my mom is struggling with my aunt's death

coolgirlspyer90

coolgirlspyer90

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as I told you before, my aunt passed away from cancer in early January in 2009. up till this year my mom is still kind of grieving about my aunt. there was a few things that made her upset. my uncle got a new girlfriend, both of my cousin came home with an unexpected suprise without knowing that their dad just got a new girlfriend. and my uncle is letting his girlfriend use my aunt's stuff. my mom found that very disturbing and upsetting. she feels like she's worried about my cousins because they lost their mom and no their dad has a new girlfriend all of a sudden. whenever my mom talks about my aunt to my family members, my uncle rolls his eyes. I don't understand why. I'm not trying to get involved with my family drama. but I feel as if my uncle did t care anymore. my mom feels the same. my mom thinks that my uncle is takng advantage of my grandparents ( my mom's parents). my uncle is involved with church alot. so I'm really confused but also disappointed.
 
Generally people grieve differently. Your uncle probably was more prepared for her passing than anymore in the family seeing that it was cancer because it was there for a while.

Were your mom and aunt close?
 
posts_from_hell is right, people do grieve differently. Some people like to memorialize their loved ones objects, keep them displayed "how they left them," others like to box them away, sell, or throw them away. And others like to see the items get used again.

But sorry about your aunt :( It sucks when people pass.

EDIT: for removing dumb crap I said last night. I really need to learn to pay attention. Sorry!
 
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2 years. That's long enough to mourn. Statistics show that people who had the best and healthiest marriages tend to remarry sooner.
 
Your mother is creating unnecessary drama. That's all I can say.
 
Banjo said:
Your mother is creating unnecessary drama. That's all I can say.
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I agree ! This is the mother's issues and she is getting every all worked up! If
It sound like your mother could see a grief counselor to help her move on.
It is none her business what the husband does. He can take all his wife stuff and give it away if he want. If your aunt wanted to leave her thing to people she should said so and made a will so this mess would be going on now.
Maybe your mother could ask for a few things of your aunt if that would made her feel better then let the husband get on with his new life. Men have a hard time being along and will starting dating after losing their wife of many years faster than women will losing her husband, my mother never got married after my dad dies ,and mom was only 50 years old and had men coimng onto her!
 
Life is short...and Life is for the Living...2 years of grieving is enuf....Wishing ur Uncle the best.
Just seems ur Mother hasn't come to terms with her sister's death. And has not moved forward. Perhaps some grief counseling would help her. Maybe suggest it.
 
rockin'robin said:
Life is short...and Life is for the Living...2 years of grieving is enuf....Wishing ur Uncle the best.
Just seems ur Mother hasn't come to terms with her sister's death. And has not moved forward. Perhaps some grief counseling would help her. Maybe suggest it.
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I said that too , get some grief counseling . Some people take longer to get over their grief but they should not stop the rest of the family from moving on. My mother dies 2 years ago and I will always miss her but I can't let it stop my family from living their lives.
 
posts from hell said:
Generally people grieve differently. Your uncle probably was more prepared for her passing than anymore in the family seeing that it was cancer because it was there for a while.

Were your mom and aunt close?
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yes, my mom and my aunt were close. they would go out shopping and out to eat all the time, when my aunt was sick with cancer, she knew that she was going to be passing away. So she would always call my mom to hang out with her before her time has come. I mean my mom, shes sad about my aunt's passing, but, she is trying hard to not let it distract her from her work and us. I feel bad for her. I wish i could do something.
 
coolgirlspyer90 said:
yes, my mom and my aunt were close. they would go out shopping and out to eat all the time, when my aunt was sick with cancer, she knew that she was going to be passing away. So she would always call my mom to hang out with her before her time has come. I mean my mom, shes sad about my aunt's passing, but, she is trying hard to not let it distract her from her work and us. I feel bad for her. I wish i could do something.
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You could try and get your mom to go to grief counseling , it sound like she could use it.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
You could try and get your mom to go to grief counseling , it sound like she could use it.
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She's been involved with a woman's church group a lot. I think part of that is helping her with the grieving. My sister, my dad, and I are trying to cheer her up and we try to distract her by her obsessed movie of all time that she likes: Twilight saga (don't ask, long story). and she goes out with her friends once in a while for a girls night out. and she works everyday. haha. so, idk, i just hope she's okay. She's just watching tv in the other room right now.
 
