Nudity and Sex: How Kids Handle 'Em? PART ONE

[gnarlydorkette]

This is a spinoff from Liebling and Meg's threads... Freewoman pushed me forward to post this thread that I have hidden in my computer, fearing any harsh backlash from this forum (sad, isn't it, when there are such a strong opposition that if one make an unapproved peep, one is forever obstracized...) so I decide to open this up...
This MIGHT belong in the debate area, but this is really for the kids' health-- mental and physical.

Forgive me if I rekindled some old debate-- this thread was made quite a while ago and I am trying my best to update what I had typed a while ago.

----
To combine two issues that have been plagued me: sex education and nudity. Liebling made the thread (http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=17113) about whether it is ok for the kids to see their parents naked. People over there kept associating the nudity to sex which is an ENTIRE different issue. (Meg combated with this issue about sex education http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=9092) This concerns me that many people are having a wrong correlation between nudity and sex. I suspected this came from living in an environment where you are being constantly exposed to the TABOOS of nudity (It is WRONG to see your mother’s breasts… it is BAD for mothers to breastfeed their babies in public… boys SHOULDN’T examine their genital organs. GIRLS shouldn’t KNOW what is “down there”…) Let’s face the facts. Kids will find out. Would you rather them to learn the RIGHT facts from YOU—the parent/guardian? The first step for you is to ACCEPT your sexuality and nudity. They will have the SAME body as you and you need to teach them the proper terms and how their bodies will change. Then they will not live in fear when their crotches sprout some hair (“Does it mean I was thinking about SEX?! Oh my god, my parents will be mad at me for having hair down there!!”)

I want to cite some statements some members made which I may support or oppose but to show you the general opinions:

Liebling: The children are curious what kind of bodies the parents have and questioned is natural but the parents show their kids the limitations when it comes to outside the home. The body is a natural thing and should not be hidden from the children
…Our children didn´t pay attention when they walks in while we´re dressing in the bedroom. (Because they don’t feel ASHAMED of it…)

Downing: naked dad is whole entire different story!

I want to state my opinion before continuing...(I am ambivalent about this issue so be bear with my answer) I think a child should be comfortable with nudity... e.g. NAKED bodies.. not bodies in an erotica position or whatnot. I don't want my child to grow up giggling out of being ashamed if s/he happens to see a penis or a nipple of a bare breast on a woman. S/he should be able to shrug it off like a mature person. But at same time, I don't want to traumatize my kids if I force them to see my husband or myself being naked and develop an unusual attraction to either of us!

Reba: What does being born naked have to do with anything? That doesn't mean nakedness is the appropriate state for every occasion and every age.

Oceanbreeze: I grew up seeing my Mother without clothes on in various instances, and while it didn't scar me for life, I also don't really think it was all that appropriate.

Katzie: I worry that fathers molesting daughters. Maybe I'm over-reacting to this, but what can I say, I am conservative and I worry about things.

It seems that most of parents are fearing that sex will be associated with nudity. Well, I am sorry to say this but... TALK TO THEM ABOUT SEX FIRST before they start to fit all puzzles together and it happens to be the "sex" and "nudity" being puzzeled together. YOU CAN STOP THAT PUZZLE by...

Sex education: Start discussions early
By Mayo Clinic staff
It's never too early to start talking to your children about sexual matters. Openness, even with young children, will show that sex is an acceptable topic of conversation. Teach your child that you are available to discuss sexual issues, and establish a comfort level — for both of you — with the topic.
Don't feel like you have to include everything in one big discussion. Instead, talk about questions and behaviors as they occur.


Toddlers explore themselves
Between the ages of 18 months to 3 years, children begin to learn about their own bodies. Teach your child the proper names for sex organs. Otherwise, he or she might get the idea that something is wrong with these parts of the body.
It's normal for a child to explore his or her body and to do what feels good. Self-stimulation is one way a child's natural sexual curiosity is manifested. Boys typically pull at their penis, and girls rub their external genitalia.


