New Hearing-Deaf Relationships

J

justamsboy

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Hello everyone. I'm a hearing 21 year old homosexual male living in the conservative south, and recently, I met and hit it off with an amazing 23 year old deaf guy online. However, the bad news is he lives over 1000 miles away. Luckily, he only lives 20 minutes from the town that I will be going to graduate school at in Fall 2009. So the situation calls for a long-distance relationship in the meantime while I finish my last year of undergraduate classes. I am taking a trip out to visit the graduate school in August of this year, and I will be there for 20 days where he and I will get to spend time together. He even said that if we feel the long distance not working, he wants to move to where I am to stay with me until I graduate.

Because I am hearing and he is deaf, I know that it will be hard work for both of us. I am currently learning ASL for him, and I plan to know it very well by the time I move to where he is in a year. I even make videos of me signing what I have learned and send it to him, and he loves it. But I know that just learning ASL will not be enough, and I want to be prepared for problems that we may face (minus the ones from being a gay couple). I've already researched a lot about the Deaf Community and their values, and I feel completely comfortable with them.

The reason I posted is because I would like to hear from other hearing-deaf couples or individuals on issues that you faced which you had to overcome, and how I may avoid some of the common roadblocks in those relationships. I've heard mostly discouraging stories of how these relationships just end horribly, and always seemingly because the hearing person just didn't understand. I really care for this person, and I am willing to learn or do whatever is necessary to make it work.

Thanks in advance for your responses.
 
Just seeing you here tells me your friend is lucky to have you. I am HOH and all my guys have been hearing. I am divorced. My asshole ex ended up putting me down by making fun of my hearing. So don't you ever do that.
 
Yeah, that's horrible. I'm sorry you have such an asshole ex-husband. My sister is going through a divorce right now (both her and her husband were hearing) because he had been doing drugs. He even attacked her one night, but she's a tough little woman and beat the shit out of him. They have three children together, and I've been more of a fatherly or big brother figure to them than her husband ever was.

But back to topic, I could never make fun of anyone who was deaf. I grew up in a very tolerant household, and I was one of those kids who got picked on in school... so I know how rough it is. Everyone deserves respect in my book.
 
A moderator please delete this post from here. I believe I posted it in the wrong section. I didn't realize that there was an actual GLBT forum under relationships until after I posted this.
 
I have been in two hearing/deaf relationships..one with my ex hubby and the other with my current hubby.

You say you are learning ASL..u are already on the right track. My ex didnt learn ASL and refused to since he said I could speak and lipread so well. My current hubby is not fully fluent in ASL but enough to communicate with most deaf people. That is very important to me.

My suggestion would be do not always do everything for him like making phone calls for him, interpreting for him, or ordering his food unless you both agree that you are both comfortable with that. If one or the other person is not comfortable with that, it will cause resentment or bitterness. Important that you both communicate about your expectations from each other when in the Deaf or hearing communities.

Good luck!
 
Aww, that's the most sweetest you ever did try for your significant other by learning ASL.

I have my own share as well. My new significant other is hearing and he really wants to learn ASL, too. I know it takes alot of patience to learn. I am sure you will pick it up in no time, if you show your interest in him. :D

I will fly down to meet my significant other next month.... from Alaska TO Florida. :lol:
 
Wow, that's an even longer distance than mine! Quite a climate change too.

Thanks for the advice, by the way. I really appreciate it, and I certainly don't pretend to know everything that will happen between here and a year from now... but I hope it works out. I'm trying my best!
 
Online? Gee... I wouldn't go that far.

Not everyone is what they appear to be when they're online. I don't believe in online relationships because the risk is very high.

I've seen people meet other people online and then actually drive out there to date in person.

I knew a woman who met a guy online and then drove several hours to meet him in person. They started their formal relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend that same weekend they met. That relationship ended up with abusive problems and a bunch of blame games. :roll:

I also knew another woman who met another woman on AOL. She then drive halfway across the country to live with her. Both of them ended up losing the house that they were living in and moved back halfway across the country. Both of them also ended up with an abusive relationship.

If I met someone online, I would keep it as friends... nothing more. If that person was going to be moving to where I am for her own reasons, then I would be fine with taking the opportunity to date her in person. If that person decided to move to where I am because that person wanted to be with me, then I would be against that.
 
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