Ask deaf people here

I went to Mashall to buy a new bed spread blanket and pillow cases. I wrote a personal check at the front cashier. She asked me for my driver license. She was flabbergasted. I asked her, if she was alright. She shocked because I am driving a car and wrote the personal check.

I stared at her, I wrote her a note. I can do everything but not my ears. I can't hear. I am not from other planet. I am not the alien. I am human being like you. She always thought that Deaf people can't write, read or drive the car. Jeeze !! It is year of 2005. Why can't hearing people read about the Deaf culture.

I think, hearing people are dumber than Deaf people.
 
*hands Sabrina a spray can of Mace for her next trip to Marshall*

It's all :ty: -- :whistle:
 
I've got a question that any feedback would be appreciated. Being new to the forum, I hope it is ok that i ask it here..
I am currently making the adjustment of being 'hard of hearing' to 'profoundly hard of hearing.. pretty much deaf' As much as I try to stop myself.. i find myself constantly apologizing to people for not understanding them. I feel responsible for stressing them out, while they try to communicate with me. I am having a hard time associating the emotion I feel, but 'shame' seems to come to mind. I get mad at myself..just to hear me say it, becuz i know its WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.
As I read the posts, I have so much admiration for many of you who seem so confident.. many of you have found ways to overcome the obstacles.. I see a 'kiss my ass, if ya don't like it' attitude, and I WANT ONE TOO!!
So...here's my question... has anyone gone thru a similar phase..where they felt inadequate.. and what did they do to overcome it?
Thanks!
 
Yeah, ***sigh*** I know what you mean. It's toooo many in the list what I had an experience in hearing world like this. I would like to tell you the story what I never forget in my life is in Cyprus.

We were in Pissouri, Cyprus for 3 weeks vacation in 1987. I remember the Greek's staring with "upset" impression faces when they saw us use sign languages in the public. It got some of them wondering how could deaf travel everywhere without hearing accompany and use rental car etc? We repeated their questions patiencely that we're normal like everyone - we have jobs, our own house, car, travel etc but they still are not accept to this. We got ice creams, drinks etc for the gratis everytime we visited different cafes because they feel "sorry" for us. :roll: They treated us like God until we visited one of many cafes - they asked us alot of questions because they have a deaf & dumb uncle, that's why they cant image when they saw us for a first time. We cant beleive when the owner told us the whole story about the deaf in Cyprus life. There're only one school for the deaf with very low education in their country. The marriage, job, education etc for Deaf is out of the question because they thinks that deaf need parent's guardian and belongs to kind of "mental". On the next day the owner introduced his old & deaf uncle to us. We're shock & feel sad for him. Its hardly to communicate with him but we learn to understand him more since we saw him everyday for 1 hour chat. He is unmarried & never visited to school & have no friends. He is living under his relatives's guardian. No wonder, many deaf Greek went to live in England.

Some of hearing people, whom I getting know better thru work place in England and Germany wondering the same how could I learn everything like this. I repeated them that I learn thru school, college, etc. I can do with workcrafts and restoration work on furniture etc.

I was also questioned about sex life, too. ***sigh***. :roll: They thought I switch light on to use sign language to my hubby during sex hour. ***sigh*** I answered their curious questioned patience telling them that I has no time to switch light on because I'm toooo busy to enjoy sex and to pleasure my hubby as he to me, too. :roll: I explained them that I can do everything like hearing except phone.
 
Candyon, it may help having this perspective: You are a human being, first and foremost. Everyone has their challenges and the lessons to learn from in life. We all have a soul. We all have that in common-- with or without hearing. You're starting to notice some difficulties in communication with others using the kind that you've been used to your whole life up until now.

Which brings us to the question of feeling not enough- not feeling you're worthy. Could it be that you're operating on an old template, and it is not serving you anymore in this new chapter of your life? An understatement? LOL

Now... you want to have a kiss yo mama candor? Pretend that you do- like the rest of us are pretending. I will be the first one to admit that it does hurt my feelings and I feel like I am not adequate at times. You're not alone. :) Nice, huh? LOL

It is a matter of adjustment for us to something radically different, and it does work against what everyone has been taught in society-- deaf people are helpless and burdensome... even scary. They don't have brains. They can't fuck without lights on. That sort of attitude is SCARY to me. LOL at the same time, I think it's hilarious.. and somewhat sad.

