Men: Accessory, Boyfriend, or Pain in the Ass

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PandoraMorticia

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Men. I am not happy with myself. For one I just realized that I am too picky for someone who isn't even that pretty. I keep looking for that perfect man. I look at them like accessories to my wardrobe. What girl wants to go out on the town or even out shopping looking the epitome of elegant Victorian gothicness with a boyfriend who looks more mundane than the pope himself? I demand a man who is tall, gaunt, and pale with black hair. Sad to say, all those men have been taken by the gorgeous women who deserve them.

It looks like I need to lower my standards and date that guy with the HUGE beer gut, military cropped hair or a comb over, a penchant for polyamorous relationships, and an owner of only one or two Goth outfits (one or both being Renfaire costumes).

I mean it's not like I can talk. I'm not a waif, weighing in at 185lbs. I'm not pale; I'm Black (I'd bleach my skin any day). I'm not interesting; I have been told by many friends that I lack depth.

While I am sitting on my couch watching Dracula 2000 and writing this blog while one of my roommates is out getting laid and the other is out on a date doing who knows what. Both of them met the guys they are with on myspace or hot or not. Maybe I should try that…

To quote PaleSkinBeauty "I am so sick of men and their mixed signals...come here...NO wait DONT...I like you...but I don't love you...I wanna fuck you, but I don't wanna go out with you...but wait, I kinda sorta want to…"

I can't take this anymore.
 
I'm a guy, so feel free not to take my advice. if you go out only looking for a guy who fits some ideal version of what exists in your mind as the perfect guy, all you're really doing is narrowing your choice of date to maybe a couple of thousand guys in the whole wide world. I suspect you want to go out with guys who are vry similar to you, and its no surprise that you get bored easily because you're really only going out with a male version of yourself. It must get boring going out with someone so similar to yourself try going out with a guy you wouldn't normally date. This would not constitute as lowering your standards, as with all relationships its about finding out whether you're compatible with someone.
 
As Goggs1 said, I too am a guy. I have a very similar girlfriend, but with enough differences in life experience to make very interesting conversations with her. We have like identical preferences on almost everything but enough to talk about.

But PandoraMorticia, if you're going to be shallow, you won't have any meaningful relationships with any guy unless you try to emotionally connect with him and stop considering looks so much.
 
You can find the perfect guy, just change some of your perception of what the perfect guy is...like funny, outgoing, cares about himself, caring to others...etc etc. vs looks. Thats how I am looking for the perfect girl now. I was like you in many ways because I'm a guy whos short, beer gut, a comb over and deaf but I was looking for miss USA. Now I'm looking for someone who will stand a long term relationship with a true-down to earth guy. I didn't lower my expectations, I just changed them in a more productive way. Remember, as time passes everyones looks change. Forgive me for this comparisson, after all I am a guy: It's like buying a car, you would love to be able to buy a Ferrari but you settle for Toyota Carrola. The Ferrari is awesome but it will kill you on the price, fuel mileage insurance and it's not an everyday car you can drive. The Toyota will get you there and back again cheap. **Sorry, I need to lay off the hooch**
 
It isn't possible to find a perfect match... people are bound to have problems, but if you tough-it-out over the years you draw closer to that person being as you've overcome so much WITH them. I know whenever my girl and I disagree or argue or something, afterwords I feel much closer to her... I don't just pick up and run like so many people do these days.
 
rabbit said:
It isn't possible to find a perfect match... people are bound to have problems, but if you tough-it-out over the years you draw closer to that person being as you've overcome so much WITH them. I know whenever my girl and I disagree or argue or something, afterwords I feel much closer to her... I don't just pick up and run like so many people do these days.
Click to expand...

I agree here. When I first met my husband 5 years ago, he didnt know any sign language, a heavy smoker, and a party animal who was a heavy drinker. Those are the big big turn offs for me so if someone had told me he would be my future husband at that time, I would have said "F*ck u!"

We became good friends and we always felt that connection and finally after 3 years of friendship, he admitted his true feelings for me. I was still unsure but then I did some soul searching and did admit to myself that I really have feelings for him.

BTW...his signing is good enough that he can communicate with me and most of my deaf friends (still needs to work on his receptive skills), he still smokes so we made a compromise..he would smoke cloves and I wouldnt bitch at him the nasty smell of cigarettes which does give me major headaches) and he grew out of the partying stage.

Sometimes, the person could be the total opposite of what u are looking for but u NEVER really know until u get to know the person. That was how I fell in love with my husband. :)
 
You're doing the right thing by changing your expectations. Not everyone can find a perfect mate... cuz a perfect mate does not exist. ;)

My ex-girlfriend wasn't perfect, but I still loved her for who she was. However, she kept believing that she wasn't good enough for me and that was what ended our relationship. There was always another woman that she thought I was more interested in and ended up fighting with me about it all the time. After breaking up, I had hoped she would change... I don't think she has yet. :(
 
I couldn't agreed more with everybody's perceptives on men's rejection to women.
well input!

I also get too tired of getting rejection by numerous times just because those BOYS were expecting something similar that every fantasy that they dreamt of.

I didn't even know why every guys had to said instantly that I am not their type just because of my looks and I wasn't looking for anything but friendships. I know I may not be every guy's type just cause they can't handle who I am - but that's okay, I didn't need to worry about their standard expections.

but every & each of us are probably too afraid to see the idea of love which it is just a illusions.

if I signed on the MTV's Next show, I know I would have got that "NEXT" quickly when I got out of bus. but I may be wrong unless if he bought me some surprises. yet, no love can be perfect.

we gotta to live & learn our mistakes to grow more.
 
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