Parents of Children with Problems of Anger

[Angel]

Some of the parents have a background of abuse from childhood or marriage. Others have a child who living in an abustive home. Other angry children have a history of sexual abuse the parents may not know about..This list goes on and on... If your child has a change in behavior for the worse, ask him or her if someone has touched their private parts or has hurt them in any way or what is making them angry.... Children need to learn to talk about their feelings instead of acting them out, containing their anger, handling criticism and being able to see things from other people's eyes....One of the most important for children with anger to learn is to talk about their feelings instead of acting them out in anger outbursts....

Let's discuss this, what would you do as a parents of a child that is dealing with anger?

 

[MClark05]

First, i think the parent shoud take their child to see a psychologist just to see if taking about their anger to somebody else would help. Then see if that works at all.. if not, then anger management classes would be probably the neext step, i think.
I grew up with alot of anger problems and talking to a psychologist helped because i was able to vent my anger through words and express myself emotionally without being afraid that the person would be either 1. telling other people why.. and 2. not judge me based on previous experience.

another thing is a punch bag always helps!

Sorry if that was lame!

 

[Angel]

Oh no, it doesn't sound lame at all MClark05, I think it's alot better than hitting a person! also I think it does help the child to feel a bit better and cool down a bit too....


Btw, good advice and suggestion there

 

[MClark05]

Thanks! I definately suggest talking to the child first. I think that if the child is acting out due to something that happend to them physically, then ive heard that the best thing to do is only touch them when they want to be touched and be very gentle. I know some children are sensitive to touch after a trama like that. Other children want to be held all the time, make sure the child knows that you're a safe person to love and be with and never would do anything to them. and express anger, tell them you're angry at the person for hurting them.

Best of luck to you!!

 

[Cheri]

I know some children express their anger through crying or face expressions too. If I see something that I should be corner about, I would talk to my children about their emotions (asking why they are feeling angry). My children and I have the best communicate grounds, They know they can come to me about anything.

i think the parent shoud take their child to see a psychologist just to see if taking about their anger to somebody else would help

Some children are not comfortable in letting others know how they feel and who to trust.

 

[Eve]

I agree with you both. I have been dealing with this issue with my stepkids. My husband and I had to get 2 court orders to get them medical and psychological intervention. However, as long as they remain in their mother's house even half time, they continue to be angry because of her constant (emotional) abuse. I think removing the children from the source of their affliction should be the #1 priority in helping them. Unfortunately, as I have said in another topic, many states still do not recognize emotional abuse as a crime.

 

[MClark05]

I know some children express their anger through crying or face expressions too. If I see something that I should be corner about, I would talk to my children about their emotions (asking why they are feeling angry). My children and I have the best communicate grounds, They know they can come to me about anything.



Some children are not comfortable in letting others know how they feel and who to trust.

Yes, i know that.. It doesnt hurt to try. It was just an idea

 

[MClark05]

I agree with you both. I have been dealing with this issue with my stepkids. My husband and I had to get 2 court orders to get them medical and psychological intervention. However, as long as they remain in their mother's house even half time, they continue to be angry because of her constant (emotional) abuse. I think removing the children from the source of their affliction should be the #1 priority in helping them. Unfortunately, as I have said in another topic, many states still do not recognize emotional abuse as a crime.

Emotionally abusing children, i think, can be another form of psychological abuse.. or am i wrong?

 

[Eve]

My children and I have the best communicate grounds, They know they can come to me about anything.


Quote:
i think the parent shoud take their child to see a psychologist just to see if taking about their anger to somebody else would help



Some children are not comfortable in letting others know how they feel and who to trust.

Cheri, you sound like a good mom. This would probably be my first instinct as a parent who has good communication with my children as well. However, I have learned that sometimes children keep secrets from us in order to protect us (the parents). I took my stepkids to a counselor and had to spend months with them just building a relationship until the children were ready and felt completely comfortable talking with them. CPS advises that if a parent has a concern, they should never approach the children themselves because it taints the investigation process and then anything the children tell them can't be used in court because they feel the parent may have coached the child on what to say. It is hard not to reach out to your children personally, but sometimes we have to send them elsewhere to get them the help they need.

Emotionally abusing children, i think, can be another form of psychological abuse.. or am i wrong?

You are right.

 

[Cheri]

Cheri, you sound like a good mom.