The concept of privacy
This may be a good time to teach your child about privacy. Masturbation is a normal, but private, activity. If your child suddenly starts masturbating in the middle of a play group, try to distract him or her. If that fails, take your child aside for a reminder about the importance of privacy.
Sometimes, frequent masturbation can indicate a problem in the child's life. Perhaps he or she is under a lot of stress, or isn't receiving enough attention at home. It can even be a sign of sexual abuse. Teach your child that the parts of the body covered by a bathing suit are private, and that no one should be allowed to touch them without permission.


Curiosity about others
By the age of 3 or 4, children are ready to know that boys and girls have different genitals. To satisfy their normal curiosity about each other's sex organs, children may play "doctor" or matter-of-factly take turns examining each other. This exploration is far removed from adult sexual activity, and it's harmless when only young children are involved. As a family matter, however, you may want to set limits on such exploration, discouraging it if you see it going on.
At this age, many children ask the dreaded question: "Where do babies come from?" Try to give a simple and direct response, such as: "Babies grow in a special place inside the mother." As your child matures, you can add more details.


Segregation of the sexes
Between the ages of 5 and 7, children become more aware of their gender. Boys may tend to associate only with boys, and girls only with girls. In fact, they may even say they hate children of the opposite sex.
At this age, questions about sex will become more complex, as your child tries to understand the connection between sexuality and making babies. He or she may turn to friends for some of these answers.
Because children can pick up faulty information about sex and reproduction, it may be best to ask what your child knows about a particular topic before you start explaining it.


Preteen angst
Children between the ages of 8 and 12 worry a lot about whether they are "normal." Penis size and breast size figure heavily in these worries. Children of the same age mature at wildly different rates. Reassure your child that he or she is well within the normal range of development.


What kids should know before they reach puberty
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that before they reach puberty, children should have a basic understanding of:
The names and functions of male and female sex organs
What happens during puberty and what the physical changes of puberty mean — movement into young womanhood or young manhood
The nature and purpose of the menstrual cycle
What sexual intercourse is and how females become pregnant
How to prevent pregnancy
Same-sex relationships
Masturbation
Activities that spread sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), in particular AIDS
Your expectations and values
Be honest, open and matter-of-fact

Talking about sexual matters with your child can make you both feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Let your child guide the talk with his or her questions. Don't giggle or laugh, even if the question is cute. Try not to appear overly embarrassed or serious.
If you have been open with your child's questions since the beginning, it is more likely that your child will come to you with his or her questions in the future. The best place for your child to learn about relationships, love, commitment and respect is from you.

....CONTINUED

 

[gnarlydorkette]

There are some statements that I disagree with Mayo Clinic but this is a good beginning for those who are worried about kids thinking about sex the second they see their first penis or breasts...

The incident that propelled me to make this thread was when I found out that my seven-year-old niece drew a picture of her and a boy named Jeff doing cunnlingus with a talking bubble out of her saying: "SEX RULES!". Now... tell me-- is this kind of picture ok? I said no. Not because of the nudity, but because of the sex that seemed glamour to my niece ("Sex Rules")... I did talk with her about the picture and asked her what she knew. I didn't see any sign of sexual abuse so she could have got this information about cunnlingus from her parents or friends... She told me that she doesn't know what a penis looks like or what a vagina is. So in absence of her parents, I had to take the role to explain her about the anatomy of both sexes and what will come to her as she gets older (apparently, her mother never discussed about periods with her... and she should be told about it because I started my menstruation at age 9 and she is 8 now so VERY important! She could be scared shitless if she saw blood out of her. She could think that she is in BIG trouble and scared to tell her mom because it will indicate that she did *something* that triggered this bleeding.) I even included about boys-- so she won't feel that girls are getting all crap being thrown on them... boys get on the same deal of puberty.


And guess what?
She HUGGED me afterward for explaining to her. She felt better for not being confused and lost in the world of S-E-X. Now I am relaxed in my mind, knowing that if something happens, she will come to me in confidence and be open with me... and hopefully make the right choices.


Talk to your kids about sex in a gentle way... don't be mad at them if they giggle. It is a very embarassing topic for many children.


My niece actually cried and she said she cried because she thinks this was wrong. I told her, sex is not wrong. It is a natural behavior for adults and it shouldn't be feared but it should be taken seriously and at a right age. (i didn't say like 'you only can have sex after 18' etc... just that "sex is natural between two mature persons..." so when she becomes 16, she won't backlash at me: "I AM AN ADULT SO FOO YOU, AUNT!"... I did say "mature" after all so... hope this will give me a loophole to keep her chastity...)

