newly deaf and struggling

Thanks for the reply Babito and Almyra!

Your suggestions are really useful... it almost sounds like I'm going to have to develop a mini-curriculum... luckily I teach anthropology, so I can work sensitivity training in as an exercise in 'cultural relativity'.

Thanks as well Naisho!

I am actually trained as a specialty to teach online, but the tenured faculty at my college have a lock on teaching all the online courses. I'll have to raise my voice a little higher on that point - if they were to let me go rather than give me online sections that would be discrimination. Gotta love ADA law, but sad that we need such a thing just to make people do right by each other.

-EG
 
Welcome to AD, and I have a lot of the same problems as you do. From here, besides moving out or getting a different job where you'll be better accepted, I see two main pathways. The first is to continue to try and educate them about it, but that looks like it's failing. The second is to try and come up with inventive and cruel, yet ingenious, ways to force them to adapt. I would reccomend a pair of brass knuckles with the word "SPEAK UP OR BE FORGOTTEN" engraven on them so you can move as to punch them in the face and stop 4 inches from the eyes. If people give up on trying to ask you a question make it a hugely important question on the next test, 15% or more should be sufficient.
 
I am recently Deaf also. I got a one-page info sheet from ALDA (association of late-deafened adults) that gives hints for communicating with newly deaf. It also has some nice reminders for me in how to facilitate communication. I gave them to my office staff and patient care teams, and posted them around my clinic. That and gentle reminders in a friendly way seem to work best.

I also went to my local mall that had an embroidery stand and had two turtleneck shirts embroidered with "I see Deaf people". Gets a giggle from most people.

Good luck, and hang in there. Everything you do to educate people helps the next Deaf person they meet too.
 
hey,

im a late deafened.... just became deaf about a year ago (im 20)

yeah... i hate that look of disgust...really hurts my feelings alot...
 
thanks for the link Doc! I found the publication you are talking about - I'm going to append that to my syllabi from now on. :)
 
You don't need hearing to listen to music or to play music. Ludwig van Beethoven, Johnnie Ray, Ryan Adams, and Brian Wilsonare all deaf or hoh and they understand music better then anyone.
 
jasin said:
You don't need hearing to listen to music or to play music. Ludwig van Beethoven, Johnnie Ray, Ryan Adams, and Brian Wilsonare all deaf or hoh and they understand music better then anyone.
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1. a huge misconception about Beethoven. Beethoven was born hearing. He became deaf at later age
2. Johnnie Ray = deaf at one ear
3. Ryan Adams = born hearing. suffered a significant hearing loss at LATER age
4. Brian Wilson = deaf in just one ear (he's still considered hearing)

yes you do need to hear/listen first to understand music. sorry but that's the way it is. why would a born deaf love music if he doesn't know what music sound like? It's like appreciating a blank picture.
 
Jiro said:
1. a huge misconception about Beethoven. Beethoven was born hearing. He became deaf at later age
2. Johnnie Ray = deaf at one ear
3. Ryan Adams = born hearing. suffered a significant hearing loss at LATER age
4. Brian Wilson = deaf in just one ear (he's still considered hearing)

yes you do need to hear/listen first to understand music first. sorry but that's the way it is. why would a born deaf love music if he doesn't know what music sound like? It's like appreciating a blank picture.
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Too true, Jiro! Visual art is a better medium.:cool2:
 
eatinganesh said:
Bottesini,

your post actually made me laugh! My tendency would be to do just those things - internalize, avoid, and adapt. On darker days, I think about quitting everything and going on disability. :(
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NO! Do not ever venture into thinking that you should be going on disability! Look at me, being totally deaf since birth and holding down a good job.

Do not let this lure you into thinking you are not capable of continuing on with your life before you lost your hearing - there will be modifications, but there is no reason to start swinging to the extreme end of the spectrum.

Granted I do not understand your anguish of losing hearing as I have never had hearing to understand what I am missing out on but I certainly can tell you I can relate to all struggles of being a deaf person but that has never allowed me to feel sorry for myself.

Give yourself time to adjust - of course you are allowed to grieve but do not wallow in it forever - life is too short!
 
