Nursing Home

Opal

Active Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2003
Messages
3,761
Reaction score
1
I understand some people has a mixed feelings to put their elderly parents into
nursing home/respite care permanetly.

Do you support this idea? Some people will consider it selfish for children to put their parents in nursing home as it is their turn to look after them?

I don't like to give my children a pressure to look after me in my old age as I hope I will be fit and don't need their help much - wait and see?

What do you think?
 
I'd put my parents in a nursery home. I'm not gonna keep taking care of them. My parents did tell me to leave them alone. If they fall, then they fall. If they whine, then they whine. They said that they don't want me looking after them all the time. Heh!
 
some families simply cannot take care of elderly parent(s) -- especially if their health has been declining in later years and that would also apply to their mental health as well -- sometimes they need 24/7 nursing care

it all depends on each family on their own personal discussions and who would shoulder the care of the elderly parent(s) -- i do not see it as "selfish" of the adult child to put the parent in a nursing home if the adult child KNOWS the parent(s) needs 24/7 nursing care that they themselves would not be able to provide
 
I prefer wait when elderly parent decide and best interest to staying at their home or nursing home. If seriouis becoming lacking of their own skills independant living and will be very happy placement for them to staying at nursing home by Doctor orders. Doesn't want us become more burden responbile to taking care of my parent or in law because their good reasons. We are certinally respect. Mostly In law call us and if needed help.. Likey cutting the woods, and other else would be great help but not their own personally needs.. None of it.

RedRum, Up to your decison. I think best for you talk out with your elderly parent and to see if possible needed to staying at nursing home permantly unless to find right place and no needed to being stricty of complex. I've seen elder people are sad and cannot go out complex which really needs excerise out for walking enjoyment. I think some of nursing home are nuts being stricty control. If you were me.. Prefer find nursing home has great flexible and let elderly people likes to walk outside for their enjoyment and sitting outside out looking of birds wha..ever name it.. If Elder people want to go mall.. Best choice come with Inteiver staff (sp).
 
my mom admandtly said She does not want the nusery home but i pointed out if she does go to a RETIREMENT center where there's someone to watch u 24/7 and u can set ur own time then would u do it ? she vehemently said NO i said ok fine when ur time comes to be on a deciding factor what do u want me to do, mom said i have a living will u ll know when it comes the attny will show up I just :-X at mom and said obviously u had prepared urself she said yes and to let u know now before anything happens to me this house im living in is mine automatically under the living will the rest will just get money and u would also get some parts too i said oh ok no plm. thats supportive. so we're set basically so i gotta take care of my mom when the time comes but im alreayd doing it now RME sheesh im a mother in a sense yelling at her to quit egging the dogs on with thier barking!
 
When my mom became ill. The social worker from the hospital told me to have my mother into nursing home since I couldn't take care of her or my aunt couldnt because my aunt was ill at the same time. I hate nursing home and didn't want to have her into the nursing home. The social worker said it will be temp till my mom get well enough to go home. I sighed and had discuss with my aunt (my mother's sister). We agreed to have her in nursing home for temp. They found her a home. That place was okay but one thing it was alittle far from my home. I didn't have a car to travel. I had to depend on my friend to take me and my aunt to see mom. In Aug, I was visiting to see her, she was almost 100 percent better. The doctor said soon will send her home. She was so exciting. 2 months later, she fell into ill again and sent to the hospital. I went to see her. She looked horrible, she couldnt move or talk or eat. She had feeding tube in her nose. 2 days later, she died. *RIP mom*

I told my aunt that I refused to have her to live in nursing home. I told her Ill be happy take care of her. She had aide to come over 4 times a week and I did the rest of the days. I dont trust nursing home. We never know what were they doing in there behind our back. I rather to take care of her at home which is more safer. I felt safe. I took care of her for a long time till she died recently. I thought she was fine and couldnt understand why she had to die bec I took care of her really good. It was her heart that stop.. *RIP aunt*

Sometimes the children couldnt take care of their parents bec they have a family or live out of the state. Some children didnt care abt their parents. All they wanted their parents out of their life. We cannot force them to take care of their parents. It is their decision.
 
You could find in the newspaper ad for a personal care attendant. It is probably much cheaper than a nursing home. Most nursing home take away your parents' house for money unless you are rich.

A personal care attendant is just like:

companion services
meal preparation
socialization (to take them and meet their friends at some place)
transporation
doctor's appointment
exercise
laundry
shopping
travel assistance
sleep over after a hospital stay
etc.

