Spanking kids can cause long-term harm: Canada study

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Cheetah

Cheetah Consulting-Closed
Premium Member
I know someone that would take her kids to the mall (when they were very young). They only misbehaved once because when they misbehaved they got a time out right there in the mall and everyone that walked by turned to look at them sitting on the floor in a corner or by a post. They were embarrassed and hated the punishment so much they never wanted it to happen again. Worked so much better than a spanking would.

Sometimes we are limited by our own imagination. Learn what the kid loves and hates and use that to taylor a punishment for the kid. Each one will be a little different.
 

JabberJay

New Member
I know someone that would take her kids to the mall (when they were very young). They only misbehaved once because when they misbehaved they got a time out right there in the mall and everyone that walked by turned to look at them sitting on the floor in a corner or by a post. They were embarrassed and hated the punishment so much they never wanted it to happen again. Worked so much better than a spanking would.

Sometimes we are limited by our own imagination. Learn what the kid loves and hates and use that to taylor a punishment for the kid. Each one will be a little different.
I just watched a super nanny episode where she did that. Public time outs usually do work. I mean what kid wouldn't be embarrassed? It's possibly situational (sp?) as well. The public time out was probably more effective than a private one or a spanking because of the embarrassment factor. It very much is what the kid hates the most.

As a kid I didn't mind timeouts, they just didn't work on me because I would day dream through them, that's why my parents had to resort to spanking. Grounding didn't work either because I didn't see it as punishment, I would have spent that time home in my room anyways. (I wasn't the most outgoing kid) edit,: taking things away didn't help because I didn't have much to begin with. We were a dirt poor family
The only thing I did see as punishment was spanking. Not because it hurt, parents didn't hit hard enough to hurt, but because I was embarrassed that at (insert age here) I had to be spanked.

Do I think spanking should hurt? hell no! if there's a bruise then you hit too hard.
It's all about the kid hating it and in my case the embarrassing factor. If it hurts or leaves marks you are treading into abuse territory.
 

sallylou

Potterhead and Janeite
Premium Member
Wirelessly posted (droid)

Each kid has a "currency." Something he values and motivates him. Video games, computer access, social time, etc. For fighting, I charged both participants a fee, for my manicure to calm my frazzled nerves from their fighting, I told them. Highly effective!
In the real world, if you fail to work, your boss doesn't hit you. Assault and battery is a crime. You may lose your job and $. That's where the currency comes in. Fail to do your homework, lose your currency. Never out of proportion to the failure. The kid knows the consequences and makes a choice. Always give kids choices. Follow through with the consequences consistently. And remember to recognize and acknowledge positive behavior. It's really about the bond and the relationship with the kid. Don't wait for the teen years to "crack down" on the kid. It's easy to think that teens don't need as much time and care as small children, but the need adults more than ever. Just in a different way.
 

JabberJay

New Member
Wirelessly posted (droid)

Each kid has a "currency." Something he values and motivates him. Video games, computer access, social time, etc. For fighting, I charged both participants a fee, for my manicure to calm my frazzled nerves from their fighting, I told them. Highly effective!
*In the real world, if you fail to work, your boss doesn't hit you. Assault and battery is a crime. You may lose your job and $. That's where the currency comes in. Fail to do your homework, lose your currency. Never out of proportion to the failure. The kid knows the consequences and makes a choice. Always give kids choices. Follow through with the consequences consistently.YES! so many parents I meet are not consistant And remember to recognize and acknowledge positive behavior.another yes I agree It's really about the bond and the relationship with the kid. Don't wait for the teen years to "crack down" on the kid. It's easy to think that teens don't need as much time and care as small children, but the need adults more than ever. Just in a different way.


*nope your boss fires you, but you can't fire your kids. odd thing is though I can't remember what I valued as currency. yeah I probably had one but for the life of me I can't remember what it was. up until age 15 when I got a job of my own, other than the clothes off my back and the food on my plate I can't remember having anything to be taken away.
What happens when there's nothing left to take away?
 

JabberJay

New Member
some kids will continue to push until there is nothing left to take away, and that's when I start on the spanking.

Try everything else first, make sure to let them know when their being good and reward them for the good. (most parents forget to reward)
Start teaching early, and always warn them once before moving to punishment.

If they ask to be spanked or for a time out (yes I have seen this happen) you don't need to spank them, just talk to them about why they want to be punished. Chances are they feel bad for what they did. I like lighter punishments for those who confess and work with you to solve a problem. Some sort of punishment should still happen but not as harsh. If they think they'll get off scott free by confessing each time then they think they found a loop hole, they'll keep doing it.

Honestly if a time out works on a kid then that kid will never need any harsher.
I even know a kid who doesn't need time outs, just the feeling of guilt send this kid into crying fits. That kid needs help to deal with guilt better but doesn't need time out because what she does to herself is bad enough.

