Start dating again?

glickchick

glickchick

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Hi Everyone,

So it's been a couple of months since I became completely deaf. I'm adjusting as well as you'd expect, and I'm slowly but surely learning ASL. Before I lost my hearing, I was active in the dating world, as you'd expect a girl of my age to be. Naturally when I lost my hearing, I stopped dating to attempt to get my life together and adjust to my new circumstances.

While I'm still not totally adjusted, I think I am ready to start pursuing a relationship again. I mean, I see so many of my friends in great relationships, and to be totally honest, I want that too. Before going deaf, meeting/attracting guys was never a problem at all, and (thankfully) it seems like guys are still attracted to me. I want to put myself back out there. Here's the issue - I really believe that communication is the key to relationships, and communication is a major, major challenge for me. As I'm learning ASL, I'm heavily reliant on lip reading (though that's imperfect at best), writing things down, texting, etc. Since going deaf, I don't really use my voice all that much, though I can still speak and do so from time to time. So how do I engage in a relationship if communication is so hard? For those of you who lost hearing later in life like me, how did you know when you were ready to start dating again? How do/did you communicate with your significant other?

Any help/advice/tips would be so greatly appreciated!

-Lauren
 
For some people, it seems it may help if you find someone who shares similar experiences in their lives as yours, but that is completely dependent on your personality, I think. You could find someone who was late deafened like you, and you might share similar communication values (if that's important).

Do you like personalities with different strokes or are you a two peas in a pod person? Those are hard questions to answer. :P
I think those questions should probably be a key underlying issue for you to figure out beforehand.

Once you have figured out the type of person you are seeking, communication should come along with ideal person you are looking for. Actually, in a perfect world the person you are seeing should be able to communicate with you on a basis you can trust and become fully comfortable with.

It does not really matter if they are natively deaf, hard of hearing, or hearing, the way they communicate should be acceptable you and entirely how you feel is best for you. After all, you're no different than a regular joe/jane, you just can't hear as well. :)
 
glickchick said:
Hi Everyone,

So it's been a couple of months since I became completely deaf. I'm adjusting as well as you'd expect, and I'm slowly but surely learning ASL. Before I lost my hearing, I was active in the dating world, as you'd expect a girl of my age to be. Naturally when I lost my hearing, I stopped dating to attempt to get my life together and adjust to my new circumstances.

While I'm still not totally adjusted, I think I am ready to start pursuing a relationship again. I mean, I see so many of my friends in great relationships, and to be totally honest, I want that too. Before going deaf, meeting/attracting guys was never a problem at all, and (thankfully) it seems like guys are still attracted to me. I want to put myself back out there. Here's the issue - I really believe that communication is the key to relationships, and communication is a major, major challenge for me. As I'm learning ASL, I'm heavily reliant on lip reading (though that's imperfect at best), writing things down, texting, etc. Since going deaf, I don't really use my voice all that much, though I can still speak and do so from time to time. So how do I engage in a relationship if communication is so hard? For those of you who lost hearing later in life like me, how did you know when you were ready to start dating again? How do/did you communicate with your significant other?

Any help/advice/tips would be so greatly appreciated!

-Lauren
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Have a pad of paper and pen wherever you go Lauren. You will be surprised at home, or anywhere you shop, often hearies accommodate you with that. I went /voice about a month ago and, other than work, where I have to speak for my living, it has been an amazing experience. I've also discovered that men reveal more when writing or emailing side by side in an email or word document than they ever have before verbally.

I communicate with facial expressions mostly because he is not fluid in sign and he reads them so well. Then we have candles and dim light around us all the time. Everywhere. I do not think you will meet a man who has a problem with that.

Just want to give you a big hug. Probably transition for you but please, please embrace it sooner than later.
 
Deaf guys around here in NYC aren't great at all. Or at least that's what I've seen so far. Where are you located? I'm near Queens in Nassau.
 
It just men who you will have to find who can be bear with your communicate when you may not understand their lip.

