Lip Reading Gone Awry?

[FadedRose]

I had an interesting lip reading incident today and I'm not sure if it's what the person said or not but regardless its left me confused and somewhat hurt. I just about broke down and cried but told myself that it's possible I misread the persons lips. As a Deaf person hearing people can be quite cruel and at times not understanding that I'm just Deaf. A shy one nonetheless....nothing else.



The person in question isn't someone I know well so it's quite possible I misread but here is what happened. I had my back turned to whoever was talking and could have sworn I heard my name called but figured it wasn't for me and turned to the person next to me to see what his reaction was. I figured if it was for me I'd know because this person would be looking at me and this is how I am able to tell if someone is calling for me. I could have sworn I lip read him to say no, I'm not the retard. He was not facing me but facing sideways. I turned around rather confused after seeing that on his lips to the person who was either talking to me or him and she had this look on her face like it was towards me and here I am dying inside literally but hiding it well trying to act like I didn't see it or hear it rather. She was looking right at me and just mouthed oh! I'm not sure if she understood what he said either as she seemed confused as well and someone next to her quipped up and was looking at me during this time as well...thus giving me the impression that this was directed towards me making me feel like shit and put on the spot wondering what the hell is going on... and she said " oh, he said he was cold" the girl who looked confused appeared to me to play along but maybe I misread her as well and she offered the guy her jacket which to me was just...it didn't fit what has just occurred because I would know the word cold on someone elses lips right? Maybe not...I just don't know but I ignored whatever was said figuring maybe I had misread the guys lips.

I'd like to think I did because I have done this before and being Deaf...
it's already confusing enough not being able to hear what is being said. This guy had no reason to say what he did if he did at all and if he did he just lost all of my respect and not only that but I will not bother acknowledging his presence...I kind of already do because he's an intimidating figure at least to me. A nice guy but just comes off as the alpha leader and those types I tend to be quite submissive to...it annoys the tar out of me that I do .

what to do when you are not sure if you misread someones lips? I would have said something if it had been something else I thought he said. But due to what I thought I had lip read I just played dumb and decided to pretend it didn't happen and I didn't want to get all up in his face being a bitch causing a uh, scene which I would have gone on his butt because no one says that around me and gets away with it. I don't think there is a Deaf person that would but considering that our ears cannot be trusted and lip reading is not accurate what would you have done if this were you? would you have done as I did?

I must admit that although I consider myself to be a good lipreader...this has just left me stumped and hurt and I'm not sure if I should be feeling this way to begin with-just imagine how self conscious you'd feel in this situation-I just wanted to hide and still do actually .

S.

 

[Smithtr]

I am pretty experience lip reading fluent on people hearing sometimes!

 

[StevieMont927]

To be honest, I hope that it was an error in your lipreading. Has this person shown any animosity towards you, ever? How does he treat you?

I can't comment much on lipreading, as I don't do it often, but I have to say that I'm sorry if you read him correctly.

 

[FadedRose]

To be honest, I hope that it was an error in your lipreading. Has this person shown any animosity towards you, ever? How does he treat you?I can't comment much on lipreading, as I don't do it often, but I have to say that I'm sorry if you read him correctly.

Thats the thing that has me confused with what I had lip read and the reaction to the other people around. He's always been cordial towards me. He's never been rude to me actually quite the opposite. We don't talk to each other at all, I'm too shy to engage in a convo with him. It just seemed to come out of nowhere and was a big slap in the face. I'm hoping that other members here will share their lip reading gone awry experiences because when it does happen and you're not sure if someone had said something especially of this nature-how do you handle it?

Do you allow yourself to be "human" and to feel what anyone else would, hurt, shame, embarrassment or do you shove all those feelings down not trusting your ears or lip reading? Thats the conflict. You don't know how you're supposed to feel and it's counterproductive to healing.

 

[rockin'robin]

Thinking you might be making much ado about nothing....then again you might have "read" the guy right....I simply would have said, "Pardon? Maybe or maybe not I misunderstood what you said."....Do you have speech or do you write on pen/paper?

Anyhow, it would put the guy "on the spot" to repeat what he said....since your back was turned to him....as for ur other friends, if they have said nothing to you about what the guy said....then perhaps it's all a misunderstanding on your part....or...maybe he did say the "retard" word, and your friends don't want to tell you.

