question about nightmare..

[Hear Again]

lol classic remedy of avoiding nightmares. I don't get nightmares about something disturbing right before I sleep and same for good book/documentary/etc. It was mostly bunch of random nonsense dreams.

that's good. i'm glad nightmares aren't a problem for you. i experience nightmares on a daily basis whenever i am reminded of the things that happened to me. it's been that way ever since i was a very young child.

 

[Jiro]

that's good. i'm glad nightmares aren't a problem for you. i experience nightmares on a daily basis whenever i am reminded of the things that happened to me. it's been that way ever since i was a very young child.

damn..... is it same nightmare all the time?

 

[Hear Again]

damn..... is it same nightmare all the time?

yes. the nightmares i have center around 3 different kinds of events that happened to me. if i'm triggered by the sound of anger in a person's voice, yelling, touching or hugging, my nightmares cause me to relive those experiences again and again. it's like a vicious cycle. i don't know if anything can be done for this, but it's something i've just started to address in therapy following my ptsd diagnosis. once i learn to accept the things that happened to me, hopefully the nightmares will eventually disappear.

 

[Jiro]

yes. the nightmares i have center around 3 kinds of events that happened to me. if i'm triggered by the sound of anger in a person's voice, yelling, touching or hugging, my nightmares cause me to relive those experiences again and again. it's like a vicious cycle. i don't know if anything can be done for this, but it's something i've just started to address in therapy following my ptsd diagnosis. once i learn to accept the things that happened to me hopefully the nightmares will eventually disappear.

hhmmm... if you don't mind my asking (or you can PM me) - what made that incident horrible enough to give you PTSD/reoccurring nightmare?

 

[Hear Again]

hhmmm... if you don't mind my asking (or you can PM me) - what made that incident horrible enough to give you PTSD/reoccurring nightmare?

i'll tell you in a pm. i'd rather not mention the incidents here.

 

[Nika]

nika,

i've tried using deep breathing techniques to help with my flashbacks, but they don't work. i experience what is called hypervigilence (according to my tdoc) where i'm overly sensitive to my environment, sounds around me and have a severe startle response. i lose touch with reality when i have a flashback and cannot hear anything around me. it's almost as if i'm having an auditory hallucination except that i do not hear voices (unless i'm experiencing auditory hallucinations specifically related to the situations that cause my flashbacks).

I have the exact same symptoms as you -- hypervigilence, heightened startle response, flashbacks, etc. Sounds also get so overwhelming for me that my body interprets them as physical neck and shoulder pain. I can totally relate and I'm sorry you have the same symptoms because they really put a damper on life. <sad>

It's taken me years but I can finally ground myself in some of my flashbacks through breathing -- real or imagined. I can't do it with all my flashbacks but I can do it with the older ones that I have had for almost my whole life now. What I can tell you is that time is on your side. Healing happens naturally with time.

Also even if the breathing doesn't work during the flashback, the holds I mentioned should help after you come out of a flashback. If you try those, please let me know how they go. I can ask my physical therapist to recommend more things to me that I can pass onto you if they don't work.

 

[Nika]

Exactly. You may dream that you are controlling your breathing, but it is all part of the dream.

I don't mean to keep refuting what you say because I do believe you but I have had conversations with people while in this state. Once a friend of mine was spending the night and came to ask me for some aspirin, and the whole time I was in that state. I wasn't able to respond because I couldn't make my voice work but I did hear him perfectly and the next morning we both talked about it. Just not sure how to reconcile the two facts.

I'd also like to mention that I can control my dreams most of the time. That is what lucid dreaming is.

 

[Jiro]

I don't mean to keep refuting what you say because I do believe you but I have had conversations with people while in this state. Once a friend of mine was spending the night and came to ask me for some aspirin, and the whole time I was in that state. I wasn't able to respond because I couldn't make my voice work but I did hear him perfectly and the next morning we both talked about it. Just not sure how to reconcile the two facts.

I'd also like to mention that I can control my dreams most of the time. That is what lucid dreaming is.

or hallucination...

 

[Hear Again]

or hallucination...

i may be wrong about this, but i don't think hallucinations can be controlled unless they are mild. i do know some people with schizophrenia who are able to control their voices to some extent, but i've never been able to do this myself because whenever i experience them, i lose complete touch with reality. then again, i am on a high antipsychotic dose which my pdoc told me is due to what he calls severe auditory hallucinations. i guess one's ability to control hallucinations depends on how severe they are.

 

[Nika]

i haven't learned how to deal with my flashbacks (my tdoc and i are starting to discuss that now in therapy). when i come out of a flashback, i have alot of fear and feel immobilized. it takes me awhile to settle down emotionally before i can start to think of or do other things. my tdoc said he has some exercises to help me cope with the flashbacks, so it will be interesting to see what they are and how well they work.

