Invited guests that turned out to be from hell

[Liebling:-)))]

I do love having guests and do try to make them feel welcome and at home - however, I do expect respect for myself, my home and my belongings.

Very true.

three showers, one right after another, every morning, is a little too much.

Do you mean use shower 3 times a day? Yes, I´m agree that it´s too much. I dont mind to have guests to shower once a day, not twice but during hot weather is a different story.

It meant a lot of towels in the wash, since they used clean towels every time, and that meant more expenses - especially since we do pay for water.

Yes water expenses are not cheap.

The other problem is that one of the guests had her period the night before they left; it was smeared on an expensive bed cover in two places, and they did not let me know about it right away. If they had, I would have been able to get the stain out then and there. As it is, I found the cover outside the door in the hallway, with the smaller stain showing.

wow, I´m agree that it would be nicer of guest to inform you straight way that she had her period on bed cover.

While it is nice having guests, and I can be accomodating, it would be nice if the guests do tell me right away if something happens that needs my immediate attention, and not leave it for me to find out at the last minute or too late.

That, too, is the responsibility of the guest.

I´m very agree with you... I would expect guest like this.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

This is exactly the point that is being made here, and Vampy hit the nail on the head with his respectful behavior. This is what respect is all about, caring about the other person's property, their things, their food, host/hostess going into a room first before the guest. This is exactly the way things should be when you go into another person's house. Very nicely done, Vampy!!!!

This is an exactly what I expect from guests.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Now tell me how that is my fault? I even offered her my own bed but she said: "no, I am bothered by the princple that you should have a bed ready for me!" So am I supposed to have an available bed for her 24-7 even two weeks before the agreed date for her to join in my household???!!!

No it´s not your fault. You fixed the date and have plan for her on right time but she choose to change the dates.

He was like "WTF, I thought I am supposed to sit back, etc? Why nag them to help?? If they say no, step back"
Me: "No, because we are younger than everybody in the household thus we have to clean up after everybody but if we are same age as them, we can help them but if we are older than them, we kick back! And if we give up after offering help one time, they will think we are rude! The whole point of offering help is to show gratitude and hope that one day they will let us helping but I doubt that day will come just because we are Finnish!"
He, an American, decided to break through Finnish customs by REFUSING to let my hostess to wash our clothes. He was: "show me how to use your washer/dryer!" but my hostess (my aunt) protested and told him that this was our vacation and we shouldn't worry about our laundry.
C did lose his sense of autonomy while in Finland!

Very True, I feel bad when I sit for nothing when I´m guest at my friend´s or relatives´s house. I like to offer my help to host/hostess. Yes, I know some of host/hostess are stubborn and refuse to offer my help - some are happy to have my help.

 

[DreamDeaf]

I had a couple guests a while ago - and it was good on the whole, but bad on the other side... I hate to say this, but three showers, one right after another, every morning, is a little too much. It meant a lot of towels in the wash, since they used clean towels every time, and that meant more expenses - especially since we do pay for water.

Do you mean use shower 3 times a day? Yes, I´m agree that it´s too much. I dont mind to have guests to shower once a day, not twice but during hot weather is a different story.

Liebling - thanks. Again, it was EVERY morning - not just a day. EVERY MORNING.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Liebling - thanks. Again, it was EVERY morning - not just a day. EVERY MORNING.

EVERY morning... too much water expenses... wow...

I can understand that.

 

[Liza]

Yeah, I agree that there's such a thing as guests being from hell. I agree with some of you that houseguests should have respect for the host/ess at home re their property and limitations (budget, bills, space, etc). But like some people said earlier, communication is also important - communicate your boundaries in a way that is tempered with honesty and kindness before the stay. I think that is a great preventive measure!

As for some of you who already had these guests from hell, and want to talk with them about these incidents - it sounds like you already know what to do, but is afraid of hurting their feelings; maybe it is a matter of finding the right way to bring up the subject? Is it something you want our help with?

BTW, this thread is not a waste of space in my opinion because we learn a lot from just talking about these things. No harm, no foul. Everyone has different needs, and there is no shame in that.

Is there a humorous way to look at these things?

 

[DreamDeaf]

As for some of you who already had these guests from hell, and want to talk with them about these incidents - it sounds like you already know what to do, but is afraid of hurting their feelings; maybe it is a matter of finding the right way to bring up the subject? Is it something you want our help with?

I did - they had plenty of excuses - and would not take any responsibility. Unfortunately, there are people like that. Let's say that we are still friends, but I will not invite them to stay as overnight guests anymore.

