Why is it that relationships with age gaps seem to spark such fear in people?

I am involved with a woman 9 years older than I, and she is every bit young at heart and looks closer to my age. We are compatible and happy with our life, I wouldn't consider trying to seek another woman only to have a closer age range. Why should I? People have done it the "acceptable" way for years, and yet these relationships end up in a 50% chance for divorce. So if it works and both involved are happy, then pursue the relationship for yourselves, not what others think should be "righteous".
 
NovGypsy n' Kaelei,
I have questions wondering do u work and how are u going to pay for college tuition? I don't think ur husband can afford to pay this much while u have a baby and he has to give supporting his own child/ren, too.
 
Lavender said:
NovGypsy n' Kaelei,
I have questions wondering do u work and how are u going to pay for college tuition? I don't think ur husband can afford to pay this much while u have a baby and he has to give supporting his own child/ren, too.
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Well, my child IS his child. And, Kaelei's husband married her with the intent of making her part of his family. We are not seprate from the children. We are just as important, at least, I know I am. I am pretty sure Kaelei is too. I don't work at the moment because I am a stay-at-home mother to our child. I did work until I became pregnant. I do not plan to go to return to college until my child is in school herself. Now you get to answer a question: what does this have to do with anything?
 
S.O.B. said:
I am involved with a woman 9 years older than I, and she is every bit young at heart and looks closer to my age. We are compatible and happy with our life, I wouldn't consider trying to seek another woman only to have a closer age range. Why should I? People have done it the "acceptable" way for years, and yet these relationships end up in a 50% chance for divorce. So if it works and both involved are happy, then pursue the relationship for yourselves, not what others think should be "righteous".
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Good for you! Wonderful point about the 'acceptable' marriages in this country. I have no intention of getting divorced. When we said death to us part, we meant it! I'm glad you are happy!
 
November Gypsy said:
A 16 year old daddy. Happens but that's still pretty dang young. Anyway, the point is that he isn't my daddy. He's my beloved husband.
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Remember that everyone doesn't know that. :) Therefore people that don't know that will continue to ridicule you for that.
 
deafbajagal said:
Some of my close friends will tease me by saying I have 'old man fetish' or something because in general, I've dated guys who were much older than me. When I was in 7th grade, I dated a senior in high school...when I was 17, the guy was 39...when I was 19, the guy was 43...and so on...ironically I end up being married to someone who is almost my age - LOL. I'm 30 and he's 32. Haha. Still older than me so it counts! :)
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I teased a good friend of mine for liking women who are a year older or so than he is (he also wanted me). When he told me that he got married and it is to a woman a year younger than he is. I was surprised. :)
 
I am glad it works for you with an older man. I had a bad experience with an older man. I thought it was something great to have bec my friend , her bf is 20 years older than her. Unfortunately, my 16-years apart man and me didn't work out, it lead to a heart break. I am not condemning it , each person has their own tale to tell and best wishes to them. I don't see age having to be the center factor for a relationship, bec I have dated guys a few years younger than me it seems to fit well :) As long as you and the person get along, share the inner most feelings and thoughts.
 
~*Kaelei*~ said:
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What I don't get is that Back in the times like in 1900's and 1800's, there has been many huge gap age difference back then relationships and it was socially accepted when now it's a taboo. True, time changes everything but it really shows how some people are narrow minded, for instance, my parents!
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True, old men had married very young women in the past. The downside is that those women became widows with young children. It was back then when it is expected of women to stay at home. How can one support the children without a job? There was no Social Security back then.

My direct ancestor had married a very young woman after losing his first wife. This second wife died in childbirth and he died just eleven days later. The children were divided up into other relatives' home. To me, it is a good thing that she doesn't survive so she doesn't have to worry about supporting the children.
 
