Parents won't learn asl with me

[Latascha]

I think there are several reasons why that is.
So many Hoh/deaf people are doing gret without ever learning to sign. So hearing parents have proof that it can work that way, sadly for us. When they see a deaf kid, speaking not that clearly and signing pretty well, they don't say: oh great! Signing really helped that kid they will more likely think: maybe without signing that child's speech would be a lot better.
And that is just the point of view the majority of hearing people have.
They don't think about how hard it is for us, they see how they make an effort while repeating things and talking slower then usually. And you know why?! Because it simply does not affect them. It is kind of sad, but it is (unfortunately) completely human.
One should have higher hopes and expectations, then again always expect the worst of people, even your family, to avoid disappointment...
(Sorry, my son just woke up, maybe I can finish my post later, or tomorrow night.)


Sent from my iPad using AllDeaf

 

[deafdyke]

I think there are several reasons why that is.
So many Hoh/deaf people are doing gret without ever learning to sign. So hearing parents have proof that it can work that way, sadly for us. When they see a deaf kid, speaking not that clearly and signing pretty well, they don't say: oh great! Signing really helped that kid they will more likely think: maybe without signing that child's speech would be a lot better.
And that is just the point of view the majority of hearing people have.
They don't think about how hard it is for us, they see how they make an effort while repeating things and talking slower then usually. And you know why?! Because it simply does not affect them. It is kind of sad, but it is (unfortunately) completely human.
One should have higher hopes and expectations, then again always expect the worst of people, even your family, to avoid disappointment...
(Sorry, my son just woke up, maybe I can finish my post later, or tomorrow night.)


Sent from my iPad using AllDeaf

Actually I think many hearing parents may have a skewed idea of how well their kid is doing....Like if you talked to the kid's teachers and other unbiased adults they'd say "I'm still seeing the exact same stuff I saw with the dhh mainstreamed kids 10/20 years ago" or "Yeah, I remember the dhh kid in my mainstream class...her experiance was EXACTLY what I see with the dhh kids in my class. I think a lot of parents (including parents of kids who have good verbal skills) would be BLOWN AWAY with the change that ASL and being in a deaf ed classroom/school/program can do for their dhh kids....Unfortunatly there's still a built in bias towards deaf stuff and ASL as having disabilty/"not normal" stigma........

 

[Eater of Worlds]

I was going to say, mention to your family how difficult it is to go all day with just trying to hear. How frustrating it is, how stressful it is, and you'd like to come home to a place where you can really relax from all that stress. Also mention that you're considering Gally as a place to go to school, and you'd have to learn ASL for there regardless so you might as well start now to make your college years easier and more successful.

 

[sarahkhan]

My two cent

Hi,

this topic really touches me every time, probably like it does many other people who experienced the same.

I can't give you any real advice, because only you know your parents, your relationship and how hard it is for you to miss out on certain things. Yet, I want to tell you a little bit about my parents, and how it was for me growing up.

Technically I'm hard of hearing. I wear HAs, can lipread and get along that way. I speak German and English, people understand me either way (if they know the language at least), and I went to a hearing school. So, my folks never saw any reason in learning sign and simply didn't do it.
I was sad about that, I was hurt, I was angry. They love me, they told me that and I always knew that, however they refused to grant me that wish: Learning sign language together. So I spend many many nights wondering why that is.
My parents accepted it, when I signed with a Deaf friend, they didn't care that they missed out a lot in those situations, but that was about it.
At this point: How do your parents feel about that? Is it okay for them, that YOU want to learn sign? Do they support that decision? If yes, you can ask them if you are allowed to go to that local group to get to know some people in your area. Maybe one of them will join you?!
Then there is the thing, that you want them to learn with you. Well, with my parents NOTHING worked out. They don't sign, neither with my Deaf husband, nor with me. I don't think there will be anything that will change that and that is partially my fault. (I'll explain that soon..)
I tried just signing to them, refusing to speak, I explained about a hundred times how important it would be for me, etc. They never really got it. When I refused to speak, it was just an annoying tantrum I was having in my Teens (according to my Dad). Explaining helped a little bit. When I told them how hard it was at school, that I hated it, they just argued I should go to speech therapy again, work on my skills and "be strong!" (yeah, because that did me any good:roll At one point I finally understood why they refused to learn. Even though I complained, I got along and THEY had no problems with me. THEY were understood, they saw me smiling and nodding in conversations, they were happy and looked back at what they have overcome. What they didn't see: how much work it was for me, and that it wasn't getting easier with time. How could they?! They never experienced what it is like to be deaf. And at some point growing up I finally understood: They'll never get it, because they can't even imagine what it's like. That was the point where I gave up and just kept reading their lips, missing out on conversations and pretended to be happy, even though my life in school was the living hell. And that was my fault: I gave up trying to make them understand! You should never let it go! (You don't have to keep fighting for the rest of your life, but keep your parents in the clear on what you missed out due to their lack of interest in learning sign.)
You know what got my Mom to finally try and use her hands to talk? My then one and a half year old little girl, who taught her a few words. She thought it was awesome that she could communicate, before she was able to speak.
And that was kind of a punch in the face and once more made it clear to me, that they never really had any clue what a hearing loss really means.
I have made my peace with my parents. I have accepted them for who they are with all their flaws and still wonder, if it could have gone a different way.

