My Mother Tells Me To Stop Being "Offendall"

deafskeptic

deafskeptic

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Earlier tonight I could see my mother was unhappy with me again from the way she was behaving. She's always unhappy with me one way or another.

Then she walks up to the chair that I'm sitting in and tells me I have to stop being so "offendall". I'm like what on earth? What did I do? I had no idea what she was talking about. I felt like a dog caught peeing on a rug. Yeah, that's a rather "offendall" term to use but it seems right.

My mother can't understand why I'm so confused but after me staring at her in puzzlement for several mintues, she says I need to start wearing underwear. (I had some on but I will admit that I don't always wear them when I should). It turns out she's upset that I wasn't wearing them the day the first nurse came and I had shown a bit more of myself than I should when I tried to lie down on the couch despite attempts not to let anything show. It didn't help my father was there too. My fault for not remembering which day she'd come.

Also, she said I needed to wear something other than a nightgown. Well, there's no one to see where I'm staying at and we hardly ever get any visitors. It's easier to wear a nightgown and carry around my body vac that cleanses my wound in the chest. I'm attached to it via a plastic tube that channels my body fluids into a plastic canister attached to it. I will allow even before the body vac, I wore one a lot because I couldn't stand seeing my good clothes get stained with my body fluids. If I were to go someplace that's be the last thing I wear.

Finally she told me I needed to think about getting back to the my apt. I told her that I hadn't been there in a while because I'm afraid of jarring my body vac and having to replace my canister before it's full. Those things are not easy to replace. It's very sensitive to jarring and roads around here are not the smoothest. Believe me, I'd rather be at my apt then staying with my parents.

I swear my very existence is "offendall" to her. *sigh*
 
Is offendall really a word? I don't think so, at least in English.

I would try to get well as fast as possible. I am sorry for your situation.
 
Bottesini said:
Is offendall really a word? I don't think so, at least in English.

I would try to get well as fast as possible. I am sorry for your situation.
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It's not really a word but that is exactly what she said. Yeah I'd want to get out of here as fast as possible.
 
i agree with byrdie... stress can come from almost anything but i think you should be comfortable in your recovery however that may be. and if im not mistaken less stress will make recovery time faster. someone can correct me if im wrong there but i think i read that somewhere.
 
Byrdie714 said:
Maybe it's the stress of your illness that has put a strain on her?
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Well, I don't think it has helped any but my problems with my mother goes back to childhood. She's always unhappy with me for one reason or another. When I was little, she'd get upset about my room or she'd get upset about my progress in mainstream and both of my parents would spend time screaming at me while I tried to do my homework.
 
I think you need to get well soon and escape! this is not helping your recovery at all. is there any way you can have a carer to check on you regularly through your recovery while you live alone??
 
The stress you are under emotionally is not going to speed up your recovery. Are you eligible for homehealth care other than having a nurse to come in to dress and check your wound? As a nurse, your mother should understand that added stress will achieve the opposite result of what she wants.

Sounds as if she might be a bit jealous of the attention you are getting right now.
 
I'm with jillio on this.

Please check to see if you are eligible for any home health care programs or a visiting nurse to check on you at your apartment.

You do want to be comfortable at your own place and the nurse, being professional, would not demand you to put your underwear on at your own place.
 
jillio said:
The stress you are under emotionally is not going to speed up your recovery. Are you eligible for homehealth care other than having a nurse to come in to dress and check your wound? As a nurse, your mother should understand that added stress will achieve the opposite result of what she wants.

Sounds as if she might be a bit jealous of the attention you are getting right now.
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I've never thought about jealously as a reason for her behavior.. Possible though I think it's just because she's very uptight about a lot of stuff and she's a super neat freak. My parents' place is quite literally spotless. I remember I had to delay eating my pizza for 20 minutes on Jan 20th because she didn't want crumbs on the sofa even though I tried to explain I can't see captions from the dining table or the kitchen counter. I'm very near sighted. Seeing the President being sworn in is not something you want to miss.

I'm not sure who to ask though I'm pretty certain my parents are not the people to ask about my homecare options and the nurse calls the house before she arrives. I'm pretty certain we can set up a time to meet at my apt though. My father has the medical info.

The difficult part will be my father. I regret moving so close to them now. He won't be happy when I tell him though I appreciate his going to every appointment, I can do this by myself. He's the same way about stuff like DMV and it will be very hard to break this cycle. It's been quite stressful living with my parents. I can PM you if you want more details.
 
I am sorry your Mom is adding your problems. She is not being very supportive at all. I can imagine it would be hard to live there and try to recover.
 
deafskeptic said:
I've never thought about jealously as a reason for her behavior.. Possible though I think it's just because she's very uptight about a lot of stuff and she's a super neat freak. My parents' place is quite literally spotless. I remember I had to delay eating my pizza for 20 minutes on Jan 20th because she didn't want crumbs on the sofa even though I tried to explain I can't see captions from the dining table or the kitchen counter. I'm very near sighted. Seeing the President being sworn in is not something you want to miss.

I'm not sure who to ask though I'm pretty certain my parents are not the people to ask about my homecare options and the nurse calls the house before she arrives. I'm pretty certain we can set up a time to meet at my apt though. My father has the medical info.

The difficult part will be my father. I regret moving so close to them now. He won't be happy when I tell him though I appreciate his going to every appointment, I can do this by myself. He's the same way about stuff like DMV and it will be very hard to break this cycle. It's been quite stressful living with my parents. I can PM you if you want more details.
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Sounds as if they have some serious control issues going on.:hmm: I'll be glad to discuss with you in PM if you want.
 
Is your mother OCD?

Maybe she needs a little help?

Does your dad go with you to help, control, or because he likes your company?
 
Berry said:
Is your mother OCD?

Maybe she needs a little help?

Does your dad go with you to help, control, or because he likes your company?
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Control is why he goes with me. I think he has some serious issues but I'll not go into details just now.

I think it's possible my mother is ocd.
 
deafskeptic said:
Control is why he goes with me. I think he has some serious issues but I'll not go into details just now.


.
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That is sad. He does not know what he is missing. Daughters are wonderful and fun to be with.
 
Your parents are definitely controlling, I would get back to the apt ASAP. This added stress is not good for your cardiovascular health and long-term stress can actually make it worse. Given the nature of your wound and your predicament, I am betting that once you move back to your apartment you can simply arrange for the nurse to meet you at the apartment rather than at your parents house. You might even qualify for Medicaid benefits given the nature of your surgery and the length of recovery and any other post-op complication that may prevent you from performing certain tasks or types of work. Its a worth look into.
 
I agree with Dixie and Jillio...u need a supportive environment to recover from a major surgery...I am sorry that your parents arent there for you. :hug:
 
shel90 said:
I agree with Dixie and Jillio...u need a supportive environment to recover from a major surgery...I am sorry that your parents arent there for you. :hug:
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I'm doing something about this tomorrow right after I see my nurse and get both her email and her phone number. I've had enough.

Both dixie and jillio are on the money.. I'll take their advice.
 
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