Byrdie714 said:
Remember that everyone doesn't know that. :) Therefore people that don't know that will continue to ridicule you for that.
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I know. I know. I just wish they'd think a little first. I mean, we look NOTHING a like (I'm very dark and he's very fair). And, I mean, what are the chances of me kissing my father on the mouth in public at 23 years old. I'm not being grumpy at you...just venting. ...:roll:
 
Oceanblue7 said:
I am glad it works for you with an older man. I had a bad experience with an older man. I thought it was something great to have bec my friend , her bf is 20 years older than her. Unfortunately, my 16-years apart man and me didn't work out, it lead to a heart break. I am not condemning it , each person has their own tale to tell and best wishes to them. I don't see age having to be the center factor for a relationship, bec I have dated guys a few years younger than me it seems to fit well :) As long as you and the person get along, share the inner most feelings and thoughts.
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I'm so sorry about your bad experience. I think what I was trying to say that 'age' isn't the only reason relationships work out. Sure, it might be a problem, but it's made worse by other reasons (like lack of communication or something). Anyway, I am really sorry. I don't mean to say that because this relationship works well for me that it's going work well for everyone, I just get unhappy when people act as if it can't work for anyone just because it doesn't work for everyone, if you see what I mean.
 
Buffalo said:
True, old men had married very young women in the past. The downside is that those women became widows with young children. It was back then when it is expected of women to stay at home. How can one support the children without a job? There was no Social Security back then.

My direct ancestor had married a very young woman after losing his first wife. This second wife died in childbirth and he died just eleven days later. The children were divided up into other relatives' home. To me, it is a good thing that she doesn't survive so she doesn't have to worry about supporting the children.
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Personally, I would rather have been alive, scrabbling to support the children, but that's my perference. I'm not saying that these age-gap relationship are perfect. They aren't. But there are a lot of good to them! There really is!
 
November Gypsy said:
I'm so sorry about your bad experience. I think what I was trying to say that 'age' isn't the only reason relationships work out. Sure, it might be a problem, but it's made worse by other reasons (like lack of communication or something). Anyway, I am really sorry. I don't mean to say that because this relationship works well for me that it's going work well for everyone, I just get unhappy when people act as if it can't work for anyone just because it doesn't work for everyone, if you see what I mean.
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Don't have to worry about how other people act, you have an older man and love him that's what counts. As mentioned , age shouldn't be the center factor when it comes to relationships. Each couple have their own fairy tale to tell :)
 
November Gypsy said:
I know. I know. I just wish they'd think a little first. I mean, we look NOTHING a like (I'm very dark and he's very fair). And, I mean, what are the chances of me kissing my father on the mouth in public at 23 years old. I'm not being grumpy at you...just venting. ...:roll:
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I think people are a little disturbed by it due to the perversions of the society that has taught us about older person dating a younger person.
 
Byrdie714 said:
I think people are a little disturbed by it due to the perversions of the society that has taught us about older person dating a younger person.
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Some people are even disturbed by the fact I am 2 years older than my husband!
 
shel90 said:
Some people are even disturbed by the fact I am 2 years older than my husband!
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Really? Why? Good grief! Are we all supposed to be born on in the same year, or, better yet, on the same day now? Two years??????????? That's like....that's nothing! You're in the same generation, you would have grown up with the same sort of clothing styles, music favorites, and same experiences as far as what was happening in the world. Jimney Crickets! Those same very intelligent people would have me committed, I think, and probably lock Jason up as well.
 
Byrdie714 said:
I think people are a little disturbed by it due to the perversions of the society that has taught us about older person dating a younger person.
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You're right, I know. It's just silly. I mean, it's not like I look like I'm 16 or something. As far as I know, I look around 22-24. This means that I am a legal adult, I can go to war, I can drink, smoke, and get the death penalty if I do something horrific...but I shouldn't be able to choose to marry the man I love if he happens to be older then me...oh, gosh, no. Someone put me in a padded room! Quick!
 
LOL at novemeber gypsy and Shel90, yah, geees me even I am guilty of 'what's shes older than you too ? two years! but you know what i found myself sometimes wondering if they were 'secretly admiring each other in the same school but 2 years apart or it could be anything but yeah its fascinatiing that even the 2 years is so minor but i think it has alot to do with how we are 'taught' by society of the norms and it just hangs around in the registry of our brain so when something even so slightly 'not normal' - we'd automatically find its ab-normal, so its just get judged as abnormal, and all the other shit like 'weird couple', 'lucky lady having a younger dude',or 'are they a little kinky?' or what ever the heck....
it seems to take a very mature person to actually not respond to norms and engage a kind of judgemental reaction but it just so difficult to do to un-wire the one 'mode' of opinion that 'regulate' our thinking..... wow
 
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