How do you resolve something...

Cheri said:
How am I being Harsh???? I only said how I Looked at in the Situation and Second of All I did not names name... Remember If I did not name names then No reason to Jumped at me. I have no problem saying the Honest truth how I feel and what I posted is what I am Going to say...Now I Am not being Harsh or Rude. I am only stating what I seen and what I would do and what Monitors are Responiable to do. Beside I am in Florida at this Moment So I felt like I had to Posted cuz I think you are going way off jumping at me because I only stated what i feel is right.
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I don't feel I am jumping at you Cheri. I only am sharing my opinion like anyone here, and what I feel to be right. I didn't even say YOU - only saying how I feel about certain behaviors, not the person. So who's wrong here?

Nobody - cos it's more interesting to have different opinions anyway! :)
 
Agreeing to disagree is a good way to keep friendships intact, too. I do think I can learn a lot
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True!

Liza said:
Liebling - thanks for asking me!

It is not my intent to give Cheri or anyone the idea that they are not entitled to their opinions. This is discussion - meaning we get to cover all angles and views. The tricky part is being able to live with others different opinions, you know? It would be boring to have the same opinion in a discussion forum for sure! :thumb:
from this, too!
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Thank you for respond on my post... :angel:
Yes I know what discussion stand for. I find discussion normal & healthy to see what we agree or disagree each other to keep the friendship/partner stronger.
That´s what I only point out on Cheri´s opinion. I would do the same when I look at other & picture to myself without backstabbing others´s back or put their names.

I am also agree with Angel stated " I have learned from those mistakes from someone who once told me ' what if it was you ? ' that's sure hit me and made me realized that this person was right and have matured and grown with much respect for others!"
Like what I say an earlier that "open discussion" only if we respect each other to open everything what what we think or we wouldn´t do when we were each other. I would open when they ask me for my opinion or why etc... without hassle....
What Angel said an exactly same how I feel example about flower situation what I stated at other thread...
My female colleages admit that they would not like when they were in my shoe... & find it´s not nice :fly2:

It´s super to share our discussion what we agree/disagree to clear our misunderstand like what you did with Angel... :mrgreen:
 
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Katzie said:
They need to explain their views and ask each other why they believe the way they viewed it... on a calmly mannered. If they can't be calmed then they need to give each other space to cool off otherwise it'll stir up more problems. Do express true feelings and explain that it does hurt. That'll give each other something to think about. If they ran into a same problem then they have a problem. If they ran into a same problem, but a different problem then chances are that it can be fixed.




Usually a misunderstand occurs simply because someone did not ask an appropriate question. Lack of communication is the basis for almost all misunderstandings.
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That´s exactly what I thought...
 
It's always good to see two or more ppls. involved in some sort of misunderstanding be able to come across later in a peaceful way...sorting out feelings that were hurt, trashed upon, insulted, etc...to the point of a reasonably constructive way realizing any misgivings, faults, etc...and move forward...Although, not always will some be willing to 'let go and even admit' or change such behaviors which they will keep intentionally jumping in or being inconsiderate regardless how anyone may feel...whereas living in a volatile society pressures several members/ppls. to a point of disregard for others....isn't that a dreary thought?...but hey, we're more than able to achieve goodness and random acts of kindness towards one another! We, AllDeaf members can truly strive to 'get along' with one another without the belittling, bickering and even backstabbing.... :grouphug:

As with a famous saying goes: "Do unto others as you would like in return" creates a peaceful surrounding and atmosphere anywhere particularly like in forums such as AllDeaf....

Being able to clearly understand one another's views or comments takes a bit of effort for anyone so long views are expressed with courtesy and out of respect....

Let there be PEACE and HARMONY!!
 
Liza....

