Do you think about your mortality?

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Cheetah

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Has something happened in your life that made you stop and think about your own mortality? I recently lost a good friend and coworker suddenly. It was a shock and surprise as he went into the hospital for back pain and suddenly died Friday morning (two days ago from this posting). For me, the hardest part about dealing with this loss is the constant thinking about my own mortality and the fact that I have been avoiding some very hard decisions.

I don't want to die today (or any time soon). My friend had been planning his retirement and making plans for the next five years at work. Now all that planning and saving is wasted.

I intend to find some small ways to remember him and keep something of who he was alive within me. I don't want to wait to do the things that I always said I would do and never seem to have time for. I've been torn by indecision and panic these last two days. I don't want to die the way my friend did (suddenly). I want to die old, with family gathered around. Like my gf's family just experienced.

These two deaths so close together threw me for a loop. I just wonder what kind of changes you made In your life because of such an event. I am hoping you might have ideas that will help me move past this place.
 
" Life's too short"
"Grab life by the horns"
It's these sayings that fuel people to take chances and to live in the moment.I guess when people have a near death experience or have someone close to them die unexpectedly, they live in the moment more?
 
i do, think about it alot...since i studied Sociology of Death of Dying this year (passed it with B+, was supposed to be years course (Post Grad level but since only two of us they cramme us in one semester - so bloody difficult to do, especially with the paper containing lots and lots of disturbing stuff, trying to keep afloat in order to study was half the battle! ESPECIALLY when i had to do a years works in 3 months its ridiculous....

ANyway....
id share a small snippet of my essay that talked about narrative structuring which Hollywood films often used, which in turn, 'prevents' people from really thinking about their own mortality....and I have modified this piece to fit with this post, to refer back to mortality. I hope this sharing might help thinking about the ‘whys’ we don’t really think about it, in this post, from this angle it really saying media influences out ignorance or reluctance to really think about it, no surprises ofc but just to see what I wrote helps to flesh it out, to understand why ‘we don’t really think about it’ better.
Depictions of death are common, and it is often limited to colloquial representation. These are often restricted to character statuses in terms of victims of violence (to start a mystery or murder story), as a death status (in hospitals or ambulance scenes), emotional reaction (grievance or dying scenes), and causality (by natural disasters or passer-by of violent explosions or stray bullets), as emotionally unacknowledged (usually as in leaving in victory over villains), death is shown as a sign of the permanence and irreversibility, and finally the reverse of the latter instance, for example immortality in fantasy or horror films as in form of an elixir of immortality or vampires. Seldom do films delve into actual subject of death as in relation to human curiosity; in particular drawing to the end of our mortal existence. But a narrow range of death has been portrayed continues to be used to raise a climax or create excitement in the story, or to implant a plot for the story. This leads to deaths depicted as purely for entertainment value. As a result, films need to excite the audience that means a certain failure to enlighten to an understanding death. It perpetuates the irrational fear of death and instead the topics of religion or justice become the focus of the many films.
 
Cheetah said:
I want to die old, with family gathered around. Like my gf's family just experienced.
Click to expand...

That's a sentiment my father often professed. He went so far as to want an Irish Setter, and the old family doctor by the bedside.

He actually died at just over sixty, when his car went off an icy road and hit a tree in a farm field.

My stepmother was notified after he was found the next day and the state trooper came to her office.

So my idea is to just enjoy what you have right now in the moment, and not worry about your manner of death. We don't really have control of it, so it's just pointless to worry.
 
In my case, my past illness and hospital stay really got me to thinking....life is very short. And sometimes we wonder where the time went. ....My siblings are all older than I except for 1.

My boys are the reason I go on and continue the "good fight"...Otherwise, in case of my passing on, my hopes are that they have learned to be independent and able to deal with life.

Not being a religious person, I do pray and I asked to let me have a few more years, but if something should happen...then I've done the best I can, laid out the ground work for my family, and hoping they can pick it all up and continue with their own lives.

At age 65...my years are numbered. Time waits for no man....we all can do the best we can...or just sit back and let death overtake us.
 
Howag

Do you do anything special because of your experience with death?


Grummer,

Are you saying that we do not talk about this subject enough? Did the class give you pause and make you think about life?
 
Cheetah said:
Howag

Do you do anything special because of your experience with death?


Grummer,

Are you saying that we do not talk about this subject enough? Did the class give you pause and make you think about life?
Click to expand...

I don't pretend to answer for Grum, but it is a topic that is not discussed enough, because the vast majority have a great feat of dying. Even those who proclaim to know what is going to happen to them after they die.
 
Death

Cheetah said:
Has something happened in your life that made you stop and think about your own mortality? I recently lost a good friend and coworker suddenly. It was a shock and surprise as he went into the hospital for back pain and suddenly died Friday morning (two days ago from this posting). For me, the hardest part about dealing with this loss is the constant thinking about my own mortality and the fact that I have been avoiding some very hard decisions.

I don't want to die today (or any time soon). My friend had been planning his retirement and making plans for the next five years at work. Now all that planning and saving is wasted.