Each and every kid if different
 

DeafCaroline

New Member
some kids will continue to push until there is nothing left to take away, and that's when I start on the spanking.

Try everything else first, make sure to let them know when their being good and reward them for the good. (most parents forget to reward)
Start teaching early, and always warn them once before moving to punishment.

If they ask to be spanked or for a time out (yes I have seen this happen) you don't need to spank them, just talk to them about why they want to be punished. Chances are they feel bad for what they did. I like lighter punishments for those who confess and work with you to solve a problem. Some sort of punishment should still happen but not as harsh. If they think they'll get off scott free by confessing each time then they think they found a loop hole, they'll keep doing it.

Honestly if a time out works on a kid then that kid will never need any harsher.
I even know a kid who doesn't need time outs, just the feeling of guilt send this kid into crying fits. That kid needs help to deal with guilt better but doesn't need time out because what she does to herself is bad enough.

Each and every kid if different
If you had to resort to spanking because nothing else you did worked, you're making your kid pay for your own shortcomings and bad temper and lack of control.

My kids misbehaved in public only once. It never happened again. Before I took them out to a restaurant, I explained to them exactly what kind of behaviour I expected from them. I don't just say "be good" I explain exactly what being good means - sitting quietly, playing nicely, asking for something nicely instead of whining or fussing. I also explained to them that if they failed to follow those rules and misbehave, that we will leave the restaurant immediately.

We went to the restaurant, they got into a loud whiny fight. I immediately asked the waiter to box up our food and bring me the bill. We left immediately.

They never misbehaved in public again, it meant too much to them to go out for a nice brunch at a restaurant to risk losing that privilege again.

Another time, we were on the highway going to my parents' house. they were fighting so much in the car that I warned them if they didn't quit, I would pull over and not move another inch till they quieted down. They didn't listen. I pulled over and told them the longer they fought, the longer it will take to get to grandma and grandpa's house. They didn't like that at all because it's a 2 hour drive. They kept fussing. I ignored them for I don't repeat warnings. They realized I was not kidding. We were going to stay right there on the highway feeling our little car getting buffeted scarily by every passing truck. They piped down within 10 minutes and never fought again in the car. Ever.

One does not need spanking if they enforce consequences for bad behaviour. Those who spank are the ones who are failing at more mature adult forms of discipline.
 

JabberJay

New Member
One should never spank when overly mad or frustrated, that would be almost a guarantee that you would hurt someone. Spanking should only be done by a calm person without a bad temper, and if you don't have control over yourself you shouldn't have a kid.

If I had to resort to spanking that would mean that the other consequences were not taken seriously by the kid and changes had to be made.

How is my kid not taking time out seriously my short coming if I follow through and am constant with it?

Yeah I believe that kids will turn out certain ways based on their parents actions, but not solely on the parents actions, unless you have a bubble kid. Peer pressure, other authority figures, strangers actions ect. Every interaction a kid has will shape his or her personality and if she learns from others that time outs aren't a big deal and therefore isn't a punishment anymore, then why continue to use it? you're only allowing the kid to continue with a bad behavior with minimal consequence. I have been told out right by kids. "Big woop I get to go to the corner." right before walking straight to the corner. That kid didn't care that they were getting a time out, and actually repeated the action that earned them the time out 5 minutes after being told that they could come out of time out.

Spanking is the last resort that most parents shouldn't want to do but have to because their kid is making the choice to misbehave despite the other consequences. It shouldn't be done by everyone because not everyone is capable of doing it without physically hurting the kid.
 

KarissaMann05

Active Member
Premium Member
My aunt told me that she'd rather go to jail for spanking her sons than seeing them in jail if she don't do spanking.
 

DeafCaroline

New Member
My aunt told me that she'd rather go to jail for spanking her sons than seeing them in jail if she don't do spanking.
If spanking actually works, then why do parents do it more than once? and in fact, do it regularly? clearly it's not working, all one achieves is the child being afraid of their parents inflicting pain on them.
 

DeafCaroline

New Member
One should never spank when overly mad or frustrated, that would be almost a guarantee that you would hurt someone. Spanking should only be done by a calm person without a bad temper, and if you don't have control over yourself you shouldn't have a kid.

If I had to resort to spanking that would mean that the other consequences were not taken seriously by the kid and changes had to be made.

How is my kid not taking time out seriously my short coming if I follow through and am constant with it?

Yeah I believe that kids will turn out certain ways based on their parents actions, but not solely on the parents actions, unless you have a bubble kid. Peer pressure, other authority figures, strangers actions ect. Every interaction a kid has will shape his or her personality and if she learns from others that time outs aren't a big deal and therefore isn't a punishment anymore, then why continue to use it? you're only allowing the kid to continue with a bad behavior with minimal consequence. I have been told out right by kids. "Big woop I get to go to the corner." right before walking straight to the corner. That kid didn't care that they were getting a time out, and actually repeated the action that earned them the time out 5 minutes after being told that they could come out of time out.