Sorry to ramble on... this is something close to my heart because I always feel like a mother to my niece even though we are only twelve years apart. She is a split image of me at her age and I want to spare her what I have been through.









I want to make a disclaimer that I will fetch the moderators to remove those posts that are not mature or mannered... this is a serious topic that is not to be taken lightly. ENOUGH. There are plenty of other threads you can poke fun and being foolish... keep yourself contained in this thread, please, out of respect.

 

[bluegecko474]

I have seen my parent naked when I was a kid. They did tell me what is the different from man and woman. I have seen my naked brother and sister until my sisters turn 13 to stop see each other naked. Mom and Dad did explained to us about it and we are very understanding about it. Some people think it was wrong about nude around the house with parent, sister, and brother....
To me I think it nothing wrong with nude but intercourse is way different than nude. My older sister started her periods and was embarrassing about it. She told Mom and Dad about it and they calm her down and told us boys about it. I had "wet" dream when I was 13 and I asked my mom and dad about it and it was nothing wrong with it. They even told my sisters about it. We dont even laughed about it.
IMO that nude is natural to us and sex is different. Your opinion, I have no problem with that and there is nothing wrong with people feeling. OK...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Good thread here.

gnarlydorkette
I decide to open this up...
This MIGHT belong in the debate area, but this is really for the kids' health-- mental and physical.

Yes, it's very scare to affect the kids's healthy, mental & physical.

This word remind me of 11 years old Swiss-American boy. I googled to find the link where I remember those sexual scandal in May 1999. I never forget that terrible scandal. We (Europeans) support to get Raoul freed from US jail.

The reason 11 years old Swiss-American Raoul was arrested in America for "sexually assault" because a neighbor claimed for seeing him "molested" his 5 years old sister. It doesn't mean that he molested her because he was only trying to help her urinate.
None of Europeans can't understand why 11-year-old boy was arrested in handcuffs and detained because of this. The police came to cuff Raoul at night that's time he was in the bed. This is an absurd. I'm glad that he's free but I beleive it got him & his family nightmare. That's why I would like share this sad story. Have you heard about this scandal?

http://www.worldlymind.org/swissboy.htm

http://web.amnesty.org/library/Index/ENGAMR511761999?open&of=ENG-2M4

Teach your child respect for privacy.
Begin to teach respect for privacy between 4 and 5 years of age. Stop showering or bathing with your children, especially children of the opposite sex. Close the bathroom door when you use the toilet. Close the bedroom door when you get dressed, and suggest that your children do the same. Attitudes about this, however, do vary from family to family.

http://www.geocities.com/sssukhmeet/sex_education.html

WHY? It's very sad because it teach them to amsham their bodies. Not just this but some of list, I'm disagree to.

gnarlydorkette
This concerns me that many people are having a wrong correlation between nudity and sex.

(It is WRONG to see your mother’s breasts… it is BAD for mothers to breastfeed their babies in public… boys SHOULDN’T examine their genital organs. GIRLS shouldn’t KNOW what is “down there”…)

I'm afraid yes.

I see alot of Europeans breastfed their babies in public. I'm one of them. It's nature to me and my children... It doesn't bother every children...
I see nothing wrong that the children play "doctor". This thread I created.
http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=17112

gnarlydorkette
I don't want my child to grow up giggling out of being ashamed if s/he happens to see a penis or a nipple of a bare breast on a woman. S/he should be able to shrug it off like a mature person. But at same time, I don't want to traumatize my kids if I force them to see my husband or myself being naked and develop an unusual attraction to either of us!

Exactly!
I was told by some of American's German wives often about the difference between Germany and USA. They said that they felt uncomfortable when they were in America because American children giggle and point their fingers out on them when they saw them lied naked or topless at their own property. Oh well, we don't blame American children for their immature.
Yes, my American co-workers realized slowly that nudity is nothing do with sexual but natural.

gnarlydorkette
It seems that most of parents are fearing that sex will be associated with nudity. Well, I am sorry to say this but... TALK TO THEM ABOUT SEX FIRST before they start to fit all puzzles together and it happens to be the "sex" and "nudity" being puzzeled together. YOU CAN STOP THAT PUZZLE by...

