"Oh, you speak so well!" and other annoying comments

I am currently training a girl at work to do my usual line job and when she asked what I was listening to and wanted to listen in, I handed her the earpiece for the deaf ear and she's like - I can't use that one - its for the wrong ear. I said well I can't give you the other one - its the only ear I can hear out of, I am profoundly deaf in my other ear. She had quite a puzzled look and was like "Really?" Yeah really. I guess she didnt think that there were varying degrees of deafness as well as the fact that deaf people can be leaders to hearing people.

Then after she handed my earpiece back she took a giant cotton ball and stuffed it in her ear. I knew it was a sign for an ear infection, but I just looked at her and said - well I guess we'll just both be deaf then, and we both laughed.

It was a good ice breaker for a moment that Im sure felt awkward for her. Sometimes a little humor can go a long ways.
 
Oh - I am just a new member and I have not had time to read more than the first page of this - but I loved the heading of this thread!!

I am severly Hard of Hearing - 75 bd bilateral - my speech recoginition is about 80% and I speak very well - I believe. But I still struggle, and hearing people have no idea how hard it is to keep up and process at the same time. Makes a spontaneous conversation pretty difficult - especially the constant need for repeats of things two or three times.

Because i speak well, I too think that people think I am faking it - that it can't be so hard - and that leaves me feeling humiliated.

I want to read more of the posts here and get back to thread - but I wanted to reply here cause this is a real bug for me.
 
ladycaissa said:
Please don't get offended, this is just an idea/concept that hearing people see it as.

Many deaf people tend to talk through their noses, or at least that's what it sounds like. It sounds nasally. So when they run across someone who speech isn't as nasally. Another thing is due to the nasal sound, it makes people sound not as smart, ergo they think that the person who is talking to them is stupid.

Once again, please don't get offended.
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It gets kinda hard not to feel offended after I have treated like I am stupid by so many people for so many years.
 
jewels10 said:
Oh - I am just a new member and I have not had time to read more than the first page of this - but I loved the heading of this thread!!

I am severly Hard of Hearing - 75 bd bilateral - my speech recoginition is about 80% and I speak very well - I believe. But I still struggle, and hearing people have no idea how hard it is to keep up and process at the same time. Makes a spontaneous conversation pretty difficult - especially the constant need for repeats of things two or three times.

Because i speak well, I too think that people think I am faking it - that it can't be so hard - and that leaves me feeling humiliated.

I want to read more of the posts here and get back to thread - but I wanted to reply here cause this is a real bug for me.
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My speech comprehension is about 75% (0% on the left), having "normal" hearing until I was about 13 allows me to usually have excellent speech. Though as you're aware it's not like riding a bike.
It's funny that you mention people think you're faking it, (by "it" I'm sure you mean your lack of hearing ability). I haven't witnessed that though I'm sure people don't have any clue how bad my hearing really is.
The truth is, I'm "faking it" more and more often though the "it" different in this case. I often catch only bits and pieces and fumble along in the conversation. So I don't really hear them but for casual conversation I can usually fake it.
 
Oh, Farmerjoe - I can only get away with passing for hearing for about 10 minutes. By that time - if I am 'faking it' - I am so lost in the conversation that I have to start asking for repeats - and then I just fake it half the time instead of all the time. :roll: I hate being so irritating that I am constantly needing repeats. sigh.

And when the response is "Oh never mind", I feel like - if it is important enough to have been said , then I would like to hear it. If you don't want to repeat, then I am not important enough to you to be part of the conversation." and that hurts and makes me angry cause that happens too often.

I have had one person 'test' me - like sneak up behind me to see if I 'heard' him coming - usually scare the hell out of me - suddenly popping up out of no where. He just didn't believe me. One time some one who lives in my house was talking to another of the people here and they looked over at me - checking to see if I could hear them (I was 4 ft away - so of course I didn't).

But what makes it so hard is that sometimes I will hear something very clearly that seems to surprise everyone - me included - and then they all look at me like I am not really Hard of Hearing. sigh


originally posted by Farmerjoe
I haven't witnessed that though I'm sure people don't have any clue how bad my hearing really is.
The truth is, I'm "faking it" more and more often though the "it" different in this case. I often catch only bits and pieces and fumble along in the conversation. So I don't really hear them but for casual conversation I can usually fake it.
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Sounds so familiar....
 
I hear ya jewels Im in the same boat as you and whats left of my hearing is deteriorating seems like.

Some people dont believe me what I tell them that I am deaf because my speech is good for the most part and Im able to use the phone some as well as headphones. What they dont realize is on the phone the volume is all the way up and on the head phones the volume is all the way up.

There have been times where I wake up and I can barely hear anything at all and others I wake up and I hear OK.