So, really, no one knows if he insulted you or not!...All in all, whenever a hearie does insult a deafie while their back is turned...is a jerk!..Just trying to make himself look "superior", but reality is, people around him will think and even know how "cheap" that shot is towards a deafie who's back is turned, cannot hear what was being said.

I would not even worry about it...and whenever you do see him again, just ask him what did he say...he might be trying to "cover" up his tracks, or again, tell you that you misunderstood him.

I misunderstand time to time...and even get off topic with hearies. But it all works out pretty well. Even laugh when I have misunderstood something, as sometimes it's hilarious.

 

[VacationGuy234]

I wouldn't let this bother you. There was a lot going on in that conversation, a lot people involved and it is very easy to feel, correctly or not, like you've been slighted. In cases like this, you really have to know the whole story before you internalize it emotionally. There are plenty of times that this has happened me and I've wrongly made a big deal about it and there are times when I've been right. However, you can't start from the premise that everyone is against you because it is just an overplay of emotion, hard not to do I know.

I'm curious, did the guy take the jacket and wear it?

 

[DeafCaroline]

Thats the thing that has me confused with what I had lip read and the reaction to the other people around. He's always been cordial towards me. He's never been rude to me actually quite the opposite. We don't talk to each other at all, I'm too shy to engage in a convo with him. It just seemed to come out of nowhere and was a big slap in the face. I'm hoping that other members here will share their lip reading gone awry experiences because when it does happen and you're not sure if someone had said something especially of this nature-how do you handle it?

Do you allow yourself to be "human" and to feel what anyone else would, hurt, shame, embarrassment or do you shove all those feelings down not trusting your ears or lip reading? Thats the conflict. You don't know how you're supposed to feel and it's counterproductive to healing.

Trying to understand from your first post what you think he actually said. If this guy had always been nice and cordial, it's possible you misunderstood him.

There were times I misunderstood my own kids and got mad only to realize I had completely misinterpreted their facial expressions and had assumed they said one thing when they actually said something else - felt so bad.

This taught me a big lesson not to jump to conclusions but to make sure I understood what was actually said before reacting. So, if you're not sure what someone said, ask them to repeat themselves.

 

[StevieMont927]

Thats the thing that has me confused with what I had lip read and the reaction to the other people around. He's always been cordial towards me. He's never been rude to me actually quite the opposite. We don't talk to each other at all, I'm too shy to engage in a convo with him. It just seemed to come out of nowhere and was a big slap in the face. I'm hoping that other members here will share their lip reading gone awry experiences because when it does happen and you're not sure if someone had said something especially of this nature-how do you handle it?

Do you allow yourself to be "human" and to feel what anyone else would, hurt, shame, embarrassment or do you shove all those feelings down not trusting your ears or lip reading? Thats the conflict. You don't know how you're supposed to feel and it's counterproductive to healing.

I understand what you're asking, and the suggestions above sound good. I know if someone lipread me wrong, I'd rather they ask for clarification. I can only tell you, though, from a hearing perspective. It's better to ask, I think, seeing as how facial expressions can tell you whether or not he'd trying to cover up, as well as how long it takes him to respond.

 

[FadedRose]

I wouldn't let this bother you. There was a lot going on in that conversation, a lot people involved and it is very easy to feel, correctly or not, like you've been slighted. In cases like this, you really have to know the whole story before you internalize it emotionally. There are plenty of times that this has happened me and I've wrongly made a big deal about it and there are times when I've been right. However, you can't start from the premise that everyone is against you because it is just an overplay of emotion, hard not to do I know.

I'm curious, did the guy take the jacket and wear it?

No. He acted like he wasn't offered the jacket at all and there appeared to be an awkward silence between him and everyone else that was involved which made me feel even more horrible. People don't realize how well I can read body language. One little jerk or split second eye movement can literally kill. What others miss I see. :roll:

I've read everyones replies and even asked my husband about it and had him do a lip reading exercise with me in which case mouthing no, I'm really cold and no, I'm not the retard look very similar on the lips. However though the O in cold is more round on the lips than ARD and I know the difference. Who knows anymore? He says the same it seems like I misread and it's hard sometimes to be logical when the emotions surrounding the event are so much stronger.