I intend to find some small ways to remember him and keep something of who he was alive within me. I don't want to wait to do the things that I always said I would do and never seem to have time for. I've been torn by indecision and panic these last two days. I don't want to die the way my friend did (suddenly). I want to die old, with family gathered around. Like my gf's family just experienced.

These two deaths so close together threw me for a loop. I just wonder what kind of changes you made In your life because of such an event. I am hoping you might have ideas that will help me move past this place.
Click to expand...

Cheetah, I'm sorry your having such a hard time. When I was young I was always worried that something was going to happen to my parents. I mean always. Then my son passed away when he was 5 months old. No one should have to to go through that!! The gift I got from him was you never know. If you spend time thinking about it, your not living!! Obviously this took time.
Then with my close call this past May I just think what do I want my kids ro remember about me? We talk about all the good times weve had. I was surprised they didn't even mention how much time I felt I had missed with them due to my long illness.
One other thing I'm doing. (not because I think I'm going to die soon) but I got 3 large containers and marked each one with my child's name, I'm starting to put their stuff in the container. Baby books, report cards, pictures etc. I just think what a nice for gift for them before or after I have gone.
Good luck with your decisions. I pray you can find the guidance you need.:angel:
 
I don't think about my mortality anymore because I've came to resolve with it. I hope you find a way to cope with it.
 
When I die?

When I was really sick I sat there at times and thought about what my family might find if I should not make it. I'm a little more careful about old jpurnals and what not(?). They don't need to hear or see things I meant just for me. Does anyone else think of this???:angel:
 
Cheetah said:
Howag

Do you do anything special because of your experience with death?


Grummer,

Are you saying that we do not talk about this subject enough? Did the class give you pause and make you think about life?
Click to expand...

yep, we dont 'really talk about' and at least if we dont, its more about "Social Grievance" (my made up word just for now, there's probably such a word but im not gonna stay on computer and google i got lots to do today)by that social greiving is like funeral rites, the gatherings as 'paying respect' has a historical aspect to it, we just do, to re-affirm our 'feelings' of being safe and 'still alive'. Mourning in funerals is really a complex matter, for it is a process, on many levels, individuals, significance others, social formality again is on many levels, death certificates, insurance, medical bills, service bills, attendence help the bereaves to have their pain divided and shared so they feel less pain, and more death 'more real' as in to acknowledge that the death really occured. saying good bye is also can be seen as a way of saying good bye in normal sense AND as to 'turn away from the very real fear of what's next', this itself can be also be seen in use of religions to soothe these fears by projecting it onto the imagery world afterwards, ie heaven/hell/ or even the denial of deaths can be witnessed as a sigh of relief from execution of violent criminals (but again that itself can be extremely subjective- re recent posts about the paranoid schizophrenic)...

as i said in this longish post, unrehearsed, unfiltered way of writing...death is NOT talked about enough AT ALL...doctors in hospital considers death as the enemy, but as in the sense of 'to save' but to their own medical expertise....so again this is a denial of 'death of the self' in the conscious level...(Jillio would have more to say /know more about this than i do, its not my area (psychology).... but sometimes sociology and psychology CAN be mutual other times as in contradict, and yet again, it all depends on the professional/academic opinions....

so yes im saying we DONT talk about death...very few cultures actually might...i cant recall it now...need to read somewhere at some point...but right now im just living to play in my garden....
Cheers
 
Death is only a beginning. It's the biggest mystery we all will have to contend with sooner or later.

Steve Jobs last words: "Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow."

And his outlook on death:

"I'm about fifty-fifty on believing in God," he said. "For most of my life I've felt that there must be more to our existence than meets the eye."

He admitted that, as he faced death, he might be overestimating the odds out of a desire to believe in an afterlife. "I like to think that something survives after you die," he said. "It's strange to think that you accumulate all this experience, and maybe a little wisdom, and it just goes away. So I really want to believe that something survives, that maybe your consciousness endures."

He fell silent for a very long time. "But on the other hand, perhaps it's like an on-off switch," he said. "Click! and you're gone."

Then he paused again and smiled slightly. "Maybe that's why I never liked to put on-off switches on Apple devices."
Click to expand...
Page 571: Bibliography on Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson.
 
I have been fantasizing about leaving... Just dropping everything and going for a long walk and not come back. I imagine I could walk clear across the US. I guess I could be greedy and take my dog with me. I would just have the coat on my back and the wind in my face. But that's just my wanting to run away from something I don't want to think about. I keep thinking I have to do something to move past this point. But I guess it's like Jiro said. I just need to accept it and move on. I have this weird vison of getting to the end and looking back and saying 'what the hell was I thinking, I didn't accomplish anything'. But then reality sets in and I realize there have been a lot of things I did that I am very proud of.

I thought if I could talk about how people change from something like this, then I could see the way forward as well.