As you know that there are so many new development for nursing homes in the United States. (Blame G Bush.) It is a probably sad because of baby boomers that could be a problem at the nursing homes. i.e. out of control and too many elders. Some nurse employees have stress at work and could break the laws that we do not know what is out there.

So, you should consider to find a good personal care attendant. It cost between 500 to 1,000 dollars a week. Most elder dies between 3 to 7 years.
 
No, I would not consider them as selfish to put their parents in nursing home since they have their family, they take care of.

I would consider it as selfish when people threaten their children like that
"You forget quickley what we do everything for you in the past etc"
"You have no appreciate etc "
"You have no grateful what we did for you in the past etc".

It makes children feel guilty & unhappy. They fall out over that. No good.

It was happened at 10 years ago: Terrible one
I saw how stress my co-worker is for 3 years. Her mother told my co-worker that she'll have her house if she agreed to not put her in nursing home. She have her family she take care of. Her marriage was on rock. She neglect her family to be there for mother all the time because her mother demand it. She realized that house is not everything but her family so she told her mother that she give up. She decided firm to send her to nursing home. 6 months later after that her mother thanked her to put her in nursing home because she LOVE it & meet new people there. craftwork, paint etc. trips. She apologised my co-worker for her selfish behaviour. It made my co-worker happy. She is still alive now & happy. Her healthy goes improve more better. I can see that alot of old people are afraid to be alone but at nursing home they won't be alone.

I would not expect my children to look after me if they have their own family to care of. It's important for my children to think about their own family. It's important for me to see my children happy.

My hubby & I took care of my hubby's great Aunt Maria for 4 years until she died at aged 90 in 2000. It's not easy work & total stress, I tell you.. It's worst than take care of babies to toddler. We decided to put her nursing home with the recommended from my co-worker. We applied for that but Aunt died 1 week after application. :|

I know what it alike that's why I don't want to force/threaten my children to look after me.

I would not demand my children to take care of me. Up to them if they really want to have me or put me in nursing home (only if I am not fit to take care of myself).
I beleive it's best to put old people in nursing home whom they have better hand than me.
 
Last edited:
webexplorer said:
You could find in the newspaper ad for a personal care attendant. It is probably much cheaper than a nursing home. Most nursing home take away your parents' house for money unless you are rich.

A personal care attendant is just like:

companion services
meal preparation
socialization (to take them and meet their friends at some place)
transporation
doctor's appointment
exercise
laundry
shopping
travel assistance
sleep over after a hospital stay
etc.

As you know that there are so many new development for nursing homes in the United States. (Blame G Bush.) It is a probably sad because of baby boomers that could be a problem at the nursing homes. i.e. out of control and too many elders. Some nurse employees have stress at work and could break the laws that we do not know what is out there.

So, you should consider to find a good personal care attendant. It cost between 500 to 1,000 dollars a week. Most elder dies between 3 to 7 years.


Interesting -- that type of job is what I currently hold at the moment, but it's not for an elderly person I'm looking after. This lady I assist with her daily routine is in a wheelchair with an acquired brain injury. She's the same age as I am ...in our early 30's.
The company I work for is an international company -- has offices in the US. You could look into that one -- Drake International

I'm not sure how the system works for families hiring a Personal Care Attendant, but I'm sure that site will have the answers and you could email for further enquiries as well. I get paid $17.46 an hour during the week and $20 an hour on weekends (that's in Australian Dollars)

I got hired by the company directly and was placed with the lady I work with currently.

Hope this is of some help in making the decisions of whether to use PCA or move elderly parents into nursing homes.

I personally am not keen on the idea of putting my mother in a retirement/nursing home. I'd rather have her stay with me, but the problem is I live in Australia and my mother is in California, USA. Fortunately, I have a younger sister who lives on the East Coast of the US.
It's still too early to be deciding about my mother's future -- as she's still capable of living on her own in her home. ;)
 
Last edited:
webexplorer said:
You could find in the newspaper ad for a personal care . It is probably much cheaper than a nursing home. Most nursing home take away your parents' house for money unless you are rich.

A personal care attendant is just like:

companion services
meal preparation
socialization (to take them and meet their friends at some place)
transporation
doctor's appointment
exercise
laundry
shopping
travel assistance
sleep over after a hospital stay
etc.

As you know that there are so many new development for nursing homes in the United States. (Blame G Bush.) It is a probably sad because of baby boomers that could be a problem at the nursing homes. i.e. out of control and too many elders. Some nurse employees have stress at work and could break the laws that we do not know what is out there.

So, you should consider to find a good personal care attendant. It cost between 500 to 1,000 dollars a week. Most elder dies between 3 to 7 years.

Interesting!

