Take the negative Turn it to Positive

Lil_country_gal said:
My ex bf use to abuse me and i have to admit it was very hard to leave my bestfriend is now dateing him and i'm worried he's gonna hurt her too. It's realy hard too watch all of this I'm glad I got out of the mind control and physical control

AJ i thank you for making this fourm I hope all girls get out of abusive relationships it's not worth getting hurt
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Lil_country_gal,

I dont mean to sound so harsh...however, my own perspective is when your bestfriend is with your ex boyfriend...she is not your true friend! PERIOD!

If I have or had bestfriend...if I tell her that I broke up with my ex...she turns my back and then goes out with him...that is not true friend! I may not know the whole story but that is how I look at it...

Also, since your ex was abusive to you..I suggest you to leave your bestfriend because your ex will someday harm or kill her and you at the same place and same time! Do you want that??

It is your decision whether if you want to stay or leave your bestfriend...I honestly dont think she is your true friend!

Bestfriends dont date with each others' ex boyfriends!
 
coloravalanche said:
Lil_country_gal,

I dont mean to sound so harsh...however, my own perspective is when your bestfriend is with your ex boyfriend...she is not your true friend! PERIOD!

If I have or had bestfriend...if I tell her that I broke up with my ex...she turns my back and then goes out with him...that is not true friend! I may not know the whole story but that is how I look at it...

Also, since your ex was abusive to you..I suggest you to leave your bestfriend because your ex will someday harm or kill her and you at the same place and same time! Do you want that??

It is your decision whether if you want to stay or leave your bestfriend...I honestly dont think she is your true friend!

Bestfriends dont date with each others' ex boyfriends!
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I know she's not my true friend i dated him 2 years ago though so i'm just worried about him hurting her
 
coloravalanche said:
Angel,

You are not the stupid one! It wasn't your fault! :hug:

My mother taught me when I was growing up that if a man ever lays his hand or verbally abusive to me whether if he is my boyfriend or husband for me to LEAVE him IMMEADIATELY! So, that's how I learned from my mother...she constantly reminded me many times when I was growing up!

Remember, dont feel guilty and it is not your fault! :hug:
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You're right, I guess I'm used of hearing this from others that had said that to me, I do understand why they said that, but it doesn't make it better when they're not walking a miles in our shoes by not knowing what its like to be in a situation like this....

Every person is different, it doesn't mean they can act the same way as we all do when we are in an abusive relationship, but the only thing they could do is at least help others relized what could happen if they stayed in that relationship....


You must be really proud to have a mom who taught you this earlier, cause if it wasn't for her, who knows what could have happened to you, It would be nice if more parents like your mom teach their children before they get older so they know what to expect and what to do when they happen to be in one....


Thank you for the nice comment and I'm glad to hear that you got out of yours and seeing that you're still here :hug:
 
Before I forget, I wanted to thank AJ for creating this thread, and I hope this messages will get across to others who are struggling on getting out of an abusive relationship, also I wanted to send a prayers to those who are in that relationship and hopefully they will look UP and give them the strength to get out...
 
Lil_country_gal said:
My ex bf use to abuse me and i have to admit it was very hard to leave my bestfriend is now dateing him and i'm worried he's gonna hurt her too. It's realy hard too watch all of this I'm glad I got out of the mind control and physical control

AJ i thank you for making this fourm I hope all girls get out of abusive relationships it's not worth getting hurt
Click to expand...

Sometimes abusive guys will go to the thing you hold most sacred that is your best friend and then beat her up as a way to trace you back to him then that is it. Your best friend and you both are dead. The hard cold truth is that he never loved you neither will he love your best friend.

Coloravalanche is right on that one but there are some guys who will scare a woman's best friend into obeying him then make the situation between you and her very uncomfortable which is exactly what he wants.... http://www.alldeaf.com/showpost.php?p=489195&postcount=21

but then again there are some women who actually will date an asshole after all they know their best friend has been through and are in denial and she is all smiles, dating him. That is messed up.

I never could understand why some women will date somebody who clearly is an asshole.
 
^Angel^ said:
It took me 15 years to get out of an abusive marriage, I guess I'm the stupid one :( ....
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Never ever say you were stupid :hug:
You were not alone to have been abused. I was also in an abusive marriage. I recently left my husband of 8 years.
Just be happy that you are now out of it and you are now with a wonderful man who loves you dearly.
 