But remember that those folks are in need of an education, and you're sort of there to provide them with.. by being an example (ex. tell them you can prove that you dont need the lights to... errr.. well... tis a nice pickup. LOL ). I do try to not be mean, altho I'll try to have a little fun with... you get the idea. See the hilarity of this whole business, and that means you gotta cut through all the bullshit. People are scared. And that little childhood programming tends to kick in place. That means they wont "think."

Don't apologize that you're a human being. A human being is entitled to all the rights, regardless of a "taboo" disability or some horrible experience. Work from that place, and see where you can go from there. You may not share the same beliefs some deaf/hearing people have, or what I have. That's okay. :) Privilege of being a human being, right?

Welcome to Alldeaf!
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Yeah, ***sigh*** I know what you mean. It's toooo many in the list what I had an experience in hearing world like this. I would like to tell you the story what I never forget in my life is in Cyprus.

We were in Pissouri, Cyprus for 3 weeks vacation in 1987. I remember the Greek's staring with "upset" impression faces when they saw us use sign languages in the public. It got some of them wondering how could deaf travel everywhere without hearing accompany and use rental car etc? We repeated their questions patiencely that we're normal like everyone - we have jobs, our own house, car, travel etc but they still are not accept to this. We got ice creams, drinks etc for the gratis everytime we visited different cafes because they feel "sorry" for us. :roll: They treated us like God until we visited one of many cafes - they asked us alot of questions because they have a deaf & dumb uncle, that's why they cant image when they saw us for a first time. We cant beleive when the owner told us the whole story about the deaf in Cyprus life. There're only one school for the deaf with very low education in their country. The marriage, job, education etc for Deaf is out of the question because they thinks that deaf need parent's guardian and belongs to kind of "mental". On the next day the owner introduced his old & deaf uncle to us. We're shock & feel sad for him. Its hardly to communicate with him but we learn to understand him more since we saw him everyday for 1 hour chat. He is unmarried & never visited to school & have no friends. He is living under his relatives's guardian. No wonder, many deaf Greek went to live in England.

Some of hearing people, whom I getting know better thru work place in England and Germany wondering the same how could I learn everything like this. I repeated them that I learn thru school, college, etc. I can do with workcrafts and restoration work on furniture etc.

I was also questioned about sex life, too. ***sigh***. :roll: They thought I switch light on to use sign language to my hubby during sex hour. ***sigh*** I answered their curious questioned patience telling them that I has no time to switch light on because I'm toooo busy to enjoy sex and to pleasure my hubby as he to me, too. :roll: I explained them that I can do everything like hearing except phone.
Click to expand...

I still think you should've told them you can show them you dont need the lights on. :D
 
I have so many of these moments, but I won't list all of them (happy, Liza?)
My significant other is Vietnamese, and I HATE it when some members of his extended family stares at me, then grin like sheepish when I look at them. Oddly enough, I am starting to wonder if it has to do with my being causican or deaf. A common question asked to my significant other is: "Does he know how to eat Vietnamese food?" Then either my s.o. or someone in his family replies yes. One of the older guys keep trying to help me by showing me what to do, and my s.o. keeps telling him "leave him alone!" LOL
 
LOL Liza, I like your sense of comment. :bump:


Kuiji75, I know what you mean. I had the same experience like this. I cant stand their sort of "stupid" staring on me.
 
Another complaint I have is that I hate it when hearies think that a deaf person has to be able to read lips, or he is dumb cos he can't read lips.

At the hospital where I work, I "force" people to write whatever they want to say to me. I just say to employees: "I am deaf, would you mind writing it down? Thanks!" Some employees are like "oh sure!" but there are a few employees who I wish I could strangle. I just tell them bluntly that I do not appreciate their disrespectful attitude and refusal to comply with my request. If they really wanted to save time, they would have just written in the first place! That shuts them up.