I am really glad that you made this thread. I've been waitin' for this to happen. :) Umm..ok, I would like to share about myself with you a little bit. I don't like a 3rd party to get involved when there are 2 parties involved to deal with their problems. The only problem is that I can SEE in AD that a 3rd party is a "favoritism" by his/her friends against the ones they don't like, just because of the "rumors" they just heard WITHOUT gettin' to know the person first by makin' "one on one" basis personally. I've seen some of my posts were deleted or removed by MODS, because some ADers were complaints about my comments and they don't like it by runnin' to their "DADDY" (MODS) and ask one of them to remove my posts WITHOUT askin' some questions to understand me. Do they really want to be friends with me by askin' me some questions to get to know me personally ? I don't think so.
And, of course, they don't check WHY I say that or this in my post and what caused me to post my sayin' this or that. One or 2 of them sayin' "Hey, MODS pls remove CyberRed's posts, because she is bashin' or disrespectin'"...That SHOWS me they don't really want to be friends by gettin' to know me personally when askin' some questions why I feel this way or why I say that or this. I know one person who don't want to get to know me, just because of what that person heard through the "rumors" from other people. And, also I know other person who :type: away in AIM at me, to tell me that person don't like my comments in AD and then said to me "That was the end of discussion". It obviously to me that those 2 persons don't want to get to know me, so they don't want to be friends with me which is fine by me. In fact, I've NEVER shared my personal life with those 2 persons and those 2 persons are the members of AD.
Liza, you see ... I don't like a 3rd party if, not at all. It's like to me that a 3rd party acts like she/he owns the room and tell the 2 parties what a 3rd party thinks what the thread is all about. It surely will bring that 3rd party's "favoritism" friends to post to say somethin' that they seconds that 3rd party to belittle other 2 parties or to make them to feel "low". Why it's a necessary to be a 3rd party to get involved when others/3rd party don't like to feel "belittle" or "feelin' low" either, hmm? That's somethin' I don't understand some of them ! Are they tellin' the truth about themselves ? Or are they wearin' a mask to cover their true identity by just playin' and sayin' "Awwww... you are so ...blah, blah, blah" That's B U L L S H * T. It ain't a fairy tale.

Whenever they do to "cover their eyes" without gettin' to know me, I just move on my own. I am not goin' to attempt to pull anyone to join my circle and expand it to become "favoritism" against others if, others hurt me or whateva. I just stand up for myself and show my courage enough to share my thoughts and feelings. They can tell one of their "DADDIES" (MODS) to remove my posts, if they feel it offends them or somethin' that I don't find it in my sayings. Like you mentioned, everyone has their own different opinions.

Once again, Liza... I just want to say thank you for creatin' this thread. You did give me the opporunity to share my opinions here. Many thanks, Liza. :wave:
 
It is hard to resolve a situation when the other party runs his/her mouth non-stop and misplacing the blame. :mrgreen:
 
I would like to share with you. Netrox and I were very heat debated about pro and con cochlear implants in the DN form for years !! Oh dear, we hate each other over the internet but it was very challenge for us to debate.

Know what.... We meet each other at the National Association for the Deaf conference in Norfolk, VA. At first, I saw him at the table when he was eatting his lunch. I was smiling and a little bit nervous to approach him. I thought, he was pissed off or nasty attitude. But, I was wrong.. He smiled when I told him. Hello Netrox !! He was glared at me. I am Sabrina from DN's. He said oh my gosh, hugged me really tight. We chatted for four hours !! We went out for night club, drinking, eatting, laughing, teasing, etc... We become a good friends.

Internet and real person are NOT the same !! I admitted that I miss Netrox. He is really nice and haliarious fellow !! I do admire him alot because he is very honest and stay in neural about the cochlear implants. He is very brilliant man !!

We were fooling around because I pulled his cochlear implant wire from his head when the picture was taking. :lol: If I find a picture, I will scan and post it here.

If you see him around in the forms. Please give my warmest regards to Netrox for me.
 
