Deaf culture - do's and don'ts, etc. Let's make a list!

MyDarkling

New Member
....I never thought it would bother anyone if I tapped them on the shoulder, or placed my hand on their shoulder. I would never think to throw something...

My Deaf ASL teacher told us that we were allowed to throw paper balls at him :D

But I would never do it to someone who didn't give advance permission.
 

herewego

New Member
Honestly

What amazes me is what some people do trying to get deaf or hoh people's attention. Seems to me that what is rude in hearing culture would be likewise be rude in deaf are hard of hearing. Probably because we are all humans, anyway don't wave your hands at people like are signing a plane. Don't tap them on the head, this seems like common sense.
Also hard of hearing people, theirs no reason to at first glance assume they can't normal speaking so just yell it. I work with the elderly people and I must say those with hearing aids I speak normal with just a bit more mids and works great. If the person is really profoundly hard of hearing than at that point speak loud, but don't yell just speak loud.
 

Bottesini

Old Deaf Ranter
Premium Member
What amazes me is what some people do trying to get deaf or hoh people's attention. Seems to me that what is rude in hearing culture would be likewise be rude in deaf are hard of hearing. Probably because we are all humans, anyway don't wave your hands at people like are signing a plane. Don't tap them on the head, this seems like common sense.
Also hard of hearing people, theirs no reason to at first glance assume they can't normal speaking so just yell it. I work with the elderly people and I must say those with hearing aids I speak normal with just a bit more mids and works great. If the person is really profoundly hard of hearing than at that point speak loud, but don't yell just speak loud.

Everyone wave to get deaf people attention. I think this thread deaf people tell you the rules!

Speaking loud to most profoundly deaf won't work and can make it worse.

We are missing a lot of letters and sounds we hear, so it makes a bigger worse jumble.
 

Lighthouse77

New Member
yes, it isn't the "loudness" that count. It's the cleariness.

you can be as loud as you want, and we wouldn't understand. I think the only reason it works because people actually stop mumbling when they try to speak up.
 

Vis

New Member
I work at a grocery store and had a couple of deaf courtesy clerks, they never had a chance to tell me whether they preferred one way I did things or others, but they never seemed irritated.

Are most deaf people irritated with hearing people in general, because we deal with daily life in different ways. I will be the first to admit I take hearing for granted sometimes and am now in a position that I'm thinking more in terms of how deaf people would feel. It's not easy.

Someone mentioned not liking it when a person waves their pen around when they are talking to someone else, that's not something you can help, I mean the person doing it prob has no idea they are and it's a way most everyone communicates. I can't think of a single person that I talk to that doesn't move their hands while they are talking. It's just one of those things.

I can see if they were talking to you and you can't hear them, you wonder if they are trying to sign or just waving around uncessarily, but you'll have your answer failry quickly I'd imagine.

Most everything on here is what not to do, and I will do my best to remember, I do however remember what TO do, much easier :)

This is a problem I have seen a lot happening with us Deafs - we tend to assume all hearings know or should know the expectations of Deaf culture.

It helps a lot when I stop and re-educate back...
 

Saranade

New Member
well, now I'm not sure what to do! :hmm:

Wave, don't wave... tap, don't tap.

If I want to get your attention from across the way, or if you are digging in your purse at the check out line, or you're walking away and I want to tell you something but can't get to you, how am I to address you?

I asked it before and I'll ask it again, do people who are deaf like people who can hear?

I would like a chance to make some friends, learn and help educate people on your behalf. I'm afraid of not be accepted because "I don't get it". Which is a prejudgment, because I do, and am learning more and more because of this website and sites like it and all of your input!

I'm also on Facebook if you want to be friends there.
Sara Keyes
 

dogmom

Well-Known Member
someone just recently typed something about "...what is rude in hearing culture would likewise be rude in deaf ...." now, first of all, my experience with Deaf culture is that hearing and Deaf culture is NOT same, there are different cultural "norms. In situations I have been involved in U.S. Deaf culture, lightly waving one's hands in visual range and possibly tapping gently on shoulder are very appropriate ways of getting attention.
Other ways -such tapping on floor <vibration>, on surface of table, LIGHTLY tossing something soft in someone's direction<NOT AT someone> - etc, I have observed to be acceptable or NOT depending on individual situations.

second - this d/Deaf forum, so it seems significant to me to really notice and take into account what Deaf people say about Deaf culture.....

and, "normal" has many definitions, hearing don't get to define normal.


I happen to new hoh
 

dogmom

Well-Known Member
I happen to be Jewish and have LD. To say, "Jewish people are like this" and people with LD like this is way too general. Similarly, in my experience, people who are d/Deaf happen to be PEOPLE first, who have many different likes and dislikes. To simplify into "d/Deaf like this and so-and-so like that" does a dis-service. Even within groups there are variations and I think to not see that dishonors folks.
 

Bottesini

Old Deaf Ranter
Premium Member
well, now I'm not sure what to do! :hmm:

Wave, don't wave... tap, don't tap.

If I want to get your attention from across the way, or if you are digging in your purse at the check out line, or you're walking away and I want to tell you something but can't get to you, how am I to address you?

I asked it before and I'll ask it again, do people who are deaf like people who can hear?

I would like a chance to make some friends, learn and help educate people on your behalf. I'm afraid of not be accepted because "I don't get it". Which is a prejudgment, because I do, and am learning more and more because of this website and sites like it and all of your input!

I'm also on Facebook if you want to be friends there.
Sara Keyes

Are you getting a vibe that deaf people don't like hearing? My husband is HOH , my two daughter hearing, two granddaughters hearing. I am very fond of them.