Crap, I don't want to post this, but I don't know what else to say.
 
but i forgot to say something here too
i dont mean to disturb you or and want to say I am really sorry for the sudden shock of your freind....I havent had that kind of loss yet, but had from family...its different i would imagine, im not close to my family...enough of this now...
and yes it does give you a drive to a steep in thinking from such an experience....and i hope you will recover (but not in denial) it is perfectly normal, even healthy to begin think about it, but theres a limit...put this way
many people deal with it by redefining meaning of life...is one (most common way)
but others might think about fear, and what it means and make peace with that fear is another way.....(or ways)....
so yeah you could/should pick up a book or two about grievance, cycle of life,death of the self type topics and see if anything relates to you....
on safest ground.....pick greivance...(of a freind) and maybe meanings of friendship?....in this way it might be related to fear of not finding another freind the same.....again its the value thing....
i dont know the answer, im not you....but
I wont say 'youd get over it', its mean and its like saying 'your problem', but you will...and last thing id say, the pain will fade but learn from it, i mean like it might not make any sense now or 6 months but in 4 or 5 year when you had long rest from the matters as been busy then have a pause and look back and think only Then you might find the answer you want, a sense of meaning and a sense of solidarity as mortals. Immortality would be too painful....there is a few stories, and films about this , which is good because it maintains that 'we have to go at some point' after all we experienced life, let others have their turn, kind of thinking...

Best,
 
have a dog? go for that walk!, relax man, you're fine. it makes sense feeling and thinking like this, kinda poetic i might say!
now go make some nice pasta dinner and enjoy that, you need to switch off SOMETIMES, and hop back and realise its not THAT bad.....
 
No one knows what will be the time, date, place or circumstances of their death. I would prefer a quiet, painless death but there is no guarantee of that. I certainly don't look forward to a traumatic or lingering death process but when the time comes, my Lord will provide the grace that I need.

I'm not worried about what happens after I die. I will be spending eternity with my Lord Jesus Christ, with no more pain or sorrow. That was sealed in April 1979, when I was 28 years old, and I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior.

As far as practical earthly preparations go, I have life insurance to cover my final expenses and provide for my loved ones. My burial plot is picked out and paid for. My will is prepared and signed, and my family members know where it is.

I'm not in any hurry to leave but realistically, I'm 60 years old, so I know that the time grows shorter. My parents each died in their mid-60's.
 
Cheetah said:
Howag

Do you do anything special because of your experience with death?


Grummer,

Are you saying that we do not talk about this subject enough? Did the class give you pause and make you think about life?
Click to expand...

Do I do anything special? I would say I live my life as full as I can. Still being relatively young I'm not able to do some things e.g put everything on hold and go backpacking around the world. But smaller decisions which I would have trouble with are now a no brainer. This could range from asking a girl out to deciding to wake up at 4am to watch the sunrise off the coast of Langkawi. I used to be quite conservative and never really ventured from my comfort zone. It might not be something special but I like to think I'm a better person because of it. My advise to you? Do all those things that you said you would. Sooner is better then later. As for the big decisions, I think only you can come to an answer for those.
 
I know what I will do now... I will write something for my friend. That will allow me to grieve in the only way I know how. I've never been afraid of my own death. I'm just afraid of having a meaningless death. I want my life to count for something. I guess I also want to be remembered. I want someone's life to be better because I was there.

I can make choices ... Today... That will set in motion the rest of my life. I guess I'm just confused as to what that should be. But for now, I will do the only thing can do for my friend. I'm going to write him a letter and give it to him at his funeral. I'm going to say all the things that we never talked about. And, this time, I am getting the last word! Ha!
 
Cheetah said:
I have been fantasizing about leaving... Just dropping everything and going for a long walk and not come back. I imagine I could walk clear across the US. I guess I could be greedy and take my dog with me. I would just have the coat on my back and the wind in my face. But that's just my wanting to run away from something I don't want to think about. I keep thinking I have to do something to move past this point. But I guess it's like Jiro said. I just need to accept it and move on. I have this weird vison of getting to the end and looking back and saying 'what the hell was I thinking, I didn't accomplish anything'. But then reality sets in and I realize there have been a lot of things I did that I am very proud of.

I thought if I could talk about how people change from something like this, then I could see the way forward as well.

Crap, I don't want to post this, but I don't know what else to say.
Click to expand...

it's ok. I had a similar conversation with my colleague at company party. I told her that I'm going on another road trip to Florida this friday for a week and she exclaimed - wow.... you really do get around a lot.

I said - why don't you? I can see you're that kind of person who fret over everything at work. I explained that she should take just one vacation per year and go wherever. forget about everything. She looks like she was going to cry lol! But I explained that when I ride, I had a "fuck it" attitude.... meaning - if somebody is txting me, "fuck it!" Too bad! somebody will have to wait till I stop riding somewhere.

She's going to have a week off next week but she isn't going anywhere. Just stay home and chill. I told her that it's not really a vacation if you stay home for a week and bring a few work to home. She is really going to age like POTUS and she looks like she's going to live her life with regret so I'll see if I can help her to ultimately enjoy "me-time" vacation when I get back.
 
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