Making small talk with hearing strangers

shel90

shel90

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I know all of us, regardless of the myth of deaf people being completely isolated in the Deaf community, interact with hearing people constantly.

This is something I was thinking about...today, I went to the food store and there was a guy working on the renovations that my neighborhood food store was going through and I gotta say that they are doing a GREAT job. Well, he was smoking outside when I arrived and he saw me as I am a regular customer and said hi. I said hi back and then he started chatting with me. I couldnt understand him well so I just nodded my head like I understood him. I kept thinking, "Tell him you are deaf and really try to engage in a conversation with him." but I didnt.

Sometimes, I get so annoyed at hearing people who are chatterboxes and try to chat with me like they do with random strangers. Most of the time, I dont like it because it means I have to "work" at communciating with them as spoken language is not fully accessible to me. I usually just smile and nod my head and hope they shut up.

Does this happen to you? If so, do you really try to engage in the conversations or pretend to understand and hope they lose interest?
 
yes. even with the CI sometimes its hard to deal with it. it happened last week i was somewhere and was having a hard time understanding the person i just nodded and went along then just up and said ok i gotta go have a good day. without the CI its impossible. had the owner of the apartment complex cut the safety lock off the door cause i didnt answer, i was asleep. they were doing random inspections. he knew ASL good and im not good at it but i can get by with signing and i got rid of him that way.

i am taking a class at the college in ASL soon. it starts next month and lasts 3 months.
 
Yeah, I often nodded to hearing people when it come to making conversations that I don't understand what they are saying. Yes, it happen to me often. I remembered like the other thread we were talking about "sorry" when you don't need to say sorry. I guess we need to learn how to speak up and say that we are deaf and can not lipread too good. If you can not understand what the person is saying, then hand him or her the paper and pen. They will get the idea, I hope. I have never try that except I did that with my hearing husband when I first met him 15 years ago. But not random strangers. Interesting. :hmm:
 
i have done that. but to people i know. i carry 2 pads of paper and pens in my truck. there was once a person i know well and they know i cant hear kept chattering away and i kept saying HUH? i got tired of it and started signing to them. they said WHAT? i dont know what that means! they got the point!
 
playing the deaf role

This has always bugged me. I am a regular at different stores and the cashiers will often try to talk to me. Most of the time I will nod , smile and get out of there.
As I get older I feel less and less like going thru the "i am deaf, I can't hear you" thing. It happens way to often and I am not always going to want to stand there in front of a line of people talking about the deaf thing.
Since I suck at lipreading people who can't sign need to write, and it bugs me to wait for them to look for a pen and paper to write with.
I am not into carrying a pen and paper myself.the burden of communication is the hearing person's I tallk fine so you write .
Don't get me wrong, I do like talking about anything, its just that I have to train people how to communicate with me.I will stick to making the effort where it is less tedious
 
Don't always like making convos with strangers because sometimes I find they get in your space or whatever. When they do talk, I just nod and utter a monosyllable....

At work, I don't start conversations with customers.
 
Most hearing people I've met seem to be courteous, and anxious to help if I need to find something at the grocery stores, drug stores, etc. Even the owner of the Safeco store (cornor store) is always smiling and "mouthing" "how are you today"?....I don't start convos with strangers, but have had some come up to me, "jabbering" away...most times I ignore them, other times if I'm not in a rush, I just say I can't hear you....and let it go at that......no further explanation is needed....I do converse with all my neighbors tho', they know I'm deaf and read lips well and my speech is still intact. I realize it's much harder if you have no speech and do not lip read.....some hearies will take the time to write things down, some won't!....

I try not to isolate myself from people, communication is so important to everybody...when the weather is nice, I'm outside walking my dog and waving hello to those that I know...even saying hello to new neighbors.
 
rockin'robin said:
Most hearing people I've met seem to be courteous, and anxious to help if I need to find something at the grocery stores, drug stores, etc. Even the owner of the Safeco store (cornor store) is always smiling and "mouthing" "how are you today"?....I don't start convos with strangers, but have had some come up to me, "jabbering" away...most times I ignore them, other times if I'm not in a rush, I just say I can't hear you....and let it go at that......no further explanation is needed....I do converse with all my neighbors tho', they know I'm deaf and read lips well and my speech is still intact. I realize it's much harder if you have no speech and do not lip read.....some hearies will take the time to write things down, some won't!....

I try not to isolate myself from people, communication is so important to everybody...when the weather is nice, I'm outside walking my dog and waving hello to those that I know...even saying hello to new neighbors.
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I say hello too and I prefer to keep it that way when I am out for a walk because I cant walk at a fast pace if I am trying to lipread someone.

What I really dont like is that some strangers try to talk to me at the gym when I am working out. I dont want to be rude but it is impossible for me to focus on my workouts and work hard at lipreading.

Conversing with neighbors is a different subject because they are considered our friends.
 
shel90 said:
I say hello too and I prefer to keep it that way when I am out for a walk because I cant walk at a fast pace if I am trying to lipread someone.

What I really dont like is that some strangers try to talk to me at the gym when I am working out. I dont want to be rude but it is impossible for me to focus on my workouts and work hard at lipreading.

