How To Raise A Thinking Child...

[luckystar]

"Dr.Shure says parents who spank and yell, strip children of their sense of personal power."
I am a strong believer on this matter. However I do believe in strict discipline, but to an extent. I believe if you teach your children the adequate knowledge, at a young enough age. They will have more repsect to people and themselves. Resulting in better choices throughout life, and guaranteeing less altercations or outbursts involving you and your child. They would respect you more and not want to disappoint you. Making it very likely, that you would ever have to resort to physical punishment. Its not likely, that they would act in a way to deserve it.

(For the record luckystar does not believe in spanking a child for the way they act. There are many other options that will work.)

Also, If your child is acting out continuosly. And many methods have failed in correcting their behavior. Then something is probably wrong with them, and you need to get to the core of it. When something is bothering a child, they tend to close it in. Maybe they are too scared, or too afraid to confront it. It will eventually eat at them, possibly causing them to act out. And it will continue until they confront their issue.

"I like to look up some web sites and even books to help me raise my children."
It never hurts to aquire various methods to assist you with life. Including raising your children. As your children grow, you also grow. You will always have your parential powers that guide you. But reading about raising children, could prove to be useful. Maybe preparing you to handle a situation, you never imagined would happen.

But then again, what do I know. I dont have any children. Just a good voint of view.

 

[Angel]

Do you sometimes feel the need to spend more time with Roadrunner at times than children ? I mean, like when you feel the need to be alone with him without stressin'/ pressurin' from your kids ?

RR and I make sure we spend alot of time together, but we also have to make time for our children that inculding his as well....We do alot of things together, and I do have time off away from my children when my ex has his visitation every other weekend....

And when my children are in school, we have more time for each others, sometimes we go out and shop or drive around just the two of us...

And now RR has set up his own computer, so we both can go on line at the same time, it much easier now than it was before when we had to share my computer to each others....but now we can enjoy our time online together....

 

[Maria]

RR and I make sure we spend alot of time together, but we also have to make time for our children that inculding his as well....We do alot of things together, and I do have time off away from my children when my ex has his visitation every other weekend....

And when my children are in school, we have more time for each others, sometimes we go out and shop or drive around just the two of us...

And now RR has set up his own computer, so we both can go on line at the same time, it much easier now than it was before when we had to share my computer to each others....but now we can enjoy our time online together....

Good idea. I am glad it helps alot for both of you.

 

[Audiofuzzy]

AudioFuzzy, may I ask you bit question?... Are you a single mother?

Of course. please do
No I am not single mother- while we never legalised our union, me and my hubby are together for plus 20 years.Technically, the term for this is common-law- marriage.
We still can get married legally it's just ... too much hassle lololol..
But as a parent, I am definitely more involved and decisive one.
For many reasons- first, my husband works long hrs and since i've stayed with my daughter at home, our closer relationhsip comes naturally - after all, we did and do spend so much time together.
Second, my husband is rather straight man- like "you either are hungry or not. If you are hungry you'll eat everything, if not then think about these hungry children in Africa who'd wanted this blob of scrambled eggs that make you nauseated!!!!
lololol..


a little woman's finesse needed here

Fuzzy

 

[Audiofuzzy]

Also, If your child is acting out continuosly. And many methods have failed in correcting their behavior. Then something is probably wrong with them, and you need to get to the core of it. When something is bothering a child, they tend to close it in. Maybe they are too scared, or too afraid to confront it. It will eventually eat at them, possibly causing them to act out. And it will continue until they confront their issue.

I believe in this wholeheartedly.
One time me and my daughter were coming back from school. She acted out in the car, seemingly for no reason. She disrespected me a bit by yelling at me, kicking the dashboard and generally misbehaving. I had to really shut up to make her quiet.
But it seemed strange to me 'cos this was out of place behavior.
Honestly I was at loss what to do because I wasn't really confronted with that bad outburts before.
But luckily as I was thinking what could have happened, I got lightbulb moment and asked her what happened at the school.
She bursted into tears and she finally told me she missed a deadline for returning math work, and didn't receive her prize (a sticker) for the first time in her life, and that was the end of world for her.
There you go. She was unhappy, guilty, probably humiliated, and lost a prize thus being number one..