Thank-you, I try to be a good and caring mother to them.

However, I have learned that sometimes children keep secrets from us in order to protect us (the parents).

That is very true, I am aware of that, like I have told both of my children that no matter how bad it is, I promise not to judge or get uptight, But, to listen and hear them out.

It is hard not to reach out to your children personally, but sometimes we have to send them elsewhere to get them the help they need.

Yes, there are always other options, like what you mention earlier.

 

[MClark05]

the reason why i asked about psychological abuse is because i believe most states if not all stand behind psychological abuse as a form of abuse.. I dont know your situation nor is it any of my business but that sounds like a reason to take them from their mother

 

[Eve]

My situation is that in IDAHO emotional/psychological abuse is not against the law, and therefore is not seen by the courts as cause for removing the child from the parent. Since these are my stepkids, I can only do so much. I have to protect my own children, first and foremost.

 

[Mookie]

CPS advises that if a parent has a concern, they should never approach the children themselves because it taints the investigation process and then anything the children tell them can't be used in court because they feel the parent may have coached the child on what to say. It is hard not to reach out to your children personally, but sometimes we have to send them elsewhere to get them the help they need.

Or step-parent coaches

 

[MClark05]

My situation is that in IDAHO emotional/psychological abuse is not against the law, and therefore is not seen by the courts as cause for removing the child from the parent. Since these are my stepkids, I can only do so much. I have to protect my own children, first and foremost.

wow.. that's totally insane! I dont understand why states dont see that as abuse!! i'd definately be upset Best luck to you and your hubby

 

[GalaxyAngel]

I do protection my children what needs the important...

Talk feedback w/my children' concerns and much more...

Older son is A.D.H.D Pretty challenge for me and learn new things... He still attend counseloring to help him self-esteem and anger reduce better imrpove.. He's seems getting improved it lot but concern his medcation really NUTS! *long story*

My daughter is tiny temper taturm.. not that bad but always give her remind.. calm down and count 1..2..3... as same me2 nobody perfect.. as long family are work together...

*pssst*
Eve,
I thought you have two personalities sound alike jekyll and Hyde ?
You made angrily another thread.. Now you changed *good attudies* right this thread...

*puzzled*~ :|

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Good thread here.

Children need to learn to talk about their feelings instead of acting them out, containing their anger, handling criticism and being able to see things from other people's eyes....One of the most important for children with anger to learn is to talk about their feelings instead of acting them out in anger outbursts....

Let's discuss this, what would you do as a parents of a child that is dealing with anger?

Yes, it’s depending on children’s form of behaviors.

It helps parents to notice the form of children’s impression how happy, unhappy, sulk, anger etc. faces when you make first move to ask them “how are you or how’s your day” when they return from school etc….

I leave them alone for a while without force them to tell me what’s wrong when they don’t want to talk when I see “anger/sulk” on them because I know they always come to me for talk when they feel ready. They knows that they can talk to us because we are pretty open mind.

My children sometimes goes to basement to fight with boxer bag when they are bad moods and also fighting with pillows, too that it’s good to get out of aggressive/anger feeling. Of course I fight my children with pillows… it’s real fun… We also ran and catch, too.

It’s also good to let them to do something with their hobbies is sport etc which it helps to get out of aggressive/anger feeling..

That’s how we learn the tips from therapist where I accompanied my eldest son for over 2 years whom he had ADD problem.

Never force children to tell you what's wrong but leave them alone then they will come to you when they feel ready.

 

[Eve]

Eve,
I thought you have two personalities sound alike jekyll and Hyde ?
You made angrily another thread.. Now you changed *good attudies* right this thread...

No, Bullymom, I am not MPD. I merely know how to carry on a good conversation or debate when I do not feel I am being attacked (of course, I typically ignore comments made by mld, since they are generally always attacking in nature).

It’s also good to let them to do something with their hobbies is sport etc which it helps to get out of aggressive/anger feeling..

I agree with this also, sports gives your child more people he/she may feel comfortable with to share information. It also provides a release for pent up feelings of anger. I also put my daughter in many after-school activities because it keeps her healthy, an active body is an active mind, and if she is busy, she won’t be getting in trouble.

That’s how we learn the tips from therapist where I accompanied my eldest son for over 2 years whom he had ADD problem.