I hope for you, that you will never have to make the choice between your family and your happiness

You hit the jackspot on my life experience. the main reason why my parents did not put an effort on me to communicate; is because I put all of my effort and strength to keep up the conversation, and their happiness. I made sure that they are not missing out the joy having a deaf daughter; yes back then, I used to have this mindset that having a child with disability is the most tough job in the world; hence the effort from my part. I continued doing that; laughing at jokes that I never understood because I am missing the words; trying to work on my speech before going to any events just so not to make them feel embarassed. I studies my ass off so that I get good grades, even though i am not missing a lot of words from lecture. All in short I worked myself so hard that they wont get a chance to complain about me.

But when I went to them (including to my siblings too) to talk about it, you know what is their answer? That I am complaining and looking for drama.

I told them numerous time about it. for an instance I told them not to talk with me when they are not face to face with me; and that I prefer chatting. Just now my mom called me over skype and i was in a room with my siblings who were watching television in loud mode. I got pissed off. Firstly, because my siblings were not reducing the sounds of the telivision and secondly because my mother was talking with me without video on. Despite telling them over and over again, they did not pay a heed on me. Now tell me how I am supposed to feel ,when I have spent all my life to make their life easier , to see all of them being inconsiderate?

So my advice to you, since you are still young, is to stop trying to make things work between you and family if nothing works. Understanding between people is two-way street. Just be straight forward with them; that you need deaf culture and people in your life. And dont act that you are being okay. Show discomfort when you are feeling during verbal conversation between peoples and tell them about it. If nothing works, wait till you are 18 and do the thing you want.

We all want support from our family. But when we dont get any; it is not end of the world. We got to step up and get a help for ourselves;rather than wasting any more time on the people who never try to put an effort from their end.

 

[killerpout]

Hey, I'm Ashley. I'm hearing and even though I have only been in my ASL course a few weeks, the culture itself is beyond amazing. That is the problem with hearing people they think that everything has to be learned one way and that their isn't any other options. I have a learning disability and even though it is not the same as being deaf, I know people will expect you to do things the "normal way". But what is normal? And who gets to define it? I think that deaf people should not have to accommodate the hearing. It's the 21st century and we can accept races, fight against sexism and even agree about same sex marriages. So why can't hearing people learn ASL instead of turning the other cheek. It's not just a different way of communication, it's a style of life and a culture and if you ask me, deaf people usually have a better outlook on life. So if you think learning ASL is right for you, you go ahead and rock it. Check out this video and show your parents. Maybe then they will take a different outlook on why it's important for you to learn. Hearing loss simulation - YouTube Let me know if it helps

 

[VacationGuy234]

I think that deaf people should not have to accommodate the hearing. It's the 21st century and we can accept races, fight against sexism and even agree about same sex marriages. So why can't hearing people learn ASL instead of turning the other cheek.

Although this may seem the case with individual circumstances, in general, hearing people are not turning the other cheek. In fact, hearing people are doing a lot for deaf. Those captions you see on TV. That's done by hearing people. Those interpreters you see, they're hearing people paid for by hearing people. Those interpreters for your relay services, hearing people.

The reason ASL is not learned in mainstream schools is because it does not get used enough. It's not a business language. You can go to whole towns and not find deaf people. If you are going to make ASL mandatory in all schools you have to take away another class to do it and you have to consider the return on investment. There is more return for learning Spanish. As a demographic, we don't command that much investment.

On the other hand, as an educational tool to teach deaf students things such things as math, science and other languages ASL is a very valuable investment. This is the way deaf students should be taught. But, this is not accommodation so much as education.

The OPs thread is about family and that's another question entirely. You can't force someone to learn a language. And, it's not a simple thing to ask given the amount of effort needed. It would be nice if everyone did, but it's not a reality.