Welcome. You are in an amzing position to be informative about hearing loss and deafness. By informing your students, they will not have that ignorance and will then in turn instruct others about deafness. I understand how you feel. I am an RN who works in the OR and get a ton of rude looks and ignorant questions every day...even from coworkers who have worked with me for years. Hope your days go smoother and remember we all are here to support one another.
 
eatinganesh said:
1) How do I go about telling people that I am deaf in a way that they will respect and understand? Is there a button or something? a membership card I can flash? Just kidding. Seriously, how to I go about letting everyone around me know that I am deaf so that they won't talk to me when my back is turned and then get mad that I'm 'ignoring' them. Sometimes I do think I should just wear a button.

2) why is it that after I've told people a million times that I am deaf, they still get annoyed that I can't hear them? why is it so hard for people to keep their hands away from their mouths?

3) how is it possible that people just 'forget' that I am deaf? how should I remind them (ideally without getting frustrated myself at having to remind them a million times)?

I'm sure these are dumb questions in a sense.... but I am sooo frustrated I am thinking about quitting teaching even though I spent 15 years getting a PhD so that I could so.
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first of all... welcome to AD and I'm sorry to hear about your progressive hearing loss. It's a life-changing thing but do stay in a good spirit. That's the fastest way to get out of grieving & difficult period. it's not the end of the world. Sure you're not going to be able to hear anymore and you can't play music but so what? You can find other way of enjoying it or you'll find a new hobby. and don't give up on your ph.d.!! you've came this far! finish what you started! Stephen Hawkins can't move his body on his own, shit on his own, eat on his own, or even talk with his voice... but he can read and learn, right? that's why he became a world renowned scientist. He was in exactly same situation as you. He was working on ph.d. at that time before Lou Gehrig's disease got him. His condition got worse but that did not stop him from getting ph.d.

To answer your questions -
1. if they are not understanding and respecting the fact that you are deaf... then this means you need to explain better and clearly.... with cool, confident attitude. I transferred to a new high school at 9th grade and I was the only deaf student (btw - technically I'm HOH and I wear hearing aids).

During the first couple weeks - it was rough. very very rough. It tore me apart. nobody talked to me. I can feel that people felt "sorry" for me and left me alone. I wanted to end this loneliness so I went up to front of class and explained about myself and my hearing disability. I surprised them with what I can do. I told them that I love to play roller hockey and I can play piano. I lol'ed at their :-o faces. It demystified their misconceptions of deaf people which are sadly stereotyped as "deaf and dumb." Since then... it was a good time for remainder of my high school life. Most students understood my situation and some were assholes but they're of no concern to me. world ain't perfect anyway. I expected to deal with jerks. no biggie.

2. see #1. it helps to be humorous & confident when teaching a "proper etiquette" to communicate with deaf person. Teach the etiquette at the first day of class and remind the class periodically. I'd suggest you to change your approach to that situation. You responded to it in a bit awkward, unsure way... which may have contributed to students' lack of understanding to your needs and/or students may have felt embarrassed or intimidated... which you stated that the student was talking to you and you approached closer to him and for some odd reason - that student spoke softly. I can understand that it felt awkward and embarrassing for the student.

For example - the student raised his hand to ask you a question. You called on him and he talked with a hand on his mouth. You stop him and respond with your body gesture to remove the hand from the mouth and talk louder. smile and say :ty: in ASL. Be humorous and confident in handling the situation. It helps me and people remembers it easily next time. It doesn't hurt to teach your class a couple of sign languages.

3. pretty much same answer as #1 and #2. I know how you feel about people "forgetting" about you being deaf. I would say that they still don't know how to talk to you because you may have not clearly communicated your needs.


A small advice - You may want to completely change your approach. You have been treating this situation like a hearing person... which is probably why your students/colleagues have been treating you like a hearing person. Now that your hearing has gotten progressively worse and you no longer can hear well anymore. You are now called a deaf person. It's time you change your approach & attitude to work with your deafness... with confidence and a good humor :cool2:

You have several chances of trial & error because you get classes of new students every semester. You'll figure out how to make it work for you and your students. You're teaching an anthropology class so you should dedicate one lecture about deaf world.
 
Jiro said:
yes you do need to hear/listen first to understand music. sorry but that's the way it is. why would a born deaf love music if he doesn't know what music sound like? It's like appreciating a blank picture.
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The OP is not born completely deaf, and born or completely deaf was not specified. Simply that deaf or hoh people can experience/appreciate music. Even if you can't hear it even in the slightest, you can feel it, you might read the lyrics, you might watch a video that goes along with it. Is that not experiencing it? I personally sometimes place a bone conduction headset over my cheek and enjoy music from time to time, even though I cannot hear it (my hearing loss is not conductive), I can feel it.

