Social Skills

That's it Shel, you are right. It is human nature to shy away from things we are uncomfortable with. Yet more often than not, our initial response is to throw the 'baby out with the bath water' Once we recognise this, it is easier then to determine what we are comfortable with and then stick to that and we are all the more happier for it.
 
its' not just human nature, its natural for all living things....ban Humanism's arrogance above all living creatures...
lol
 
Grummer said:
i find this thread really inspiring and sad fact my family are bunch of assholes, except 2 sisters who have compassion and seek to understand where im from , not to what they 'prefer to understand'...i will read it all again tmw, im just so tired, but just travelled back from Parents home for xmas...what a journey..good to see craigm, alleycat,kristina, bajagal, etc etc all sharing I will try my best to see if i can relate (and in a wierd way many of which will be on my 'list-to-try' with my family as time is moving and Id hate to failed them or myself if i'd never try bridge between worlds and also to make my own life better (as well as the Deaf community to which i am now move involved with - and i like it)... will post again soon :) Cheers
p.s. im on the meds too, its been a long road to recovery and its not not finished...and still studying....
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:wave: ..."understanding"...sigh...that's exactly what I'm looking for
 
shel90 said:
Maybe that's why I dont have as much desire to go out and socialize as before because I have a great support system in my immediate living environment with my hubby, brother, and his girllfriend. :dunno:

However, since Thursday, I have been social almost daily. Christmas Day, we went to my in-laws and I have to say that it wasnt too bad with all the hearing people..maybe his family is getting used to my needs and making an effort or I am just getting used to their ways, Sunday...my daughter flew here and we all spent all night chatting with her, my hubby, brother, and his girlfriend, and yesterday 4 of my friends came over with their kids and we had an awesome time dancing to Wii and playing Yatzee all night. Tmw, I am going tubing with some of my good friends, Thursday..my best friend from PA will be coming with her kids, Friday..not sure, Sat..my hubby and I may go and see my friend (she is a singer of a band) perform at one of the local bars, and then on Sunday, my hubby and I are going to the Ravens football game.

I think I prefer those kinds of social outings or gatherings over large Deaf socials.
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Right on the spot :)
 
not too sure, itsnt that not too nice to prefer company of hearing/family over deaf fellowships? whats worries me is the tread that echoes the victory of assimilation/mainstreaming please reallise this is shouldn't be separated /selective as 'school/education is deaf matters' home life is hearing/family/private matter to conceal preferance of hearing over deaf??

just a freindly reminder im not accussing, just saying ok i guess maybe one holiday you might want hearing company, then another holiday to be with Deaf.... but hmmm
just something to ponder about

anyway HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you, including Shel90 (i stiill think you are cool)
 
Grummer said:
not too sure, itsnt that not too nice to prefer company of hearing/family over deaf fellowships? whats worries me is the tread that echoes the victory of assimilation/mainstreaming please reallise this is shouldn't be separated /selective as 'school/education is deaf matters' home life is hearing/family/private matter to conceal preferance of hearing over deaf??

just a freindly reminder im not accussing, just saying ok i guess maybe one holiday you might want hearing company, then another holiday to be with Deaf.... but hmmm
just something to ponder about

anyway HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you, including Shel90 (i stiill think you are cool)
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Grummer, so your answer is for all Deaf, all over the world, to come out of the woodworks, gather together in droves and 'take over the world' :P :lol:
That would fix everything right?! :naughty:
 
BecLak said:
Grummer, so your answer is for all Deaf, all over the world, to come out of the woodworks, gather together in droves and 'take over the world' :P :lol:
That would fix everything right?! :naughty:
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Shhh....it's a conspiracy. Didn't you get the memo?
 
tigersharkdude said:
Not at all possible. I live here with my mom and brother. My mom and myself are really big family people and all of our family lives with in an 2 hours.

If I could move, I would love to move to Chicago, I absolutely love it up there
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Your living situation sounds a lot like mine, if I had the financial means to move, I would do so. I have always thought I would do better mentally and emotionally away from this area. My dad drives me nuts, my family while they love me are also judgmental.

I want to go someplace where I feel like I'm good enough for somebody. I've had enough let downs for one lifetime that I can relate to the metaphor of life kicking you down and it still continues to kick you. Just about the time you think you might get back up again, your knees are pulled out from under you.

When I read your posts I feel like maybe there's someone that understands what it's like to try and try only to come up empty handed in our efforts to succeed. I've been told that if it weren't for bad luck, I probably wouldn't have any luck at all. All I want is one success in this lifetime where I feel like I've done something good.
 
whoever told you have some luck rather than none is probably true, only because you had no control over it.

I mean seriously, 1 in 300 million bits of sperm and one egg. incredible ;).

you know, once you have that one "success" I think it keeps following you. "success begets success". It depends on how you define it too, I mean maybe you've already have had success and you don't really know it yet. Maybe you planted some seeds and the fruit will come later?

The grass is green.
 
jillio said:
Shhh....it's a conspiracy. Didn't you get the memo?
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lets go back to the drawing board shall we? revisit the plans for world domination ... LOL

there is nothing that smells like conspiracy about it, you see it is contrary to popular 'thought' of "politics" whether conventional governmental politics or petty "office politics" many people, including undergrads of sociology (including those majored in psychology) fails to realise that ideology operates on the UNCONSCIOUS level. I was merely point out the while that many d/Deaf tend to favour Deaf education ideals but in practice their social lives tend to be favoured with the company of hearing family/community (not WRONG with it) just there seems a hint of double standards, that is ALL im pointing out to...
so dont accuse me of any misguided thinking...so dont go slandering...
 
