It's ok to interpret for me

dereksbicycles

dereksbicycles

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Traditionally, when I go out with hearing person, I don't mind if they interpret for me. I've been single for more than 30 years and I have often went out on my own. I've enough self esteem to know that I can order for myself. It's just easier to have them interpret for me. My girlfriend does not mind interpreting for me, but when she is in bad mood, she would complain. She would complain that she feels overwhelmed about many things. One of them is interpreting for me. I often wonder if I want the relationship. It can be frustrating. I would think that interpreting for me would be least of the problems. Am I wrong?
 
You are not wrong, but you might need to put a little more effort into it. A deaf woman I went out with a while back was so good at lip reading and communication she put me to shame. The reason is that I'm partially dependent on my hearing(I still hear with the aid) and because of that it erodes my skills.

So, you might need to step up to the plate a little more and take some pressure off your girlfriend. It's only fair..

EDIT: This doesn't mean you have to be perfect just a little more aware.
 
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It does get so tiresome and frustrating at times having to intrepret for someone....when they can actually help themselves. You have good English skills, so use them....

Remembering an ex boyfriend that did not have good English skills...and he depended upon me to order the food, tell him what someone was saying, then tell them what he said...and also to use the TTY for him.....(since I had good English skills/lipreading, etc.).....it got tiresome and "old" after awile....He could write English fair enough tho'...just didn't want to....oh well!
 
Thoughts that came into my mind when I read your post:

1.) I enjoy interpreting (amateur interpreting, for sure!) for my Deaf friends when we're out together in the hearing world. (They also help me if we go to a Deaf event.) It feels like an opportunity to do something I like, and I hate the idea that they might not have all the access they need. I imagine this to be a natural reaction when you care about someone. It sounds like alot of the time your girlfriend is ok about interpreting?

2.) You mentioned when she's in a bad mood. When a person is in a bad mood, everything can become more stressful. Maybe the best thing to do is to put some time into figuring out what's upsetting (for either of you) in the first place, and if you two can work on improving those situations? Issues about interpreting might be a symptom of a deeper issue? Maybe? I don't know either of you so I know I'm only guessing.

3.) Wow, Derek, you're making me nervous. This forum is really easy to access. Any chance of her finding this thread? Or the big pile of threads where you complain about your relationship? (bites nails.)
 
How does this compare to CODA who are expect to interpret for their parents?
 
As my user name has pointed out-many times-one must do the most for themselves in whatever circumstance- pertinent here-specially being assertive in dealing with their "hearing difficulties"-all the time. They shouldn't appear to "shift to others". That means -DON"T Bluff!

Aside: the same advice was given at Canadian Hearing Society/Toronto- Coping/dealing with YOUR hearing loss classes.
 
drphil said:
As my user name has pointed out-many times-one must do the most for themselves in whatever circumstance- pertinent here-specially being assertive in dealing with their "hearing difficulties"-all the time. They shouldn't appear to "shift to others". That means -DON"T Bluff!

Aside: the same advice was given at Canadian Hearing Society/Toronto- Coping/dealing with YOUR hearing loss classes.
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Doctor, I assume that what you meant by your post is "Don't be such a baby, grow up!". Am I correct?
 
Being assertive doesn't imply "don't be such a baby-grow up". It does mean one's acceptance of "whatever". How does one "deal" with "it".
 
shimo said:
How does this compare to CODA who are expect to interpret for their parents?
Click to expand...

I want to clarify this one, some of us like me I refuse to allow my hearing kids who can interpret for me. It's not their job. If they take over and they feel like doing it without me asking them. Its ok since its them who decide to.

I want you to know that any Deaf parents force kids to interpret for them are plain wrong.
 
Frisky Feline said:
I want to clarify this one, some of us like me I refuse to allow my hearing kids who can interpret for me. It's not their job. If they take over and they feel like doing it without me asking them. Its ok since its them who decide to.

I want you to know that any Deaf parents force kids to interpret for them are plain wrong.
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This is exactly why CODA-parent relationships interests me so much.

I grew up interpreting and translating for my own parents. (Not ASL <-> English but Korean to English...) Everything starting from having to ask the airport bagging man where my parents could pick up their bags to making doctors appointments and writing transcripts of disputes my parents had with other people... since I was a kid/teenager at the time I was just eager to help my parents, but now that I look back at it, I don't feel very happy about my own childhood.

It's only from getting interested in ASL, and then in learning about CODA experiences that I finally figured out that what I felt toward my parents was resentment that they couldn't be the kind of caregiver and protector that I needed as a kid to feel cared for and secure.

I really commend the CODA parents who are able to be the strong, in-control, and protective parents that their children need to thrive, even if it means having to put in more effort than other people have to put in.

Being stuck in a situation where one proves his or her love towards a parent through interpreting or translating (working!) is no way to grow up. It's terrible, because it makes it seem like a parent's love and support is something that depends on the kid's ability to help the perent... Kids really need to know that their parents care and love is not conditional and that even if they can't help their parents that it is not the end of the world.


I guess, in that sense, I do hope that the girlfriend is not interpreting because she thinks interpreting for the guy will make him like her more than some other girl. I don't think a relationship should be like that.
She should only interpret because she wants to, not because she thinks the guy wants her to interpret for him; or because she thinks he is only with her because she is a good interpreter for him.
 
amylynne said:
Thoughts that came into my mind when I read your post:

1.) I enjoy interpreting (amateur interpreting, for sure!) for my Deaf friends when we're out together in the hearing world. (They also help me if we go to a Deaf event.) It feels like an opportunity to do something I like, and I hate the idea that they might not have all the access they need. I imagine this to be a natural reaction when you care about someone. It sounds like alot of the time your girlfriend is ok about interpreting?

2.) You mentioned when she's in a bad mood. When a person is in a bad mood, everything can become more stressful. Maybe the best thing to do is to put some time into figuring out what's upsetting (for either of you) in the first place, and if you two can work on improving those situations? Issues about interpreting might be a symptom of a deeper issue? Maybe? I don't know either of you so I know I'm only guessing.

3.) Wow, Derek, you're making me nervous. This forum is really easy to access. Any chance of her finding this thread? Or the big pile of threads where you complain about your relationship? (bites nails.)
Click to expand...

She is ok interpreting when we go out. There are times I've said I would do it, but she says she would interpret. I let her interpret. The issue is that when she is in bad mood, she would blame a lot of things for putting weight on her shoulder including interpreting for me.

I had a HOH girlfriend from 2008-2010 and she never complained about interpreting for me. Not once!!!
 
dereksbicycles said:
She is ok interpreting when we go out. There are times I've said I would do it, but she says she would interpret. I let her interpret. The issue is that when she is in bad mood, she would blame a lot of things for putting weight on her shoulder including interpreting for me.

I had a HOH girlfriend from 2008-2010 and she never complained about interpreting for me. Not once!!!
Click to expand...

It isn't fair to compare people. If your ex were so wonderful, why isn't she still your girlfriend? Instead of letting your current girlfriend interpret, do so for yourself. Sometimes people say they don't mind, but they do, and it shows when they're frustrated. On another note, if you don't want her in your life anymore, man up, and tell her so instead of looking for excuses to get out of the relationship.

Laura
 
My friends who don't sign will often repeat stuff for me that the server usually at a coffee shop ... I don't mind but I find it very funny for the times I don't need it .. and I point it out and the answer I got was .. " we are just soo hopefully your going to get it "
 
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