Visitors to the hospital, on the other hand, I can't expect them to carry papers around and I cant carry papers with me all the time, obviously. So when they stop me for directions, I simply explain that I am deaf, and ask them where they want to go, in one word or two. Usually that helps a lot. Most ask for restrooms anyway, and that's so easy to read on the lips LOL. If I can't understand what they said, I just bring them to another employee.
 
It's all about the attitude

candyon9 said:
As much as I try to stop myself.. i find myself constantly apologizing to people for not understanding them. I feel responsible for stressing them out, while they try to communicate with me. I am having a hard time associating the emotion I feel, but 'shame' seems to come to mind. I get mad at myself..just to hear me say it, becuz i know its WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.
I see a 'kiss my ass, if ya don't like it' attitude, and I WANT ONE TOO!!
Thanks!
Click to expand...

Candy,

It's very simple. I think of it this way. I'm deaf. I'm the who has to deal with it everyday, not them. So if they have issues with it, they're the selfish ones, in my opinon. I mean, get over yourself!

When I was a kid, the other children would mock me. It used to bother me, until I realized something. I can't hear them. I have no idea what they are saying. They might as well be talking in the air for all I care. Since I don't hear it, it doesn't exist. I have better things to do than worry about what people say about me. Hence, my personal saying- "If I can't hear it, it's not my problem."

If I don't understand people or something, I just say "Please, say it again" or "No, no, please, pen and paper". I don't apologize. Not really. I do say "Oh no, i'm sorry. I'm deaf", but not in a really negative way, I just inform them that I am deaf, and I always have a smile on my face and my attitude is very much, matter of fact, and I don't get all guilty-like about it. Most people go, "Oh!" and try to write or sign or talk.

Do NOT feel guilty if you don't understand something. This is not something you can control. Think of it this way. Would you feel guility if you were a man, but you couldn't have children because you are a man? Would you apologize to your wife because you can't be pregnant and give birth? No. That's just how it is, and if anyone gives you flack, just throw them a cold stare and leave.

Cady
 
Still up to today, hearing people still has doubts about deaf people and what deaf people in their daily lives. Once they learned something about deaf like they've become friends with them, then they would not think being deaf is a very big deal. That is their problems, with us. Not our problem. Forget what hearing people thought of us before they would actually interact with us, let them worry and wonder the rest of their lives because they can not get their questions answered. I'm not surprised by the actions of them at all.
 
I have a question.
How do deaf people think?

Before you start thinking the wrong thing, let me explain.
When I think, I think in a combination of words and pictures.
So, do deaf people think in signs?
I've always wondered that.
 
exposure!

Serendipity said:
Once they learned something about deaf like they've become friends with them, then they would not think being deaf is a very big deal. That is their problems, with us. Not our problem. Forget what hearing people thought of us before they would actually interact with us...
Click to expand...

that's why i teach ASL! It's more about them getting to know a deaf person,
than about ASL itself.

:)

-Cady
 
Well, no one answered Ethereal's questions about how deaf people think, so I am not sure my question with by answered either, but we shall see.
Ethereal, from what I understand, from what I've heard from both CODA's and deafies is that deaf people think in sign. There was actually a CODA who was presumed to be deaf until age 5. She had all older deaf siblings and deaf parents, and she just ignored sound. When she was little and heard a loud noise, she saw that her parents/siblings never responded, so she learned never to respond. They found out when she entered school, that other than being tone deaf, she has totally normal hearing. ANYWAY, she thinks in ASL, and has to convert things in her head to English. I have also heard even from deafies that have grown up oral that they now think in sign.
What I have definitely read about is children born deaf or who become deaf early have no interior monologue. You know that voice you hear in your head, the one that helps you figure out what sounds right when you read and write, the one you kind of hear when you are thinking sometimes through? As far as I have read and researched, deaf people don't have that voice.
Okay, my question. I know that previously in deaf culture and sometimes still today it was today acceptable for a deafie to enter another deafies house, without knocking, and then like wait in the kitchen, family room, etc. for the family to show up. Is that still true today? If in general it is true, how does it change with hearies? Is it considered culturally appropriate for a hearie to do this?
Okay, that's enough, gotta go celebrate my bday. Bye!
 
