So mad and angry I'm seriously considering.....

[Phillips]

Oh no! I am sorry.,... Maybe let few days to cool off? so let see what happen! ok

IF>>>Everything is calm and trying to avoid your daddy as much until you finish school and find a better job then move out!

I will pm you later

 

[Berry]

.
I The next day I called the utility companies to have them changed from my husband's name over into mine and told them that we were separating and he was no longer living in the home. I got to the electric company and I asked them to be changed over without being disconnected and the lady told me "Ma'am the utility is already in your name and it was shut off in September for nonpayment." I was like "Do WHAT?" Come to find out my ex husband had an oustanding bill from another state with this same company and could not get the utility turned on in my name so he used my SSN and my name to get them turned on, then did not pay the bills (He swore to me up and down that the bills were getting paid) and he had a brother that did contract work for this electric company, they had rewired the box and wired around it and turns out we had been living off of bootlegged electricity from September all the way into late February and I was left with a $2,500 electric bill I could not afford to pay at the time. So I had spent several days speaking with the company to work something out given the entire situation. They said that because I had received the benefit of the stolen electricity at that specific residence they could not turn the electricity back on until the bill was paid in full, BUT if I could get housing at another address they could turn it on for me but I would have to pay a security deposit as if it were a new account.

.

I understand you were in the house and benefitted from the use of the utilities -- But it seems to me this is, or should be, identity theft.

I know the IRS has an "innocent spouse relief" for tax purposes. Is there any place else where this concept is used?

Maybe you should sit down and have a talk with the district attorney or person prosecuting your husband.

 

[Dixie]

I understand you were in the house and benefitted from the use of the utilities -- But it seems to me this is, or should be, identity theft.

I know the IRS has an "innocent spouse relief" for tax purposes. Is there any place else where this concept is used?

Maybe you should sit down and have a talk with the district attorney or person prosecuting your husband.

This happened 6 years ago, I didn't know any such program even existed but I am sure that statute of limitations is up and is probably not retroactive if the law was enacted after the incident.

 

[sallylou]

I don't have any words of wisdom tonight, only hugs.

 

[sequoias]

I'm sorry to hear the rough times your going thru. Hang in there, buddy!

 

[Dixie]

Thanks, guys. I've been avoiding him and he hasn't apologized yet, and I'm not all that surprised by it.

 

[Smithtr]

I am sorry hear about to you really terrible hugs buddy you avoid anger and upset, You are learn how handle to strong positive empower focus your life best, That is life your best things. Hope be you happy Don't give up because best your future happy goal become you are hard work rough

 

[Juli-terp-to-be]

Thanks, guys. I've been avoiding him and he hasn't apologized yet, and I'm not all that surprised by it.

From my experience ex-husbands rarely apologize for things that happened in a marriage. And even more of a rarity do they take blame for things they have done.
I hope things will get better for you in the future.

 

[Berry]

Sometimes hard times can't be avoided. All you can do is wade through them.

Wish I could do more than offer you sympathy and best wishes for a wonderful future but it is all I have.

 

[jillio]

Everybody thinks they know how to raise children and they don't -- Nobody does -- Simply because every child is different and the right way to raise one is the wrong way to raise another -- Even if they are siblings.

Best I know to do is tell your father, "You made mistakes, I will too. It's part of what parents do. I've forgiven you, you can forgive me."

And tell Maddie the same thing. "My parents made mistakes. I'm gonna make mistakes, and so will you. But together we can get a decent life going."




When you let yourself down you let Maddie down too.



Totally disagree with this as a general rule. My mother and I lived in each other's back pockets until I married, I was almost 30. We always had keys to each other's houses and acted as though their house was our house. It was. I have 3 daughters I am so close too strangers misinterpret our relationships.

One the other hand:



It might be your best solution.




Marriage counselors (in my opinion) should be called relationship counselors. The dynamics are basically the same. If both you and your father will go one may be able to help you out.

In that situation you can give him choices without delivering ultimatums.

You are absolutely correct. The dynamics of all relationships are basically the same. Family counseling certainly couldn't hurt. Appears that Dad is stepping outside the bounds of the role he should be filling, and communication apparently is a problem, too.

 

[jillio]

Thanks, guys. I've been avoiding him and he hasn't apologized yet, and I'm not all that surprised by it.

Avoidance doesn't solve anything. It simply delays the inevitable. He may never apologize. But that is his to deal with. The best you can do at this point is to sit down with him, and explain to him what your objections to his behavior are and the way his criticism affects you and your relationship with him. From what you have said here and in the past, though, it doesn't appear as if he much of one to listen. But that is not your responsibility. You can only communicate your feelings from your point of view. If he listens and tries to work through it, great. If he doesn't, then you simply need to do what you need to do for you and your daughter. But, please, don't cut off your nose to spite your face. There are ways to get through this without having to sacrifice your education and your dreams. You have worked hard to start yourself on the road to fulfilling your dreams. Don't let him take that away from you.

