Hurtful Little Old Ladies

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Tasha'sMom

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I need some snappy comebacks!!!

Okay, so I like to go to church, but I don't often go because my Deaf kid gets bored and I suck at interpreting for stuff like that.

The kids were away with their Dad, so I went alone on Easter Sunday. All morning, I had to deal with the sweet little old biddies saying crap like:
"How is your POOR sweet little girl doing"? as if she was dying of cancer or something - as if Deafness was equal to dying of a brain tumour!!! And when I would say, "Well, she's always out partying up a storm!" they would
look at me as if I was speaking Chinese... they just did NOT get it.

More stupid comments:
1. Does she speak? (she is fluent in ASL,the english is just party tricks)
2. Would an implant help? (NOPE. It failed miserably)
3. Is the implant working yet? (see #2)
4. I know they are doing wonderful things with science... (um, not in her lifetime)
5. So and so's have a relative/friend who finally learned to speak and or hear, maybe...

I mean, my kid... has more friends than anybody has a right to have. She is spoiled ROTTEN. She rides horses! She goes to two parties or more a month! She has boyfriends, and she's only five! Every time she goes out, she
comes home with presents!

I know, I know, I know, these old ladies grew up in a different time, but it makes me INSANE that they think it's okay to try to serve me up a heaping plate of MISERY at CHURCH when we are perfectly HAPPY!

I have moved on from Hearing At All Costs!!! Why can't they??? My child is PERFECT, God does NOT make junk!
 
Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )

One of the things I always remind my new congregations is that God created me as I am, and "as I am" is Hoh/Deaf.

I'm BLESSED to be who I am. I've met so many wonderful people, learned so much about myself - my strengths because of who I am.

God created me as I am, loves me for who I am and most certainly hasn't created me as "less" than anyone else.

We are created in God's image ...the very God created me Deaf :D
 
Tasha'sMom said:
I have moved on from Hearing At All Costs!!! Why can't they??? My child is PERFECT, God does NOT make junk!
Click to expand...
She was always perfect, even before you moved on.

They never had the opportunity to live with her and come to this realization.

Try not to get upset as your daughter will sense it. If you act angry and frustrated, she is going to think they had some point that bothered you and might have validity.

I am grateful for having had parents who reinforced my self worth. Any people who thought me less would just have been mocked by my parents.
 
Tasha'sMom....I know it must be so tedious for you....same old questions, over and over.....and over!...Maybe I would reply...."She's doing awesome! And thanks for asking/inquiring...now...how are YOU?"....Or..."you look so nice today!"....It was the opposite with me as this lady stopped my son one day, generally talking with him and said..."I feel so sorry for you because your mother is hearing impaired".....

Needless to say, I flipped my lid and confronted the lady about it....(and I'm not ashamed to say that I cussed her out).....Sometimes we do have to turn the other cheek...try to change the conversation before it gets out of hand.
 
I hear you that one. Keep saying she is doing wonderful. She talks a lot throught asl and she's pretty happy. Like talkin so positive what she has been doing when they ask. Speak?? Can hear?? Keep talking what you want to tell them :) I d not be surprised my mom had the same situation as yuours except I don't have a CI. I have an awesome childhood. Stay strong.
 
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The Pastor at my girlfriend's Church has a Granddaughter with CI.

So far no one at her Church asked if I wanted CI. One older guy even asked my girlfriend g to loan him an ASL book that she was using to learn to talk to me.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. You should not have to.
 
Can your church provide a terp for your daughter so she can participate in the children's church activities? (Less boring for little kids than the main church service.) I interpret for a deaf child in Sunday school, children's church, and adult church, so I know that it can be done. Also, the teachers/leaders of the children's groups are teaching some basic signs to the kids, and include motion gestures in their kids' songs. At that age level, a lot of the teaching is visual anyway, showing pictures to illustrate stories, and having the kids color pictures that they can take home.
 
Tasha'sMom said:
I need some snappy comebacks!!!

Okay, so I like to go to church, but I don't often go because my Deaf kid gets bored and I suck at interpreting for stuff like that.

The kids were away with their Dad, so I went alone on Easter Sunday. All morning, I had to deal with the sweet little old biddies saying crap like:
"How is your POOR sweet little girl doing"? as if she was dying of cancer or something - as if Deafness was equal to dying of a brain tumour!!! And when I would say, "Well, she's always out partying up a storm!" they would
look at me as if I was speaking Chinese... they just did NOT get it.

More stupid comments:
1. Does she speak? (she is fluent in ASL,the english is just party tricks)
2. Would an implant help? (NOPE. It failed miserably)
3. Is the implant working yet? (see #2)
4. I know they are doing wonderful things with science... (um, not in her lifetime)
5. So and so's have a relative/friend who finally learned to speak and or hear, maybe...

I mean, my kid... has more friends than anybody has a right to have. She is spoiled ROTTEN. She rides horses! She goes to two parties or more a month! She has boyfriends, and she's only five! Every time she goes out, she
comes home with presents!