Like just now I couldn't even hear my dad's diesel bus pull up in front of the house. As a kid I would have heard it, but not anymore.

I do ASL to music at church and I think some people think that Im looking for a 'feel-sorry-for-me' card because to them I hear fine, but yet I know some ASL although I am still in the learning process and probably will be for the rest of my life.

If you ever need to chat Ive got MSN. Just PM me your email and I'll trade you mine.
 
jewels10 said:
Oh, Farmerjoe - I can only get away with passing for hearing for about 10 minutes. By that time - if I am 'faking it' - I am so lost in the conversation that I have to start asking for repeats - and then I just fake it half the time instead of all the time. :roll: I hate being so irritating that I am constantly needing repeats. sigh.

And when the response is "Oh never mind", I feel like - if it is important enough to have been said , then I would like to hear it. If you don't want to repeat, then I am not important enough to you to be part of the conversation." and that hurts and makes me angry cause that happens too often.

I have had one person 'test' me - like sneak up behind me to see if I 'heard' him coming - usually scare the hell out of me - suddenly popping up out of no where. He just didn't believe me. One time some one who lives in my house was talking to another of the people here and they looked over at me - checking to see if I could hear them (I was 4 ft away - so of course I didn't).

But what makes it so hard is that sometimes I will hear something very clearly that seems to surprise everyone - me included - and then they all look at me like I am not really Hard of Hearing. sigh




Sounds so familiar....
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Yep, sounds very familiar to me too about people saying "never mind" to me and "faking" my way thru a conversation. I am just happy not to be in a non signing environment 24/7 like before.
 
Dixie - for the phone I use an amplified Clearsounds phone for HoH - and a Walker 10 amplifier which attachs between the handset and the phone. It's pretty good - though the quality of sound is dreadful - tinny and distorted - and I get feedback - even though I am using my T-Switch. But it is better than just giving up. I have one phone that is set up like that, that I can use.
I tried the Ameriphone and it is useless. My Walker 10 is old and I am replacing it - so I think the poor sound quality will be improved with a new Walker 10.

Think I should check out the assistive devices thread here for more ideas.

Shel - I have taken ASL 101 about 4 times I never have anyone to sign with so I don't retain it. I do think that learning sign would be a good thing - I just perhaps need a community to sign with.
 
more annoying comments

Yep. it happen again. well let`s see, oh yeah, I was talking to this man and he ask me if I was American? because when I began talking he look at me funny and I had to tell him the reason I was talking the way I do is because of my hearing lost.I told him I was born in Baltimore,Maryland. and I now live in West Virginia.I got to put up with this crap all the time. Does anyone know the t.v. station in Chicago? The reason I`am asking is because there was a deaf woman who did the news I do know her name I don`t know if she is on anymore. Well anyway I sound just like her.
 
peppsiwoman said:
Yep. it happen again. well let`s see, oh yeah, I was talking to this man and he ask me if I was American? because when I began talking he look at me funny and I had to tell him the reason I was talking the way I do is because of my hearing lost.I told him I was born in Baltimore,Maryland. and I now live in West Virginia.I got to put up with this crap all the time. Does anyone know the t.v. station in Chicago? The reason I`am asking is because there was a deaf woman who did the news I do know her name I don`t know if she is on anymore. Well anyway I sound just like her.
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I mean I don`t know her name.
 
Are you talking about WGN Ch. 9? We used to get that here in AR for some odd reason but now we dont was that the station? Though I may not be of much help due that we have not gotten that channel in years.
 
Dixie said:
Are you talking about WGN Ch. 9? We used to get that here in AR for some odd reason but now we dont was that the station? Though I may not be of much help due that we have not gotten that channel in years.
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Dixie, I found out who it is. Her name is Karen Meyer ABC7 Chicago.
 
I have an interesting perspective on all this as a CODA. My dad lipreads and has a HA, though sometimes I help out (though most don't realize what I'm doing, ie like saying "so Dad, how do you feel about ___?). My senior year I signed a song, and afterward people my dad and I had known for YEARS, come up to me and could't believe my dad was deaf or never realized it! I'm thinking you didn't realize how he moves to look at your lips, how he stares at your lips, his HA, etc, etc, etc!!!

I go to school in a rural area and had Deaf friend/student here. We'd be out at dinner (I sign and speak and she spoke) and people would stare and stare and stare!!! I can't believe how few people had ever seen people sign before! People would speak very loudly to her or even speak directly to me! Like she can't speak or think for herself!!! She may need me to interpret someone's speech, but CLEARLY she can speak for herself seeing as how she is speaking to me!
 
dramasteph said:
I have an interesting perspective on all this as a CODA. My dad lipreads and has a HA, though sometimes I help out (though most don't realize what I'm doing, ie like saying "so Dad, how do you feel about ___?). My senior year I signed a song, and afterward people my dad and I had known for YEARS, come up to me and could't believe my dad was deaf or never realized it! I'm thinking you didn't realize how he moves to look at your lips, how he stares at your lips, his HA, etc, etc, etc!!!