Spanking is the last resort that most parents shouldn't want to do but have to because their kid is making the choice to misbehave despite the other consequences. It shouldn't be done by everyone because not everyone is capable of doing it without physically hurting the kid.
Ok, so does that mean everytime you said or behaved in a way I don't approve, I get to hit you? And it's perfectly acceptable?
 

JabberJay

New Member
My aunt told me that she'd rather go to jail for spanking her sons than seeing them in jail if she don't do spanking.
and that's how I feel.

If a person has kids that can be managed through time outs and bribery then awesome. Your kids are doing great! Keep up the good work and I hope for you continuing success.
But for the few cases where the kid doesn't take those consequences seriously, the parents already should feel like shit having to take things further. The people who argue and yell at them just make it worse by invalidating their efforts to try and raise a kid who won't murder someone.
 

KarissaMann05

Active Member
Premium Member
Why do you really think spanking is so abusive? Spank them once or twice is not really that bad. If it is repeatedly spanking, then yes, it would consider as abuse. Well, let make spanking illegal by then, so all parents, who spanked their kids, can just go to jail, anyway.

I suppose that would work, isn't it?
 

JabberJay

New Member
Ok, so does that mean everytime you said or behaved in a way I don't approve, I get to hit you? And it's perfectly acceptable?
If I hit you or done something that warranted being hit then go right for it. I'm all open, I'll even bend over the chair for you.

But for rude words or minor bad behavior there are more creative ways of dealing with it.

Spanking should be done less than 3 times the kids entire life.
If it's done more, than either the parent is too strict, abusive (look for injuries), or the kid has mental problems that need to be addressed (short term memory issues, learning disabilities ect.) but those issues should be found before hand if you're attentive to your kid and then you know not to spank.

A proper spanking should not hurt or leave marks. It should be used as a embarrassing punishment that makes the kid realize that what they did was unacceptable.
paddles, belts and the like are not meant for spanking, those are abuse.
 

KarissaMann05

Active Member
Premium Member
and that's how I feel.

If a person has kids that can be managed through time outs and bribery then awesome. Your kids are doing great! Keep up the good work and I hope for you continuing success.

But for the few cases where the kid doesn't take those consequences seriously, the parents already should feel like shit having to take things further. The people who argue and yell at them just make it worse by invalidating their efforts to try and raise a kid who won't murder someone.
If you spank your kids, to anti-spanking people, you're a terrible parent. End of story. So, don't surprise if they try to make you feel so bad enough for spanking your own kids. :roll:
 

JabberJay

New Member
Why do you really think spanking is so abusive? Spank them once or twice is not really that bad. If it is repeatedly spanking, then yes, it would consider as abuse. Well, let make spanking illegal by then, so all parents, who spanked their kids, can just go to jail, anyway.

I suppose that would work, isn't it?
after the first time or two the kid usually doesn't push far enough to get spanked anymore. They know you will go through with it and will usually stop at a warning.
 

DeafCaroline

New Member
after the first time or two the kid usually doesn't push far enough to get spanked anymore. They know you will go through with it and will usually stop at a warning.
Not true. they only stop if they know you will really hurt them. they will not stop just because of a minor spanking.
 

DeafCaroline

New Member
If you spank your kids, to anti-spanking people, you're a terrible parent. End of story. So, don't surprise if they try to make you feel so bad enough for spanking your own kids. :roll:
So you're saying it's ok to hit defenseless people who are less than half your size? I see.
 

JabberJay

New Member
If you spank your kids, to anti-spanking people, you're a terrible parent. End of story. So, don't surprise if they try to make you feel so bad enough for spanking your own kids. :roll:
I know but I have to stand up anyways. I want to raise a responsible kid, not one who thinks they can get away with anything with minimal and tolerable consequence. That's where the "gimme gimme" and "I can do no wrong" generation is coming from.
 

DeafCaroline

New Member
I know but I have to stand up anyways. I want to raise a responsible kid, not one who thinks they can get away with anything with minimal and tolerable consequence. That's where the "gimme gimme" and "I can do no wrong" generation is coming from.
Basically what you are saying is that spanking is the only effective form of disclipine because if you don't spank, your child will be out of control and "gimme gimme gimme".

Children are only out of control if their parents do not carry out the consequences for bad behaviour. Spanking is not required to enforce a consequence.
 

JabberJay

New Member
Not true. they only stop if they know you will really hurt them. they will not stop just because of a minor spanking.
Go back and read what I said in multiple posts. Spanking should not hurt or leave marks. When you learn to read I will continue this discussion with you.

And the warning is there first to give them the choice between consequence and no consequence.
 
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