyone who asked. My wife kept telling me that most people are just curious about it. They really dont want to know everything, just enough to know what it is. After a while, I realized she was right. I would start explaining everything and watch their eyes galzed over and thier brain start to go into a coma. Now I just keep it simple. Are you firmiliar with the acronym K.I.S.S.? Keep It Simple Stupid.
 
Lillys dad said:
SR, very true. I use to explain everything to anyone who asked. My wife kept telling me that most people are just curious about it. They really dont want to know everything, just enough to know what it is. After a while, I realized she was right. I would start explaining everything and watch their eyes galzed over and thier brain start to go into a coma. Now I just keep it simple. Are you firmiliar with the acronym K.I.S.S.? Keep It Simple Stupid.
Click to expand...

I know what you mean. Oh yea, KISS is a very useful tool in life :D Works wonders in keeping conversations going and avoiding brain freezes... :laugh2:
 
Back
Top