Lord I know how that feels. Everything was cool up until 8th grade. After that I looked around and realized I had NO friends at all. They either moved away or we grew apart.
Then in 9th grade I became the target of bullies of girls and guys. It wasnt a good year for me at all. It got to the point that I developed anorexia and got to a dangerously low weight for my height. I was a deaf kid in a mainstream school. I wanted nothing more than to just dissappear into thin air. I was the little freak kid.
Then the next school year it started off so badly I was having panic attacks just walking through the halls between classes. I was afriad to do anything. That's when I got into drinking to take the edge off looking for happiness, something to NOT feel, because I was feeling void.
Then as it got closer to football season, this really bubbly girl (Lord I hated bubbly at the time because it meant to me it was fake) asked me to come to this youth event. I thought yeah right, another prank I'm not going to fall for, let me go home to my bed and just drink til I pass out, I'd be much happier for it. This girl wasn't taking no for an answer. "Come on, it will be fun!" PFFFFT yeah right, fun for them. So I went to school the next day and the youth minister shows up and was like - hey you wanna come to this youth event?
NO. Turned around and walked off.
Then a couple days later one of the popular girls just approaches me and was like 'hey, you want to come to youth tonight?'
Uhm let me think on that...... NO
Then the bubbly girl just shows up out of no where at the cafeteria, I was sitting outside by myself just glaring at the crowd, and shuffling my feet on the concrete. She just comes up and sits by me. I give her a look much like 'WTF are you doing?' I didn't say anything though. She just looks at me and was like - 'We're having youth tonight, it'll be a small crowd and I'm not taking 'no' for an answer
So I finally gave in went and this bubbly girl turned out to be one of the few friends I managed to make during my high school years, and she was (and still is) a gem indeed.
The rest is history as to what happened, but you get the idea. You can't force your way into a friendship - I was actually ready to force my way OUT OF a friendship simply because I had given up on humanity, and worst of all I had given up on myself.
There's a saying I heard the other day - friendship is organic, you cannot force it to grow. Prune away those that suck the energy from you, and watch yourself rise far above them.