Wish you good luck and have safe fun
 
lanapoo said:
Deaf guys around here in NYC aren't great at all. Or at least that's what I've seen so far. Where are you located? I'm near Queens in Nassau.
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i have to say that i agree with her. :shock: For deaf/Deaf guys are OK ok ok in NYC and Long Island. =X
 
I know I am not the right person to answer since I was born profoundly deaf. I am an ASL user all my life. I have been hitting on by hearing guys all the time. What I can say is that some hearing guys do have understanding better about deaf culture or just learning or some of them have siblings who are disabled siblings the more they are more understanding. WEIRD.

Like my son who have two close friends that I never knew until I found out that his two friends who happen to have brothers who are down sydrome. It has to be something with understanding about any kind of disbled people. of course it is not always the case.

I often bumped into people who lost their hearing and they end up dating each other who they both ahve either HOH or late deafened. Very few hearing guys who have wonderful patience with deaf people who are ASL users. Several of my close friends who are ASL users, have hearing husbands. Patience is the key, is what I believe so.
 
im been rollercoast on dating man but im learn my lesson dont dating scam man nope anymores..

But im still texting that man from Mississippi he and me still going on dating but his name is Jeffrey Gill but im called him Jeff but my mom trust Jeff lots so Jeff not scams or prevent he very good man and he is deaf also but im met him thru deaf dating.But he and me been texting five half hours to six hours its fun talk its October 30 five days ago.My mom wanted me to meet nice man like Jeffrey Gill its my mom's dating tips and Jeff explain to me no sex till official marriages i told him i says alright! i can wait
 
sara1981 said:
im been rollercoast on dating man but im learn my lesson dont dating scam man nope anymores..

But im still texting that man from Mississippi he and me still going on dating but his name is Jeffrey Gill but im called him Jeff but my mom trust Jeff lots so Jeff not scams or prevent he very good man and he is deaf also but im met him thru deaf dating.But he and me been texting five half hours to six hours its fun talk its October 30 five days ago.My mom wanted me to meet nice man like Jeffrey Gill its my mom's dating tips and Jeff explain to me no sex till official marriages i told him i says alright! i can wait
Click to expand...

ok
 
glickchick said:
Hi Everyone,

So it's been a couple of months since I became completely deaf. I'm adjusting as well as you'd expect, and I'm slowly but surely learning ASL. Before I lost my hearing, I was active in the dating world, as you'd expect a girl of my age to be. Naturally when I lost my hearing, I stopped dating to attempt to get my life together and adjust to my new circumstances.

While I'm still not totally adjusted, I think I am ready to start pursuing a relationship again. I mean, I see so many of my friends in great relationships, and to be totally honest, I want that too. Before going deaf, meeting/attracting guys was never a problem at all, and (thankfully) it seems like guys are still attracted to me. I want to put myself back out there. Here's the issue - I really believe that communication is the key to relationships, and communication is a major, major challenge for me. As I'm learning ASL, I'm heavily reliant on lip reading (though that's imperfect at best), writing things down, texting, etc. Since going deaf, I don't really use my voice all that much, though I can still speak and do so from time to time. So how do I engage in a relationship if communication is so hard? For those of you who lost hearing later in life like me, how did you know when you were ready to start dating again? How do/did you communicate with your significant other?

Any help/advice/tips would be so greatly appreciated!

-Lauren
Click to expand...
trials and errors. you just meet and see.
 
sara1981 said:
im been rollercoast on dating man but im learn my lesson dont dating scam man nope anymores..

But im still texting that man from Mississippi he and me still going on dating but his name is Jeffrey Gill but im called him Jeff but my mom trust Jeff lots so Jeff not scams or prevent he very good man and he is deaf also but im met him thru deaf dating.But he and me been texting five half hours to six hours its fun talk its October 30 five days ago.My mom wanted me to meet nice man like Jeffrey Gill its my mom's dating tips and Jeff explain to me no sex till official marriages i told him i says alright! i can wait
Click to expand...

That's great! Mom always knows what's best for you. I wish you well. Ps. I suggest not using his full name on here in case there's a member who may know him.
 
I think you and I are in the same boat clickchick. I've always been Hard of Hearing, but my deafness has increased severely and I'm also trying to adjust to it. To the point where a phone conversation is not doable for me. I also just got out of a 6 yr relationship (was engaged to the guy even) with a guy who didn't meet eye to eye with me and my hearing needs.

