redneck jokes

Liza

Liza

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How do you circumcise a redneck?

KICK HIS SISTER IN THE CHIN


----


Your Church Might Be A Redneck Church If:

- People ask, when Jesus fed 5000, whether the
two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait
was used to catch 'em.

- The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to
help take up the offering," then five guys
and two women stand up.

- Opening day of deer season is recognized as
an official church holiday.

- A member of the church requests to be buried in
his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never
been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

- With a congregation of 500 members, there are
only seven last names in the church directory.

- Baptism is referred to as "branding."

- People think "rapture" is what you get when
you lift something too heavy.

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Do you know why redneck murder mysteries are so hard to solve?

1. The DNA is all the same.

2. There are no dental records.
 
True! This reminds me of Jeff Foxworthy's redneck jokes. Heh!
 
You have to leave paved roads to get to your house....


(I never considered myself a redneck, but I did live at a place where you went about a mile down a dirt road and then made a left onto another dirt road).
 
lol true redneck also will have beers all over places, live in nowhere, and always have a gun nearby lol (i come from a redneck family so trust me.. i know!)
 
You Know You're a Redneck If... Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
You Know You're a Redneck If... The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
You Know You're a Redneck If... You've ever been too drunk to fish.
You Know You're a Redneck If... Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
You Know You're a Redneck If... You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You Know You're a Redneck If... You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame
You Know You're a Redneck If...You've ever barbecued spam on the grill.
You Know You're a Redneck If...You've ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
You Know You're a Redneck If...You take a fishing pole to Sea World.
You Know You're a Redneck If...Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You Know You're a Redneck If...You use a pig as a garbage disposal.
You Know You're a Redneck If...Your screen door has no screen.
You Know You're a Redneck If...Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
You Know You're a Redneck If... You're fishing license is current.....You're drivers license isn't.
You Know You're a Redneck If...The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
 
lol omg.
gotta love those.....

The definition of virgin in Alabama? A girl who still can outrun her brother.
 
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