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tigersharkdude said:
Ive tried finding new people, but it seems that everyone I meet is in to drinking and doing drugs. I tried meeting new people at church and encountered a problem there. I ran across two types of people, 1) snobby and think they are better than you and 2) people my age who dont comprehend the fact that I cant hear.

I will say I like to be around people who are older than me, as I am very mature for my age. Again most of the people I have met fall into the same categories as above.
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i can relate to that too
 
KristinaB said:
I have basically lost all of my hearing friends that I have had for the last upteen years. They basically told me that since I can't hear them, it's not worth their time to work with me to hear them. Now, that tells me that they were not real friends and I guess I can deal with that. It hurts, but I am dealing with it. Due to my family, I am unable to get more involved with the deaf community here. So, I try to get out some, and I do go to a mall to walk around some, but mostly, I stay home. I will go do errands and shopping as needed, and I am trying to get back into church, but it's not easy (not set up for deaf or hearing loss).

In school, I was always very social in that I was the person people could talk to. They knew they could trust me to not repeat things. Mainly because I didn't hear them well enough to know what was being said.

Right now, the only people that would really notice if I wasn't around, would be family and friends both at home and online. That's sad. I don't quite know how to rectify it, so I just deal with it.

C'est la vie
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I am sorry you and everyone else here who has shared had to endure this and while I have no idea what its like, I know what its like to be a friend and I think when you are truly and whole heartedly someones friend then you will still be there friend no matter what. If my friend loses the ability to walk I would jump in the wheelchair and take a ride, if my friend lost their hair because of chemo I would shave my head too and if my friend had to learn a new way to communicate then I would be right there with them learning as well. If you didn't have the privilege of having this type of friend then good riddens to them, and I hope that you believe me when I say genuine people are out there I know because I am that friend and I thank God I can say I have a friend like that too...

:hug: for all
 
naisho said:
Maybe it's called.. gettin' old.. :P
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what of those of us who are less than 25 years old. is it getting hold that's responsible for us being antisocial (withdrawn?).
PFH, i've experienced this for 5 yrs now but dont seem to be getting out of it
 
I am finally out of the social slump I was in. Been going bowling with friends, going to friends' houses, or having them over, and this Sat I am going to a KODA event. :)
 
KristinaB said:
I really have been looking and searching and sometimes it feels like I am just really bothering the Deaf Service Center too much, but they have said there isn't much here.
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I know this is from last year, but just wanted to reply to this.

If you can't go to the mountain, maybe the mountain can come to you.

In other words, if you are unable to go to the socials, maybe you can create a social at home, or a local coffee shop, etc. And put out the word that on the second Friday of each month, you'll be at this location, from this time to that time. Maybe deafies will start showing up regularly.
 
Grummer said:
lets go back to the drawing board shall we? revisit the plans for world domination ... LOL

there is nothing that smells like conspiracy about it, you see it is contrary to popular 'thought' of "politics" whether conventional governmental politics or petty "office politics" many people, including undergrads of sociology (including those majored in psychology) fails to realise that ideology operates on the UNCONSCIOUS level. I was merely point out the while that many d/Deaf tend to favour Deaf education ideals but in practice their social lives tend to be favoured with the company of hearing family/community (not WRONG with it) just there seems a hint of double standards, that is ALL im pointing out to...
so dont accuse me of any misguided thinking...so dont go slandering...
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Huh? I didn't accuse you of misquided thinking.:dunno2:
 
I've read everyone's post here and I can relate to a lot of it.

I used to be much more outgoing and talkative than I am now.

Shortly after high school, I had several jobs where I would easily chat people up about the stuff that interested me. And found a few people willing to talk about it. But I found that most people thought that it was "strange."

I really didn't understand why, until I learned that most people really are just into small talk. They will talk endlessly about small talk. Which is fine, I guess. Except that I want to talk about the big stuff, the interesting stuff. History, Science, Space Colonization, Economics, stuff like that. It seems that 9/10 people (hearies, anyway) are freaked out by this.

So I was real friendly and outgoing, but people kept treating me as "strange" over this. So I got out of the habit of talking to people on the work team or other social environments by opening with, "Hey! Did you hear about this new phenomenon discovered about this star? Pretty cool, huh? " Or, "Are you interested in history? Yes? I just learned this about that, pretty interesting, huh?"

Maybe it's combined with deafness and not getting certain social cues or something, but hearies just don't seem to respond well. So I just started retreating into my shell and even just not talking to many people. Became a lot less outgoing over the years.

Now, I hardly talk to anyone, sadly. But I try from time to time.

It seems hearies want you to participate in their group small talk before they're comfortable moving on to any other topic.

Bleh.
 
I can relate to post from many individuals in this thread.
And there's a lot things I feel like commenting on, but there is so many I'm not sure where to start.

I don't think the OP's social skills are deteriorating, but rather the social situation is having a more burdensome effect. One of the things I've learned is that with hearing loss, listening is a ACTIVE skill that does tire you out over time. More so in social settings like going out to eat, and such. So It's not surprising when someone with hearing loss finds themselves demurring from such situations more and more. It's simple energy expenditure, thus totally separate from social skills.

The opposite side of the coin is no fun either, when people don't seem willing to spend a lot their energy to try and continue communicating with you. Sadly, many individuals who don't have hearing loss don't care enough to go extra lengths for those with hearing loss. :(
 
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