Understandably. I'm sorry to hear that they are so immobilizing. That's the nature of flashbacks. <sad> The holds I mentioned in this thread (and also to you in PM) should help with settling after a flashback. They directly help with helping you relax and balancing out your neurological system. You can also use them proactively during times where you often get a flashback (e.g. before going to sleep at night or whenever you go to a certain place.)

Keep in mind it takes a lot of time and patience. It's taken me years to become more grounded. The only flashbacks I can be partly aware of my surroundings with are ones that I have had for my whole life. Most of the ones that are fresher I still lose touch with reality when having them. It takes a lot of work so keep in mind that what you might not be able to do now you may be able to do in the future.

I've also been aware of my PTSD for years, and have known what the symptoms are, what they mean, and why I have them for years. Recognizing the symptoms for what they are helps a lot with coping.

Your therapist sounds very helpful, Hear Again. I hope you have a successful treatment because you don't deserve to be suffering from PTSD!

 

[Hear Again]

I don't mean to keep refuting what you say because I do believe you but I have had conversations with people while in this state. Once a friend of mine was spending the night and came to ask me for some aspirin, and the whole time I was in that state. I wasn't able to respond because I couldn't make my voice work but I did hear him perfectly and the next morning we both talked about it. Just not sure how to reconcile the two facts.

I'd also like to mention that I can control my dreams most of the time. That is what lucid dreaming is.

nika,

i'm confused. were you dreaming while having a conversation with your friend or were you experiencing a flashback? this wasn't clear from your post. thanks. <smile>

 

[Nika]

yes. the nightmares i have center around 3 different kinds of events that happened to me. if i'm triggered by the sound of anger in a person's voice, yelling, touching or hugging, my nightmares cause me to relive those experiences again and again. it's like a vicious cycle. i don't know if anything can be done for this, but it's something i've just started to address in therapy following my ptsd diagnosis. once i learn to accept the things that happened to me, hopefully the nightmares will eventually disappear.

I have the same trigger with anger in voices. Also emotional situations such as whenever a figure of authority is displeased with me. Certain words, sensations, and sounds put me in the past.

Yes a lot can be done. When you start to address the emotions and the memories, your triggers often decrease in intensity and frequency in the long run. Sometimes when you're dealing with fresh material they get more intense since it's on your mind a lot, but generally in the long run processing the memories helps with diminishing triggers.

 

[Hear Again]

Understandably. I'm sorry to hear that they are so immobilizing. That's the nature of flashbacks. <sad> The holds I mentioned in this thread (and also to you in PM) should help with settling after a flashback. They directly help with helping you relax and balancing out your neurological system. You can also use them proactively during times where you often get a flashback (e.g. before going to sleep at night or whenever you go to a certain place.)

Keep in mind it takes a lot of time and patience. It's taken me years to become more grounded. The only flashbacks I can be partly aware of my surroundings with are ones that I have had for my whole life. Most of the ones that are fresher I still lose touch with reality when having them. It takes a lot of work so keep in mind that what you might not be able to do now you may be able to do in the future.

I've also been aware of my PTSD for years, and have known what the symptoms are, what they mean, and why I have them for years. Recognizing the symptoms for what they are helps a lot with coping.

Your therapist sounds very helpful, Hear Again. I hope you have a successful treatment because you don't deserve to be suffering from PTSD!

thanks, nika! <hugs>

i know it's going to take some time for me to learn how to deal with my flashbacks, but i'm going to do the best i can in therapy. right now the only thing i'm afraid of is experiencing more anger, nightmares and flashbacks due to the ptsd exercises my tdoc wants to conduct.

fortunately, he told me that i don't have to do any of these exercises until i'm ready. sometimes i feel like i've opened up a pandora's box that i will never be able to close, but then again, this is something i know i must learn to deal with so it doesn't rule my entire life. my symptoms are longstanding from 3 situations that occurred from the time i was a very young child until i was 18. i've suffered ptsd symptoms for many, many years but had no idea that i was until i spoke to you (and my tdoc) about it. for that, i thank you because now i'll finally be able to start coping with this instead of living in fear. <hugs>

 

[Nika]

nika,

i'm confused. were you dreaming while having a conversation with your friend or were you experiencing a flashback? this wasn't clear from your post. thanks. <smile>

I was lying in my bed having a flashback. While having my flashback, my friend came from the other room to ask me for an aspirin. I could hear his voice but I was paralyzed so I couldn't move. At the same time, as part of my flashback, I was in the orphanage hearing the voices in the orphanage. And he kept saying "Nika? Nika?" since I wasn't responding. I kept trying to answer but couldn't get my voice to work because I was completely immobilized. That morning the first thing he did was ask for an aspirin. So I asked him about the conversation in the middle of the night and he said he came to me to ask for an aspirin but that I simply wouldn't wake up.