 

[kuifje75]

Liebling - when I spoke of the expectations, I did not refer to the non-smoking rules, but of the expectations that hosts have for their guests to help them out with chores and such. I NEVER expect my guests to wash dishes for me, nor to make their beds. If they make the guest room somewhat messy, I don't care, as long as they clean it up before vacanting. I do have a non-smoking policy in my house, but if someone should try to light up, we just smile and lead them outside. There's communicating the boundaries beforehand as well.

I think it is quite poor taste to expect guests to wash dishes for you or to make their beds. Even if they spilled something on the floor, accidents happen and we're more than happy to clean it up. I once visited a friend of mine in France, and I was in the dining room trying to open a bottle of soda. It burst because of the carbonated gas in it and it made all of the area wet and dirty. I apologised profusely and tried to help cleaning. So, my French friend and I cleaned it all up together. She just shrugged it off and said "J'allais nettoyer la plancher ce week-end quand même." (I was going to clean the floor this weekend anyway.) She knew accidents happen and it was no big deal.

When I visited a friend of mine in Germany, she is a wonderful friend of mine and she always made sure she communicated her boundaries. She said "No walking loudly please, my mother doesn't like to hear footsteps." and "Please don't watch the TV too much, it uses up too much electricity." It was no problem and we ended up doing other things such as playing games or chatting a lot. One time, she had to go to work, and gave me her key to the apartment so that I could walk to the city centre myself to shop around and all. When I came back to her apartment, I fell asleep (?!?!?!?). Next thing, I knew, I saw my friend at the window (this is at second floor) throwing coat hangers at me. I was so petrified and apologised to her a lot. Everyone on the street was helping her. A man next door lent her the ladder, and so on. But my friend just laughed hard and shrugged it off, saying it happens. The neighbours laughed because they thought the situation was so funny. Ah, good memories.

I agree with Dreamdeaf. Guests do have a reponsiblity to inform their hosts if something happens. I remember when I broke a handle once when I was in Germany, and I was so worried. I was afraid that the host would be angry at me. But, I told him about it, and he just laughed, saying "ah, that handle does come off sometimes. I need to fix it better." I got all scared over nothing. Guests should not be afraid to inform their hosts, so it means that the host has to be patient and open to the fact that accidents do happen. Don't get angry at the guests.

 

[CoolieFroggie]

wow wow.. intersting stories!! I would like to add.. U know many deaf don't use the common sense to call before they stop by instead of out of the blue.. Thats deaf way don't do that.. I wouldn't blame for this but i noticed those times. when i live my apt with my ex boyfriend i have tooooo many guest coming in i was like it's so drive us nuts even 1 am in the morning oh my.. i was like.. this isn't a party or hotel to have a little party to welcome everybody! i was like grrrrrr once i move and they had been stopped cuz i was bitch good for them to know but again this isn't poltie way to come and stop by without letting us know..

 

[isis_lovely]

When I was growing up, I always learned to be a hospitable host. If a guest did not make his bed, why make a big deal out of it? You can do it yourself. After all, it is your own house. As for washing dishes, I never make my guests wash dishes!!! You can ask Cookie Monster; she insisted that she do them but I refused her offer. I always thought it was about letting the guest sit back and relax, whilst visiting me. Same goes for my own family. I cook and clean up after them. And vice versa when I visit them.




the point is that as guest we should more considerate. how are the ppl you're visiting going to enjoy the time with you if they're waitin on you hand and foot while you sit on your arse. besides not all house guests are all that welcome but are more out of obligation (had a few of those) and they expect you to interupt your daily routine(when they don't even have the decency to call first) to take them sight seeing, well too bad, have to go to work have a family to feed.

 

[DelicPumpkPie]

I have so many idiot guests even FEW exs in mind that comes from HELL but

no respect to talk about it in here---


PEACE!

 

[kuifje75]

the point is that as guest we should more considerate. how are the ppl you're visiting going to enjoy the time with you if they're waitin on you hand and foot while you sit on your arse. besides not all house guests are all that welcome but are more out of obligation (had a few of those) and they expect you to interupt your daily routine(when they don't even have the decency to call first) to take them sight seeing, well too bad, have to go to work have a family to feed.

Sorry to see that you view the life as a chore. I enjoy my guests and I enjoy making them feel welcomed. I enjoy cooking. I enjoy showing them around. Even if I had no time, I made it clear when I had to do something. Communicate your boundaries instead of letting grudges and hard feelings boil inside you. And of course, I always insist on helping my hosts if I visit them, and will help them if they need to. I don't sit on my arse like you said Cookie Monster can voucher for that, I even cooked dinner for her and her ex once or twice and washed dishes for them. But it's because I enjoy to help out as a guest.

But this is not what the thread is about. It is about what a host expects from a guest.

