Learning to Let Go

Each day is getting easier, and honestly I feel a bit better now. I still live with him til Feb (on the lease) but I can actually say I'm ok now. I don't want him, I see the flaws now that I'm away from the picture. I deserve better. :)
 
Yay! Good for you! Stay strong... I hope February comes fast for you.
 
Me too, I'm just done with it. I've come to realize its not meant to be, I deserve better and a more understanding person.

I'm no where near ready for the dating scene. I don't want a rebound, I was glued for 6 years, a long time to lose myself. I need to establish my physical separation first, find me again or rather make-over my inner self to a stronger person :) Eventually, maybe a nice guy will come my way, but I'm not wearing my heart on my sleeve for a long long time. This is the time for me.
 
ladysolitary85 said:
Me too, I'm just done with it. I've come to realize its not meant to be, I deserve better and a more understanding person.

I'm no where near ready for the dating scene. I don't want a rebound, I was glued for 6 years, a long time to lose myself. I need to establish my physical separation first, find me again or rather make-over my inner self to a stronger person :) Eventually, maybe a nice guy will come my way, but I'm not wearing my heart on my sleeve for a long long time. This is the time for me.
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Sounds like you are looking forward. I like that. There is no maybe a nice guy will come, it will happen.
 
Good luck, Lady! SWK (SayWhatKid) has given you a lot of good advise....remember, there's gonna be good days and bad days...phrases you will have to go through, and deal with!...

Would be great if you could get another roomate, and ask him to move out....keep your confience up, don't let down ur guard....
 
ladysolitary85 said:
It seems to be that time of year where heartaches happens again. Maybe we can help each other out with advice, listen and just be there for each other like we always are.

I for one need a friend to talk to and I couldn't think of better people than you guys.

I was in a 6 yr relationship and my now ex, decided that we needed to break up (because he started questioning if we belonged together, and the split was mutual but more on his part.) Hes hearing, and a lot of times we fight over "I'm not listening" though he knows my hearing has decreased more and more, he tries to remember its not my fault. But a lot of times, he looks to himself as an asshole which maybe why he called the split. But apparently only until January to see if we're better off as friends... I asked him am I supposed to sit around and hope we'll get back together or am I supposed to move on and just view you as a friend? His answer, thats up to you.

Right now, I've got a lot of hurt going on. We had a "break" before but thought it was ok and we could fix it. Less than a year later, another break....

So with that, I'd like to just sit and talk, hear some stories, maybe learn some ways of letting go of something that may not be there.
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Really, the one thing that does help is "Time" 3-6 months from now you'll be able to look back and say "it was tough at first but, as time went by it hurt less and less" Try and keep busy, make new friends, there are singles groups out there that cope and talk about break ups, if not, start your own.

Family and venting also helps but it's not healthy to bash the other prerson. It is healthy to talk about it because it helps uou to move on.

Keep the faith, believe me soon enough you will come to realize that you are MUCH better off without the headache of trying to make it work-the pain of releasing yourself from it is worth it in the long run.
 
I cannot give any advice here... I was a basket case when my wife left. Ah well. We do recover, all I can say.
 
My problem is now, is getting over him completely. I still love him but I don't want him because hes completely acting as if nothing has happened between us in 6 yrs and THEN has the nerves to come to me for love advise. Hes "crushing" (wow so high schoolish of me to say lol) on one of his friends. So, that right there gave me the final red flag, knowing its for sure not going to work out again.
 
That sounds like mental abuse....It must be so hard on you to have to endure 2 more months of this (when the lease is up)....
 
I just hope I can keep my cool until then. Its a lot of stress on me right now because its all fresh still but I know I'm a strong person. If I can find a decent enough job around here I'll be better off. Right now, not much I can do except job hunt, save what I can and hope everything comes together when the lease is up. Would absolutely love to get a hearing dog, but I don't think I could because most places from what I know require a yard and I also think thats only fair to the doggy.
 
It seems you will be the one moving when the lease is up?....Have you tried to find another roommate?.....Have you thought of the YMCA?...Even getting a room perhaps?....
 
Our YMCA is now a Inshape center lol. We are both moving, hes downgrading apts while I'm going to attempt to get a studio... if not that then I will prolly look into a room. but honestly most places are wanting $400-$550 for a room, might as well look into a studio.
 
ladysolitary85 said:
It seems to be that time of year where heartaches happens again. Maybe we can help each other out with advice, listen and just be there for each other like we always are.

I for one need a friend to talk to and I couldn't think of better people than you guys.

I was in a 6 yr relationship and my now ex, decided that we needed to break up (because he started questioning if we belonged together, and the split was mutual but more on his part.) Hes hearing, and a lot of times we fight over "I'm not listening" though he knows my hearing has decreased more and more, he tries to remember its not my fault. But a lot of times, he looks to himself as an asshole which maybe why he called the split. But apparently only until January to see if we're better off as friends... I asked him am I supposed to sit around and hope we'll get back together or am I supposed to move on and just view you as a friend? His answer, thats up to you.

Right now, I've got a lot of hurt going on. We had a "break" before but thought it was ok and we could fix it. Less than a year later, another break....

So with that, I'd like to just sit and talk, hear some stories, maybe learn some ways of letting go of something that may not be there.
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Oh, god, sweetie!! I am *SO* sorry you are going through this and wish only that I could reach through computer to give you big squishy hug.

Hitting trouble spot with hearie boyfriend over last few days and feel *SO* devastated but cannot talk.

