ksbsnowowl
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Tonight my wife (deaf) and myself (hearing) are giving a talk to a local college Sign Language Club, of which my cousin (hearing) is the president.
My wife is planning to talk about technology, such as TTY, videophones, texting, captioned movies, etc, and the effect and assistance it has given to members of Deaf culture.
I'm going to talk about deaf-hearing relationships, and the differences (both positive and negative) between them and hearing relationships. I might also touch on a few basics of deaf culture (and my experience in it) if there is time at the end.
Here are my few basic points I was thinking of talking about; any critiques or ideas for expanding or adding points to these would be greatly appreciated.
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Deaf-Hearing Relationships: the good things
1. Your relationship is more intimate
After having been in a relationship like this, I don't think I would ever be satisfied with a hearing woman (if, for example, my wife were to die and I tried to get remarried).
2. It's fun and satisfying being able to talk about anything, and I mean ANYTHING, pretty much anywhere you want to.
3. You don't have to act like a fool and yell to your spouse from across the parkinglot - Just wave your arms and sign really big.
Deaf-Hearing Relationships: the everyday things
1. I am not my wife's interpreter, but I often do find myself interpreting for her.
Going to the movies (without captions) and going to church are two of the main ones. Movie theaters and churches typically do not have interpreters, so I've had to get good at listening and enjoying the movie/sermon with one quarter of my brain, and using the other 3/4 to interpret for my wife. (But hey, it forces me to pay attention in church...)
2. Social situations
A. If we go to a deaf party, I can usually hold my own, but there are times when my wife has to interpret for me. Even though I am fluent, the vast majority of my exposure to sign language is through my wife and her mom; there are still signs I've never seen before.
B. If we get together with hearing friends, interpreting falls to me. Often at a dinner it will take me two or three times as long to finish my meal, because I'm busy interpreting back and forth. As good as their intentions to learn sign language may be, most hearing people do not have the time, initiative, or continued exposure to a regular signer required to become fluent in sign language.
i. If any of you truly want to become good at sign language, you need to have a friend or coworker who uses it around you every day. It is very hard to become good at it unless you are forced to use it. (Some college courses can achieve this - the teacher does not talk in class...)
Deaf-Hearing Relationships: the down side
1. Being the hearing member of a deaf-hearing relationship is lonely.
You find that you have fewer friends than a "normal" hearing couple might have, simply because your deaf partner's friends (primarily), and to some extent your own friends (secondarily) are limited. They are limited by which individuals are willing to take the time to learn Sign, or at least take the added time to sit and write with you, instead of choosing to invest their time in "easier" hearing relationships.
2. Communication can be frustrating.
Deaf-Hearing relationships can work, but they take a lot of "extra" work, especially in the field of communication. Misunderstandings will occur, and both sides need to have patience to make sure they understand what the other is trying to say.
When someone is pissed off, they want to vent in rapid-fire-succession. When one of the people in the argument isn't a native speaker of the language the argument is occuring in... Often the deaf person in the relationship has to make an extra effort to calm and slow down, repeating things for their dimwhitted spouse despite the urge and desire to rip them a new one...
3. Rate of failure.
Deaf-Hearing marriages have a 90% divorce rate. Among liberal deaf-hearing relationships it is closer to 95%, while in conservative deaf-hearing relationships the number is around 70%.
(PS - if anyone can confirm those numbers, I would be appreciative)
Deaf-Hearing marriages can work, however. My wife's parents (deaf mom, hearing dad) have been married for 27 (?) years last month. They just take a lot of patience, work, and commitment.
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As I said, any thoughts or ideas for expanding on or adding a relevant point would be greatly appreciated. I want to be informative, but I want to give a truthful look at deaf-hearing relationships. Perhaps someone has a pertinant point from their own experience that I myself have not yet encountered.
Thanks again.
My wife is planning to talk about technology, such as TTY, videophones, texting, captioned movies, etc, and the effect and assistance it has given to members of Deaf culture.
I'm going to talk about deaf-hearing relationships, and the differences (both positive and negative) between them and hearing relationships. I might also touch on a few basics of deaf culture (and my experience in it) if there is time at the end.
Here are my few basic points I was thinking of talking about; any critiques or ideas for expanding or adding points to these would be greatly appreciated.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deaf-Hearing Relationships: the good things
1. Your relationship is more intimate
After having been in a relationship like this, I don't think I would ever be satisfied with a hearing woman (if, for example, my wife were to die and I tried to get remarried).
2. It's fun and satisfying being able to talk about anything, and I mean ANYTHING, pretty much anywhere you want to.
3. You don't have to act like a fool and yell to your spouse from across the parkinglot - Just wave your arms and sign really big.
Deaf-Hearing Relationships: the everyday things
1. I am not my wife's interpreter, but I often do find myself interpreting for her.
Going to the movies (without captions) and going to church are two of the main ones. Movie theaters and churches typically do not have interpreters, so I've had to get good at listening and enjoying the movie/sermon with one quarter of my brain, and using the other 3/4 to interpret for my wife. (But hey, it forces me to pay attention in church...)
2. Social situations
A. If we go to a deaf party, I can usually hold my own, but there are times when my wife has to interpret for me. Even though I am fluent, the vast majority of my exposure to sign language is through my wife and her mom; there are still signs I've never seen before.
B. If we get together with hearing friends, interpreting falls to me. Often at a dinner it will take me two or three times as long to finish my meal, because I'm busy interpreting back and forth. As good as their intentions to learn sign language may be, most hearing people do not have the time, initiative, or continued exposure to a regular signer required to become fluent in sign language.
i. If any of you truly want to become good at sign language, you need to have a friend or coworker who uses it around you every day. It is very hard to become good at it unless you are forced to use it. (Some college courses can achieve this - the teacher does not talk in class...)
Deaf-Hearing Relationships: the down side
1. Being the hearing member of a deaf-hearing relationship is lonely.
You find that you have fewer friends than a "normal" hearing couple might have, simply because your deaf partner's friends (primarily), and to some extent your own friends (secondarily) are limited. They are limited by which individuals are willing to take the time to learn Sign, or at least take the added time to sit and write with you, instead of choosing to invest their time in "easier" hearing relationships.
2. Communication can be frustrating.
Deaf-Hearing relationships can work, but they take a lot of "extra" work, especially in the field of communication. Misunderstandings will occur, and both sides need to have patience to make sure they understand what the other is trying to say.
When someone is pissed off, they want to vent in rapid-fire-succession. When one of the people in the argument isn't a native speaker of the language the argument is occuring in... Often the deaf person in the relationship has to make an extra effort to calm and slow down, repeating things for their dimwhitted spouse despite the urge and desire to rip them a new one...
3. Rate of failure.
Deaf-Hearing marriages have a 90% divorce rate. Among liberal deaf-hearing relationships it is closer to 95%, while in conservative deaf-hearing relationships the number is around 70%.
(PS - if anyone can confirm those numbers, I would be appreciative)
Deaf-Hearing marriages can work, however. My wife's parents (deaf mom, hearing dad) have been married for 27 (?) years last month. They just take a lot of patience, work, and commitment.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
As I said, any thoughts or ideas for expanding on or adding a relevant point would be greatly appreciated. I want to be informative, but I want to give a truthful look at deaf-hearing relationships. Perhaps someone has a pertinant point from their own experience that I myself have not yet encountered.
Thanks again.