 

[SherryCherish]

I do believe to be helpful and hospialiated to them. To make them feel welcome here. I do enjoy to have companies myself. I do expectation them to be respects us too. Sometime i'm disappointment in them with kids, they don't discpline their kids, when they try little damage on the wall, and not even pick up the toys (4 rooms of mess) everytime they left. I can't blame at kids cuz not their fault. Even tho I love their kids. It sad to see parents don't discpline their kids. Sometime it make unfair to my kids. Cuz we do punish them when they were there. Even they don't punish their own kids. I don't care what they think of my parenting to my kids, I want my kids to know what's wrong and right when or where they re at. Even in public or home or friends or whatever. Like not too harsh, just tell them its wrong or time out like that.

 

[Cookie Monster]

Sorry to see that you view the life as a chore. I enjoy my guests and I enjoy making them feel welcomed. I enjoy cooking. I enjoy showing them around. Even if I had no time, I made it clear when I had to do something. Communicate your boundaries instead of letting grudges and hard feelings boil inside you. And of course, I always insist on helping my hosts if I visit them, and will help them if they need to. I don't sit on my arse like you said Cookie Monster can voucher for that, I even cooked dinner for her and her ex once or twice and washed dishes for them. But it's because I enjoy to help out as a guest.

But this is not what the thread is about. It is about what a host expects from a guest.

isis_lovely, I'm sorry if you view having your friends over too much of a chore because it was so lovely having KootchieBootchie over at my place and have him cook for me and my ex a few times. You see he taught me recipes and it was those wonderful memories (wine, meats and cheeses!) We stayed up all night gabbing and it was the same when I went over to KootchieBootchie's place. His SO made meals for me and they were the gracious hosts and I couldn't have asked for better friends because I didn't view them as hosts at all. KootchieBootchie's SO caught on the vibe that I was under the weather and he accomodated me quite well.

Like KootchieBootchie, I enjoy guests because I enjoy company. *bringing out the vermouth, cheese and meats!* KootchieBootchie, when's our next trip together??

 

[kuifje75]

vermouth, cheese and meat? Where's the fruit?
I'll definitely never forget our first night here in SLC, eating out at that wonderful fondue restaurant. It was just perfect!

Some memories I definitely will never forget. LMAO

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Liebling - when I spoke of the expectations, I did not refer to the non-smoking rules, but of the expectations that hosts have for their guests to help them out with chores and such. I NEVER expect my guests to wash dishes for me, nor to make their beds. If they make the guest room somewhat messy, I don't care, as long as they clean it up before vacanting. I do have a non-smoking policy in my house, but if someone should try to light up, we just smile and lead them outside. There's communicating the boundaries beforehand as well.

I got what you mean about chores etc., not rules. Yes, true - I do not expect them to make their beds or help me with dishes. I really don't care what my guests doing in their rooms as long as they stay in my house. I know it's normal to have chaos due open luggages etc. I know they always tidy up something end of their vacation with us because they are an adult. Of course they asked me in manner ways either they can remove bed sheet/cover or not. I told them that they dont have to if they don't feel want... Just leave it. Sometimes they ignored me and remove bed sheet/cover or not. It's okay.

I think it is quite poor taste to expect guests to wash dishes for you or to make their beds.

Yes, I'm agree. I do not expect them to help me with dishes or make their beds etc. It's okay as long as they feel want or not. All what I want them to be happy, that's important than worry about "helping to wash the dishes/make their beds".

Even if they spilled something on the floor, accidents happen and we're more than happy to clean it up. I once visited a friend of mine in France, and I was in the dining room trying to open a bottle of soda. It burst because of the carbonated gas in it and it made all of the area wet and dirty. I apologised profusely and tried to help cleaning. So, my French friend and I cleaned it all up together. She just shrugged it off and said "J'allais nettoyer la plancher ce week-end quand même." (I was going to clean the floor this weekend anyway.) She knew accidents happen and it was no big deal.

Yeah, I'm not upset if my guest spilled something on the floor or on the table. It's normal to have accident like this. I alway said to them "Don't worry" with friendly smile.

When I visited a friend of mine in Germany, she is a wonderful friend of mine and she always made sure she communicated her boundaries. She said "No walking loudly please, my mother doesn't like to hear footsteps." and "Please don't watch the TV too much, it uses up too much electricity."

Interesting, I'm agree that everyone are different.
I never thought about electricity used but I limit my children with TV... I allow my children to watch on TV or computer for 2 hours in mornings (weekends/school holidays) and again from 3pm to 8.30pm after school time but my children do their homework mostly then go out during summer than winter time. My limition stays the same, no matter either the children of guests or my children's friends are here or not. I treat them the same as I treat my children.. I stick those limit, all what the guests has to respect it. We have to respect host/hostess's rule for watch on TV or not. No matter what they did... TV all the day, No TV or limit time for TV... All what we do is respect them because this is their house because they have different rules than us. My children was like that they are allow to watch on the TV all the day at Dad's place which it's different as me. I explained them that every have different rules. My children are grumply and then say okay.