Cheri said:
If Two People have a Misunderstanding They need to work it out on their own without having anyone Involved. It is Depends on the Situation how bad it is and If they been friends for a long time and One Person Made a Mistake, There is a chance of working it out because they been friends too long to hate eachother over a misunderstanding. Remember Nobody is Perfect, Everyone Makes Mistakes in their Life all they can do is ask for Forgivings for what Action they did and Learn from their Mistakes and not repeated it again.

I know One person did not tell anyone that she is a montior and Kept her Id a secert, I would say I agree with what she did because Friends of her can bid her for not removing their Posts even if it breaks the forum's rules. If you become a Monitor Its ur Duty to follow the Rules and Put Friends Onside. Some People do not follow that Step and Put their Friends First before their Managing of being a Monitor. And It can cause a big Blow Up...People need to understand that U have a job as Monitoring and Its their Job to follow what Promised and Be Equally with everyone.
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EXCATLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i agree with u!!! :)
 
well for one thing, i dont think any monitors/moderators should withhold thier identity because it is deceiving, in my opinion. I think the forum owners should appoint a person who is NEW to the forum so there will be no favoritism and all. I hope you understand what im trying to say..
As for misunderstandings with others, its best to sit down and discuss what is bothering us and try to resolve..if that person refuses to cooperate or even compromise, then it will be no use to try to get that person to rationalize..you have tried on your part,thats the main thing..If a person that did something unforgiveable to me, then he/she is no friend, period!
 
In my opition, The best way for everyones who really not necessary reilable on MODS or begging any kinds general what do you really request about. Advise the best way is... Talk and discussion further until find really necessary to solve the problem. Will be going back the normal. Depends on everyones who willing go forth solve the problem or step back as "netural". How can be find solve the problem as netural.. Might be helpful ? I doubt it.. May lead into worst become more increase ememies friendship ending.. Isn't worth for your life.. Go ahead and talk discussion until SOLVE.

I felt strongly I do agreed with Liza's comment fully of giving you beautiful advice tips.. would be same like her shoes..

In Real life: Isn't easy for someone who personaitities dislike and hard-headed and stubborn discussion with solve the problem with their friendship. As for me, One of person, I've already lost my trust and betrayed totally hurts me more awful lot and must accept move on as long doesn't want be "contact". "Let it go"

In Internet life: So many some of bogus talking or some being trust honestly chatt'n as long you feel more secure trust whom is trust. As long, Make up in your mind and right decision pick honestly friendship. I might be same thing too.. So.. I have not made ready become in friend by internet on line yet. Which in my past was horrible and destoryed one of person who feed them wrong information againist me.. Just Only once met person from internet line and attacking me.. In my mind, WTF.. That how not easy for everyones as long you have to be careful and find right person for 100% trust.

Thanks liz brings this topic thread.. Totally very helpful for everyones feedbacks pro vs con. :thumb:
 
CyberRed said:
The only problem is that I can SEE in AD that a 3rd party is a "favoritism" by his/her friends against the ones they don't like, just because of the "rumors" they just heard WITHOUT gettin' to know the person first by makin' "one on one" basis personally. I've seen some of my posts were deleted or removed by MODS, because some ADers were complaints about my comments and they don't like it by runnin' to their "DADDY" (MODS) and ask one of them to remove my posts WITHOUT askin' some questions to understand me. Do they really want to be friends with me by askin' me some questions to get to know me personally ? I don't think so.
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Exactly, CR. Although I am no longer a moderator here, during my time here as a moderator, I have had people trying to get favours from me only to learn that they cannot do it with me. And now I am disliked for it. Oh well, can't please everyone. A moderator is not a babysitter, and should be used as a LAST RESORT to butt into people's problems. It is good idea to keep your grudges off-forum. :)
 
CyberRed and kuifje75- this is one of good examples, why I do not come by and post very often. What also makes me disgusted is that some posters would tell the Moderators what to do like moving or deleting posts rather than suggesting that privately.
 
Wow... I did not mean to bring up some painful topics for y'all.