Exactly.

gnarlydorkette
The incident that propelled me to make this thread was when I found out that my seven-year-old niece drew a picture of her and a boy named Jeff doing cunnlingus with a talking bubble out of her saying: "SEX RULES!". Now... tell me-- is this kind of picture ok? I said no. Not because of the nudity, but because of the sex that seemed glamour to my niece ("Sex Rules")... I did talk with her about the picture and asked her what she knew. I didn't see any sign of sexual abuse so she could have got this information about cunnlingus from her parents or friends... She told me that she doesn't know what a penis looks like or what a vagina is. So in absence of her parents, I had to take the role to explain her about the anatomy of both sexes and what will come to her as she gets older (apparently, her mother never discussed about periods with her... and she should be told about it because I started my menstruation at age 9 and she is 8 now so VERY important! She could be scared shitless if she saw blood out of her. She could think that she is in BIG trouble and scared to tell her mom because it will indicate that she did *something* that triggered this bleeding.) I even included about boys-- so she won't feel that girls are getting all crap being thrown on them... boys get on the same deal of puberty.

You are good Aunt and help your niece to learn about the difference between sexual and nudity, etc.

Yes, it's true that it shock the children when they saw adult's naked bodies for a first time and then make giggle or draw the pictures etc. but it's different story if they draw "porno" or sexual intercourse...... it's sign of sexual abuse. Just draw naked bodies and name them is not sign of sexual abuse. That's why we raised our children with no amsham of our bodies... We doesn't pay our attention to see nudity bodies/topless... We consider it as natural.

......
Preteen angst
Children between the ages of 8 and 12 worry a lot about whether they are "normal." Penis size and breast size figure heavily in these worries. Children of the same age mature at wildly different rates. Reassure your child that he or she is well within the normal range of development.

Well, it's not really.
As far as I remember when my children were little. They look my hubby's penis and then look at theirs and puzzled that the sizes are not same and also look at me because I'm one who is different as them. We explained them that their penis size will grow when they grow up big and also explained them why I'm different as them. They asked us questions alots. Why a girl dont have boobs like me.......(they saw girls at my friends house and kindergarten etc). How baby comes from etc etc etc . We gave them honest answer what/how we made a baby. All what I told them that mommy & daddy love each other to make a baby.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I have seen my parent naked when I was a kid. They did tell me what is the different from man and woman. I have seen my naked brother and sister until my sisters turn 13 to stop see each other naked. Mom and Dad did explained to us about it and we are very understanding about it. Some people think it was wrong about nude around the house with parent, sister, and brother....
To me I think it nothing wrong with nude but intercourse is way different than nude. My older sister started her periods and was embarrassing about it. She told Mom and Dad about it and they calm her down and told us boys about it. I had "wet" dream when I was 13 and I asked my mom and dad about it and it was nothing wrong with it. They even told my sisters about it. We dont even laughed about it.
IMO that nude is natural to us and sex is different. Your opinion, I have no problem with that and there is nothing wrong with people feeling. OK...

True

 

[FreeWoman77]

breastfeeding at public place and restaurants covered with receiving blanket

 

[pek1]

This is a good discussion about sexuality and nudity. May I also suggest another website for all of you to learn more about nudity?

http://clothesfreeforums.com/eve

I am a poster there under my same name and if you're looking for sex or pornography, you won't find any pictures like that, but you will see nude pics of various people I know. Yes, if you choose to become a member, it's free, and feel free to tell everyone that I (pek1) told you to come over and learn about naturism, which is actually what it's called. Many people have pictures of themselves hiking wherever in the nude, or at home in the backyard or gardening. If you're a Christian, there's a site for you. http://www.naturist-christians.org

I also post there, but under a different name. If you become a member there (again, it's free), pm me to ask how to find a picture of me and my hearing dog. It is not a nude pic, so don't worry about that.

Lastly, remember, it's not rude to ask questions, but it is rude if you just want to be a prude and jump to conclusions and embarrass yourself. Being a naturist, or nudist, if you will, has helped me take away a negative self image of myself. No one has the "perfect body," not even Pamela Sue Anderson or Brad Pitt.