Conversing with neighbors is a different subject because they are considered our friends.
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Absolutely, and they will make more of an effort to keep an eye on your property!
A few weeks ago I was sitting in a chair at the pharmacy, waiting for a prescription to be filled. I was feeling rather grumpy (that was then, lol), so when a poorly-dressed middle-aged guy sat near me and tried to engage me in conversation, I pointed at one of my ears, smiled and shook my head. He quieted down, then took out a notepad and started writing on it. I didn't think much of it until he handed it to me. The note said that he was with his mother for six hours in the hospital and he was picking up a prescription for her, and that she was 86 years old. It made me feel good for some reason, and I thanked him for the note, and we managed to have a short talk before I had to leave. Some people do make an effort, and that made my day!
 
It really depends on how I am feeling, what I am doing, and what type of vibe I get from the person. If it's a store clerk or in line while I'm buying food, I will just nod my head, answer what questions I can, and just get over it. Hearing people like to have these little meaningless conversations with random strangers. I guess it's a way for them to connect. I've always felt that you can connect with someone just by smiling and nodding your head, but oh well.

If I am preoccupied with something (like in my office grading papers) and someone comes in and starts chatting away to the room in general (I share it with several other people), I usually just ignore them. If I am the only person, then I might kindly tell them I am busy.

If someone comes up to me in a bar or waiting for a bus or something like that, I'll probably tell them right away that I am deaf. If I get a good vibe from the person, like they are a nice person, then I'll encourage them to continue talking and try my best to understand and lipread. If they seem like a weirdo, I just brush them off. Simple as that.
 
Lately, I have gotten to the point that if they are an out and out stranger, I go through the "nod and mm-hmm" routine, but if it's an acquaintance, then I will try to make more of an effort and remind them that I am deaf and need to read lips. I don't always have my pen and paper handy (checking the mail and a neighbor comes to chat without her teeth in. :giggle:).

When shopping or something, if it's a usual place, most of them know I can't hear and they make and effort, but if I am someplace new, I will usually tell them I am deaf, but sometimes, it's just too much trouble. Most don't believe I am deaf since I am verbal and have mostly clear speech. I have been known to go somewhere and refuse to talk. Just point out that I am deaf and let it go with that.
 
I felt really bad that I didnt make an effort to chat with the construction worker at my local food store that night. I usually end up feeling so guilty for faking it with hearing people but when it happens, I never feel like going through the "how I learned to speak" route and then I always tell myself to make an effort only never do it. I just wondered if you all felt the same as well?
 
There are always instances where I wish things could have been different. I have probably missed some great dates, conversations or friendships because I get stuck in my routine when dealing with strangers. At work I am a blabber mouth but that is because the people know me. When I wish I could have had a conversation with someone is when I feel my most "deaf"
 
Yeah... when I started to learn how to speak a while ago... I realize some hearing people keep expect me to understand their lip-readings.

Ugh.
 
shel90 said:
I felt really bad that I didnt make an effort to chat with the construction worker at my local food store that night. I usually end up feeling so guilty for faking it with hearing people but when it happens, I never feel like going through the "how I learned to speak" route and then I always tell myself to make an effort only never do it. I just wondered if you all felt the same as well?
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DDU said:
There are always instances where I wish things could have been different. I have probably missed some great dates, conversations or friendships because I get stuck in my routine when dealing with strangers. At work I am a blabber mouth but that is because the people know me. When I wish I could have had a conversation with someone is when I feel my most "deaf"
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Don't feel bad. After all, deafness is not a physical handicap but a social one. That might help you feel better! :lol:
 
Beowulf said:
Don't feel bad. After all, deafness is not a physical handicap but a social one. That might help you feel better! :lol:
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I felt bad cuz they were being nice and in my head all I could think was "Pls stop talking and leave me alone."
 
like Alex, my experience fluctuates depending on the party I am speaking with. It does not help much that I am mainly oral. But at deaf events where my sign is not up to par, I see the same happening for me. Someone is signing way too fast for my skill and sometimes if they're just a stranger I don't want to disrupt them to tell them to slow down or I don't undy unless it was something important. goes both ways?

Hearing people will do this all the time, like for one example.. school faculty for whatever reason. I know I don't want to just say 'yes no ok', there has to be some connection to go on to break the "awkward silence" as those who are hearing tend to put it.

I've also noticed I split my forms of communication into three.. speaking, signing, or a form of text (email, chat). each establish different boundaries from another and are totally not the same.
 
shel90 said:
I felt bad cuz they were being nice and in my head all I could think was "Pls stop talking and leave me alone."
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I understand perfectly. Why do you think I see a psychoanalyst twice a month? ;)
 
naisho said:
like Alex, my experience fluctuates depending on the party I am speaking with. It does not help much that I am mainly oral. But at deaf events where my sign is not up to par, I see the same happening for me. Someone is signing way too fast for my skill and sometimes if they're just a stranger I don't want to disrupt them to tell them to slow down or I don't undy unless it was something important. goes both ways?

Hearing people will do this all the time, like for one example.. school faculty for whatever reason. I know I don't want to just say 'yes no ok', there has to be some connection to go on to break the "awkward silence" as those who are hearing tend to put it.

I've also noticed I split my forms of communication into three.. speaking, signing, or a form of text (email, chat). each establish different boundaries from another and are totally not the same.
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I thought you are hearing?
 
naisho said:
like Alex, my experience fluctuates depending on the party I am speaking with. It does not help much that I am mainly oral. But at deaf events where my sign is not up to par, I see the same happening for me. Someone is signing way too fast for my skill and sometimes if they're just a stranger I don't want to disrupt them to tell them to slow down or I don't undy unless it was something important. goes both ways?
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Yes. I think so.
 
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