Yeah, intereference from third party would make it tougher and too complicated for the two persons who have problems with each other. I just wish these two persons took the time to cool down and reflect on what are the real issues instead of doing the blaming game. But in a world like ours, that will not always happen - one person might be willing to resolve, while the other person is not. Both might be stubborn and too angry. I think it's important that we just pick up ourselves and go on, learn from the conflict about ourselves and apologize whenever necessary. Suck it up, and move on. Give the other person their space, and give yourself some space ya know? Safe does it. Give your little inner child some love and ressurance. It definitely doesn't make you a less special person if you're in trouble or something, IMO! I also think it's possible to be friends, and even be stronger friends than ever. This has happened to me before. Common sense (if still intact) would ask for guidance or feedback from close friends, fellow posters in here, clergyperson, or a professional therapist. Truth can hurt sometimes, but I think we all grow anyway... so I'd say conflicts are a blessing in disguise, looking on the bright side! Just my thoughts - drop whatever doesn't resonate with you. Oops I sound like a therapist.. haha.. it's just that I've tried out many approaches and observed what worked and what didn't worked - I also have an interest in huma nature and the relationships between people. Maybe something works for ya, and doesnt work for ya, too!
 
Katzie said:
Now look at Angel and Liza... perfect example! You guys went from misunderstood to understood! Brava!! Brava!!

Okay... the two friends as Liza mentioned would need to do this. Clarify the questions to each other so they'd understand each other better!

Hope everything goes well between the two friends.

:ily:
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You're such a sweetheart, Katzie! :ily: :kiss: Bless your heart.
 
Bullym0m said:
In my opition, The best way for everyones who really not necessary reilable on MODS or begging any kinds general what do you really request about. Advise the best way is... Talk and discussion further until find really necessary to solve the problem. Will be going back the normal. Depends on everyones who willing go forth solve the problem or step back as "netural". How can be find solve the problem as netural.. Might be helpful ? I doubt it.. May lead into worst become more increase ememies friendship ending.. Isn't worth for your life.. Go ahead and talk discussion until SOLVE.

I felt strongly I do agreed with Liza's comment fully of giving you beautiful advice tips.. would be same like her shoes..

In Real life: Isn't easy for someone who personaitities dislike and hard-headed and stubborn discussion with solve the problem with their friendship. As for me, One of person, I've already lost my trust and betrayed totally hurts me more awful lot and must accept move on as long doesn't want be "contact". "Let it go"

In Internet life: So many some of bogus talking or some being trust honestly chatt'n as long you feel more secure trust whom is trust. As long, Make up in your mind and right decision pick honestly friendship. I might be same thing too.. So.. I have not made ready become in friend by internet on line yet. Which in my past was horrible and destoryed one of person who feed them wrong information againist me.. Just Only once met person from internet line and attacking me.. In my mind, WTF.. That how not easy for everyones as long you have to be careful and find right person for 100% trust.

Thanks liz brings this topic thread.. Totally very helpful for everyones feedbacks pro vs con. :thumb:
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Thanks bullymom! I do have to give you a disclaimer - whatever works for me, might not work for others!

As for solving problems with your "enemies" - I think we need to find good ways to approach the other person. I heard about a good quote telling us how to destroy an enemy by loving him/her. I thought that was cool.. having compassion (depending on your definition) is pretty good way to look at things like that, right?

I define compassion by acceptance, love, allowance and kindness. What do you think?

It's great to get different opinions in a discussion :)
 
Liza said:
Truth can hurt sometimes, but I think we all grow anyway... so I'd say conflicts are a blessing in disguise, looking on the bright side!
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:werd: gotta agree with u there Liza gurl!! *nodding in agreement*
 
Liebling:-))) said:
True!



Thank you for respond on my post... :angel:
Yes I know what discussion stand for. I find discussion normal & healthy to see what we agree or disagree each other to keep the friendship/partner stronger.
That´s what I only point out on Cheri´s opinion. I would do the same when I look at other & picture to myself without backstabbing others´s back or put their names.