Angel, pls dont say that you are stupid. I was dumb enough to marry the bummer who abused me which i was nearly to death on our second anniversary lucky i was surivived i believe that i did made post didn't i? Anyway, for anyone who has friends that go through the abusive pls recommend to leave quick before it goes too far. I was upset and very sad to read when AJ made thread "Bad news" about his friend which reminded myself of what i have been going through. Which my 1st ex hubby had been involve drugs such as herion, lsd and others and threated to murder me and had been abusived me for exactly two yrs. Now i am very glad to be alive which my ex hubby's stepfather save my life. Now next month I have to go up to Tennessee to fight his real mother cuz his mother works at bail bond which she had been bailed his son alot of times when he got arrested. Thats why I am fighting her to prevent her and her son from hurtin other ladies. He marries third wife who is deaf and blind and has a child by her. I am really worry about her for good sake.

Also, either for anyone who is going through the abusive pls get RO or go to shelter..
 
my friend kim was in an abusive relationship she got out of it this was like a year before i became friends with her. I remember her showing a pic of him to me ,and one day at work i saw him. I really wanted to throw a lettece head at him ...but i didn't want to get fired for harming a customer. I am very protective of my friends that my friend tiffany her ex (the guy think broke them up) was threatened by me and i didn't even have to say anything he just knew i was the bitch of the group when it came to my friends boyfriends. especially after what happened to kim .. if any guy lays hand on my friends they will suffer with my wrath ..... and if a guy ever hit me i'd leave him i wouldn't care how much i "love" him. i was sexually harassed by an older guy walking home school ... sick guys and abusive guys i will not take any shit from ... i thank my guyfriend tj from high school for making me stronger when it comes to these situations.
 
I was in abusive relationship and I finally got out of it. Mostly he abused me by emotional, mental and very little physical. So now he is married to this woman from Florida. I know he would hurt her but I dont know the full detail cuz they are not my friend. So I stay out of it. But I do hear complaint from my exh telling me about his wife this and that. I told him leave me out of it.

My deaf cousin was also in abusive relationship then she divorced her. Then her exh married to her good friend and they no longer become a good friend. A few days ago I found out that exh and his wife are seperated and heading for divorced. He also abused her too. Geez.

When a man or woman abuse someone that they think they love them is not love at all.

Love dont hurt at all but hate does!!
 
Heath said:
Sometimes abusive guys will go to the thing you hold most sacred that is your best friend and then beat her up as a way to trace you back to him then that is it. Your best friend and you both are dead. The hard cold truth is that he never loved you neither will he love your best friend.

Coloravalanche is right on that one but there are some guys who will scare a woman's best friend into obeying him then make the situation between you and her very uncomfortable which is exactly what he wants.... http://www.alldeaf.com/showpost.php?p=489195&postcount=21

but then again there are some women who actually will date an asshole after all they know their best friend has been through and are in denial and she is all smiles, dating him. That is messed up.

I never could understand why some women will date somebody who clearly is an asshole.
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Heath I doubt were dead he just uses much mind control he wants a girl with problems so he can "help" her and if she doesn't have problems like i didn't he will use his mind control to make her have one. He made me beileve i was anerexic and when that happened he got over protected of how i ate one day in school he asked me have u eaten i said no i'm not gonna eat tell next hour well he didn't think that was good enough and grabed me took me into the commons(lunch room) told some kid to get up out of a seat and grabed me by the shoulder and hip and pushed me as hard as he could into the seat. as i'm crying no stop stop please he kept pushing harder it finally took a security gaurd to get him off of me he also depressed me to the point i started cutting. I'm glad my relationship with him is over and i wish my friend would listen he dated a girl in between me and she said he never abused her but i'm not wondering if he also controled her and she didn't realize it. I'm really worried about bri my friend that's dateing him now she has problems she gets depressed easily and i'm worried after while when she gets comfy he will control her plus she's been doing the rebound relationships ever since she she broke up with her bf of 16 months and hasn't stoped yet i'm worried she's very vaulnarable i'm scared and i hate sitting here watching this
 
Lil_country_gal said:
i'm worried she's very vaulnarable i'm scared and i hate sitting here watching this
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Tell me about it. I have been in real life situations where it was like watching a bad movie with things happening to my friends even after I warned the girls and those things still happen. In some situations I have gotten in fights with the bad guys and in another situations I have stopped guys from doing things like that in front of me, being mean to her and I will not allow him to bully her or me. Some good guys do not have the right mindset to confront and handle a bad guy properly, they stop and freeze up in the middle of trying to stop the bad guy. The good guys still tried to stop what they could and that is why it is very important for the good guys to have the proper mindset, aggressiveness and have no fear to handle a bad guy. I hope your friend Bri will wake up and not want to be abused any further. May I make a suggestion she could read the posts and it will save her life reading this then work on helping build her personal growth and make her stronger , less vunerable. God Bless.....
 
