When expecting a child, would you want it to be deaf?

[deafdyke]

Oh agreed.....Cloggy seems very openminded, and I applaud him for that. I'm just wondering about his emphasis on dhh equating to "not healthy."

What bothers me is this total ignorance of many hearing parents, and I've NEVER understood why hearing parents think having a deaf child is some sort of punishment to them or the child.

Oh yes, and to expect to have all hearing children is selfish too. And so is considering the deafness a punishment or a defect that must be fixed

Precisely, I see too much emphasis on "healthy normalism" for a lot of kids with all sorts of disabilities. Hearing parents need to understand that sensory issues can be adapted to and lived with. We are not sick, and neither are we poor wittle helpless folks who sit in our living rooms, crying b/c we are "impaired", (the way a lot of hearing parents do)

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I believe that Cloggy just wanted some input. I rather have him ask us (deaf people) than making his own decision for his deaf child and think it is best for this child. He is asking for information what is best for this deaf child with lots of options, which he already did by learning sign langauge. IF he didnt ask us anything what is best for this child, it would be oppression (audism). I just jump with JOY because there is one less audism out there!

Thanks Cloggy !!!

Exactly!

Questions are alway welcome to answer... no matter what.

Questions to ask won't hurt us...

Yes I would rather to have hearing people to ask deaf people questions. Its about open mind...

 

[Cheri]

Having a deaf child isn't so bad, It just different than having a hearing child. Differences aren't bad, it just different, example: variety of needs. Deaf children do not automatically pick things like hearing children do, like sounds that hearing children picks up. You have to have lot of patience and understanding. Doesn't matter what child you'll have, each child is different, and we don't know what our child will be when growing up, what type of person they will become in adult life, it's the same thing with hearing children.

It doesn't matter to me hearing or deaf, what's most important it is to me to have my children do the best in school, treat others with respect, get along with both world, (Hearing and deaf) because we are all equal in the eyes of God.

In reality all children are loved either deaf or hearing or disabilities. I'm a parents of two hearing children, they both know how to sign, they both are aware of my deafness, they both respect other people who aren't like them (hearing), they get along with both worlds too. It's how you bring your children up in the world to see the reality of life, with different people in this world who are just alittle different from us, but they're the same people as we are.

 

[CutePommie]

I believe that Cloggy just wanted some input. I rather have him ask us (deaf people) than making his own decision for his deaf child and think it is best for this child. He is asking for information what is best for this deaf child with lots of options, which he already did by learning sign langauge. IF he didnt ask us anything what is best for this child, it would be oppression (audism). I just jump with JOY because there is one less audism out there!

Thanks Cloggy !!!

Fine you agree with him ... but myself never thought to be want to wish for my childrens to be deaf or hearing . i just simply accept my kids when they all were born .Because they all are healthy which are the main things . i do not understand people want to find the answer from us because i were not to think or to be wish like that when i was excpected all my kids .. i just exicted to having kids of my own .. and look forward to see them grow up whatever they do... and be prouds of them ..

 

[jshumko]

Deafness is not something that the general public comes in contact with. I never had any contact with the deaf world, or a real notion about deafness.

It was the same for me before I met my husband. (I can only talk about my husband because he is all I really know about being deaf.) I had no associations or knowledge about deafness or Deaf Culture, and everyone in my circle of friends and family were just as ignorant. My husband has opened my eyes and this (he) has been a great blessing to me.

Before my husband received his cochlear implant, it never occurred to me that a person would prefer to be deaf than to hear. From what I've been reading about other people's experiences with implants, I get the feeling that he didn't give it enough of a chance. I realize it's an assumption on my part because I have no idea what did and did not work. It's very possible he prefers the total silence over the confusion and noise that the device brought him. I would imagine it's easier for a child to get use to.

I know now that my assumptions about being deaf were wrong and being deaf is a fine way to be for many people. My husband's deafness has not limited his intelligence and abilities by any means. His only limitation as far as I can tell, is the ignorance of hearing people who put obstacles in his way.

