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deafness88

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Has anyone thought about this because you're either deaf or hard of hearing? What is the meaning of life? For those people with impairment, including myself, I have mild hearing impairment. I can hear everyday life conversations and a typical clock ticking from 4 meters a way. I found life is meaningless to me. My life is always down. Sometimes when someone is talking to me, I just smile back at them because I cannot hear what they are saying or I don't even smile sometimes because it might be a negative thing. Sometimes when people say Hi to me and I don’t reply back people think I am not a sociable person and not a great person to be with. "Treat others the way you want to be treated". This quote applies here. I have hearing loss since I was born. I have no close friends, and I don't speak to my parents a lot. I feel so isolated. I don’t even have one close friend. Everyone is just a regular person to me. I have completely nothing to live for. The only thing that keeps me going is that I’ll have to get a sports motorcycle in my life because I love riding bikes. I also don’t have any girl friends. Girls’ voice tends to be a little quieter, I have to focus really hard to pick up the sound and make it audible. Humans are social being, realizing that I have problems socializing with other human beings make my life no worth living. How can I live through life without socializing and building strong relationships? I know I cannot get very far in life like this. In work, I’ll probably won’t get very far in life knowing that I cannot speaker proficiently. This will depict that I am an unintelligent character. No matter where I go, what I do, the regular human beings will always be superior to me. I will always feel left behind and stupid. I want to be like everyone else, always talking, having a great time, expressing how they feel when they’re down and having people look up to you. I cannot express these problems to my friends. This will just matter matters worst. I know this through life experience. I noticed that because usually when I am with a group of friends, they tend to not to talk to me, not that because I am not their friend, it is because I do not talk a lot and I usually don’t say anything back to them. Telling them that I have hearing impairment will make the situation worst for me or it will not? I suppose that if I tell them, it is more likely it will make my life worst. People tend to be with people because they share the same things in common and they do the same things together. If I let them know that I have hearing impairment, I would feel more isolated then before because they will feel awkward being with a person that is different from them. So what can I do? I feel sad every night that this is a fact and I cannot change this. The only thing that I can do is to cry and think about it, which makes me feel life is not worth living.
 
Whoo, well, I don't know what's the right thing to say to you. However I will try.

Sounds like you have a major case of depression though I'm no psychiatrist.

I'm sure there's some people who considered suicide because of their disability, but more often than not, it is not because of their disability.

BUT everyone do feel like their life means nothing at one stage in their lives regardless of wealth, race, disability, gender etc.

I just think you've not totally accepted your impairnment otherwise you'd not be feeling this way.

Certainly there'll always be a risk for rejection when you reveal your impairment to your friends, but once you educate them how it affects you, and what they need to do to make it easier for you. Then it should be alright.
Mind you if people rejects you it's because they're ignorant and are afraid of the unknown.

People with hearing loss always have had such hard time trying to understand what's being said around them, even me. Lipreading's a hard skill to acquire, but is necessary for many.

What you need to do is meet people who's in the same boat as you impairment wise. OR go and meet deaf people and learn sign language, maybe you'll find you feel better for doing it. Many oral deaf and HOH (hard of hearing) people learn sign language and have discovered they're comfortable using sign language because they fit in as well other understood them easily without communication problems. But that depends entirely on you.

WHAT you need to do is speak to your parents or the school counsellor.

I hope it gave you some thinking to do, and make you feel that you're not alone like you thought.
 
I have thought about meeting people with the same boat as me but I don't think it will make a difference since I have mild hearing problems. If I be with the hearing impaired people, I'll probably feel the same way as I do now. Since my hearing impaired is only mild, I feel like I do not fit in anywhere but in between.

About talking to my parents or councillor, I don't think I have the confidence to do it. By the way, where can I find mild hearing impaired people? I don't think i can communicate this problem face to face with anyone, i just don't feel comfortable with it. Is there a psychiatrist on this forum that i can talk to?
 