And you can most certainly enjoy a 'blank' picture. I am blind and a photographer- and I took up photography after I lost most of my residual sight. :)
 
eatinganesh said:
I've had progressive hearing loss over the last 8 years and it has finally gotten to the point where everyone is mumbling and I need captions on the tv. I am hard of hearing now, but will be deaf before long. And of course telling people that I am HoH just makes them shout at me. :shock:

I need some advice on how to deal with people. I am a college professor, and up until the fall I was doing ok with my hearing loss - even though I had to ask students to repeat themselves several times or move their hand/pencil away from their mouths. The saddest thing about it was that I could tell the students were getting frustrated and fed up with me constantly not hearing them. I explained to all my students that I was suffering hearing loss, but I could just see the looks of "if she can't hear me, why should I ask a question?" and other looks of just, well, disgust, which really hurt my feelings.

I have alot of questions and will be very grateful for any response or advice...

1) How do I go about telling people that I am deaf in a way that they will respect and understand? Is there a button or something? a membership card I can flash? Just kidding. Seriously, how to I go about letting everyone around me know that I am deaf so that they won't talk to me when my back is turned and then get mad that I'm 'ignoring' them. Sometimes I do think I should just wear a button.

2) why is it that after I've told people a million times that I am deaf, they still get annoyed that I can't hear them? why is it so hard for people to keep their hands away from their mouths?

3) how is it possible that people just 'forget' that I am deaf? how should I remind them (ideally without getting frustrated myself at having to remind them a million times)?

I'm sure these are dumb questions in a sense.... but I am sooo frustrated I am thinking about quitting teaching even though I spent 15 years getting a PhD so that I could so.

Thanks in advance,

Eatingganesh
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For my 2c

1: the simple answer is "I'm deaf." or "I'm hard of hearing" followed by "Please look at me while you speakk" or "I can't understand you very well, could you write that down" or whatever you need the person to do to get or keep the conversation going.

2: Unfortunately, I know quite a few people that do that. I don't know why, but politely remind the person if they are someone you interact with rarely or if they are in a position of authority over you. If they are a close friend, sit them down for a conversation and explain that although you do enjoy their company, you just cannot experience it as much as you used to because they are not 'meeting you half way.'

3: Unfortunately.. humans will be a thick lot, sometimes. Work on developing patience more than anything would be my advice in this respect...

Don't quit teaching, and don't take the easy way out by switching to teaching online courses. Go learn ASL as soon as you possibly can and get yourself some terping services. Ask your students to meet you half way- they depend on you for their grade and know it, so they will! The rest will come- I can give you 1000 different coping methods, but ultimately, the best way to discover them is to hit some roadblock because of your new hearing loss (thinking "I cannot do this, but I used to be able to") and then thinking about new ways you might be able to do it.
 
How about putting up the big sign on top of the board or in front of the door letting the students know that you are Deaf in the classroom. I don't know if that will work for you. Also you have to explain to the students that there are some rules for the students to follow on what they are suppose to do to help you knowing that you are deaf like for example, Please don't cover your mouth with your hands, or look straight at you so that you can read lips or try to understand what you say, tap on the shoulder to let you know that you want attention, things like that. Working in a hearing environment in the classroom can be very frustrating and put you a lot of stress. That is why maybe you can participate into the Deaf classroom to teach if you know ASL and again I don't know if that will work for you. :thinking: <thinking>
 
Jiro said:
1. a huge misconception about Beethoven. Beethoven was born hearing. He became deaf at later age
2. Johnnie Ray = deaf at one ear
3. Ryan Adams = born hearing. suffered a significant hearing loss at LATER age
4. Brian Wilson = deaf in just one ear (he's still considered hearing)

yes you do need to hear/listen first to understand music. sorry but that's the way it is. why would a born deaf love music if he doesn't know what music sound like? It's like appreciating a blank picture.
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True, but He did have a very severe case of tinnitus before he lost most all of his hearing.
 
Music is more then just sound. Music has form, beat, texture, rhythm, melody, harmony, etc.. all of which can very, very easily be understood without hearing.
 
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