Is wanting deaf children cultural/parental?

buttkisses said:
I was very hurt because it made me feel like I didn't belong and they loved my siblings more because they were deaf. They showed it too, they would travel hours away for the deaf school programs for my siblings, but couldn't travel 5 miles to my school for mine because they were boring, because we sang. I am an adult now and have three children of my own and they all can hear, my daughter came down with an ear infection and my family was hoping she would become deaf, I ended all communication with my family. They could not understand why I was so hurt. They rejected my children but spend loads of time with their deaf grandchildren. I speak fluent ASL as it is my first language and my children do as well, but this was not enough. When they said to me as my daughter was getting her tubes put in, "I pray she is deaf" It was the first time I ever wanted to strike my parents. I just want my children healthy and happy.

But maybe I was wrong? I don't know any more.
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you should have sang in sign languages to make them feel they are a part of it.

if you can't watch tv in mute, they can't watch you sing in mute.

yes, you want your children healthy and happy, but do you really relate deafness = unhappy and unhealthy? maybe that's the point your family is trying to make..

try not to care rather your children is hearing or deaf then it wouldn't bother you what they say anymore. If my family say, "I pray he has blond hair" I wouldn't be bother by it.
 
faire_jour said:
Why is it ok to say that having a hearing child is hard, that it is a lot of work, that it is hard to help them with work in their native language (which is different than yours) is difficult, and even expressing a desire for Deaf kid? But if a hearing parent said these things about ASL and a deaf child, they would be seen as lazy and ungreatful and a bad parent? Isn't it the same thing??
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The thing is... unlike some hearing parents... I actually use all my effort to help him. and yes, I communicate with him verbally, and i make sure he have speech therapy.
 
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Lighthouse77 said:
you should have sang in sign languages to make them feel they are a part of it.

if you can't watch tv in mute, they can't watch you sing in mute.

yes, you want your children healthy and happy, but do you really relate deafness = unhappy and unhealthy? maybe that's the point your family is trying to make..

try not to care rather your children is hearing or deaf then it wouldn't bother you what they say anymore. If my family say, "I pray he has blond hair" I wouldn't be bother by it.
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How can he force the school to let him use sign when he is a child???

So I shouldn't be bothered if my family asks to bless my daughter so she can become hearing? It is the same thing. It is terrible.
 
faire_jour said:
How can he force the school to let him use sign when he is a child???

So I shouldn't be bothered if my family asks to bless my daughter so she can become hearing? It is the same thing. It is terrible.
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My son sang twinkle little star in sign languages.

but anyway, I'm just saying it would be different if the parents were included.

I used to sit in church and smile and grin and not knowing a single word being said.
 
Lighthouse77 said:
unfortunately, it is true. We can't really hear "s" and "ed" and I get alittle confuse how to write things.
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So how am I supposed to help my Deaf child with her work when it is in a language I didn't even start learning until a few years ago?? At least you learned English from childhood. Why do hearing parents get told to suck it up, but deaf parents with hearing children don't?
 
whoever say suck it up? at least I don't try to make my son "deaf"

and youa re not making sense about the English part. English is in my society and it is mandatory for kids to learn to read and write it.
 
Lighthouse77 said:
whoever say suck it up? at least I don't try to make my son "deaf"
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And neither does 99.9% of hearing parents of deaf children.

People come to my blog everyday and tell me I am lazy and an awful parent, and I DID learn ASL. The things they say are terrible. I just don't understand why people who have experienced the same sort of challenges with their children would attack us.
 
faire_jour said:
How can he force the school to let him use sign when he is a child???

So I shouldn't be bothered if my family asks to bless my daughter so she can become hearing? It is the same thing. It is terrible.
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I said not to care rather she is deaf or hearing.
If they see deafness as a blessing then leave them alone. They don't want anyone to look at deafness as a terrible thing. it is part of who THEY are. Saying that they hope someone is hearing is like putting themselves down (although they shouldn't care if the child is hearing or deaf either).
 
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Lighthouse77 said:
whoever say suck it up? at least I don't try to make my son "deaf"

and youa re not making sense about the English part. English is in my society and it is mandatory for kids to learn to read and write it.
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I mean that at least you have learned English from childhood. I have to learn ASL, and continue to learn it everyday, while trying to teach it to my daughter, communicate with her through it, and help her with her homework. All through a language I *just* started learning.
 
Lighthouse77 said:
I said not to care rather she is deaf or hearing.
If they see deafness as a blessing then leave them alone. They don't want anyone to look at deafness as a terrible thing.
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No one in this thread has said that deafness was bad. The whole point of the OP was that his parents view being hearing as a curse and an inferiority.
 
faire_jour said:
And neither does 99.9% of hearing parents of deaf children.

People come to my blog everyday and tell me I am lazy and an awful parent, and I DID learn ASL. The things they say are terrible. I just don't understand why people who have experienced the same sort of challenges with their children would attack us.
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listen, I wrote that PSE would be easier for parents to learn (in one of the thread)... meaning, I understand how hard it is.

clear communication should always be part of parent/child relationship no matter what.
 
faire_jour said:
No one in this thread has said that deafness was bad. The whole point of the OP was that his parents view being hearing as a curse and an inferiority.
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sounds like they were trying to make a point to me. but I could be wrong. It's probably the cultural thing.

but not all deaf do this though.
 
faire_jour said:
I mean that at least you have learned English from childhood. I have to learn ASL, and continue to learn it everyday, while trying to teach it to my daughter, communicate with her through it, and help her with her homework. All through a language I *just* started learning.
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you do these things because you love her. i do these things because I love our son. Some parents don't even cared to communicate.
 
faire_jour said:
Why is it ok to say that having a hearing child is hard, that it is a lot of work, that it is hard to help them with work in their native language (which is different than yours) is difficult, and even expressing a desire for Deaf kid? But if a hearing parent said these things about ASL and a deaf child, they would be seen as lazy and ungreatful and a bad parent? Isn't it the same thing??
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Not at all. No one expects the hearing child of deaf parents to use ASL lifelong.

But hearing parents are not seen as strange when they expect their deaf child to learn and use English day in and day out.
 
Bottesini said:
Not at all. No one expects the hearing child of deaf parents to use ASL lifelong.

But hearing parents are not seen as strange when they expect their deaf child to learn and use English day in and day out.
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Why not? I use ASL everyday and expect to until I die.
 
faire_jour said:
No one in this thread has said that deafness was bad. The whole point of the OP was that his parents view being hearing as a curse and an inferiority.
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I thought they thought everyone was deaf in their family and they were sad he was different.

I didn't see that they thought it was superior to be deaf.
 
faire_jour said:
Why not? I use ASL everyday and expect to until I die.
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Not as your primary language you don't. You use if with one child at a primitive level.

I think since you have placed her in oral school, your ASL use will die out eventually, even if that is not your intention now.
 
Bottesini said:
Not as your primary language you don't. You use if with one child at a primitive level.

I think since you have placed her in oral school, your ASL use will die out eventually, even if that is not your intention now.
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Yep. Happened with my mom. Even though she wanted me to have a Deaf education, they couldn't find a school that would sponsor ASL. Problem is that she didn't get to practise ASL everday, so it just faded away with exceptions of a few basic ones.

She's starting to re-acquire it now that she became more active with the Deaf community as of 5 years ago.
 
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