Yeah, my stepson has been diagnosed with ADHD/Oppositional Defiant Disorder/Emotional Disturbance long before I came into the picture, but didn’t get treatment until I showed up. Now, my husband and I have been to many professionals and parenting training, and because of the experiences with his son molesting others (because he was molested while in his mother’s care) we have also had plenty of experience working with CPS. CPS has certain guidelines they must follow when interviewing children and it is best to leave the questions up to them.

Never force children to tell you what's wrong but leave them alone then they will come to you when they feel ready.

I also agree that we shouldn’t force children to tell us what’s wrong, but they do need to tell SOMEBODY, so it is important for them to feel a bond with other adults than just their parents (such as a therapist, counselor, etc).

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I agree with this also, sports gives your child more people he/she may feel comfortable with to share information. It also provides a release for pent up feelings of anger. I also put my daughter in many after-school activities because it keeps her healthy, an active body is an active mind, and if she is busy, she won’t be getting in trouble.

Very true. That´s why I make sure that my children have hobbies.

Yeah, my stepson has been diagnosed with ADHD/Oppositional Defiant Disorder/Emotional Disturbance long before I came into the picture, but didn’t get treatment until I showed up. Now, my husband and I have been to many professionals and parenting training, and because of the experiences with his son molesting others (because he was molested while in his mother’s care) we have also had plenty of experience working with CPS. CPS has certain guidelines they must follow when interviewing children and it is best to leave the questions up to them.

Yeah, we (parents) want the best interest for our children is mainly important because their interest comes first. That´s why we visit parent conferences, meetings, all what you name to improve our children´s behavior.

I also agree that we shouldn’t force children to tell us what’s wrong, but they do need to tell SOMEBODY, so it is important for them to feel a bond with other adults than just their parents (such as a therapist, counselor, etc).

Yes, its exactly. I´m agree that it´s important for the children to talk somebody they feel comfortable with.
Do something would helps to motivate family life in positive way to help the children to develop their understanding. It´s no good to have the children who unresolved their anger which it could create more problems later.

It´s healthy for the children to get out of their anger is let them re-think what he/she did with those situation, and then calm down and determine to do something next....

 

[JeepGirl]

Wow.. this is a GREAT topic here! I'm listening and learning! I have an 8 year old daughter, she's really a great girl.. very shy, great personality, loves outdoor activities, very much involved in sports and shows very little emotions. When it comes to emotions, she does have a hard time expressing it to me and I have to figure out what's wrong. I'll just tell her that when she's ready to tell me then I'll be all ears. A couple of hours later, she'll finally come and talk about it. She was telling me that she made an F on one worksheet at school. I was like "Is that your report card?" she said no its not.. then I told her "then do better next time and study harder" she was like.. that's it, mom?? lol.. I'm pretty strict with her on how she's doing in school. I have no problem with her at all.


I have a nephew that has ADHD, he went thru stages of abusive.. not physically.. but mentally. His mom used to drink all the time.. did drugs.. so my nephew was basically independent, always trying to take care of himself. He was able to do other stuff that little kids are not suppose to do.. in that case, he's 8 now. He has matured a lot for his age. Well, when he comes to stay with me.. He picks on Jaci (my daughter) constantly because he's "above" her.

I studied him good and figured out what he was doing. He's just bored. He'll just started to abuse himself just to get the fun out of it. But, he's a great kid.. very very smart in school.. loves to draw (he can draw really really good) I just knew in my heart that it's not his fault for the way he is.. it was just how he was raised and has ADHD. I just know that there will be hell for him when he gets older. I just pray and hope things will turn for the better.

 

[CODAchild]

When my husband and I first took our Foster Son into our home, he was a very angry child. I mean breaking things, throwing things, hitting us to the point of hurting us. Through Department Children Youth and Families we were luckily connected to a wonderful Psychotherapist on the Massachusetts border in Mendon. She is hearing, and she signs beautifully. She deals in sand and art, which I never knew helps the child to deal with his/her anger. Tiger has really benefited from this type of therapy, and instead of throwing things, he is able to talk things out. When his classmates would taunt and tease him, it was like, everybody run for cover, he would just start throwing chairs, books, anything that wasn't nailed down. Now, he through the help of this therapy, he either goes to the teacher, or tells the child himself, that what he/she is doing is wrong. He has made such remarkable progress. I am glad that this thread had been brought up. Thanks Angel.