I know, I know, I know, these old ladies grew up in a different time, but it makes me INSANE that they think it's okay to try to serve me up a heaping plate of MISERY at CHURCH when we are perfectly HAPPY!

I have moved on from Hearing At All Costs!!! Why can't they??? My child is PERFECT, God does NOT make junk!
Click to expand...
You could say to this "How is your POOR sweet little girl doing"? My sweet little girl is just fine thank you, and what did you say was wrong with you again"??

I wear only one HA and while at PT a couple of days ago and I was asked by the PT therapist if I change my HA from my left ear to right ear everyday?? HUH?? . Why would I do that ...
Try not to tell those fools get to you , you know your child is fine and that all that really matter.
 
Drives me nuts, and I did not have far to go.

The schools are so adamant about teaching Spanish, French and German what is wrong with ASL. It is a language too. I thought churches were around to be helpful they too could use an ASL book or 2. So sorry your Healthy baby girl has to put up with people in the one place all should have help and understanding.
 
Snappy comeback when these lowlifes ask about your daughter's "problem"

"Why do you ask? Do you think God made ALL Angels to look-alike?"
 
Do these old ladies inquire about your daughter's well being every Sunday, or just on the Sunday's when she's not accompanying you? Maybe they thought she was home ill? :dunno:

Some people mean well but they don't know how to express themselves properly.

Sometimes we have to change people's perspectives one at a time.

Then again, some old people are stuck in their ways, so there isn't a whole lot you can do about them. If they ignored your original teachable moment explanations, then just ignore them.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt unless and until I find out otherwise.
 
I used to get that crap from one of my aunts after I had to get aids in my 40s. Every time we had a conversation she had to say what a pity it was, blah, blah, blah. Like her identification of my identity was now, "oh, my poor niece has to wear hearing aids." :roll: I kept telling her I had a family and a job I loved, and life was GREAT, TYVM! She just never got it, poor thing. Victim of her generation and of ignorance (that still persists today). :(

Sorry, I just don't have any snappy comebacks, really. When it's old people, I just do my best to keep a civil tongue in my head, and let it go. They aren't likely going to change their views, so I just bluff my way through, giving them loving energy, change the subject, etc. For others, I attempt re-education. But I am learning not to take in the hurt nor waste my re-education efforts for those with closed minds. In 20 years, I have gotten a lot of "practice." :P
 
rockin'robin said:
It was the opposite with me as this lady stopped my son one day, generally talking with him and said..."I feel so sorry for you because your mother is hearing impaired".....
Click to expand...

SMH, I am so sorry, that made ME mad, I can only imagine how you and your son felt. Some people... still shaking my head. :pissed:
 
Sares said:
The schools are so adamant about teaching Spanish, French and German what is wrong with ASL. It is a language too.
Click to expand...

I JUST wrote a paper last week for my ASL2 class, and I made this same point in my paper! Why are we learning those languages, when we live in America?? We should be learning ASL because that language is actually NEEDED in America! Ugh, it drives me nuts! In highschool I wanted to take ASL but I couldnt because out of the entire school, only 12 people could take it at a time!! It was a distance learning class. sigh...
 
Tasha'sMom said:
More stupid comments:
1. Does she speak? (she is fluent in ASL,the english is just party tricks)
2. Would an implant help? (NOPE. It failed miserably)
3. Is the implant working yet? (see #2)
4. I know they are doing wonderful things with science... (um, not in her lifetime)
5. So and so's have a relative/friend who finally learned to speak and or hear, maybe...
Click to expand...

I feel your pain, but I also have to say "good for you" for recognizing that just because your daughter is deaf, she is not defective.

My parents never 'defended' me when people asked questions like that, they pretty much went along with what others said. Even today my father is still going around telling people that my CI is not living up to its reputation because I still act & talk like a deaf person....:roll: (I've been that way for 40 years, am I supposed to change overnight?)

The difference is, your daughter will have a much greater sense of self-worth than many of us.
 
next time they ask about implants - tell them the research has been held up by old ladies like you that refused to work with it.:shock::giggle:
 
Yeah, those questions like "how's the implant working for ya?!" or "you can hear perfect now, you're one of us!" gets annoying. I mean i don't mind answering their questions about CI's, but i also explain to them that it's not a magical device. I explain to them how the CI works and how i get tune ups from my CI audi, i still lipread, etc. It just kind of makes me sad how hearing people just randomly throws out like they think they know everything about the CI, and randomly throws out the fact they think CI's are a device where you can cure the deaf. :roll: It gets annoying. I wish people would stop and take a moment to research it themselves and find out for themselves what a CI is all about, carefully reading between the lines and actually reading the words instead of just saying "its an implant that can make you hear".
 
As I understand theology-God created everyone- DEAF and hearing persons. Persons are not "junk".
 
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