 

[gnulinuxman]

The chance of a baby being deaf is very small. Deafness is not something that the general public comes in contact with. I never had any contact with the deaf world, or a real notion about deafness.
Why should parents be prepared for it? Then, they should be prepared for Downs Syndrome, Siamese twins, etc. When expecting a child one expects a heallthy child.
Obviously, this is for MOST people. My child was born deaf so now I know it can happen. You are in contact with deafness, so you know there's a chance.
But.. do you say to every pregnent woman that she should realise that the child can be deaf? I don't think so.

So NO, normally parents do not expect a deaf child.

OK, genius, then explain why most hearing parents think having a deaf kid is one of the hardest blows in their life, and many want to "fix" that before they can fully accept the kid? Again, I don't think Deaf Culture is anything to be ashamed of, and I'm quite proud of being part of it.

 

[gnulinuxman]

It was the same for me before I met my husband. (I can only talk about my husband because he is all I really know about being deaf.) I had no associations or knowledge about deafness or Deaf Culture, and everyone in my circle of friends and family were just as ignorant. My husband has opened my eyes and this (he) has been a great blessing to me.

Perhaps more people should be informed about this because a significant portion of the population is deaf.

Before my husband received his cochlear implant, it never occurred to me that a person would prefer to be deaf than to hear. From what I've been reading about other people's experiences with implants, I get the feeling that he didn't give it enough of a chance. I realize it's an assumption on my part because I have no idea what did and did not work. It's very possible he prefers the total silence over the confusion and noise that the device brought him. I would imagine it's easier for a child to get use to.

In the Free Software/Open-Source software world, we have a term for that kind of cochlear implant marketing: FUD (fear, uncertainty, doubt), which preys upon people who don't know any better and then convinces them that it's 100% good and does not focus at all (or focuses very little) on the times it fails. (Microsoft does the same thing.)

I know now that my assumptions about being deaf were wrong and being deaf is a fine way to be for many people. My husband's deafness has not limited his intelligence and abilities by any means. His only limitation as far as I can tell, is the ignorance of hearing people who put obstacles in his way.

You got it!

 

[Cheri]

OK, genius, then explain why most hearing parents think having a deaf kid is one of the hardest blows in their life, and many want to "fix" that before they can fully accept the kid.

Good question, a very good one! I wondered myself too, always have.

 

[highlands]

Good question, a very good one! I wondered myself too, always have.

It's because they are foreign to deaf world.. They get shocked when they meet the diversity of deaf world... They have to 'discover' deaf world and it's not easy for them since it requires a lot of patience and efforts.. It's a huge challenge for hearies to face deaf world..

 

[jshumko]

Perhaps more people should be informed about this because a significant portion of the population is deaf.

I agree and this is one reason why I started my blog, so that my friends and family can become more aware, at least in my little world. I hope they read it. It's a slow process making people aware because most of them are so busy with their own families and their own challenges of life that they have to deal with. Both my husband and I don't have much patience these days with other people.

 

[Rose Immortal]

Precisely, I see too much emphasis on "healthy normalism" for a lot of kids with all sorts of disabilities. Hearing parents need to understand that sensory issues can be adapted to and lived with. We are not sick, and neither are we poor wittle helpless folks who sit in our living rooms, crying b/c we are "impaired", (the way a lot of hearing parents do)

Would you suggest that maybe parents simply don't realize how many opportunities now exist for those who have a disability? There's a difference between bigotry and ignorance...the second tends to be much more open to education than the former, and much less out of spite.

I think most people's mindsets are still locked to a time when this was much more limited because of society, lack of technology, and so on. I was surprised once when I mentioned in some conversation that I would not be too disturbed to lose my sight (I mean, I'd really miss it, but I could get on with my life)...the response was basically, "OMG are you CRAZY, you'd be so dependent!!!"

It happens that one of my friends is blind, and I know what a good life he's got. So this response came as a real shock to me. But the truth is for what I want to do in life, I would not necessarily need to see, and because I have known someone who doesn't, I know that very well.

