How to handle going out to dinner with large group

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need4spd10681

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Good Afternoon Everyone :wave:

I was hoping I could get some people's advice who have gone through the same things I have and how they handle certain situations. I am HoH and wear CiC hearing aids in both ears. I should really be wearing something more powerful but unfortunately due to PTSD and feeling self conscious about my disability, its almost as if I refuse to wear BTE hearing aids. Its sad I know but I feel if I wore them,that is all people would see. Anyhow my situation goes like this. I was invited to dinner by a good friend a while ago. There was 12 people all together and she was the only one I knew. We all got to the table and I tried very hard to follow the flow of the conversation. With the loud background noise and everyone chatting with each other, it was very hard to participate in the conversations. What made it more difficult is my friend was sitting on other side of table. I just felt very uncomfortable. It always makes me feel bad because I do love people and I care about others but when I can't be involved, I just tend to fade off to the background. After the dinner, my friend told me a bunch of them were going back to her place but I decided to go home :-( I just don't know how to get people to understand my disablity. Its almost as like I have to get everyone's attention and tell them all I have a hearing loss but just the thought of doing that makes me feel embarrassed and puts the attention on me. Its very depressing because I know if I heard better, I would have more friends. I guess for now I will have to just accept the situation. Anyone else ever been in this situation?

Thanks for listening everyone. Hope you are all enjoying your weekend.
 
Sure. I'd bet all of us with hearing loss, but enough residual hearing to generally participate in conversations, have been in this situation.

Some simple things to do: if at all possible, try to sit with your back to the wall, and roughly in the middle of the group. Sitting with your back to the wall reduces the echo effect, and by sitting in the middle, you will have some chance at hearing conversation on both sides of you.

If you only know one or two people in the group, ask one of them to sit next to you, if you can. (Obviously varies depending on who else is there - maybe you might want to sit next to someone new who has just caught your eye!)

Forget about telling "everyone" about your hearing loss. They won't pay attention to that fact for more than a minute, anyway. If you are sitting next to someone you don't know and are trying to talk to that person, then mention it specifically, and ask the person to face you when talking, or speak up a bit, or whatever specifically you need.

More hi-tech solutions: think about getting an FM system for your aids, if they have that capability. Then you can put a small microphone in the middle of the table, and it will pick up all the conversations. That much noise might be overwhelming, though. You could also use the mike just one-on-one with whomever you're speaking with.

Really hi-tech solution, but not at all "discreet," if that's important to you: get a tablet computer and the "Dragon" software, which translates voice to text. Then you can read the conversation from the tablet. I have not done this personally, but another poster here mentioned it.

Some smart phones might also have that capability.

It might help your frustration level to recognize that you will probably have more success at these events if you think about having a series of one-on-one or small group conversations, vs. vainly trying to hear everything in the large group.
 
need4spd10681 said:
Good Afternoon Everyone :wave:

I was hoping I could get some people's advice who have gone through the same things I have and how they handle certain situations. I am HoH and wear CiC hearing aids in both ears. I should really be wearing something more powerful but unfortunately due to PTSD and feeling self conscious about my disability, its almost as if I refuse to wear BTE hearing aids. Its sad I know but I feel if I wore them,that is all people would see. Anyhow my situation goes like this. I was invited to dinner by a good friend a while ago. There was 12 people all together and she was the only one I knew. We all got to the table and I tried very hard to follow the flow of the conversation. With the loud background noise and everyone chatting with each other, it was very hard to participate in the conversations. What made it more difficult is my friend was sitting on other side of table. I just felt very uncomfortable. It always makes me feel bad because I do love people and I care about others but when I can't be involved, I just tend to fade off to the background. After the dinner, my friend told me a bunch of them were going back to her place but I decided to go home :-( I just don't know how to get people to understand my disablity. Its almost as like I have to get everyone's attention and tell them all I have a hearing loss but just the thought of doing that makes me feel embarrassed and puts the attention on me. Its very depressing because I know if I heard better, I would have more friends. I guess for now I will have to just accept the situation. Anyone else ever been in this situation?

Thanks for listening everyone. Hope you are all enjoying your weekend.
Click to expand...

simple. stop trying so hard to make with those kind of friends.

since then.... I've made so many friends. I've gone to big groups and I finally can understand them all! :)
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

I learned ASL and only go to restaurants with people who sign. If I want to socialize with a hearing people, I have at most 2 people in my home. I can't get out of obligatory family functions so I take my droid to amuse myself.
 
What would have been nice for you in that situation would have been a round table but those are hard to find....
 
Do you find that makes a difference? Round tables are sometimes so big that I still can't speak effectively to people sitting across from me. Rectangular tables are usually narrower, so I find myself speaking with the people directly across from me, as well as immediately on either side.

Big round tables are not my favorite seating. Maybe it's different if you're using a sign language.
 
Wirelessly posted (Backberry)

These are all good ideas. Obviously you will need to choose the suggestions that you are more confortable with. Personally I don't bother to understand at these gatherings. I tend to turn down invitations like these. I prefer smaller more intimate groups or all ASL get together where communications is not an issue.
 
I too prefer small groups of people...but I do not turn down an invitation because of a large group. I don't make excuses for myself either. I'm not HOH, I'm profound deaf. I go and have a good time, regardless, meet some new people, as I'm sure there are those who do and will take the time to communicate with you.
 
Me too. I'd rather go and have a good time rather than sit home twiddling my thumbs.
 
I rarely go out with more than 4 people at a time now maximum and have found that a lot easier, but I still have some troubles with 4 on occasion. (Damn Newfies and their fast drunken talking)

When I do go out with multiple people or am at a meeting with more people than I can handle, I focus on only 1 or 2 people at a time, sit near the middle and back to a wall.
If possible I find someone who is willing to help me if I mess something up or mishear someone (usually a very good friend or family member).

I'm like you I hate to have anything in my ears and feel that people will be staring or it might be just uncomfortable.
My solution for myself which will not work for over 90% of people is this.
I plan next month to get the brightest and loudest colour aids I can order, then I have no other choice than to show them off because I also have short hair. I done this as a kid with glasses as well. Once I get use to wearing them and once people get over the initial shock I got a lot of compliments about my glasses. (big and black with bright flames on the arms)

Have confidence in yourself and rock what you need and/or get, then people are more likely to compliment you than anything else. The ones who just stare or make fun would stare or do worse anyways so just associate with the good people and blow off the rude people.

good luck in your choices
 
It's also a good excuse to snuggle up really close to your special someone.
 
I personal prefer group small ASL!/ group reason variety!
 
learn ASL and be with people who are fluent in ASL. Life will get better!
 
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