I am also agree with Angel stated " I have learned from those mistakes from someone who once told me ' what if it was you ? ' that's sure hit me and made me realized that this person was right and have matured and grown with much respect for others!"
Like what I say an earlier that "open discussion" only if we respect each other to open everything what what we think or we wouldn´t do when we were each other. I would open when they ask me for my opinion or why etc... without hassle....
What Angel said an exactly same how I feel example about flower situation what I stated at other thread...
My female colleages admit that they would not like when they were in my shoe... & find it´s not nice :fly2:

It´s super to share our discussion what we agree/disagree to clear our misunderstand like what you did with Angel... :mrgreen:
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Kewl! :) Great thoughts.
 
"Enemies" quite very strong word!
Point view their choice.. Up to your/their own decision which the best confront and discussion til solve the problem would be great stay longer friendship..
CyberRed, Some of what, Yes agreed issues so many of "3rd party really immatures! where further the discussion btwn not reilable mod. Otherwise some of other peepz who disagree with your comment.. "Pretty tough ones" Some of peepz who really senstive person and dislike your comment or whatever.. up to their personailities.
Of course, I do not know you actually "Just internet on line as met you". To get know you more... within further.
Yes Liza, "I define compassion by acceptance, love, allowance and kindness." Totally very strong agreed!

Just in my opition.. depend on their opition as such disagree of mine.. I do not care as long it's my own opition. Up their own opition really fine by me. No Offense :)

Pretty enjoy being discussion this issues topics.. :thumb:
 
kuifje75 said:
...A moderator is not a babysitter, and should be used as a LAST RESORT to butt into people's problems. It is good idea to keep your grudges off-forum. :)
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I would be more than qualified to share a few thoughts to the extent of what a moderator can or can't do, for I was a moderator for another forum for four years....

I have had my share of seeing many different situations being developed in the course of my time observing fellow members with their posts, etc.,...Being a moderator IS being more than just a babysitter (what is a babysitter? someone who *watches*), a moderator is more of a peacemaker, stiftling and sorting out posts that unneccessarily don't fit in with the right 'tone' within the topic/thread...taking and removing posts that are obviously considered tarnishing another poster by ways of slandering, bashing, thrashing, etc...the list goes on and on...there are so many various of ways when coming across between a couple or more fellow posters in a heated debate with no end in sight, etc....by stepping in...(not only at the last resort) and doing the best by bringing to their attention of putting whatever debacle or dispiteful wordings that are uncalled for, etc., by putting an end to it however actions is suitable for that 'moment'....observing actions that are directed at another poster displaying disrespect or lack of disregard intentionally requires a bit of a 'babysitting' setting in the eyes of a moderator in order to present a fun, peaceful and enjoyable forum to post comments, ideas, jokes, debates handled in a constructive way and respectful views/opinions...also, when members came up to me requesting a removal of a post...I would take the time to follow up on their requests and acted accordingly with careful considerations upholding its worth of whether a specific post justifies an action of removal...also, there would be a few instances whereas a member would come up to me requesting a favor which I would firmly state it isn't feesible per rules and is not a common practice which I do not consider a proper and professional thing to do as it isn't like for me to do specific favors for someone's own purposes or satisfaction that may be hurtful to other members! Simply, I do not adhere or condone favoritism when I was a moderator...and if someone disliked me for not fulfilling a 'favor' or for any other reason, I didn't take it personally....

Above all, the satisfaction I've gotten from being a moderator was being able to strive as a place for others to be able to truly enjoy and exchanging thoughts, comments, views and even making 'new' friends peacefully!!
 
You're right in every sense, Roadrunner. Sometimes members do not want to settle their differences down, and it gets very hard from time to time. It is these times when peacemaking is very difficult to achieve. People have their own agendas and create allies among their friends to pit against each other. I think this is very pathetic. Need to keep it between two persons, not groups of allies.
 
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