yankees
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- Joined
- Nov 28, 2005
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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she
gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more
money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who finds such a
man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand
him a lot and love him a
little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her
a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but
married men are a lot
more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she
won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING
YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs
and cackling,
telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same
thing to them at
funerals.
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she
gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more
money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who finds such a
man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand
him a lot and love him a
little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her
a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but
married men are a lot
more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she
won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING
YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs
and cackling,
telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same
thing to them at
funerals.