But to those who are still learning, I think a lot of worst-case scenarios go through their minds.

 

[gnulinuxman]

Having a deaf child isn't so bad, It just different than having a hearing child. Differences aren't bad, it just different, example: variety of needs. Deaf children do not automatically pick things like hearing children do, like sounds that hearing children picks up. You have to have lot of patience and understanding. Doesn't matter what child you'll have, each child is different, and we don't know what our child will be when growing up, what type of person they will become in adult life, it's the same thing with hearing children.

It doesn't matter to me hearing or deaf, what's most important it is to me to have my children do the best in school, treat others with respect, get along with both world, (Hearing and deaf) because we are all equal in the eyes of God.

In reality all children are loved either deaf or hearing or disabilities. I'm a parents of two hearing children, they both know how to sign, they both are aware of my deafness, they both respect other people who aren't like them (hearing), they get along with both worlds too. It's how you bring your children up in the world to see the reality of life, with different people in this world who are just alittle different from us, but they're the same people as we are.

I believe this whole-heartedly too. I just have a hard time explaining that my reason for mingling with deafies and hearies is not to "help the poor people deprived of sound" but because we're all human, and both worlds are fascinating. (I do have a preference for the Deaf World, though, even though I'm hearing.) God made deaf people for a reason. I don't know what it is, but it is probably interesting.

 

[gnulinuxman]

Would you suggest that maybe parents simply don't realize how many opportunities now exist for those who have a disability? There's a difference between bigotry and ignorance...the second tends to be much more open to education than the former, and much less out of spite.

I think most people's mindsets are still locked to a time when this was much more limited because of society, lack of technology, and so on. I was surprised once when I mentioned in some conversation that I would not be too disturbed to lose my sight (I mean, I'd really miss it, but I could get on with my life)...the response was basically, "OMG are you CRAZY, you'd be so dependent!!!"

It happens that one of my friends is blind, and I know what a good life he's got. So this response came as a real shock to me. But the truth is for what I want to do in life, I would not necessarily need to see, and because I have known someone who doesn't, I know that very well.

But to those who are still learning, I think a lot of worst-case scenarios go through their minds.

And where do many of these parents get these worst-case scenarios? Audiologists, doctors, cochlear implant companies, hearing aid companies, etc. We need more than just parents educated--the "professionals" need education on Deaf Culture and ways around deafness too.

 

[deafdyke]

In some cases it is ignorance, but in other cases, it's b/c the parents wanted a designer "perfect" baby. I was AIMing with a friend of mine, who posts here sometimes and she said she was really turned off by the hoh support.She said that ALL the parents were whining that they just wanted a normal healthy baby. It's funny thou. There are folks out there who think "OH COOL! My child gets to learn ASL and all about Deaf culture" Then there's the parents who don't want to learn Sign b/c of the stigma of it being special needs. (and I really think that the majority of those parents are still majoraly psychologically messed up about their child's difference)

 

[Angel]

.... I was surprised once when I mentioned in some conversation that I would not be too disturbed to lose my sight (I mean, I'd really miss it, but I could get on with my life)...the response was basically, "OMG are you CRAZY, you'd be so dependent!!!"

It happens that one of my friends is blind, and I know what a good life he's got. So this response came as a real shock to me. But the truth is for what I want to do in life, I would not necessarily need to see, and because I have known someone who doesn't, I know that very well.

But to those who are still learning, I think a lot of worst-case scenarios go through their minds.

What about Helen Keller? She was born with full sight and hearing until she fell ill when she was nineteen months old which left her both blind and deaf and her parents didn't think Helen will ever have a good furture, but her parents were wrong , Helen Keller became a role model for millions of people, Thanks to her teacher Anne Sullivan who taught Helen finger spelling sign language, and struggling to try and control Helen’s bad behaviour and she did not give up hope and never once left her side, Helen had a great life, I dunno what would have happened if she had no help with someone who understood what is like to be in her position and for who she was.....