I don't know if there's a psychiatrist on this forum.


Btw, people do feel they don't fit in anywhere regardless. I felt that for many years at school.

Trust me, it'll improve, it has to. :)

Keep your chin up
 
Quite a Story u got there Girlie I feel for ya! *Hugs!* U know there is gota be nice people out in the world and Mean People also. Just be yourself and who you are and be proud of it. Because, If there going to be people like Closed mind who wouldn't give you a time of a day then that person isn't nice after all.

I know for matter of facts growing up and seen both sides of People there were people that wouldn't even tried to talk to me thinking oh she is Deaf They walked away and don't even tried to talk to me. It doesn't bother me as much because I know that this Person is just Scared and maybe do not know how to talk to a deaf person.


Don't feel left behide Life isn't easy I have had my Share of Problems which there are times I would feel like Why wouldn't they talk to me why do they bully me around Just because I am deaf. But, you know I outgrown it and Learned that there are going to be people like that out there. Sometimes I wish that everyone would be Nice to each other and treat each other the way we want to be Treat but it doesn't always happen that way u know?
Maybe it would be better to talk to someone; Someone you trust someone who would Help you get over ur Fears, Ur Emotion.
 
I've thought about it but not because of my hearing impairment. That, I've accepted a long time ago. There's nothing I can do about my hearing loss, and I've grown up knowing that...the people around me used to tease me to no end, and I've had some troubles at school because I was different. Deaf, chubby, different speech.

But ahhh...I've gone through plenty of hard times. It's convinced me that life is like a board game - and no, I don't mean the one where you jump spaces and "conveniently" land on the green Pay Day squares. I mean you're dealt some cards whether they're good ones or nasties...and it's up to you on how to play them.

Suicide though, should never be an option. I'm not a psychiatrist at all, so you do have the legroom to tell me to kiss off! However, suicide, IMO is a selfish way out. You may not have to deal with your issues anymore, but the people around you who love you and would miss you terribly if you did such a thing. I'm not sure what you have around you in your city, but there should be some deaf clubs? Maybe you can somehow get involved with that?

Remember - you are not alone. There is almost always someone somewhere who feels exactly as you do. You just need to find them, discuss, and just find friends who understand. It's hard but doable. :) This is a great place to start.

Good luck - Malfy.
 
Thank you for sharing your woes with us. However, we are not therapists but we can only offer support/resources.

I really urge you to see a licensed therapist to help you deal with major issues because it will help you in a long run. Have you looked into getting a cochlear implant? I only asked since you said you have mild hearing loss and perhaps with a cochlear implant, you may have more confidence in your hearing skills. Having a cochlear implant won't resolve everything because it sounds like much more than a hearing loss that you are dealing with but rather about accepting you for who you are.

Please know that you are not alone - many of us struggle with different issues but it is not worth to end our lives cos our time on Earth is temporary anyway so why focus only on negative when we have to count our blessings while we are here for a short time.

Take care please...
 
Would a therapist actually understand you? I think you have to be deaf to understand.

I have asked the audiologist about cochlear implant, it is not suitable for me since i am not deaf. I only have mild hearing disability. I can hear everyday conversations fine but i usually have difficulties hearing a new word or having someone new to me speak, or having something said from out of the blue. I know i always feel tired because my brain always fill in the words that i thought i have heard but actaully my brain filled in the words that i have missed. I have a hearing aid but i never used it. It is uncomfortable and i feel detached from other people
 
deafness88 said:
I have a hearing aid but i never used it. It is uncomfortable and i feel detached from other people
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Let me ask you a question, how long did you wear your hearing aid for till you stopped the use of it?

Or did you never use it?

From what I know, people need a certain period of time to adjust to the use of hearing aids. At first, it tend to be uncomfortable, but later, you'll get used to it.
 
Banjo said:
Let me ask you a question, how long did you wear your hearing aid for till you stopped the use of it?

Or did you never use it?