I go to school in a rural area and had Deaf friend/student here. We'd be out at dinner (I sign and speak and she spoke) and people would stare and stare and stare!!! I can't believe how few people had ever seen people sign before! People would speak very loudly to her or even speak directly to me! Like she can't speak or think for herself!!! She may need me to interpret someone's speech, but CLEARLY she can speak for herself seeing as how she is speaking to me!
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Yes, I know where your comming from it happens to me all the time. sometimes i feel like making a t-shirt saying "what are you looking at"
 
SpiceHD said:
often whenever i sit in bus hub waiting for bus and theres ALWAYS people who is too eager to chat with someone... anyway often when they spoke to me and i replied that i cant hear... they alway act like they feel sorry for me... hell there was a black guy.. very nice and friendly but when he found out im deaf he pats on my shoulder and said oh tsk im soooo sorry over and over and over. it got on my nerves and i finally left to get paper and pen then came back. i wrote "oh im sooo sorry you are hearing! i truly do feel bad for you!" he laughed and apologized.

other time when i got on a city bus and when the driver found out im deaf lol he actually got off his seat and hold my arm like i was blind or something and put me in handicapped seat. when he went back to seat and began to drive... i simply moved to other seat and waited for my stop then i went to the door in back instead of front door cuz i certainly do not want him to do that lol. i think he got the message though cuz next time he did not get up to guide me to the seat.

the worst question i ever had was "can you hear colors?" that was when i was like 9 or 10 years old and was giving a speech to class about deafness and cochlear implant. i replied "what does colors sound like?" *chuckles at the memory*
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Hear colors? :giggle::laugh2::crazy::lol::rofl:
 
Bebonang said:
The most annoying thing is having the hearing authority like public schools or private schools want us to use oral instead of ASL. It is the same us natives( Indians) that the government take away our culture of language, clothing and traditional dances just to be like the white people. Why are hearing people so obsess on having us speak. Don't hearing people know that it is hard to lipread and use oral (perfect speech). It just make me get very angry, that I don't like myself to get upset over it. I guess we will have to teach them that they can not put us through like that. Did you know that All My Children (soap opera) start having the obsess to have a deaf child to become a hearing person again by hoping to fix him up. Hearing people think it is a curse, which it is not. That I don't get it.
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They want us to lip read and speak because they are to lazy to learn our language or try an understand it. Yet, we were not to lazy to learn theirs. Most of us have spent years learning English and some of us can even speak better in English then most hearies.

I can understand if they only see us once, fine, that probably dont justify learning Asl or whatever, but in the case of a school? They should know Asl or have an interpreter on staff.
 
Being deaf isnt a curse! I see it as a blessing for the following:
being the only deaf child in a hearing family, I have gotten the best (and worst) of both worlds
being deaf means I sleep like a baby through thunderstorms - I just put a pillow over my head to block the lightning flashes.
being deaf means peace and quiet whenever I need it.
being deaf means I see the world differently than most hearing people do
being deaf means if I dont want hear a nasty commment someone makes, then I dont have to
being deaf means wowing the world with my everyday abilities to do simple tasks - hey not everyone thinks its wonderful that a hearing person can drive!
being deaf just means Im left-eared in the right-eared world. :lol:
 
I don't consider it annoying when one says, "You speak so well." Instead, what I find annoying is...."Where are you from? You have an accent?!" :giggle:

Yeah...some of us deaf people can talk, heck, some of us do have an accent!
 
Hi all, am new here, from Scotland;

feeling down lately but this thread has cheered me up somewhat, not least cos I share the same experiences, 'you speak so well' especially; the one about the bus driver leading the guy to the 'handicapped' seats had me dying on my keyboard.

i get a lot of time: people not moving their lips at all and pointing wildly; others, when i say i'm deaf, standing there as if they just died; plenty of 'oh, i'm sorry', and when my gf explained to a family member I was doing a phd, 'yeah but you're deaf so your options will still be limited' :roll: {ok, so may as well give up sigh}

Best one though, from a 13year old to my ex-gf: 'is he deaf or just pretending'

bless her! :cool:

S
 
Byrdie714 said:
I don't consider it annoying when one says, "You speak so well." Instead, what I find annoying is...."Where are you from? You have an accent?!" :giggle:

Yeah...some of us deaf people can talk, heck, some of us do have an accent!
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God I hate that when people say that to me.
 
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