coolgirlspyer90 said:
She's been involved with a woman's church group a lot. I think part of that is helping her with the grieving. My sister, my dad, and I are trying to cheer her up and we try to distract her by her obsessed movie of all time that she likes: Twilight saga (don't ask, long story). and she goes out with her friends once in a while for a girls night out. and she works everyday. haha. so, idk, i just hope she's okay. She's just watching tv in the other room right now.
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That is good your mom is going out with friends and not keeping to herself, where there only two kids in your mom family and what about her parents are they still alive?
 
coolgirlspyer90 said:
yep, both of my grandparents are alive. They're taking it hard too.
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I was wondering if your mother was the only left in her family , I am sure your grandparents are having a very hard time. I hope they're able to give your mother comfort , did your famliy have a hospice care worker to talk when your aunt was dying? One called me when my mother was dying and it helped talking to her.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
I was wondering if your mother was the only left in her family , I am sure your grandparents are having a very hard time. I hope they're able to give your mother comfort , did your famliy have a hospice care worker to talk when your aunt was dying? One called me when my mother was dying and it helped talking to her.
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umm i'm not sure. I have another aunt (my mom's oldest sister, first siblings out of the 3) who lives in Arizona. I rarely see her. But they did put her in a hospice when she was dying. She was there for about at least 1-3 weeks.
 
coolgirlspyer90 said:
umm i'm not sure. I have another aunt (my mom's oldest sister, first siblings out of the 3) who lives in Arizona. I rarely see her. But they did put her in a hospice when she was dying. She was there for about at least 1-3 weeks.
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You could trying calling a hospice care worker and see if they can suggest
how to help your mother. It may help you too as your worried about your mother. I am going to sign off for now. Take care!
 
posts from hell said:
Generally people grieve differently. Your uncle probably was more prepared for her passing than anymore in the family seeing that it was cancer because it was there for a while.

Were your mom and aunt close?
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Plus grieving goes through stages, and for some it takes longer to go through the stages. Also, not everyone goes through the stages in a particular order. so sometimes it will look like they are not moving forward when they really are.

Also, very insightful regarding the OP's uncle's preparedness.
 
I feel for your Mom, it's hard to lose someone and especially someone you were close too. I think your Mom is lucky that she has such a caring daughter who is trying to help her and is looking out for her. You may not see it, but that is a help to her in her grieving. It takes time and I don't think we ever really get over someone we have loved and known for so long. I don't know about grief counseling, but I just talked with someone the other day who lost someone close to her a year ago and she couldn't find a grief counselor so she went to a Pastor. She said it was nice to have someone to talk to and someone who listened, but it really didn't take the pain of her loss away. Some people say it helps too. Just keep loving her and trying to get her out, so she doesn't become isolated and a recluse. Sounds like she's trying to keep connected with others as well. Maybe it's just really hard for her to do, but she pushes herself.
Good luck.
 
Hello everyone, I am just learning sign language. I have to do a deaf experience for school. could someone please help??
 
Coolgirl- my MIL is still having some issues with the passing of her husband and he passed in June 2009. I realize it's harder if it is a spouse as opposed to a sibling. The Hospice counselor told us that we need to get MIL to just let her feeling go. Cry if she needs to, get angry is need be, but just to release her feelings. Well, that has never been her way. She is usually a very private person, but does let me know how hard it is just sleeping alone.

I have a friend whose married brother was taken by a stroke. He did not get help in time and subsequently died. This friend took a long time to get over it. Something like 2 years, but she did go to counseling. What made it harder for her, they are twins and she feels that a part of her is missing. She is doing better, but still goes to counseling.

I hope you are able to talk your mother into getting some kind of counseling to help her through this.
 
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