From what I know, people need a certain period of time to adjust to the use of hearing aids. At first, it tend to be uncomfortable, but later, you'll get used to it.
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I found out that I have hearing defect when i started kindergarten and the audiologist suggested me to buy a hearing aid and i did. From K to grade 7 i only wore it from time to time, not all the time. I feel the sound i get from the hearing aid is not natual at all, it is just louder. After i started secondary school, i never wore it again. Why did i wore it during my elementary years? because there was this lady who helps me with my learning once a week, but i found it useless. I don't think she knows how and everytime she come she requires me to have my hearing aid on. During my secondary school time, the lady comes once a week during my lunch time period and i didn't show up and she stoped coming.
 
I have thought about meeting people with the same boat as me but I don't think it will make a difference since I have mild hearing problems. If I be with the hearing impaired people, I'll probably feel the same way as I do now. Since my hearing impaired is only mild, I feel like I do not fit in anywhere but in between.

About talking to my parents or councillor, I don't think I have the confidence to do it. By the way, where can I find mild hearing impaired people? I don't think i can communicate this problem face to face with anyone, i just don't feel comfortable with it. Is there a psychiatrist on this forum that i can talk to?
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Hi Deaf88, Believe me what you're going through is very very common. Did you have exposure to other deaf and hoh kids when growing up? Were you picked on a lot b/c of being hoh? Believe me I've been there and done that. I have never ever felt 100% comfortable with hearing people even thou I was totally and completely mainstreamed while growing up. I can remember that I thought I was the only kid in the entire world who was hoh and had to wear hearing aids. I can remember wishing that I wasn't hoh. It wasn't until I was eighteen that I realized that it wasn't my being hoh that was the cause of all my problems...it was the way people treated me b/c of my being hoh. Sort of like the way a lot of black people aspired to be "white looking" back before the civil rights era. I actually had surgery as a teen that could have made me 100% hearing. It failed and I was very depressed b/c of that at the time, but it did help me come to terms with my being hoh....being hoh for me is just a difference and not nesararily a "bad" one. Everyone's different. I know it's hard to remember that, especially if you grew/grow up in a Stepford suburb, but difference isn't bad or good. It just is. It does sound like you would benifit significently from support groups like SHHH or getting involved in Deaf clubs.Despite what a lot of people think only a very small minority of Deaf people are stone deaf. Many hoh people pick up Sign and become involved in the deaf culture and identify as Deaf. Socrates/Freaky who used to post here (although I haven't seen her in awhile) was born with a mild-moderate loss to a Deaf family and still identifies strongly as Deaf. Levonian only has a unilateral loss and identfies as Deaf. There are many mild or otherwise traditionally hoh folks who also identify as Deaf. I remember a poster from deafnotes once said that his girlfriend said that if she had a choice, between being hearing or deaf, that she would pick being hoh b/c it would mean that she'd get the best of both worlds. I understand what you're going through since in our society we tend to think of things as binaries. A lot of people don't fit into binaries and don't feel like they belong in either world. (for example bisexual people, biracial people and more) One of my friends is a lesbian and has said that until she met a friend of mine that she never felt totally comfortable with straight people.
Maybe something that might help is trying a new hearing aid. Some of the new digital ones are awesome!!!!! You really need to experiment with different brands and makes of aids. I just got new Phonaks after wearing Siemens for years and years...and even thou they are only analogs these are the best I've ever worn! You might find yourself loving the new types of aids!
 
life is meaningless?

naw, that's where you are wrong, my dear friend...

there are tons of people out there whose life is worse and full of shit than yours...

there are people who can't see, people who can't walk, people who can't hear, people who get teasted and get beaten up for no reason...people get disrespected for alot of reasons... some people with no legs would proably have to sit on their wheel chair for the rest of their lives with no running or playing or whatever like that...
some people with no arms always have to have other people help them put food in their mouth. other people who are blind always need guidance. people who are gay or lesibans always have a difficult time trying to make a difference when they want to prove that they have a right to get married or other people of difference races always fight to get "treated equality" agreement and stuff like that...

see, if you are only deaf, it's not too bad for you and it's not really too late for you to keep trying...to keep trying your best to make friends and be in more coversations with your relatives and stuff like that...just don't give up, though.
 