I was glad I hold my composure and my tongue back then. Because if had I yelled at her too, it would be only adding more misery to her already ruined day, and who knows maybe she would never tell me what happened... not only that - in her little mind she could have thought "mommy never understand' and that could have had (Grammar?) long term repercussion..

I believe children who act out continually must have some problems either at home or at school or with friends.
I noticed mostly during divorce and after that happens a lot..
It can be minimised if parents can be civil enough to be nice to each other and work together at least in front of the child. And never ever bad mouth each other in front of the child, or if there is any possibility the child can hear..


Fuzzy

 

[Angel]

"Dr.Shure says parents who spank and yell, strip children of their sense of personal power."
I am a strong believer on this matter. However I do believe in strict discipline, but to an extent. I believe if you teach your children the adequate knowledge, at a young enough age. They will have more repsect to people and themselves. Resulting in better choices throughout life, and guaranteeing less altercations or outbursts involving you and your child. They would respect you more and not want to disappoint you. Making it very likely, that you would ever have to resort to physical punishment. Its not likely, that they would act in a way to deserve it.

(For the record luckystar does not believe in spanking a child for the way they act. There are many other options that will work.)

Also, If your child is acting out continuosly. And many methods have failed in correcting their behavior. Then something is probably wrong with them, and you need to get to the core of it. When something is bothering a child, they tend to close it in. Maybe they are too scared, or too afraid to confront it. It will eventually eat at them, possibly causing them to act out. And it will continue until they confront their issue.

"I like to look up some web sites and even books to help me raise my children."
It never hurts to aquire various methods to assist you with life. Including raising your children. As your children grow, you also grow. You will always have your parential powers that guide you. But reading about raising children, could prove to be useful. Maybe preparing you to handle a situation, you never imagined would happen.

But then again, what do I know. I dont have any children. Just a good voint of view.

Well said there LuckyStar....


I do agree about using strict discipline when your child is not obeying the rules often and breaks the same rules over and over or done something that was bad enough that most parents will disapprove of....I've used the spanking method when they're younger, but I don't use that too often only when it comes with them throwing a fist about things and not listening when they were told to do something and they give us a hard time about it... Sometimes time-out method doesn't always work, then we will have to find another way to discipline our children so they will show more respect toward us as a parents and do what they were told to do without yelling back at us....

There's are so many ways we can discipline our children without having to spank them, but I do agree with you, the more stricter we become the better chances that our children will grow up and respect us more and do well too....

I think sometimes I get too soft when it comes to punishment, I need to learn to stand up on my two feet and be a parents instead of feeling sorry for them after they cry.....because the more I do that, then it's not going to help my children do better, they will keep doing the same thing over and over....

for giving such a great advice here girl

 

[Casperman]

my respones

Changing the way you talk to your child will change how they react to you.


1. Why do you think your child is tuning you out? they might have a reasons, you know children can learn from Parents....thier bad behavior etc


2. What happens when you spank your child? I dont know!


3. Is it possible your child lies (or other behavior) because they are afraid of being spanked?
Oh yea my baby son always do that.. after a timeout and still stubborn we do that and he blmaes older son.. my older son is autsic and he never do nothin

4. Is it possible to think of a way to get them to stop lying so they will not want to lie rather than spanking? (Dr. Shure says to include your child as an active participant in the solution process, making the solution their, not yours.)
i dont want teach them lying all way... and will tell them stop lying and talk it out why they did it and what makes them do it etc

5. How do you think you'll feel when your child shares their own ideas and solutions? if my kids share i will feel better and explain whos boss in the roof and that we can compriomise something

 

[CorasMama]

Heath--

I cannot fully express how WRONG that little table is! That is not a Christian way to parent. The Lord was not referring just to adults when he spoke of love and respect and reasoning with one another. And the rod referred to with regards to child rearing is not a stick to beat with, it is the word of God and a shepherd's staff to guide with. Shepherds don't beat the sheep with the staff, they guide them with it.

For those who want a true Christian perspective on parenting, may I recommend Christian Parenting, by Dr. William Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, RN ? Also, do a search on Christian parenting on http://www.mothering.com, and a google search on non-violent Christian parenting.
Liebling, re your first post --

You're right on, every bit! What a great Mama you are / will be! (I can't remember which!)

 

[CorasMama]

Here is a really great page of Christian parenting resources (links) that are based on actually following Christ's example.

http://www.nospank.net/c-links.htm

 

[BoomBoom]

I'm not a Christian, but I can't imagine Jesus hitting kids. Glad you posted this, CorasMama.