It would be much easier if someone has walked a miles in a person's shoes then they would understand what it like to be that child instead of just looking at them feeling there's no hope or furture, but they're wrong....

 

[Cloggy]

Oh agreed.....Cloggy seems very openminded, and I applaud him for that. I'm just wondering about his emphasis on dhh equating to "not healthy........."

I do not recall equating dhh to "not healthy".

I have said "Why is it OK to wish for a healthy child, but not OK to wish for a hearing child." If with the latter one would offend deaf people, wouldn't you offend parents with a handicapped child with the first one?

 

[Cloggy]

OK, genius, then explain why most hearing parents think having a deaf kid is one of the hardest blows in their life, and many want to "fix" that before they can fully accept the kid? Again, I don't think Deaf Culture is anything to be ashamed of, and I'm quite proud of being part of it.

I can only talk for myself, but I can assure you that it was not the hardest blow in my life. Wrong assumption. But any unfamiliar situation will cause a degree of panic and confusion. I hope you will agree with that.
When those feelings subsided, we heared about possibilities with CI and investigated those. One of the obvious dilemma's is the fact that you have to make the choice as soon as possible in order to have the best benefit. (Children learn language / perception of sound best before age 5.) That, plus the FACT that all our family and friends are hearing made for us the decision to go ahead with the implant.
Acceptance of out deaf child was no problem. (I know that's a favorite argument against parents that decided for CI...) We were ready to learn sign etc. and get familiar with d/Deaf culture - and we did.
SO, Never assume it is the hardest blow.
AND Do not assume that choosing CI means parents have not accepted the child. It's such blluhsit.
Hope this helped.

Getting ready for your next question. Enjoy getting them

 

[Cloggy]

Perhaps more people should be informed about this because a significant portion of the population is deaf.

In numbers perhaps, but not in percentage.....

QUOTE]In the Free Software/Open-Source software world, we have a term for that kind of cochlear implant marketing: FUD (fear, uncertainty, doubt), which preys upon people who don't know any better and then convinces them that it's 100% good and does not focus at all (or focuses very little) on the times it fails. (Microsoft does the same thing.)[/QUOTE] This FUD is totally wrong.... but the same is done by the d/Deaf world at times. Arguments being used that are totally unfounded or just plain wrong.

So BOTH should be prevented, and when seen in this messageboard, they should be confronted.

Because, if the decision is Yes/No CI, as long as it is done with the right information, it's a good decision.

When someone decides for CI and expects that (s)he will be hearing without any work - that's wrong. If someone decided not to have CI because (s)he will not be able to swim - that wrong.

 

[Cloggy]

It's because they are foreign to deaf world.. They get shocked when they meet the diversity of deaf world... They have to 'discover' deaf world and it's not easy for them since it requires a lot of patience and efforts.. It's a huge challenge for hearies to face deaf world..

It is, but normally the deaf world is very welcoming, at least here in Norway where CI is accepted by most deaf people. And for us it was clear that we would be fine with her being deaf. That doesn't mean there are no other possibilities to explore. We had have the possibility to raise our child inside a hearing environment as a hearing person instead of inside a hearing environment as a deaf person. With so many family and friends (and most of the rest of the world) living in a hearing environment we opted for CI.

Now tell me, what's the problem??

 

[Cloggy]

And where do many of these parents get these worst-case scenarios? Audiologists, doctors, cochlear implant companies, hearing aid companies, etc. We need more than just parents educated--the "professionals" need education on Deaf Culture and ways around deafness too.

Don't forget Deaf-millitants that preach against CI and are on a crusade to "help" innocent children.
Some of my best reasons to go for CI is due to the reaction of people that insulted me for even contemplating on the thought of giving the possibility to hear to my child.

When being called "HILTER" (wrong spelling by the person that wrote the post) it puts the Deaf world in another perspective.
When deafness has caused this to a person, then one might think again.
(Fortunately there are many more reasonable reactions.)