It was no problem and we ended up doing other things such as playing games or chatting a lot.

Yeah, we receive German visitors for afternoon coffee etc. We don't watch on TV but chat alot. We are not TV freaks which different as British. The TV open all the day when we are around. Of course we chatting and watch on the TV.

One time, she had to go to work, and gave me her key to the apartment so that I could walk to the city centre myself to shop around and all. When I came back to her apartment, I fell asleep (?!?!?!?). Next thing, I knew, I saw my friend at the window (this is at second floor) throwing coat hangers at me. I was so petrified and apologised to her a lot. Everyone on the street was helping her. A man next door lent her the ladder, and so on. But my friend just laughed hard and shrugged it off, saying it happens. The neighbours laughed because they thought the situation was so funny. Ah, good memories.

I'm agree that it's good memory.

I agree with Dreamdeaf. Guests do have a reponsiblity to inform their hosts if something happens. I remember when I broke a handle once when I was in Germany, and I was so worried. I was afraid that the host would be angry at me. But, I told him about it, and he just laughed, saying "ah, that handle does come off sometimes. I need to fix it better." I got all scared over nothing. Guests should not be afraid to inform their hosts, so it means that the host has to be patient and open to the fact that accidents do happen. Don't get angry at the guests.

Yes, it was happened to me before.
My friends informed me few weeks before we flied to Australia to ask us to stay at their friend's house to look after their Max, Austrialian Kelpie dog because they have nobody to look after Max during their month absence (vacation in South Africa). They were relieved that we took their offer. My friend showed me around their friend's house and tell me how to take care of Max etc etc. Until one day, my friend's 3 kids and my sons play with Max in the living room where my friend & I were in the kitchen. The children ran to us and upset about damage glass door. Danny is upset and admit that it's him. I comfort him. He slipped and fall down and then hit his head on the glass door. It cracked... (Thanks god, Danny has no head injury or no blood). It upsets me... how could I inform couple in South Africa. My friend support me and will talk to them how/what happened with their glass door. We told the children to go outside if they want to play with Max. I told my friend that I accept my responsible and cover the cost to replace the new glass door. They said to wait until the couple came home from S. Africa and see what happened. I wrote an apology letter and leave it on the kitchen table for the couple to read when they are back within one week later after we left for Germany. We check with Insurance company straight way where we insure for glasses. They said no problem but they need couple's bill to send us then they will cover it for us. I learned from my friend via fax that the couple are not mad with me and understood that it's only accident and refused to accept my offer to cover the cost of glass door. Their glass door was already cover thru their insurance with no complication. They were shock how different Max is because he was spoiled by us... (they are strict with Max). I'm relieved that everything is over.
Accept the responsible is better than deny the responsible because host/hostess would be appeciate when you accept the responsible. It would hurt the friendship if you deny the responsible.

 

[Angel]

Sorry to see that you view the life as a chore. I enjoy my guests and I enjoy making them feel welcomed. I enjoy cooking. I enjoy showing them around. Even if I had no time, I made it clear when I had to do something. Communicate your boundaries instead of letting grudges and hard feelings boil inside you. And of course, I always insist on helping my hosts if I visit them, and will help them if they need to. I don't sit on my arse like you said Cookie Monster can voucher for that, I even cooked dinner for her and her ex once or twice and washed dishes for them. But it's because I enjoy to help out as a guest.

But this is not what the thread is about. It is about what a host expects from a guest.

I agree 100% on this!! well said there Kuifje...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Sorry to see that you view the life as a chore. I enjoy my guests and I enjoy making them feel welcomed. I enjoy cooking. I enjoy showing them around. Even if I had no time, I made it clear when I had to do something. Communicate your boundaries instead of letting grudges and hard feelings boil inside you. And of course, I always insist on helping my hosts if I visit them, and will help them if they need to. I don't sit on my arse like you said Cookie Monster can voucher for that, I even cooked dinner for her and her ex once or twice and washed dishes for them. But it's because I enjoy to help out as a guest.

But this is not what the thread is about. It is about what a host expects from a guest.

Yes, it's very true - it's important to make guests feel good and also communicate with boundaries, too...

I alway offer host/hostess my help... I like to watch them cooking etc... because I love to see what/how they cook... I don't beleive to sit for nothing but do something to support host/hostess. I don't beleive to pour my anger on my guests... but talk with them in gentle way.