I guess the love itself is magnet and blinds everyone from reality including abuses. In rare cases where abuses actually turned into successful relationship ONLY when husband show a true REPENTENCE (completely stop doing what is wrong and do what is right). I do agree that if abuse took place, then relationship should be called off right away, and should any stalk occur, police should be reported. Law enforcement need to be 'beefed up' to the extreme where it should save lives.
 
HEATH, you still defense yerself.. LOOK WOMEN who suffers coming from men abuse'em.. is think woman as condiser toy? NO! So mind you please zip yer mouth shut and respect women feelings.. Thank you!

my prevouis , I had been in abused by my ex bf.. for a year.. finally I encourge him to go fly seeing his uncle.. perfect my timing planned ahead.. *smiling at him* byebye... HE IS GONE... wooohhooooo~woot!

I packed everything and take my son and dispearing moved far away... settled new living and everything went smooth..

Somehow knock door.. I shocked he shown up on my doormat.. how r u find me? He pushed me but saw my friend are here.. saw whole thing... My friend really alshoied(sp) angrily at my ex bf.. Warning, if you come back here, i'll call police right away.. My ex bf gluped and seeing my friend who is really BIG and broad tall... *left* i begged my friend stay here for little bit longer sleep over... okay for me.. finally i feel safe...
few wks later, seems nothing coming back... my friend left...
he came back.. i holler to my landlord... did call police right away... arrest him.. buh bye!
never coming back... i'm glad it's over nightmare!
 
Aw thanks ButterflyGirl and Purrmeow :grouphug:


I proud of all of you girls for getting out of that relationship Come on girls! :grouphug:
 
GalaxyAngel said:
HEATH, you still defense yerself.. LOOK WOMEN who suffers coming from men abuse'em.. is think woman as condiser toy? NO! So mind you please zip yer mouth shut and respect women feelings.. Thank you!
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You don't even understand what I just said.... you are jumping to conclusions again .... you need to read again Look and Read Again !!!!
 
Heath said:
You don't even understand what I just said.... you are jumping to conclusions again .... you need to read again Look and Read Again !!!!
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heath buddy calm down ok? i know ur frustrated, but take a deep breath. i dont want this thread getting out of hand. i dont want it closed down.
 
ButterflyGirl said:
Never ever say you were stupid :hug:
You were not alone to have been abused. I was also in an abusive marriage. I recently left my husband of 8 years.
Just be happy that you are now out of it and you are now with a wonderful man who loves you dearly.
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me three, been married for 6 yrs, I was hit by this husband our first year of marriage since he hasnt done so far but I am afraid he may do again when he got paper divorce is final :Ohno:
 
^Angel^ said:
Also they don't usually tell anyone about what is really going on, and no one knows until it's too late.

I mean it's kind of embarrassed telling people that your husband or wife is beaten you, and they look up at you saying why you're with him/her? Sometimes it hard to leave them when you love them too much and hoping they will change one day and they don't....
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Dear Angel,

That is so True! How do you get Help? How do you get Out? I am too scared to Run. I am with him for 2 years and I am dying Inside. I can't use phone, computer, or any type of communication method without his Permission. I am at Library, which is how I found This Website.

Girls, get out while you Can. It is too Easy to be Trapped. I will try to come back to Library later. Just tell me How to get out Safety.

Your Sincerely,
ScaredGirl
 
ScaredGirl said:
Dear Angel,

That is so True! How do you get Help? How do you get Out? I am too scared to Run. I am with him for 2 years and I am dying Inside. I can't use phone, computer, or any type of communication method without his Permission. I am at Library, which is how I found This Website.

Girls, get out while you Can. It is too Easy to be Trapped. I will try to come back to Library later. Just tell me How to get out Safety.

Your Sincerely,
ScaredGirl
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Start by staying at the police headquarters and refuse to leave the police headquarters until you are put in contact with a domestic violence counselor and there was a domestic violence hotline that someone posted here on AllDeaf....stay at the police headquarters and ask for a domestic violence counselor and refuse to leave the police headquarters. Ask for ASL interpreter. The police will realize you mean serious business and that you want to stay alive then they will pay the bad guy a visit, arrest him on the spot because they realize you won't leave the police headquarters until he is in jail on no bail because you fear for your life and your safety.
 
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