Steel's right -- life's not meaningless at all. It sounds like you're just having a small case of denial -- not accepting your deafness the way it is.
I had that trouble, myself. While I grew up -- I was one angry girl, really hated being deaf and unable to hear nor follow conversations anywhere I went.
But these days, I feel heaps better because I feel fortunate that I have my mind -- just one thing that is missing, hearing. That's all. Basically, I'm just like a hearing person -- only thing -- can't hear. :D

I know a few who aren't as well off as I am -- very emotionally instable and unable to accept his/her deafness. One specific person is deaf. Has a CI but is deaf, but the parents won't accept that person is deaf permanently. Parents have tried to get that child to adapt like a hearing person and be in hearing school with NO interpreters. Now, that person is not very good with english nor writing skills. :roll: Struggling with both school and work.
 
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deafdyke "I actually had surgery as a teen that could have made me 100% hearing. It failed and I was very depressed b/c of that at the time, but it did help me come to terms with my being hoh....being hoh for me is just a difference and not nesararily a "bad" one. "

Sorry to ask, but what kind of surgery was it that could have made you hear 100%?

I think i feel a bit relief now. thanks, you guys are grateful.

I think that is there my problem lies, I cam unable to accept that think that i am hoh. I can hear like a regular person except i say "what" quite a lot. I can listen to music find, i can talk on the telephone fine if it is a person with a average voice. I have problems talking to girls on the phone though, their voice is quite quiet and all the words sounds the same.
 
deafness88 said:
deafdyke "I actually had surgery as a teen that could have made me 100% hearing. It failed and I was very depressed b/c of that at the time, but it did help me come to terms with my being hoh....being hoh for me is just a difference and not nesararily a "bad" one. "

Sorry to ask, but what kind of surgery was it that could have made you hear 100%?

I think i feel a bit relief now. thanks, you guys are grateful.

I think that is there my problem lies, I cam unable to accept that think that i am hoh. I can hear like a regular person except i say "what" quite a lot. I can listen to music find, i can talk on the telephone fine if it is a person with a average voice. I have problems talking to girls on the phone though, their voice is quite quiet and all the words sounds the same.
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That's good to hear that you're feeling a bit relieved -- I was suicidal for a while, not too long ago -- it wasn't over my deafness, but over personal issues I was dealing with and anger towards other people. I'm not going to elaborate on the details, but am alright today...thanks to some time out to myself and quality time with friends who I could talk with and have an intense heart-to-heart conversations.
 
I have been through worse situation than those people who have suicided. Sorry, all they are asking for is a pity.
 
Hermit of ozark said:
I have been through worse situation than those people who have suicided. Sorry, all they are asking for is a pity.
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Deaf88 is having hard time with hearing loss and he needs us to listen to his despair. That's what we are here for in AD...to support each other when we need to be "heard" and offer support with kind words. Please be more considerable on how Deaf88 must be feeling and that he needs our support.
 
Peachy Lady said:
Deaf88 is having hard time with hearing loss and he needs us to listen to his despair. That's what we are here for in AD...to support each other when we need to be "heard" and offer support with kind words. Please be more considerable on how Deaf88 must be feeling and that he needs our support.
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Sorry that my post isnt clear enough, I am just saying that suicide is wrong move. He should be going to psychologist instead of getting online getting untrained help and advices.
 
Hermit of ozark said:
Sorry that my post isnt clear enough, I am just saying that suicide is wrong move. He should be going to psychologist instead of getting online getting untrained help and advices.
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What would they know?
Has anyone here been to one before? Does it actually help?
 
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