*I* FEEL your hurt! Please know that someone in the world does? :hug:
 
!

ladysolitary85 said:
It seems to be that time of year where heartaches happens again. Maybe we can help each other out with advice, listen and just be there for each other like we always are.

I for one need a friend to talk to and I couldn't think of better people than you guys.

I was in a 6 yr relationship and my now ex, decided that we needed to break up (because he started questioning if we belonged together, and the split was mutual but more on his part.) Hes hearing, and a lot of times we fight over "I'm not listening" though he knows my hearing has decreased more and more, he tries to remember its not my fault. But a lot of times, he looks to himself as an asshole which maybe why he called the split. But apparently only until January to see if we're better off as friends... I asked him am I supposed to sit around and hope we'll get back together or am I supposed to move on and just view you as a friend? His answer, thats up to you.

Right now, I've got a lot of hurt going on. We had a "break" before but thought it was ok and we could fix it. Less than a year later, another break....

So with that, I'd like to just sit and talk, hear some stories, maybe learn some ways of letting go of something that may not be there.
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Oh god, sweetie! As I say in message! I feel *SO* bad because going through *same* thing. Do not know where end up. Only 4 month in and same old same old from experience. Difference I me older you. Me understand (oops). Sorry. The difference is that I have been there and done that! I am *far* more skeptical in my life now and less patient. I am heartbroken right now and join you in your solace. It hurts like hell. I am *still* holding out hope but will only let guard down for man who talk me in native language for me. Big, huge, hugs sweetie! [smooch] Anytime you want to talk or vent, I am here for you.
 
ladysolitary85 said:
We were together for 6 years, engaged for 4, we tried setting a date but random things financially would pop up. To put it lightly, hes attracted to one of his friends (that I'm friends with as well) more than he should be in a relationship, but he was honest to me about it. I decided we should all talk face to face. She told him if he couldn't control his feelings, they couldn't be friends. We all should do things as a group, and the texting needs to be limited. That same night him and I talked, and because of our past issues of arguing, and because of his feelings for another (in which she doesn't see him at all in that way) he laid out the break without means to see others til Jan to see if we're better friends or together.

So thats the deeper part of it.
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Good grief...it is like you are me about 20 year ago!!
 
Nope.... it happened. I'm going to move out... just gave him my verbal 30 day notice and I can only hope he will agree with the management to take my name off the lease. The negativity is becoming too much. I don't know where I am going but I've got a month to figure all that out. I just can't take it anymore. He's $1,000 in debt between a bank cash advance and a cash advance elsewhere which I was going to as a gift help him on that, until he decided to ask me if I can (politely) take off for the day and go somewhere so he can make his girl friend from work a nice dinner.... I admit I'm jealous about this but honestly, why should I have to be the one to leave? why can't he take her out elsewhere or go to her place... something? Once I voiced my opinion I was labeled a bitch in his eyes, that point on.... I had it. the "not listening" thing over and over...

There comes a time when you have to say enough is enough. It's past that point with me now.

Forgive me for being a little over the top here... just really upset right now and need to vent a bit.
 
ladysolitary85 said:
Nope.... it happened. I'm going to move out... just gave him my verbal 30 day notice and I can only hope he will agree with the management to take my name off the lease. The negativity is becoming too much. I don't know where I am going but I've got a month to figure all that out. I just can't take it anymore. He's $1,000 in debt between a bank cash advance and a cash advance elsewhere which I was going to as a gift help him on that, until he decided to ask me if I can (politely) take off for the day and go somewhere so he can make his girl friend from work a nice dinner.... I admit I'm jealous about this but honestly, why should I have to be the one to leave? why can't he take her out elsewhere or go to her place... something? Once I voiced my opinion I was labeled a bitch in his eyes, that point on.... I had it. the "not listening" thing over and over...

There comes a time when you have to say enough is enough. It's past that point with me now.

Forgive me for being a little over the top here... just really upset right now and need to vent a bit.
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Geez, vacate for the day so he can entertain your replacement? Sounds like quite a chap. Keep focused on the goal of a jerk-free life.
 
I don't know whose name was on lease. If it was your name and not his name on lease, then you would kick him out--pronto!! No need to wait for 30 day notice.
 
ladysolitary85 said:
Nope.... it happened. I'm going to move out... just gave him my verbal 30 day notice and I can only hope he will agree with the management to take my name off the lease. The negativity is becoming too much. I don't know where I am going but I've got a month to figure all that out. I just can't take it anymore. He's $1,000 in debt between a bank cash advance and a cash advance elsewhere which I was going to as a gift help him on that, until he decided to ask me if I can (politely) take off for the day and go somewhere so he can make his girl friend from work a nice dinner.... I admit I'm jealous about this but honestly, why should I have to be the one to leave? why can't he take her out elsewhere or go to her place... something? Once I voiced my opinion I was labeled a bitch in his eyes, that point on.... I had it. the "not listening" thing over and over...

There comes a time when you have to say enough is enough. It's past that point with me now.

Forgive me for being a little over the top here... just really upset right now and need to vent a bit.
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:shock:...Asked you to leave so he "could entertain" his new g/f ??? What an azzhole!...A jerk!...Seems he's enjoying sticking the knife in, deeper and deeper....and it's mental abuse, Lady....

I'd make myself absent from the apartment as much as I could....Start packing up ur stuff, Lady. And on the day you are ready to go. be happy!....I'd love to meet this jerk!...His face would be hamburger by the time I got through with him....
 
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