Should I let him go or keep him?

locochicko

locochicko

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I love my hearing boyfriend very dearly for all his kind hearted, funny, who loves me back and willing to make commitment to me.

BUT... I started to see him as my interpreter (not fully qualified) .. Just that every time i go to shop for clothes, he would translate the shop assistant saying, i felt like im starting to lose my independent no matter how many times i tried to tell him that I am perfect fine to cope with the communication as I can lip read.

Could you tell me your view?

I am struggling to think of pros and cons for having hearing boyfriend.
 
If you truly love eachother then it is always worth trying to work things out. :)

You mentioned that you have made him aware that you are able to cope with the communication as can lip read but have you tried telling him about how you actually feel when he does this. Just like you have here? Let him know that you feel you are loosing your independance and that his behaviour is making you sad.

It is maybe not his intention to upset you and feels he is helping so hopefully if you can make him understand how this is affecting you emotionally and in turn will affect your relationship together he will understand and not translate for you unless you ever ask him to.

I do hope you work it out together :)
 
I'm deaf and I have a hearing girlfriend. When we go out to restaurant, she always interpret for me. SHe does it because she hates to leave me out. She wants to help out. If I don't want her to interpret, I can tell her. I know that many deaf friends of mine do not want help with interpreting. I don't mind because it makes easier for me.

Yeah, I agree. Just tell him it's ok. I can handle it. See, I have done it, I will be fine. Thank you.
 
locochicko said:
I love my hearing boyfriend very dearly for all his kind hearted, funny, who loves me back and willing to make commitment to me.

BUT... I started to see him as my interpreter (not fully qualified) .. Just that every time i go to shop for clothes, he would translate the shop assistant saying, i felt like im starting to lose my independent no matter how many times i tried to tell him that I am perfect fine to cope with the communication as I can lip read.

Could you tell me your view?

I am struggling to think of pros and cons for having hearing boyfriend.
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Guys are just naturally over protective sometimes, I don't think this is something you cannot work out with him. I would talk it over with him and tell him how you feel. He should be simply pointing out miscommunication rather than taking over the conversation.

Personally, it wouldn't both me if my girlfriend did all the talking, unless I was having a personal conversation with someone.

Edit: Also, if a guy does not help you out it makes him kind of look bad in public.
 
locochicko said:
I love my hearing boyfriend very dearly for all his kind hearted, funny, who loves me back and willing to make commitment to me.

BUT... I started to see him as my interpreter (not fully qualified) .. Just that every time i go to shop for clothes, he would translate the shop assistant saying, i felt like im starting to lose my independent no matter how many times i tried to tell him that I am perfect fine to cope with the communication as I can lip read.

Could you tell me your view?

I am struggling to think of pros and cons for having hearing boyfriend.
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It's great you have a boyfriend who cares that much that he wants to help even if unasked. Tell him exactly what you told us...which is that you prefer to speak for yourself and that he helps only when needed.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
<snip>

Edit: Also, if a guy does not help you out it makes him kind of look bad in public.
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:hmm: Locochicko, if that is what your boyfriend is thinking, than perhaps it would be easier for him to walk away whenever a shopping assistant comes by to talk.

I do think that its important that he give your concerns more importance than what he thinks a passerby might be thinking -- no matter how difficult that may be for him.

Another thing that could be happening is that the shopping assistants might start directing their comments to your boyfriend if they notice he is hearing. A lot of hearing people will just start talking to whoever they think hears better regardless of who they are suppose to be talking to.

So, if that is what is happening, I would ask him to tell the shopping assistants to please talk to you instead of going along with it and taking over your part of the conversation.
 
Jazzberry said:
:hmm: Locochicko, if that is what your boyfriend is thinking, than perhaps it would be easier for him to walk away whenever a shopping assistant comes by to talk.

I do think that its important that he give your concerns more importance than what he thinks a passerby might be thinking -- no matter how difficult that may be for him.

Another thing that could be happening is that the shopping assistants might start directing their comments to your boyfriend if they notice he is hearing. A lot of hearing people will just start talking to whoever they think hears better regardless of who they are suppose to be talking to.

So, if that is what is happening, I would ask him to tell the shopping assistants to please talk to you instead of going along with it and taking over your part of the conversation.
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^^^^^^ Yeah this!