As far as being ready to date again, I think it depends entirely on the person and how much space they allowed themselves perhaps. If you feel confidant enough in your own skin (you know who you are as you, not as you and another person) then maybe your ready to dip your toes in the dating pool but nothing too serious. It just takes a special guy to have a deeper understanding to what we need and want out of a relationship.
 
Thanks for the replies everyone, this is helpful. I feel like I want to start again, but the communication gap is just so worrisome. My ASL isn't great yet (a, because I just started learning not too long ago, and b, to be honest, I don't practice/use what I've learned all that often), and I'm relying heavily on lip reading, which is really tough. Being that relationships are all about communication (to me at least), this creates a tough situation, but I have a strong desire to get back in the game.

I'm still up at University of Michigan, as my first semester being deaf starts to begin the process of winding down. My grades definitely aren't as good as they were before (but they are still pretty good), and I attribute that to the huge adjustment. Socially, campus life is still good, but different, and I've discovered who my true friends really are. I know it's effort to hang out with me now (due to the communication challenges), but I have a few close friends here who are making the effort, which is awesome. It's still so weird not being able to hear all the sounds of campus life, but I guess I am adjusting slowly but surely. I know that Im still attractive, fun, and bubbly, and guys are still attracted to me, but I can't help but wonder what they think when they find out that I am totally deaf. I guess there's only one way to find out!

LanaPoo - I live in the city (when I'm not up at school).

-Lauren
 
I'm sorry . . . that you are a Wolverine. :D

It's really tough to have a relationship when there is an imbalance in the communication mode. I agree with Naisho. It makes it a lot easier and comfortable when you have a shared experience with someone. In your case, this would be very hard to find, especially in college. So if you do start dating hearing men again, just hope you get lucky and find a nice one who is not going to take advantage of your deafness. But you do seem smart enough to recognize the assholes. It's great that you decided to immediately start learning ASL. This is the key right here. Best of luck.


-Boilermaker
 
Nothing crazy here. Just mbrek see things.
 
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Bite me, Mary Collins. Or just mail me the damn check if I'm so lucky.
 
^^^Ok, Sunny. We look a little crazy here when they pull the Spam post.

"But she was here, really!!! We both saw her!!!" LOL
 
glickchick said:
Thanks for the replies everyone, this is helpful. I feel like I want to start again, but the communication gap is just so worrisome. My ASL isn't great yet (a, because I just started learning not too long ago, and b, to be honest, I don't practice/use what I've learned all that often), and I'm relying heavily on lip reading, which is really tough. Being that relationships are all about communication (to me at least), this creates a tough situation, but I have a strong desire to get back in the game.

I'm still up at University of Michigan, as my first semester being deaf starts to begin the process of winding down. My grades definitely aren't as good as they were before (but they are still pretty good), and I attribute that to the huge adjustment. Socially, campus life is still good, but different, and I've discovered who my true friends really are. I know it's effort to hang out with me now (due to the communication challenges), but I have a few close friends here who are making the effort, which is awesome. It's still so weird not being able to hear all the sounds of campus life, but I guess I am adjusting slowly but surely. I know that Im still attractive, fun, and bubbly, and guys are still attracted to me, but I can't help but wonder what they think when they find out that I am totally deaf. I guess there's only one way to find out!

LanaPoo - I live in the city (when I'm not up at school).

-Lauren
Click to expand...

Isn't it amazing that once something life changing happens to you, some will bail. Some of my "friends" wont even take the time to text me because its just too much of a inconvenience to them and talking is easier for them. They didn't last long in my circle of friends. I used to talk on the phone all the time but even with my hearing aid on, its a struggle so I decided I'm strictly texting because its too much stress for me to listen and try to understand (lip reading is whats saved my ass numerous of times, when you watch tv focus on the person's lips it helped me at a young age.) What makes this funny for me, is now when I'm people watching, I notice how people talk on the phone and it kinda looks a bit annoying to me now lol. Not because I can't do it but I never realized how annoying it really looked.
 
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ladysolitary85 said:
notice how people talk on the phone and it kinda looks a bit annoying to me now lol. Not because I can't do it but I never realized how annoying it really looked.
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You're lucky in that respect. I can still HEAR them!

"So I was all, like, nuh-ah. Then she was, like, all yeah. Then I go no way, and I was, like, all...." :blah:

Aaaaargh!!!!
 
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