The metaphor about sparing the rod and spoiling the child is taken way too literally. Shepherds don't use their rods for hitting their sheep, but for guiding them.

 

[JeepGirl]

My daughter tells me that I yell alot and I don't realize that sometimes. I may raise my voice but I feel that my daughter would listen when I raise my voice alittle. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I used to spank my daughter with my hand only and it worked for me. Most of you don't believe in spanking that's fine. I was raised that way and was well-disciplined. I was always a good kid growing up. My daughter is a very good kid as well. She has maybe a slight of ADD or short attention span that causes her to be distracted at times. I will not medicate her for that. I don't believe in that. I feel that she would outgrow it.

Every kid and adult in this world has lied for reasons. So can't blame it on the kids. They learn it from adults as well. We all just have own theory of how to raise our kid/kids.

My daughter is not much of a thinker, she does things without thinking.. grrr I was always a thinker.. I was a loner, Only deaf in the family.. none of them does sign language so I just basically live off thinking and using my imaginations.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Heath--

I cannot fully express how WRONG that little table is! That is not a Christian way to parent. The Lord was not referring just to adults when he spoke of love and respect and reasoning with one another. And the rod referred to with regards to child rearing is not a stick to beat with, it is the word of God and a shepherd's staff to guide with. Shepherds don't beat the sheep with the staff, they guide them with it.

For those who want a true Christian perspective on parenting, may I recommend Christian Parenting, by Dr. William Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, RN ? Also, do a search on Christian parenting on http://www.mothering.com, and a google search on non-violent Christian parenting.

I'm afraid yes, I'm also disagree with Heath, too but I only want you aware that he is not only one and first but other Christians, too...

I want you aware what Christians thought about spanking, form of punishments, etc in their posts, they claimed that they are true Christians..

http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=20318&highlight=spank

http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=22006&highlight=spank

http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=22127&highlight=spank

Liebling, re your first post --

You're right on, every bit! What a great Mama you are / will be! (I can't remember which!)

Thank you I'm mother of 2 darling sons (soon to be 13 and soon to be 10 years old).

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Here is a really great page of Christian parenting resources (links) that are based on actually following Christ's example.

http://www.nospank.net/c-links.htm

Thank you for share your link. It's really good one!!! I save it in my favorite list...

I'm interesting to read "Gentle Discipline" in your link... It's really good one but Christians see different (see links I provided in your last posts).

I beleive in Gentle Discipline... that's how it works on my children well with patience...

The "Gentle Discipline" is not only Christ's example but Psychology's example, too.

I don't beleive in humliation, etc and strict discipline but FIRM in gentle discipline way because it's about loving, respect and trust the kids should learn.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I'm not a Christian, but I can't imagine Jesus hitting kids. Glad you posted this, CorasMama.

The metaphor about sparing the rod and spoiling the child is taken way too literally. Shepherds don't use their rods for hitting their sheep, but for guiding them.

Yes I thought so because I know that God and Jesus do not like to hurt the kids as what many Christians or other reglious beleive "rod" mean is spank/punishment etc in other threads which it's not what Jesus and God mean.

I beleive in Psychology. I'm glad that CorasMama provided the link because it's almost similar as Psychology after read "Gentle Discipline".

 

[Liebling:-)))]

My daughter tells me that I yell alot and I don't realize that sometimes. I may raise my voice but I feel that my daughter would listen when I raise my voice alittle. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

Yes, I use voice with firm if my children doesn't listen me.

She has maybe a slight of ADD or short attention span that causes her to be distracted at times. I will not medicate her for that. I don't believe in that. I feel that she would outgrow it.

You got me curious because my eldest son had ADD when he was a little boy. I don't medicated him for that but accompanied him to therapy to improve his behavior and change his diets etc for over 2 years. I learn to know how to deal with ADD thru diets. What's your doctor said after confirm that your daughter is ADD? Go to therapy or what? Yes, I know it's not easy job for the parents to deal with ADD kids but it's worth to improve their behavior.

Every kid and adult in this world has lied for reasons. So can't blame it on the kids. They learn it from adults as well. We all just have own theory of how to raise our kid/kids.

Yes, we are not prefect parents but we try being good parents what we can. We all made mistakes.