So with that said I'm going to be the Deaf detective I've always been and will put to good use the skills I do have, reading body language mainly to figure out over the next few days if he did. I should mention though that this guy is very difficult for me to read and that's saying quite a lot. Don't know why he is it's kind of like I'm sookie and he's bill can't read his thoughts, ha. If so he'll be hearing from me, although I may be shaking in my boots when I do confront him he'll learn a lesson that he'll carry with him for the rest of his life because most people do not forget being confronted by a Deaf person because they least expect such a person in their view to be strong enough to take a stand.

If not, no biggie and I'll kick myself in the a++ for being too darn sensitive. Its difficult not to have a trigger finger when you grow up with people doing crap like this just because they think they can. I've given quite a few kids black eyes and busted noses when they tried to mess with me in school.

Pen and paper I'll resort to using, and yes I do have a voice ( response to robin) but it's not understood half the time. I talk too quietly has been the main complaint and I do have Deaf speech...hate it because it makes me sound like a doofus on top of already worrying if someone thinks I am in general. If I could carry a lap top around with me and type to people it'd be so much easier!
ah, the joys of being Deaf

 

[FadedRose]

Would anyone else like to share their lip reading experiences gone awry?
I'd like to hear them, comical or not comical.

I once thought someone had called me a bitch but they were asking for the bleach...

 

[rockin'robin]

Would anyone else like to share their lip reading experiences gone awry?
I'd like to hear them, comical or not comical.

I once thought someone had called me a bitch but they were asking for the bleach...

...well, when my son was around 2 or 3 or so...we were riding down the road, and he said..."Look, fire f---"....fire f---"...I said what did you say, boy!..."fire f---"...I pulled over, very angry and said don't ever say that word again!...Then a fire truck came flying by!....

 

[FadedRose]

yay! some good news. Well it turns out that my lip reading was actually way off the mark. The person didn't even say anything close to what I had read them to say lip wise. I asked a friend who was there and heard the convo and the person actually said he was really cold.

I feel like such a hapless emotional fool...LOL. It's aggravating but at least I know. I took ya'lls advice and just asked. Next time I think I'll just ask for someone to repeat instead of assuming what I had read was correct.

Thanks guys!

 

[FadedRose]

...well, when my son was around 2 or 3 or so...we were riding down the road, and he said..."Look, fire f---"....fire f---"...I said what did you say, boy!..."fire f---"...I pulled over, very angry and said don't ever say that word again!...Then a fire truck came flying by!....

hehe, that is hilarious!

 

[Daredevel7]

Once, right after having a make out session with someone I just started dating, he asked "Do you want a massage?" I was still like lalala from kissing, and wasn't paying much attention but I thought he said "Do you want some sex?" or something like that. I was like *eyes widen* "um....... what?". He repeated then I was like "whew...."

He asked why I looked like I saw a ghost....

 

[Daredevel7]

Once, right after having a make out session with someone I just started dating, he asked "Do you want a massage?" I was still like lalala from kissing, and wasn't paying much attention but I thought he said "Do you want some sex?" or something like that. I was like *eyes widen* "um....... what?". He repeated then I was like "whew...."

He asked why I looked like I saw a ghost....

 

[FadedRose]

Well, some bad news. I will be getting a hearing test done on thurs to see if I have lost more hearing.
If so, this episode of misunderstanding will make alot of sense. My husband told me this evening that he's noticed I've been misunderstanding him a lot lately.
If I have I'll just have to deal with it. I'm already severe to profound so how much more hearing can I lose? Not much I don't think.
If I have lost more hearing I will resort to pen and paper if needed to prevent any future misunderstandings. This one was just plain embarrassing for me and lord forbid anyone that was there reads this...I'll just about die. I regret posting this but had no where else to talk about my Deafness except here. My husband is hearing so he doesn't really understand where I'm coming from.
ugh, what's more embarrassing, misunderstanding a person or having said person find this post? It'd be finding this post for sure at least for me. Dude, is there anyway I can delete this mortifying thread?
I'll give ya'll an update when my hearing test is in. Wish me luck!

 

[Bottesini]

Good luck!

 

[FadedRose]

Once, right after having a make out session with someone I just started dating, he asked "Do you want a massage?" I was still like lalala from kissing, and wasn't paying much attention but I thought he said "Do you want some sex?" or something like that. I was like *eyes widen* "um....... what?". He repeated then I was like "whew...."

He asked why I looked like I saw a ghost....

That's hilarious!