It happen to me a lot. Just because with hearing people I suddenly become invisible.:roll:
 
I can't imagine spending my whole life with someone that does not respect "all of me". I've been married 24 years to my best friend. He has never treated me less than equal due to all of my health issues. I am blessed. Don't settle. Life can be amazing!!
 
:ty: will try to work out with him when I see him, I think I can able to sit down with him and have a proper chat about that, you all made this very positive comments to not leave him.

Will let you know what he got to say...
 
I definitely wouldn't leave him because of this. Everyone else has already said what needs to be said regarding that.

Hooowwwweeevvverrrrr, if you're just looking for an excuse to break up with him because you're just not into him anymore, well then, that's different.
 
TheWriteAlex said:
I definitely wouldn't leave him because of this. Everyone else has already said what needs to be said regarding that.

Hooowwwweeevvverrrrr, if you're just looking for an excuse to break up with him because you're just not into him anymore, well then, that's different.
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No, im not using that excuse, I was worried at some point in the future, he might end up feeling frustrating to do all the interpreting and I don't want him do that all the times.

I've seen some situations from my friends, they got broke off or whatever..
 
locochicko said:
No, im not using that excuse, I was worried at some point in the future, he might end up feeling frustrating to do all the interpreting and I don't want him do that all the times.

I've seen some situations from my friends, they got broke off or whatever..
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Yea, it is a fine balance. I have a hearing husband and I am deaf. So far, we have managed to find that balance about him interpreting for me. He does it and I tell him that it is ok if I dont know whats happening. I told him that if it is something worthy, let me know. I dont say "interpret" but say "let me know" as if we are co-conspirators and that makes it more fun.
 
rebeccalj said:
^^^^^^ Yeah this!

It happen to me a lot. Just because with hearing people I suddenly become invisible.:roll:
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Yeah this happen when I went with out to eat with my older sister , she would
repeat everything I said to the waitress and it pissed me off!

I think you should try to explain to your boyfriend how you feel and like others said let him know when you do need help. If you feel like you're losing your independent you'll have to decide what is best for you and your lifestyle. Some people may not mind having someone doing all the talking for them. I know I would not like it.
 
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A good relationship is built, it doesn't just exist in and of itself. So you need to discuss when/if you want an interpreter, and come to an understanding. If things still don't work after you've discussed it - that's when you may want to reevaluate your status.
 
locochicko said:
I love my hearing boyfriend very dearly for all his kind hearted, funny, who loves me back and willing to make commitment to me.

BUT... I started to see him as my interpreter (not fully qualified) .. Just that every time i go to shop for clothes, he would translate the shop assistant saying, i felt like im starting to lose my independent no matter how many times i tried to tell him that I am perfect fine to cope with the communication as I can lip read.

Could you tell me your view?

I am struggling to think of pros and cons for having hearing boyfriend.
Click to expand...





Maybe he is so into this thing and enjoying interpreting for you. And firstly perhaps you need to set up a one to one serious talk time to express how you feel and have both of you compromise to solve the issue. Remember relationship can be settle down if you both exchange communication. If that doesn't work then you know what to do
 
If he keeps doing it, don't look at him. Emphasize that you don't need him signing for you all the time.

Perhaps, he's trying to do it in order to help him improve on his own signing skills? I have hearing friends who would try to sign everywhere they went when they were with deaf people so that they could learn sign language better (they were ASL or interpreter students). I even had a couple friends who would sign while talking on their cell phones in front of me.

You should both sit down and have a serious conversation about it. Find out why he's doing it. If his excuse is similar to what I said above (trying to improve his signing skills), then tell him how you feel about that. If his excuse is invalid (says it's because you're deaf), then tell him to stop and to let you hand it on your own UNLESS you ask him to interpret for you. You could say, "If you don't stop, I'm not going to take you shopping with me!" ;)
 
If he keeps doing it, don't look at him. Emphasize that you don't need him signing for you all the time.

Perhaps, he's trying to do it in order to help him improve on his own signing skills? I have hearing friends who would try to sign everywhere they went when they were with deaf people so that they could learn sign language better (they were ASL or interpreter students). I even had a couple friends who would sign while talking on their cell phones in front of me.

You should both sit down and have a serious conversation about it. Find out why he's doing it. If his excuse is similar to what I said above (trying to improve his signing skills), then tell him how you feel about that. If his excuse is invalid (says it's because you're deaf), then tell him to stop and to let you hand it on your own UNLESS you ask him to interpret for you. You could say, "If you don't stop, I'm not going to take you shopping with me!" ;)
 
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