 

[Nika]

thanks, nika! <hugs>

i know it's going to take some time for me to learn how to deal with my flashbacks, but i'm going to do the best i can in therapy. right now the only thing i'm afraid of is experiencing more anger, nightmares and flashbacks due to the ptsd exercises my tdoc wants to conduct.

fortunately, he told me that i don't have to do any of these exercises until i'm ready. sometimes i feel like i've opened up a pandora's box that i will never be able to close, but then again, this is something i know i must learn to deal with so it doesn't rule my entire life. my symptoms are longstanding from 3 situations that occurred from the time i was a very young child until i was 18. i've suffered ptsd symptoms for many, many years but had no idea that i was until i spoke to you (and my tdoc) about it. for that, i thank you because now i'll finally be able to start coping with this instead of living in fear. <hugs>

<hugs>

I know it feels like a pandora box. But trust me there is an end! I see it as an onion and with time you keep peeling the layers. Each layer stings more than the last, makes you cry, but one day finally reach the center of the onion.

 

[Hear Again]

I have the same trigger with anger in voices. Also emotional situations such as whenever a figure of authority is displeased with me. Certain words, sensations, and sounds put me in the past.

Yes a lot can be done. When you start to address the emotions and the memories, your triggers often decrease in intensity and frequency in the long run. Sometimes when you're dealing with fresh material they get more intense since it's on your mind a lot, but generally in the long run processing the memories helps with diminishing triggers.

nika,

will i ever be completely cured of ptsd or does this differ from person to person? i did an internet search about c-ptsd (complex post traumatic stress disorder) and learned people like myself experiencing this have more triggers and that therapy can take a longer period of time. personally, i don't think a differentiation should be made between c-ptsd and ptsd because it makes one sound worse than the other. in my opinion, both of these diagnoses should be regarded equally.

 

[Hear Again]

<hugs>

I know it feels like a pandora box. But trust me there is an end! I see it as an onion and with time you keep peeling the layers. Each layer stings more than the last, makes you cry, but one day finally reach the center of the onion.

i hope so. i should admit that i also have 7 different types of paranoia which also cause nightmares. i've had 2 types of paranoia for the past 10 years (and wasn't treated for them until i was hospitalized in 2006 for my bipolar) and the other 5 developed shortly after my incorrect diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. right now it feels like i have a long road ahead of me.

 

[Nika]

Hear Again, the other thing I've come to realize is that fear and sadness and other strong negative emotions are the scariest thing in life. But when you come to find why you have them and where they are rooted, then it helps you realize that it is an emotion.

For example I used to have a severe anxiety of my bathroom. Every time I went in there I would have a panic attack. Even brushing my teeth was a chore. It got so bad I was having panic attacks over the fact that I would have to be using my bathroom 3 hours later, etc.

But then I started having flashbacks and when I came to realize some stuff that happened to me there, I realized why I had such strong fear. And now I still have that fear, but it's not as bad because I am aware of what happened. So when I have a panic attack I can tell myself "Nika, it's okay, you're feeling this way because this and that happened but you're all right now and now you are just brushing your teeth."

Therapists can help tremendously not only with the flashback material itself, but also with how to deal with the whole package, the anxiety, the insomnia, etc. All the emotions surrounding the flashbacks are just as intense and in my opinion require just as much attention as the flashback material.

 

[Hear Again]

I was lying in my bed having a flashback. While having my flashback, my friend came from the other room to ask me for an aspirin. I could hear his voice but I was paralyzed so I couldn't move. At the same time, as part of my flashback, I was in the orphanage hearing the voices in the orphanage. And he kept saying "Nika? Nika?" since I wasn't responding. I kept trying to answer but couldn't get my voice to work because I was completely immobilized. That morning the first thing he did was ask for an aspirin. So I asked him about the conversation in the middle of the night and he said he came to me to ask for an aspirin but that I simply wouldn't wake up.

oh, wow. that sounds like what happens to me whenever people touch me during a flashback. i can feel their touch, but misinterpret it as being part of the flashback.

 

[Nika]

nika,

will i ever be completely cured of ptsd or does this differ from person to person? i did an internet search about c-ptsd (complex post traumatic stress disorder) and learned people like myself experiencing this have more triggers and that therapy can take a longer period of time. personally, i don't think a differentiation should be made between c-ptsd and ptsd because it makes one sound worse than the other. in my opinion, both of these diagnoses should be regarded equally.

I have C-PTSD. I don't think they are regarded as chronic or not because of the severity, but more the nature of each type. PTSD folks often have their fundamental beliefs about the world shattered whereas C-PTSD people never get a chance to develop those beliefs. It's those kinds of differences, and each is hard for different reasons.

I can't say if you'll be totally cured. Most of my therapists have told me that I will probably have flashbacks for life but that they won't be as loaded with emotion as I heal. It also depends a lot on person to person and on circumstances. Do you have a lot of friends to support you? Can you talk to your boyfriend about the material? All those things make a big difference in how long and deep your healing is.