Ethereal said:
I have a question.
How do deaf people think?

Before you start thinking the wrong thing, let me explain.
When I think, I think in a combination of words and pictures.
So, do deaf people think in signs?
I've always wondered that.
Click to expand...


i cant answer for other deafies... but i can answer your questions for myself.. the way i think was usually pictures in action... ya know? sometime i do think in signs but usually when i was daydreaming ... kinda like dreams... everyone was ableto understand each other whether if i sign and they spoke verbally... but i ALWAYS sign in dream never spoke verbally so its kinda comes to me naturally to think of things in signs while i dream... but when i was trying to figure things out or thinking really hard... i do have pictures of words itself kinda like reading a book.
 
signer16 said:
Okay, my question. I know that previously in deaf culture and sometimes still today it was today acceptable for a deafie to enter another deafies house, without knocking, and then like wait in the kitchen, family room, etc. for the family to show up. Is that still true today? If in general it is true, how does it change with hearies? Is it considered culturally appropriate for a hearie to do this?
Okay, that's enough, gotta go celebrate my bday. Bye!
Click to expand...


depends... i mean i cant just enter ... hmm cheri's place without her permission cuz she and i dotn know each other and is not comfortable with each other however... with my friend from up north... i do enter her place without knocking or doorbell cuz whole family except for her father is deaf... so its depends on people... i cant enter my another friend in milwaukee... his family is deaf except for his sisters and bros. It is because they have respect and requests my respect for them as well so i treat them what they is comfortable most. so its really depends on each person... as for myself deaf people entering my place... if im alone... and no doorbell.. most of time i allows it because im used to it but again.. it depends on who... i mean i wouldnt allow any strangers to do that only those who i feel comfortable with.
 
Question: what is it like ot listen to music and bea deaf. I know a few deaf people who love music and i am kinda wondering exactly what parts of the music they can hear...

can anybody answer this?
 
ScrappyKat said:
Question: what is it like ot listen to music and bea deaf. I know a few deaf people who love music and i am kinda wondering exactly what parts of the music they can hear...

can anybody answer this?
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I LOVE music... my family raised me to be music lover lol. funny thing though.. i cant hear lol. so i tend to like upbeat music or those with bass where i can feel beats and is able to dance to it. I also used to sing all the time on karaoke and those music usually are country ones which make it really easy for me to sing it in signs. I cant hear any music only feelings...

whenever i go to concert i love to stand next to those big boomboxes ... cuz i can REALLY feel the vibrations from those lol.

however i dont care about lyrics and if u ask me waht is my favorite singer.. i have none... cuz i dont know what is best... atm i love Techno but i wouldnt know what kind of singer or what band or wahteer... i just look at name "Techno" then i test it by using those headset turning it up really high and try to feel the beats.. if it suits me.. ill buy it and listen to it at home on max volume.
 
ScrappyKat said:
Question: what is it like ot listen to music and bea deaf. I know a few deaf people who love music and i am kinda wondering exactly what parts of the music they can hear...

can anybody answer this?
Click to expand...
I am deaf as stone but my vibration sense isn't. I happen to have very high sensitive to vibration... I tend to like to listen (or rather, feel) the techno and some certain songs because of beats and other certain patterns.

Like SpiceHD, I don't give any damn about the lyrics either but with Nas' help, I sort of 'filter' the songs to my own likings. I often to pick the japanese techno, in my opinion, they are the BESTEST. But strange thing is that I don't like to feel the video game music when I play the video games.. I prefer to feel the sound effects from the video games than I can do for the video game musics.

SpiceHD, pick up the Ghost in the Shell and Serial Experiments Lain techno songs, you will LOVE these for sure.
 
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