I would not trust newspaper ad to look for personal care attendant. I rather to apply for personal care attendant or nursing home at Heathly Insurance service because they trained to be professional how to handle sick & old people.

We MUST pay Nursing home insurance accord German law. The law was add at 10 years ago which it's better because alot of people lost their home to Nursing home etc because they have no money to pay Nursing home or personal care attendant etc.
That's why the new law add, so we don't need to worry everything because everything will be cover up case I want nursing home or personal care attendant or let my children to care of me (if they want to).

What about your country?

They took off from my monthly wage accord German law:

Nursing home insurance
Pension insurance
Unemployment insurance
Healthly insurance
Tax
Church tax


I would not put my parents in Nursing home because they are "retirement". "Retirement" doesn't mean that they are sick but free from work hard for many years.

I would PISS OFF if my children put me in Nursing care because of those "retirement". As long as I'm still fit & healthy & look forward to learn my new life after retirement until I'm old & sick, then it's different story.
 
Last edited:
Nope, I won't consider putting my mother and her husband (my step-father) in nursing homes. I would rather take care of them myself. I cannot bear the thought of them being put in one. Some nursing homes are no different from dorms at the residence schools for the deaf when it comes to abuses.

My 83-year-old grandmother has told three of her six children (including my mother) that she wants to be put in a nursing home if she should no longer do on her own. I don't think any of the children will have her put in one as long she lives.

My grandmother still pays her doctors and prescription bills with her own money even some of her children tried getting her on the Medicaid program. She doesn't believe it is right for her children and taxpayers to foot the bills. She is one stubborn woman. :)
 
It is not easy to look after parkinson disease. My sisters told my father to put my mother into nursing home for good, but my dad won't hear of it.

He help and support her, its his turn to cook meals, vaccuming/hoover the carpet, cleaning, washing, shopping, visit hospitals and doctors appointment etc after watching Mum done this duty while I was brought up.

He bought some wheelchairs, special bath with a door easier for mother to walk in to have a bath, and a bed crane to lift her out of the wheelchair and drop her on double bed mattress as it is impossible for Dad to carry her to bed!

I feel guilty as I live other side of the world, but I don't like seeing them seperated, they want me to live in England again but I can't give up Australia! My Dad find it stress to look after Mum full time and wish my sisters help more. I help them as much as I can while I am here but I know its not enough.

He had no choice but hiring social worker nursing helpers to come around to help Dad with washing Mum and changing clothes twice per day, as Dad is semi-disabled with absestos and kidney failure too.
 
Last edited:
Brian said:
Nope, I won't consider putting my mother and her husband (my step-father) in nursing homes. I would rather take care of them myself. I cannot bear the thought of them being put in one. Some nursing homes are no different from dorms at the residence schools for the deaf when it comes to abuses.
That's wonderful, but do you realised it mean you will give up your job to take care of your parents 24/7?

It is not easy to look after them depend what illness they may have and will put up with old people's senile talks and worry for them in case they will fall etc as to me it is easier to bring up 2 little babies than taking care of elderly people eg their twin pram is much lighter than wheelchair.
 
i've dealt with pushing wheel chairs yr right its not easy but it's worth it if they can get out to see the world and not be cooped up. they may be alot of work but they took care of us when we were babies now its us to do the job when the time comes. i could understand mom's point, when grandpa died at his home, and grandma in nursing care due to alhezimers i couldn t take care of her in her declining yrs, but i cherish our moments together.
 
I had a great-grandmother who was suffering from Alzheimer's. She would talk to me out of the blue in words I couldn't understand. She would call me by different names and give us stories of things that happened when she was 10 years old. She would then change those stories over and over. My grandparents were taking care of her and it was hell for them. They could have put her in a nursery home, but I guess they were just paranoid and preferred to keep her to themselves. Dunno.
 
I wouldn't want to take care of my mother. It was hard enough to live with her for my first 18 years. She probably won't want to live with me at an old age because I probably would have killed her by frightening her with my wild lifestyle. [laughing!] Our views on how to live totally contrast so I dont want her to get on my back about the way I handle my money, my kids, et cetera. She is an independent woman but she is also VERY imposing woman. She probably will pay a luxurious nursing home-- or having a private attendant. She probably will opt for the private attendant because she used to work as a private attendant for several senior citizens. She worked for them through her hospitals so the private attendants are not "dangerous" but are avaibable through hospitals by sending volunteer nurses to their homes. :) Mom did enjoy it for a while but she felt bad as she witnessed their health deteroriting (she said it is like looking in her future)

If I love my mom more and we do get along, i wouldn't mind having her living with us-- FREE BABYSITTER!
 
Back
Top