Would you date a hearie

AlleyCat said:
My SO is hearing. We've been together 4 years. 95% it is smooth sailing. But there is always the occasional situations when I get upset, frustrated, even crying. Those primarily happen in group settings when we are out with friends. His friends are super-sensitive to making sure I stay in the loop -- they're so great about it -- but ultimately sometimes things fail. I have accepted that for as long as I'm with a hearing SO, there will always be situations like that. It's nobody's fault. But as long as it's just us 2 at home or someplace together, then it's all good. He's doing a terrific job of trying to learn sign language.
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Girl, if you have 95% smooth sailing, you have got a better relationship than a lot of hearie / hearie or deaf / deaf relationships. Hang onto that one!
 
Born hearing so have only dated hearing, but since hearing loss not working out so well :giggle: I find lack of communication frustrating and I don't like someone telling me what I have or haven't understood/heard

The good news I have a motorcycle and plenty of shooting spots in the area :giggle:
 
I noticed your place is Lakewood Co I used to live downtown Denver and I miss it there more than anything
 
jillio said:
Girl, if you have 95% smooth sailing, you have got a better relationship than a lot of hearie / hearie or deaf / deaf relationships. Hang onto that one!
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Alleycat this statement is definitely true, hold on to him and be thankful hearie or not sounds like a keeper
 
With my personal experience, I’m twice divorce to hearing women. My first ex, she’s an interpreter, so communication is not a problem. My last second ex, we get along great but there are some difficulties with in term of “agreement” because she hates my first ex. This is pretty common because I have children from first marriage. So, children will always be in our picture. Then I finally divorce her because of abuses toward my daughter when she first moves in with us. My daughter is more important than my ex. So, it’s a tough decision for me.

Now, with my personal experience that I noticed what you all say… “as long she/he know ASL”, “as long she/he willing to learn ASL”, “as long we can communicate” and such. Communication is not the main factor of keeping the deaf/hearing relationship going, there are more to it It’s what I called the “emotional sacrifice”. I don’t know if this word “emotional” is the best choice.. but this is critical stage where he or she has to learn to sacrifice his or her wishes or what he or she misses out of it. What I mean by that, here’s the example below:

If we go on a long trip, 7 hours drive. She just took turn to drive and I’m sitting on passenger seat reading a book. Everything is so quiet in the car. Then she decided to turn on the radio and she was listening to Steve Colbert talking about stupid politics. She all of sudden burst out laughing so hard and she turned her head looking at me shouted, “DID YOU HEAR THIS!! I CAN”T BELIEVE IT!!” I look at her..”I’m sorry…no”, and she interrupted quickly and apologized. Then everything drop back to quiet mode except for the radio still blaring out aloud.

Now, with this story above… I can read her mind that she been staring on the road dreaming with a pinch on her lip. I’m sure she been thinking about how much she misses, I’m sure she will think that she wish I’m hearing. She will know that if I do hear the radio, I’m sure we both will fire up our communication and talked for hours about Steve Colbert. This not going to happen, she has to learn to sacrifice and make the change. I’m sure she will sorely miss that. She will feel emotionally “pinch”. Remember she been growing up hearing world for long long time… and now this, it’s a sudden change.

So, of the way hearing think or dream about it.. there are part where he or she have to learn to sacrifice.. it’s same way if you have not eaten chocolate candy for year, and you suddenly saw the candy…it’s hard to fight that way.. you will sorely misses the taste. This is same way as “emotional sacrifice”. You have to give up not to think about this chocolate candy.

So, communication is important, yes, but there are more to it. You know, with this woman above, she will feel bad that I’m deaf and she forget sometime, sometime she will have guilt ridden in it, but I also will feel bad about her that I have to force her to “sacrifice” this. No more radio talk please., turn it off.
So, if she truly love me and willing to learn to change, it’s going to be hard. There are many more to it, in term of “emotional sacrifice”. Come think of it, cuddling up together in bed, in the dark, and have sweet romantic whisper next to each other ears for hour. Well, this not going to happen. She have to learn to sacrifice this and turn on the blaring bright lights to sign. It’s a big change.
 
OH..forgot to add one more thing..I'm married for 3rd times, I'm married to deaf woman and she's wonderful.
 
SneakerNet said:
With my personal experience, I’m twice divorce to hearing women. My first ex, she’s an interpreter, so communication is not a problem. My last second ex, we get along great but there are some difficulties with in term of “agreement” because she hates my first ex. This is pretty common because I have children from first marriage. So, children will always be in our picture. Then I finally divorce her because of abuses toward my daughter when she first moves in with us. My daughter is more important than my ex. So, it’s a tough decision for me.

Now, with my personal experience that I noticed what you all say… “as long she/he know ASL”, “as long she/he willing to learn ASL”, “as long we can communicate” and such. Communication is not the main factor of keeping the deaf/hearing relationship going, there are more to it It’s what I called the “emotional sacrifice”. I don’t know if this word “emotional” is the best choice.. but this is critical stage where he or she has to learn to sacrifice his or her wishes or what he or she misses out of it. What I mean by that, here’s the example below:

If we go on a long trip, 7 hours drive. She just took turn to drive and I’m sitting on passenger seat reading a book. Everything is so quiet in the car. Then she decided to turn on the radio and she was listening to Steve Colbert talking about stupid politics. She all of sudden burst out laughing so hard and she turned her head looking at me shouted, “DID YOU HEAR THIS!! I CAN”T BELIEVE IT!!” I look at her..”I’m sorry…no”, and she interrupted quickly and apologized. Then everything drop back to quiet mode except for the radio still blaring out aloud.

Now, with this story above… I can read her mind that she been staring on the road dreaming with a pinch on her lip. I’m sure she been thinking about how much she misses, I’m sure she will think that she wish I’m hearing. She will know that if I do hear the radio, I’m sure we both will fire up our communication and talked for hours about Steve Colbert. This not going to happen, she has to learn to sacrifice and make the change. I’m sure she will sorely miss that. She will feel emotionally “pinch”. Remember she been growing up hearing world for long long time… and now this, it’s a sudden change.

So, of the way hearing think or dream about it.. there are part where he or she have to learn to sacrifice.. it’s same way if you have not eaten chocolate candy for year, and you suddenly saw the candy…it’s hard to fight that way.. you will sorely misses the taste. This is same way as “emotional sacrifice”. You have to give up not to think about this chocolate candy.

So, communication is important, yes, but there are more to it. You know, with this woman above, she will feel bad that I’m deaf and she forget sometime, sometime she will have guilt ridden in it, but I also will feel bad about her that I have to force her to “sacrifice” this. No more radio talk please., turn it off.
So, if she truly love me and willing to learn to change, it’s going to be hard. There are many more to it, in term of “emotional sacrifice”. Come think of it, cuddling up together in bed, in the dark, and have sweet romantic whisper next to each other ears for hour. Well, this not going to happen. She have to learn to sacrifice this and turn on the blaring bright lights to sign. It’s a big change.
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I read here what she has to give up over and over and over again or sacrifice but relationships are a two way street .... what about you
 
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