Dogmom just told you some very sensible things.

People are people, and in the deaf poputlation, some people like hearing, and some people have just had enough.

(But if I am digging in my purse at checkout, I am probably busy, so leave me alone unless you are handing me a spare million dollars.)
 

MissAlyss

New Member
Do be willing to write back and forth with me, if you need to tell me something and don't know signs for it.

Do not "dismiss" or give up on us if we don't understand what you are saying. This is annoying.

So, don't be afraid to try pen and paper if you need THAT to express yourself or understand others. You do it for YOU as well as for me.

Never, never ever rely on a third party to interpret if they are not paid or seem unwilling. Get a clue and take responsiblity for your own communication with a Deaf person. For example, a married couple - hearing and deaf, and the inlaws always bother the hearing spouse to interpret everything for the deaf spouse. This can be annoying and piss off the "interpreter." It shows a lack of interest in trying to communicate with the deaf spouse, and it creates resentment in the hearing spouse.

Never ask a child to interpret for his or her parents if his/her parents don't want them to be in that role.


What about a hearing spouse asking another hearing spouse to be interpreter for their parent? Is that looked down on? I am seeking help in learning Sign Language, but until I get a understanding should I stick to pen and paper? I don't want to be rude.
 

KristinaB

Emotional Mess
Premium Member
People who don't get it that I text on my phone, I don't do voice.

I'm giving up my cell phone since I can't do voice and the only people who have my cell number can't handle reading or sending text messages.

People just need to realize that just because you are verbal does not mean that you can hear.
 

KristinaB

Emotional Mess
Premium Member
Why you think I am speaking less and less? :D

I keep thinking about going that route. If I do, it will be only when I am out of the house. My family is finally making an effort. We actually have ASL learning time each night for all 6 of us. Between our books and videos from the library, we are all beginning to learn. I will also be going to deaf socials weekly to gain more knowledge. I've also been lucky in the fact that my church is also really trying hard to work with me. They are making an effort to have me be comfortable there and to be happy. A few people are also taking ASL classes just for the experience and to help me feel more comfortable.
 

herewego

New Member
As for the Don't and Do's

Don't come up to us and ask us if we know sign, if we say yes, please don't laugh and say I know one! Then flip the bird.

It just makes me want to smile and talk to you like a baby and say "Oh yay! That's funny right there!" NOT!

It seems like some hearies want to learn sign just for the bad words. Makes me feel that's all the effort you will do to get to know us then ditch us after you get what you want.

Do set some time to get to know us, we don't bite, it takes effort on the part of the Hearing and HoH or Deaf to have patience and know each other. We are human, we do bleed like everyone else. :cool2:
People are morons, I am hearing although I must admit I am guilty of accidentally leaving deaf people out of hearing conversations where hearing and deaf people are. Problem is sometimes the conversation is directed at me only or is maybe something foolish for them to say on their part. However, I have no problem translating someones spoken word to ASL. I don't do this for money and it's not intentional that I accidentally leave them out of the conversation. In regards to this quote some people care nothing about peoples feelings it's really bad! I'm sorry to hear that, drives me nuts when people insult others.
 

CJB

New Member
People are morons, I am hearing although I must admit I am guilty of accidentally leaving deaf people out of hearing conversations where hearing and deaf people are. Problem is sometimes the conversation is directed at me only or is maybe something foolish for them to say on their part. However, I have no problem translating someones spoken word to ASL. I don't do this for money and it's not intentional that I accidentally leave them out of the conversation. In regards to this quote some people care nothing about peoples feelings it's really bad! I'm sorry to hear that, drives me nuts when people insult others.

I think everyone here knows that sometimes hearing people just forget to include Deaf/HOH people in the conversation, but I think most of the frustration is with people who constantly forget or who exclude Deaf/HOH on purpose.
 

Jolie77

New Member
Premium Member
I think everyone here knows that sometimes hearing people just forget to include Deaf/HOH people in the conversation, but I think most of the frustration is with people who constantly forget or who exclude Deaf/HOH on purpose.

I agree. Although, For instance if it was someone, like, a member of a family or a hearing friend that grew up with one of us deaf people are on a constant basis by "forgetting" to include us from the conversation always always says "Sorry", "Nevermind", "I'll tell you later". To me, that is unacceptable because they KNOW that I (and you) are deaf. That is not an excuse to exclude deaf/hoh people on purpose.

I would understand if it was a newly hearing person that is among us since they haven't got the hold of the rope yet but for one that is fully immersed among with us, that is different.
 

CJB

New Member
I agree. Although, For instance if it was someone, like, a member of a family or a hearing friend that grew up with one of us deaf people are on a constant basis by "forgetting" to include us from the conversation always always says "Sorry", "Nevermind", "I'll tell you later". To me, that is unacceptable because they KNOW that I (and you) are deaf. That is not an excuse to exclude deaf/hoh people on purpose.

I would understand if it was a newly hearing person that is among us since they haven't got the hold of the rope yet but for one that is fully immersed among with us, that is different.

Totally agree.
 
S

stealingmay

Guest
I can imagine how frustrating it would be to feel like a hearing person (or anyone for that matter) has "given up" or "dismissed" you because they are having a hard time understanding what you're saying. I'd just like to say that I think a lot of times hearing people (especially those who are trying to learn ASL or who have little experience with deaf or HOH people) can be embarassed easily by NOT being able to communicate and can seem rude when they're really just shy or nervous about communicating in a new way.
 
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