 

[rockin'robin]

Avoidance doesn't solve anything. It simply delays the inevitable. He may never apologize. But that is his to deal with. The best you can do at this point is to sit down with him, and explain to him what your objections to his behavior are and the way his criticism affects you and your relationship with him. From what you have said here and in the past, though, it doesn't appear as if he much of one to listen. But that is not your responsibility. You can only communicate your feelings from your point of view. If he listens and tries to work through it, great. If he doesn't, then you simply need to do what you need to do for you and your daughter. But, please, don't cut off your nose to spite your face. There are ways to get through this without having to sacrifice your education and your dreams. You have worked hard to start yourself on the road to fulfilling your dreams. Don't let him take that away from you.

 

[Berry]

Avoidance doesn't solve anything. It simply delays the inevitable. He may never apologize. But that is his to deal with. The best you can do at this point is to sit down with him, and explain to him what your objections to his behavior are and the way his criticism affects you and your relationship with him. From what you have said here and in the past, though, it doesn't appear as if he much of one to listen. But that is not your responsibility. You can only communicate your feelings from your point of view. If he listens and tries to work through it, great. If he doesn't, then you simply need to do what you need to do for you and your daughter. But, please, don't cut off your nose to spite your face. There are ways to get through this without having to sacrifice your education and your dreams. You have worked hard to start yourself on the road to fulfilling your dreams. Don't let him take that away from you.

I think this is the heart of the whole issue.

 

[A]

Me and my dad are no longer on speaking terms after he told me I was a shitty mother for not wanting to take Maddie to a birthday party because I didn't know the family all that well, and he accused me of neglect for using the computer while I was waiting on laundry to dry. .

I wonder he really was concern for Maddie because he wouldn't care if she went or not or if you took her or not.

BUT... he should never say those things around her to you. It is verbal abuse... she does not need to be expose to that.

I agree with others, do not let him force you to drop out. If it is possible, find some kind of help.

 

[Dixie]

Thanks guys, things have calmed down but he has been all sugar and sweetness to me the last few days since our argument, but he still hasn't bothered to apologize, which I feel like he should do to show me that he can be a bigger man and at least admit what he did was hurtful and that he accused me of things that never happened without even catching the entire story.

Communication has always been a problem between me and him. He doesn't want to listen to what anyone else has got to say He just automatically believes he is right all the time and he is an expert on everything. If I or anyone else tries to kindly correct him on some misinformation he is giving, then he gets mad and pouts like a child and says that it is not our place to correct him, ever. He considers that criticism. When he realizes he really is wrong, he leaves the room and goes off by himself, opens a beer, and pouts for 3-4 hours or until he decides to go to bed, or he blows up and tries to drag in something that happened ages ago. Believe it or not but to this day he blames me for him missing a once in a lifetime show in Discovery Channel about the Stealth Bombers because I was 4 or 5 years old and I got to watch a Smurfs re-run. I am like "DAD! That was over 20 years ago! I was a kid and I don't even remember it, what does that have to do with this now?!!!" This is just beyond ridiculous. This is why I moved out so hastily when I was 18. I was out and gone in 24 hours. Now, with a child in the picture, it would be foolish to do that. I want to plan this out a bit more carefully and weigh my options. I may end up going in half and half with a roommate on a small 3 bedroom rental house in the area if I can find one in decent shape and find someone who is also looking to move out but can't quite afford it on their own and is open to the idea of living with a child. I have one person in mind that would be considered for a roommate. I have known her for a number of years and we are good friends.

 

[jillio]

Thanks guys, things have calmed down but he has been all sugar and sweetness to me the last few days since our argument, but he still hasn't bothered to apologize, which I feel like he should do to show me that he can be a bigger man and at least admit what he did was hurtful and that he accused me of things that never happened without even catching the entire story.

Communication has always been a problem between me and him. He doesn't want to listen to what anyone else has got to say He just automatically believes he is right all the time and he is an expert on everything. If I or anyone else tries to kindly correct him on some misinformation he is giving, then he gets mad and pouts like a child and says that it is not our place to correct him, ever. He considers that criticism. When he realizes he really is wrong, he leaves the room and goes off by himself, opens a beer, and pouts for 3-4 hours or until he decides to go to bed, or he blows up and tries to drag in something that happened ages ago. Believe it or not but to this day he blames me for him missing a once in a lifetime show in Discovery Channel about the Stealth Bombers because I was 4 or 5 years old and I got to watch a Smurfs re-run. I am like "DAD! That was over 20 years ago! I was a kid and I don't even remember it, what does that have to do with this now?!!!" This is just beyond ridiculous. This is why I moved out so hastily when I was 18. I was out and gone in 24 hours. Now, with a child in the picture, it would be foolish to do that. I want to plan this out a bit more carefully and weigh my options. I may end up going in half and half with a roommate on a small 3 bedroom rental house in the area if I can find one in decent shape and find someone who is also looking to move out but can't quite afford it on their own and is open to the idea of living with a child. I have one person in mind that would be considered for a roommate. I have known her for a number of years and we are good friends.

Good to hear that you are considering another option. Keep working on alternatives.

He "should" apologize...but chances are he won't. Like I said earlier, that is his to deal with. Don't let yourself get hung up on the "should." It will distract you from the "what is."